Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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In an era when finding a date has never been easier, what is it like to date while blind? (news.nationalpost.com)
submitted by fastfinge
KulkulkanX 5 points 6y ago
I'm asexual and was so before i started going blind. I still date, though. and have a good record on OKCupid. I am quite open about my blindness of my profile, as I don;t want to surprise anyone by walking in white my white cane. I figure if anyone passes on me based on my blindness, then I shouldn't waste their time or mine. I don'tuse Tinder as I don;t like using visually based apps, with everyone being a big blur and all. This handicaps me, as my OKCupid pool is getting shallow, and Tinder seems to be the hottest thing in town. The fact that their CEO could give less than a shit about accessibility for the blind is troubling, to say the least.
fastfinge [OP] 2 points 6y ago
Funny you should mention that! I believed myself to be, or perhaps was, asexual for many years from my teens up and into adulthood. Modern portrayals of sexuality are so visual; it would be interesting to know if there was any correlation between vision levels and changes in sexual identity. I'm not saying that all, or most, blind people are likely to be asexual; my personal experiences don't even back that up. But it wouldn't surprise me to find that blind people tend to identify more with "alternative" sexualities than the general population does. I know there's a word I'm looking for that's far better than "alternative sexualities", but I just can't think of it this morning! Help, anyone? I want a word that includes orientations like LGBTQ, modes of sexual expression like furries, and differences in sex-drive like asexuality. I know there's a term that includes all of the above, and it's going to bother me all day.
claudettemonet 2 points 6y ago
Queer? It is just a general term actually, even though it is often associated with gay men.. But maybe there is some other term.
fastfinge [OP] 1 points 6y ago
Maybe. I've never heard queer used to mean anything other than "gay man", though. But it must have another meaning, or else it wouldn't be part of LGBTQ, because the G would seem to already cover it.
claudettemonet 1 points 6y ago
Yep :) the Q is for 'other not orientation/gender-identity typical'
GuideDogAndHisQueer 2 points 6y ago
I use queer as a self affirming umbrella title. For me it was about reclaiming the queerness in me as a positive rather than a negative.
As a gay man who lives in a small town in the Scottish Borders. It is difficult to date whilst blind. There are other factors involved. The gay scene is more geared towards a younger age group. Plus there are no gay places close by. This also limits my options. Edinburgh would be the nearest gay scene and that is around 40 miles away. When in gay spaces it's all about the eye contact therefore I am at a disadvantage.
Online dating is another ball game. In my profiles on gay sites I put in my profile that I am blind and get very little response. Who knows it may be an age or location thing rather than my blindness. I did have to put in my profile that I can manage fine and don't need anyone to look after me or need assistance as I was getting asked that question a lot.
I don't know if it's an age thing or not but I am finding the longer I don't have sex the less I want it. A bit of a ramble. It was great to get that off my chest.
As a gay man who lives in a small town in the Scottish Borders. It is difficult to date whilst blind. There are other factors involved. The gay scene is more geared towards a younger age group. Plus there are no gay places close by. This also limits my options. Edinburgh would be the nearest gay scene and that is around 40 miles away. When in gay spaces it's all about the eye contact therefore I am at a disadvantage.
Online dating is another ball game. In my profiles on gay sites I put in my profile that I am blind and get very little response. Who knows it may be an age or location thing rather than my blindness. I did have to put in my profile that I can manage fine and don't need anyone to look after me or need assistance as I was getting asked that question a lot.
I don't know if it's an age thing or not but I am finding the longer I don't have sex the less I want it. A bit of a ramble. It was great to get that off my chest.
blind_devotion08 2 points 6y ago
For me it didn't seem all that different other than the fact that I couldn't ever be the one to drive us places.
fastfinge [OP] 1 points 6y ago
How much that matters depends on where you live. When I was in Toronto, it was no problem; I could just take the TTC downtown, and there were lots of good date related things to do in one small area, no driving required. But in more rural areas it can become quite a problem.
Vaelian 2 points 6y ago
I didn't date before going blind thanks to my $1, let alone now that I'm blind and dependent. Not dating doesn't bother me much, but the lack of sex does. Even if I was having sex I would probably not enjoy it without being able to visually appreciate the female body.
joeflux 1 points 6y ago
Everyone is downvoting you, and that sucks. Hope you find some sort of solution. It's a big taboo to mention it, but maybe a sex doll or something might help a bit?
claudettemonet 1 points 6y ago
Up votes for everyone! No need to conform to sex norms! So long as it is all safe, sane and consensual, it is all good! Also, for those downvoting for the newly blinds' continued attachment to vision, seriously, fuck the fuck off. Vaelian wasn't born blind. Leave him alone!
... though, now that I think about it he could be being down voted because of the blind and dependent association. That sort of stereotype is strongly hated here, and defeatist amongst the ranks is looked down upon.
To this I say: we don't know. Someone else who has experience the same sort of vision loss as Vaelian at the same point in life will still not have the same experience. There is the emotional human component to it. I would love for every person on here, who is experiencing vision loss, to feel hopeful and empowered enough to adapt to their new life, but I know that it is not easy, and I know waking up able to feel hopeful is not a choice. It is a gift. And hating on those who wake up without hope does no one any good, especially those who are feeling hopeless. Just my two cents. So again, leave Vaelian alone! Take you anger and project it elsewhere, or better yet, let it go :)
... though, now that I think about it he could be being down voted because of the blind and dependent association. That sort of stereotype is strongly hated here, and defeatist amongst the ranks is looked down upon.
To this I say: we don't know. Someone else who has experience the same sort of vision loss as Vaelian at the same point in life will still not have the same experience. There is the emotional human component to it. I would love for every person on here, who is experiencing vision loss, to feel hopeful and empowered enough to adapt to their new life, but I know that it is not easy, and I know waking up able to feel hopeful is not a choice. It is a gift. And hating on those who wake up without hope does no one any good, especially those who are feeling hopeless. Just my two cents. So again, leave Vaelian alone! Take you anger and project it elsewhere, or better yet, let it go :)
Vaelian 1 points 6y ago
Oh I don't care about karma, it's just useless Internet points. I did care a little bit back when posting with low karma required me to solve an inaccessible captcha, but now that captchas on reddit are accessible I just don't care anymore, nor am I stuck to this account any longer.
Vaelian 1 points 6y ago
I doubt that a doll would help much since what pleases me the most about sex is giving pleasure to other people, and a doll is completely incapable of feeling pleasure.
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