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How to explain to my mom that I need my cane on Halloween? (self.Blind)
submitted by DarthCyrina
So Halloween is tomorrow! Yay! But it's also my first big event since going blind. The hospital was crowded, yes, but it was still a vision center so people knew what my white cane meant and didn't bump into it or trip over it.
I don't have enough vision left to feel safe without my cane tomorrow, so I want to use my white cane.
But my mom is very concerned with me hurting someone if they bump into it or trip over it.
Now I have a rolling marshmallow tip, and as such use the constant contact method. This requires me to "sweep" in a radius in front of me. If people don't know what a cane is or what I am doing and they get very close to me I am liable to trip them while using constant contact, and I, according to my mother, am liable to seriously hurt someone, if they trip.
Now don't get me wrong, I have had cane training since age 5 and I know full well what I'm doing.
I can't do sided guide as mom never bothered to learn and I *will* get hurt if she leads me. Trust me, I have learned this the hard way. Multiple times.
How can I nicely explain that I really need my cane when I go trick or treating?
Also: tips for blind trick or treating would be helpful as well
Edit: I should clarify, mom doesn't intend to hurt me when she tries to lead me. I just get tripped or bumped into things. I think she really tries to not hurt me.
I don't have enough vision left to feel safe without my cane tomorrow, so I want to use my white cane.
But my mom is very concerned with me hurting someone if they bump into it or trip over it.
Now I have a rolling marshmallow tip, and as such use the constant contact method. This requires me to "sweep" in a radius in front of me. If people don't know what a cane is or what I am doing and they get very close to me I am liable to trip them while using constant contact, and I, according to my mother, am liable to seriously hurt someone, if they trip.
Now don't get me wrong, I have had cane training since age 5 and I know full well what I'm doing.
I can't do sided guide as mom never bothered to learn and I *will* get hurt if she leads me. Trust me, I have learned this the hard way. Multiple times.
How can I nicely explain that I really need my cane when I go trick or treating?
Also: tips for blind trick or treating would be helpful as well
Edit: I should clarify, mom doesn't intend to hurt me when she tries to lead me. I just get tripped or bumped into things. I think she really tries to not hurt me.
fdjiosdiurte 11 points 6y ago
Wow sucks to hear this. Not sure how old you are but your mom doesn't get to tell you when you can or can't use your cane... Tell her she is and has endangered your health by being ignorant about your blindness, she might get upset but damn , you have to stick up for yourself and don't let her dictate when you can use your cane. You need it so use it. Especially if she can't guide you without causing accidents that is so sad. I hope you have a good Halloween don't let it bring you down. Sighted people know what canes are and they can see it and avoid getting tripped, you don't have that luxury so you should use it any time you want don't let her guilt you or anything
SoManyShades 11 points 6y ago
Do you think your mom would let you use it if was easier for other people to see and avoid? Maybe putting strips of glow in the dark tape on it, or taping some glow sticks or LED lights to it.
kaall 4 points 6y ago
This is a good idea but i wouldn't go to crazy with it. Otherwise people might mistake the cane for a halloween prop. I don't know how much this is true in the US, but white canes have a pretty standardized appearance (in germany). Making the cane unrecognizable for people who would otherwise recognize it could be counter-productive.
SoManyShades 5 points 6y ago
Yeah I meant just enough to make it visible in the dark, so that people would be able to see and avoid it as OP moved it.
Theaters use glow in the dark spike tape, just a couple strips of that around the cane at intervals would make it easy enough to avoid tripping on.
Theaters use glow in the dark spike tape, just a couple strips of that around the cane at intervals would make it easy enough to avoid tripping on.
Dyshonest 7 points 6y ago
This is really shocking to me that your mother is so seemingly ambivalent when it comes to your safety in this matter. The white cane is designed to be very visible to sighted persons and when using either the two tap or the constant contact method your cane makes plenty of sound for others to hear as well.
You should just tell your mom exactly what you've written here, definitely include the past issues with her as your sided guide. Or just link her this topic and let her read it.
Some of the wording in your post makes it seem like there's some resentment and/or hesitation to communicate between you and your mom (she never "bothered" to learn sided guide, she mentions safety of others in a situation where the white cane would greatly increase your own safety). It just seems like there's more to this issue. This might be a good chance to bring that into the open.
Best of luck! Happy Halloween!
You should just tell your mom exactly what you've written here, definitely include the past issues with her as your sided guide. Or just link her this topic and let her read it.
Some of the wording in your post makes it seem like there's some resentment and/or hesitation to communicate between you and your mom (she never "bothered" to learn sided guide, she mentions safety of others in a situation where the white cane would greatly increase your own safety). It just seems like there's more to this issue. This might be a good chance to bring that into the open.
Best of luck! Happy Halloween!
DarthCyrina [OP] 8 points 6y ago
She never bothered because she never believed that I would go blind. And she says she's too busy to learn right now. As such, when she does lead me, I get bumped into things because she doesn't know how to lead
And as for other people's safety, she really doesn't want to deal with me going blind. I think she's overwhelmed and as such just kinda ignores my side of the issue, as she just doesn't want to accept I am truly blind now.
Oh, and "bothered" is the way she words it if someone asks if she knows sided guide. I quote "No, I never bothered"
And as for other people's safety, she really doesn't want to deal with me going blind. I think she's overwhelmed and as such just kinda ignores my side of the issue, as she just doesn't want to accept I am truly blind now.
Oh, and "bothered" is the way she words it if someone asks if she knows sided guide. I quote "No, I never bothered"
Dyshonest 3 points 6y ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm currently going blind myself and I know for me it is hard enough having to deal with the changes in my own life, I can't imagine having to work around that sort of barrier on top of it. You must be a strong person.
I would still recommend bringing this up to her as it could help even if it's a hard conversation.
For the short term: is there a relative, sibling, friend, or friend's parents you could go with instead?
I also really like the idea of making your cane more visible that the other person suggested. If your mom doesn't like that idea it might be a good way to start a conversation with her about why she doesn't like the idea/why you shouldn't bring a tool that helps keep you safe and independent.
I would still recommend bringing this up to her as it could help even if it's a hard conversation.
For the short term: is there a relative, sibling, friend, or friend's parents you could go with instead?
I also really like the idea of making your cane more visible that the other person suggested. If your mom doesn't like that idea it might be a good way to start a conversation with her about why she doesn't like the idea/why you shouldn't bring a tool that helps keep you safe and independent.
enjoyoutdoors 2 points 6y ago
Looking at this situation from the outside, it should be enough to say "I don't feel safe without the cane."
Really. You need to feel safe. And you need the cane for that. Don't let your mom make it more complicated.
She has also refused to bother with the only alternative, so she is making a fuss over something she has intentionally created. (Which she might need to hear, but in reality she should be convinced anyway.)
What is the problem with the cane anyway? That you use it in the dark? And that other people can't see it? Add one of them incredibly cheap red LED lights to it, if you can still use it reliably with the extra weight on the tip.
Really. You need to feel safe. And you need the cane for that. Don't let your mom make it more complicated.
She has also refused to bother with the only alternative, so she is making a fuss over something she has intentionally created. (Which she might need to hear, but in reality she should be convinced anyway.)
What is the problem with the cane anyway? That you use it in the dark? And that other people can't see it? Add one of them incredibly cheap red LED lights to it, if you can still use it reliably with the extra weight on the tip.
Blindmouseottawa 1 points 6y ago
A white cane is an extension of yourself. it's extends your hand to find objects in one's environment. it's aide for interface in the world. Most western countries have disability laws. This is a type of a combating so you can be independent. a person with vision is responsible for visually cues. So they should pay attention to objects. The cane hits them instead of the body. Getting hit is better then being walked into. As you are following your training such as to where scan and hold it when not in use, you did your responsibility. Don't have it scan position when not using for that.
kaall 1 points 6y ago
Its too late for halloween but maybe your mom could talk to your mobility trainer or someone similar if she won't listen to you. You should be allowed to use your cane in all situations and make those decisions yourself. I really hope you figure this out. Good luck.
kaall 1 points 6y ago
I don't know how crowded and full of children your halloween situation would be, but I have never really seen this be an issue. The white cane, as well as helping you navigate, is specifically intended also as a signal for other people. You going without a cane would be less safe for you and the people around you because they could not be aware of your blindness.
I think most people are aware of what a cane is for and would not mind if you bump them a little. I can see very little potential for you to seriously hurt someone. I've actually seen the opposite more: people jumping out of the way dramatically in a way that is not necessary.
Something to remember is that there are a lot of blind people and they walk with a cane all the time. It is completely normal and most people should have encountered it before.
I think most people are aware of what a cane is for and would not mind if you bump them a little. I can see very little potential for you to seriously hurt someone. I've actually seen the opposite more: people jumping out of the way dramatically in a way that is not necessary.
Something to remember is that there are a lot of blind people and they walk with a cane all the time. It is completely normal and most people should have encountered it before.
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