Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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How Can I Help My Legally Blind Brother? (self.Blind)
submitted by ANCtoLV
I'll try to keep it short. My brother is legally blind, has ocular albinism, and collects SSDI. He lives with my mother, at age 30. I know that life is difficult for him, but I am worried about his ability to live independently should something happen to my mom. She is in her mid-60's but is starting to develop minor health issues and has been a smoker for the better part of 40 years and I know the day will come eventually.
My brother is exceptionally bright, but he is content to just read and play computer games all day, every day. He is obese, and getting around is becoming difficult for him. I know that the desire to have a more healthy lifestyle has to come from him, but I would appreciate any tips on activities we can do together or ways he could earn income online that would help boost his confidence. Thanks everyone
My brother is exceptionally bright, but he is content to just read and play computer games all day, every day. He is obese, and getting around is becoming difficult for him. I know that the desire to have a more healthy lifestyle has to come from him, but I would appreciate any tips on activities we can do together or ways he could earn income online that would help boost his confidence. Thanks everyone
AlexandrinaIsHere 6 points 6y ago
This is gonna seem random... But there are parallel interests here. Creativity and gaming, fantasy worlds...
Some game shops have d&d games for newbies, complete with templates for starter characters. The ones I've been to the volunteer game master is regularly correcting and instructing the players as to exactly what they can actually do.
Maybe check one out by yourself to see how friendly they are, see if your brother would be welcome to learn and if others would be nice about helping with dice rolls and such.
Some game shops have d&d games for newbies, complete with templates for starter characters. The ones I've been to the volunteer game master is regularly correcting and instructing the players as to exactly what they can actually do.
Maybe check one out by yourself to see how friendly they are, see if your brother would be welcome to learn and if others would be nice about helping with dice rolls and such.
ANCtoLV [OP] 3 points 6y ago
He lives in a decent size metro area so I'm sure there's a few options like this....thanks!
thisperson 4 points 6y ago
I'd say three things.
As a legally blind and ex-shy person--used to be so damned shy I was practically mute during high school--I think your best bet is to maybe nudging him towards finding people with similar interests. I don't mean getting on him about playing computer games and reading all day, but more like "Hey, bro, you know there are lots of other folks out there who like the same stuff you do..." Maybe suggest things like Meetup.
Secondly, don't assume his lack of socialization is mostly directly because of his disability. Some of it is due to the economic results of it, yes (I know about SSDI), but some of it may also be that he just plain doesn't feel like he's in the same world as a lot of people.
Last but not least...I don't know your brother, but I have a close friend who's a partial albino, and he got a bunch of shit about it when he was younger which effected him socially for awhile. He has finally realized that not everyone considers him some kind of an infected zombie, but it took time and patience. The more exposure to, well, basically people with some common sense and decency who are not douchenozzles will help a *lot* with this.
As a legally blind and ex-shy person--used to be so damned shy I was practically mute during high school--I think your best bet is to maybe nudging him towards finding people with similar interests. I don't mean getting on him about playing computer games and reading all day, but more like "Hey, bro, you know there are lots of other folks out there who like the same stuff you do..." Maybe suggest things like Meetup.
Secondly, don't assume his lack of socialization is mostly directly because of his disability. Some of it is due to the economic results of it, yes (I know about SSDI), but some of it may also be that he just plain doesn't feel like he's in the same world as a lot of people.
Last but not least...I don't know your brother, but I have a close friend who's a partial albino, and he got a bunch of shit about it when he was younger which effected him socially for awhile. He has finally realized that not everyone considers him some kind of an infected zombie, but it took time and patience. The more exposure to, well, basically people with some common sense and decency who are not douchenozzles will help a *lot* with this.
ANCtoLV [OP] 1 points 6y ago
Thank you so much for your reply. I hadn't thought about meetup. He has had friends that he has met through online gaming actually meet him in real life. The owner of the Chinese restaurant he gets lunch at knows him by name when he walks in, and other things of that nature. My entire family is very introverted, and he is no different. The trouble is getting him out of the house. He lives in a walkable area of a larger city with great public transportation. Whenever I visit we will walk to a restaurant or something, and the last time what should've been a 5 minute walk took about 20 minutes and it really worried me.
When we were growing up we were very close, and my father and I took the approach of treating him as though he did not have a disability to counteract what we perceived as coddling and enabling him by mother, and I'm afraid I did more harm than good to his psyche. I know I'm rambling and venting, but I really would like to actively engage him and motivate him to be healthier and contribute to society because he has a lot to offer and partly because I carry guilt for how I treated him as a teenager.
I will do my own research about opportunities in his area that he may enjoy, but if you have any tips or resources for creating an income that he can do or other ways I can approach him about being more physically active, I'm all ears. Again, sorry for rambling and I really, really appreciate your perspective.
When we were growing up we were very close, and my father and I took the approach of treating him as though he did not have a disability to counteract what we perceived as coddling and enabling him by mother, and I'm afraid I did more harm than good to his psyche. I know I'm rambling and venting, but I really would like to actively engage him and motivate him to be healthier and contribute to society because he has a lot to offer and partly because I carry guilt for how I treated him as a teenager.
I will do my own research about opportunities in his area that he may enjoy, but if you have any tips or resources for creating an income that he can do or other ways I can approach him about being more physically active, I'm all ears. Again, sorry for rambling and I really, really appreciate your perspective.
thisperson 3 points 6y ago
You guys did the best you knew how at the time, and I can see the good intention there. You were attempting to show him that he was more capable than he thought he was, and it can be difficult to reach someone when you don't know what it's even like from their perspective. The same might be true of me if I were talking with someone who's deaf (I'm hearing), unable to walk like I can, etc.
I think the problem isn't so much that disabled folks are "coddled" per se, but actually something far more subtle and insidious. Often, people fail to make a distinction between a *disability* and a *person* who happens to have a disability--even people with very good intentions, and even others with disabilities can make the same mistake too, because it's just how people are taught to see each other. Everything becomes either "because of" or "in spite of" this one thing about us, and it's frustrating.
Is he into coding, or worldbuilding (e.g., for his games), or writing...anything that involves *creating* something? Or is there any chance he might want to learn about any of these, or something similar?
I think the problem isn't so much that disabled folks are "coddled" per se, but actually something far more subtle and insidious. Often, people fail to make a distinction between a *disability* and a *person* who happens to have a disability--even people with very good intentions, and even others with disabilities can make the same mistake too, because it's just how people are taught to see each other. Everything becomes either "because of" or "in spite of" this one thing about us, and it's frustrating.
Is he into coding, or worldbuilding (e.g., for his games), or writing...anything that involves *creating* something? Or is there any chance he might want to learn about any of these, or something similar?
ANCtoLV [OP] 2 points 6y ago
He has brought up writing before, but I'm not sure how much he's done. He is very creative, and I would love to get him pointed in the right direction for writing. I have asked him about coding and programming but he doesn't seem too into it.
Not sure about worldbuilding...do you mean like Minecraft? I know he was/is a big fan of the diablo series, and played WoW when it was popular. He plays Assassin's creed as well. Not too sure which games he's into these days.
I will be visiting him in 2 weeks ( I travel for work and set up 18-24 hour layovers 3 or 4 times a year to visit) and my mom won't be there so I plan on trying to have a discussion with him, still trying to get that structured in my head.
Not sure about worldbuilding...do you mean like Minecraft? I know he was/is a big fan of the diablo series, and played WoW when it was popular. He plays Assassin's creed as well. Not too sure which games he's into these days.
I will be visiting him in 2 weeks ( I travel for work and set up 18-24 hour layovers 3 or 4 times a year to visit) and my mom won't be there so I plan on trying to have a discussion with him, still trying to get that structured in my head.
thisperson 1 points 6y ago
I think as he just starts generally expanding his world, his interests will naturally expand as a result of that.
Have you shown him /r/writingprompts? Lots of good suggestions about writing ideas there, plus there are sometimes people there who talk about writing as a craft, how to improve, etc.
As for worldbuilding, I mean the sorts of stuff like they're into on /r/worldbuilding. Creating fantasy and sci-fi worlds, settings, etc. There are lots of different creativity-oriented subs, depending on what you're looking for.
Have you shown him /r/writingprompts? Lots of good suggestions about writing ideas there, plus there are sometimes people there who talk about writing as a craft, how to improve, etc.
As for worldbuilding, I mean the sorts of stuff like they're into on /r/worldbuilding. Creating fantasy and sci-fi worlds, settings, etc. There are lots of different creativity-oriented subs, depending on what you're looking for.
smoothypring 2 points 6y ago
Walking is the best exercise, at any pace. Now how to get him to walk is a different matter.
My suggestion would be to map out all the parks in and out of your city. When you're in town, visit these with him. Do a walk around the whole park. It may be a slog for you (and possibly for him, too), but it'll make a world of difference for him. The good thing about parks is that they're generally empty on weekdays during the day, so he'll have freedom to walk around without running into many people. If he's introverted, he'll like that--as opposed to a mall, let's say.
The objective for you is to find him an accessible park (or parks) that he likes. Don't worry about forcing him to go when you're not in town; the want needs to come from himself, if he enjoys it enough. But when you are in town, you take him out exploring. The best parks are the ones that are huge, huge, huge.
I'm introverted and I visit my local parks on weekdays, during the specific times when nobody's around. I take a book with me. I don't always read, but it's good to have it in case I feel like reading. Sometimes I take two books. I'm fortunate that I have multiple miles-long parks around me. You can take a book or a portable gaming device with you, both of you. Honestly, it's not a bad way to spend an afternoon for either of you.
One step at a time. Good luck!
My suggestion would be to map out all the parks in and out of your city. When you're in town, visit these with him. Do a walk around the whole park. It may be a slog for you (and possibly for him, too), but it'll make a world of difference for him. The good thing about parks is that they're generally empty on weekdays during the day, so he'll have freedom to walk around without running into many people. If he's introverted, he'll like that--as opposed to a mall, let's say.
The objective for you is to find him an accessible park (or parks) that he likes. Don't worry about forcing him to go when you're not in town; the want needs to come from himself, if he enjoys it enough. But when you are in town, you take him out exploring. The best parks are the ones that are huge, huge, huge.
I'm introverted and I visit my local parks on weekdays, during the specific times when nobody's around. I take a book with me. I don't always read, but it's good to have it in case I feel like reading. Sometimes I take two books. I'm fortunate that I have multiple miles-long parks around me. You can take a book or a portable gaming device with you, both of you. Honestly, it's not a bad way to spend an afternoon for either of you.
One step at a time. Good luck!
smoothypring 2 points 6y ago
Also, get him a standing desk. It'll run you a few hundred dollars, but there are ones that can go from standing to sitting with the push of a button or with a tiny bit of manual effort. He doesn't seem to have a lot of options, so this will also be worth it for him. (It's actually worth it for everybody . . . but I digress.)
Even if he just stands for 5 minutes a day, it will make a marked difference for him. My suggestion would be either to (1) prescribe it to him or (2) use the buddy system. With (1), you make him promise to do it a few minutes a day (2-5 minutes) and you increase it by a few minutes every year. With (2), you get a standing desk for yourself and say that this is what you're doing to stay fit; and tell him he should try it, too. Get him energized about it. Talk about it, talk it up, make it a competition, like: "man, I stood for a whole 30-minute stretch yesterday!"
Although the above doesn't seem like much, studies have shown that standing/moving every 20 minutes is better for your health than 2-3 hours of exercise a week. A lot of people are simply exercising to "look good" vs. to "be healthy." If you're interested in the latter, moving around every 20 minutes, or fidgeting (throw away your fidget spinners!), or getting a standing desk can help you, along with eating well.
W.r.t. diet, newer studies reproducibly show that sugar is the devil, carb-rich foods should be eaten in moderation, and good fats can help you lose weight. Come to think of it, cooking is another activity he might actually enjoy. He can do it in his own home and, these days, have most things delivered if he doesn't feel like going shopping. Again, this is something that will have multiple benefits down the line, from saving money to eating healthier to being more independent.
All of the above I suggest from my own experience. I don't have his disability or his interests, but I do all of the above, enjoyably and without much effort these days. They were all difficult to get started on and difficult to figure out close to a decade ago, but now I do them every day. It's made my life better.
Even if he just stands for 5 minutes a day, it will make a marked difference for him. My suggestion would be either to (1) prescribe it to him or (2) use the buddy system. With (1), you make him promise to do it a few minutes a day (2-5 minutes) and you increase it by a few minutes every year. With (2), you get a standing desk for yourself and say that this is what you're doing to stay fit; and tell him he should try it, too. Get him energized about it. Talk about it, talk it up, make it a competition, like: "man, I stood for a whole 30-minute stretch yesterday!"
Although the above doesn't seem like much, studies have shown that standing/moving every 20 minutes is better for your health than 2-3 hours of exercise a week. A lot of people are simply exercising to "look good" vs. to "be healthy." If you're interested in the latter, moving around every 20 minutes, or fidgeting (throw away your fidget spinners!), or getting a standing desk can help you, along with eating well.
W.r.t. diet, newer studies reproducibly show that sugar is the devil, carb-rich foods should be eaten in moderation, and good fats can help you lose weight. Come to think of it, cooking is another activity he might actually enjoy. He can do it in his own home and, these days, have most things delivered if he doesn't feel like going shopping. Again, this is something that will have multiple benefits down the line, from saving money to eating healthier to being more independent.
All of the above I suggest from my own experience. I don't have his disability or his interests, but I do all of the above, enjoyably and without much effort these days. They were all difficult to get started on and difficult to figure out close to a decade ago, but now I do them every day. It's made my life better.
ANCtoLV [OP] 1 points 6y ago
Great advice. There are certainly no shortage of nearby parks for him. Thanks for the encouragement
smoothypring 2 points 6y ago
Also also, as far as writing or writing jobs are concerned, he may not be able to pull in a sustainable income from them. So my suggestion on the job front is to look for jobs he won't hate (vs. jobs he'll enjoy). I know you mentioned online jobs, but it would be healthier for him to get a physical job somewhere, if at all possible to find one.
If he's interested in writing fiction for the sake of writing, though, I'd encourage it. As long as he enjoys reading and is creative, this would be a decent outlet for him. He can head on over to /r/writing and AbsoluteWrite.com and get involved with the forum/communities there. You'd have to support him all the way though, including reading his sucky drafts. ;)
Anyway, I know he's so limited in what he can do, and his introversion also makes things difficult for him, but you might also consider suggesting that he volunteer somewhere. I know old folk's homes/hospices are always looking for people to simply come in and talk to their residents (some resident's families visit only a few times a year, if that). He doesn't need to be outgoing to do this. He can simply take a book to read aloud to someone, especially someone who's lost their own eyesight. I know many residents who are stuck in bed all day, every day, and would simply love having a book read to them. I'm sure he'd learn something from these old folks too, so it'd be a great pressure-free social environment for him to help break him out of his introversion. It's not easy and it may not even be fun, but I think it's something you should definitely nudge him to try once or twice. You might have to get the help of a staff member to keep him involved and maybe give him a ride sometimes, but all the hard work would be worth it. Again, multiple wins here: getting him social, getting him involved with his community, making someone else's life better, making his own life better.
If he's interested in writing fiction for the sake of writing, though, I'd encourage it. As long as he enjoys reading and is creative, this would be a decent outlet for him. He can head on over to /r/writing and AbsoluteWrite.com and get involved with the forum/communities there. You'd have to support him all the way though, including reading his sucky drafts. ;)
Anyway, I know he's so limited in what he can do, and his introversion also makes things difficult for him, but you might also consider suggesting that he volunteer somewhere. I know old folk's homes/hospices are always looking for people to simply come in and talk to their residents (some resident's families visit only a few times a year, if that). He doesn't need to be outgoing to do this. He can simply take a book to read aloud to someone, especially someone who's lost their own eyesight. I know many residents who are stuck in bed all day, every day, and would simply love having a book read to them. I'm sure he'd learn something from these old folks too, so it'd be a great pressure-free social environment for him to help break him out of his introversion. It's not easy and it may not even be fun, but I think it's something you should definitely nudge him to try once or twice. You might have to get the help of a staff member to keep him involved and maybe give him a ride sometimes, but all the hard work would be worth it. Again, multiple wins here: getting him social, getting him involved with his community, making someone else's life better, making his own life better.
ANCtoLV [OP] 1 points 6y ago
Such a thoughtful and thorough response, I appreciate this very much!!
WeirdMathsGuy 2 points 6y ago
Tell that whippersnapper to get off the computer and stop eating mcdonalds
ANCtoLV [OP] 2 points 6y ago
Lol! Tried that approach for a long time. Didn't work
jaldino 2 points 6y ago
If he's into computers and bright, maybe he can try coding? Like starting with self learning or even going to college.
ANCtoLV [OP] 1 points 6y ago
I have brought up coding, he didn't seem too interested. But with all the certificates available online now, I will try it again
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