I work as a notetaker and tutor for the disabled at my college, and my specialization (read: who I work most with) is with the visually impaired. I have friends that are extremely (read: EXTREMELY) affluent. And I personally have dealt with bouts of manic depression that often resulted in thoughts of suicide.

From what I can tell, she's fairly right. Being able to support yourself without a college degree can be incredibly difficult (but it is not necessary). This is doubly so for the visually impaired. Yet all of my V.I. students have tons of mentors, most of whom are blind themselves, that are accountants, mathematicians, psychiatrists, you name it, and all are very much independent. Professionals. It CAN be done, though usually with the help of a support group. There are services and organizations that help the blind. One of my students lives in a shelter for the visually impaired and is part of a local charity that supports the blind for many of their academic needs. There are options out there, but I'm not sure how it is effected by the income of parents. This leads to my next point.

Being that her parents are affluent, unless she is 24 and is not being filed as a dependent on their tax return, she will have a hard time getting financial aid for school. Until then, she will have to find a way to pay for it. I would suggest starting with community college as it is much cheaper and easier to transition into a equally cheap senior college. If she is being filed as a dependent by her parents, you could have her file her own tax return (and NOT as your dependent) so that she will have the necessary status for financial aid. I don't work for the financial aid office and I hate personal tax, so you'll have to double check most of this. From what I gather from my friends who are very well off and have since cut ties with their parents, being labeled as a dependent on the books fucks you over for aid based on the provider's income.

Finally, if she is having suicidal thoughts, she needs to seek professional help OR (and I fucking hate saying this because everyone, even my loved ones said the same to me) she will have to deal with it on her own. I think (read: know) I dealt with it by self-medication and by doing things that i loved. Reading comics, drawing comics, writing comics, getting shit faced and having pre-marital sex. I dunno. I find I still deal with this every now and then, so that might be another way of saying that professional help is NECESSARY.

This is the only insight I can provide from personal experience. It is probably all far from correct, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.

Sounds like the parents are the biggest problem, not the blindness. What city/state is she in? many states will pay for all/part of college for blind people. Also, is she connected with any blindness organizations/other blind people that could lend some positive encouragement or resources?

If she wants to kill herself, she needs to go talk to a professional mental health provider immediately. Suicidal ideation is not something to put off for later like the other situations in her life such as figuring out how to pay for college and deal with her parents or your relationship.

As a totally blind person I can say that not being independent relatively soon (I'm 20) is my worst nightmare. I'm sure you already do this as you sound like a great person, but make a point to let her know that you appreciate her for both who she is and what she actually contributes to you, herself and others...make sure she feels useful as a person, in other words. I'm sorry I can't be of more help but I can totally understand why she feels the way she does; the reality is there are a *lot* of blind people who have been sheltered all their lives and are absolutely dependent on others, sometimes functionally illiterate and socially stunted, and thinking about that fact for too long is depressing to put it mildly. If her parents are outright telling her she's incompetent or whatever I'm pretty sure that's going to eventually get to her in a huge way (it does for me anyway, even if I'm aware someone is doing it deliberately to get under my skin) so as others have said help her get away from the parents if at all possible. I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with this and wish I had some practical info for you.

Well, I don't really have any useful advice for you, but man can I empathize with your GF. I went through high school believing university was the only path to success for a blind person. I wanted to do computer science, but thanks to a few terrible math teachers, I couldn't get the math marks required for any computer science university in the country. What I should have done was graduate high school, do MCSE, CCNA, and perhaps work towards math in night school or something. But instead, I was so convinced that university straight out of high school was the *only* path to success because I was blind, that I wasted thousands of dollars and years of my life doing a different degree I didn't care about and hating every minute. Also, turns out I don't actually enjoy programming! The aspects of computers I enjoy tend towards server administration and software deployment. And you don't need a degree for those things! So even if I *had* gotten into computer science, my focus on university to the exclusion of everything else would have lead me to spend the rest of my life not enjoying myself.

Anyway, to make a long story short, university or college are just not required to be successful as a blind person. To be successful, as a blind person or anyone else, you need to be doing what you love and are passionate about. Hopefully you can offer your GF some encouragement not to swallow the "college or failure" BS. What does she actually want to do with her life? Does that thing really need a degree? College isn't some magical cheat code for life that will bring success or happiness. I bet that unless she wants to do something super technical (doctor, lawyer, etc) she can do it without the degree. Also, when she thinks about what she wants to do with her life, it's so important not to fall into the trap of thinking "Well, I want a job, and these are the sort of jobs blind people usually get". Often those of us born blind tend to look to what other blind people have done before us, and think that if they can do it, so can we, so we'd better do one of those things, like it or not! What we forget is those other blind people were able to do what they did because they loved doing it. If she's doing what she loves, odds are she'll make it eventually. Speaking from personal experience, if she just tries to be "successful" as a blind person, without regard to her personal feelings, she never will be.

TL;DR: "blind people must go to college" is BS forced down our throats by well-meaning educators, and it's a dangerous lie that caused me to waste years of life and thousands of dollars.

Honestly tell if I am wrong, but see wasn't allowed to learn things other did? How to take of herself, how to get a job, and most likely has little to no blind skills.

If I were her, and I have been her, I would see about being sent to a NFB center, it would put college off, but it should help her get the training she needs. And also teach her she can do it own her.
And when when my state wouldn't send me, I got on a greyhound bus and did something came up to Minnesota, but then I was always a brave one. I happen to love it up here. I got here in March and should start training in October, but that is because I put it off.

I can't remember the legal term but there is such a thing as divorcing your parents.

She should talk to the financial advisers about her parents refusal to help.


At worse it'll take a few years for their income to no longer matter. In the meanwhile- if she thinks she's such a burden she could get a job through a program run by a blind assistance group or a school for the blind. If she can't get a reasonable paying job to help pay bills while living with you, perhaps she can at least learn enough skills to feel less of a burden?


Like she might still need you to grocery shop and confirm that this can is beans. But maybe she'd have more confidence about doing "her part" in exchange for rent if she could cook your favorite dinner.


I strongly suspect that if her parents are abusive that they failed to teach her life skills like cooking, cleaning, getting a job, and getting around in public. You should try contacting a school for the blind.

I don't feel it's my place to give advice, since I can't possibly understand what you and your girlfriend are going through. What I can tell you is that many Americans are under the illusion that a college education has to be expensive.

Here are a couple options for her:

1. If you have a SAT score over ~1950, you can get a free ride and free/subsidized housing at Baruch College, for example, in NYC. They will definitely have excellent accommodations for the blind.

2. If your girlfriend is a New York resident, but doesn't have an excellent SAT score, you can expect the cost of tuition in public New York school to be less than $6,000 a year, which still isn't cheap, but could be doable.

3. Some countries, like Germany, offer free tuition to all, including foreigners. Their rational is that half of the foreigners who go to university in Germany end up staying, which is a huge boon to the German economy. There are tons of completely **English language** programs offered at German universities. German universities will certainly be able to accommodate your girlfriend's special needs. On the other hand, relocation can be extremely difficult, but I'm just throwing this option out there.

You are welcome to PM me for more info. Good luck!

She must understand that sometimes a blind person needs more time. Therefore it's acceptable if she doesn't meet the same time tables of her sighted peers. Also, state vocational rehab offices are a good starting point as a training/ work resource. There are programs across the US like lighthouse for the blind and some independent living skills development programs like Hadley. mental health seems more important at this point.

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I know a good organization in san francisco that she or you could talk to: http://lighthouse-sf.org/contact/

I assume if either of you call they can give you advice, or forward you to the right person to talk to.

I think you would benefit from calling and getting help, and then telling her what they said.