Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Blind gay people of Reddit, how did you find out you were gay? (x-post from /r/AskReddit) (self.Blind)
submitted by Anrza
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6bz2ej/blind_gay_people_of_reddit_how_did_you_know_you/
Saw this thread and got curious, just like the rest of Reddit. But we didn't find you in that thread, so I hope that you don't mind me asking here.
Saw this thread and got curious, just like the rest of Reddit. But we didn't find you in that thread, so I hope that you don't mind me asking here.
impablomations 186 points 6y ago
Now I know where the sudden influx of troll posts has come from. Yet another askreddit thread......
DasHarris 82 points 6y ago
Without trying to offend anyone, may I ask why this is a negative question? I'm actually curious and not trying to troll anyone.
impablomations 113 points 6y ago
The question itself isn't necessarily offensive, even if it is a little naive - sexuality has bugger all to do with sight, don't see why being visually impaired would affect how someones sexuality is realised.
It's the influx shitty troll/joke posts and comments we then have to clean up whenever the sub is linked or when the blind are mentioned in a highly upvoted post that deplete my already low amount of fucks.
It's the influx shitty troll/joke posts and comments we then have to clean up whenever the sub is linked or when the blind are mentioned in a highly upvoted post that deplete my already low amount of fucks.
DasHarris 79 points 6y ago
Thank you for taking me seriously and answering seriously. I was unaware of the trolling, I am sorry that people are assholes.
I will say, from a sighted persons perspective, sight is probably one the most influential parts of sex. For a person who has always defined gender by first glance, it seemed a legitimate question. Thank you again for your time.
I will say, from a sighted persons perspective, sight is probably one the most influential parts of sex. For a person who has always defined gender by first glance, it seemed a legitimate question. Thank you again for your time.
ItsBabySheep 48 points 6y ago
Haven't you ever heard people say things like, "He's average looking, but his voice melts me like butter!" Voice can influence a lot more than you think.
acegallagher 19 points 6y ago
Everyone here is talking about voice and sight and all I can think of is smell. Seriously. Sexual attraction, for me at least, is definitely swayed massively by smell.
Canes123456 5 points 6y ago
That is a male/porn based view. Many people get off from erotic novels, sounds, etc. Sighted people even have sex in the dark.
Kryptosis 12 points 6y ago
Many people assume that *attraction* has a lot to do with sight.
impablomations 10 points 6y ago
Attraction maybe, but not sexuality.
cutebirdbutts 3 points 6y ago
I wouldn't call it naive. Sight has a large part in attraction, so an interesting perspective on an abnormal sexuality would be from a person that can't see what they lust for.
Dragoniel 2 points 6y ago
> The question itself isn't necessarily offensive, even if it is a little naive - sexuality has bugger all to do with sight, don't see why being visually impaired would affect how someones sexuality is realised.
Aha, but that's the thing! Most people seem to not realize it. Makes for an interesting discussion, really.
Aha, but that's the thing! Most people seem to not realize it. Makes for an interesting discussion, really.
easwaran 24 points 6y ago
I'm guessing that the reason this question seems so negative is that it reveals that the person asking it thought that blind people couldn't find anyone physically attractive. If you think about it yourself for a moment, you'll find that vision is not the only way that you detect what gender someone is, or get attracted to them or turned off of them. (Furthermore, it has the presupposition that only gay people need to recognize their orientation.)
Sommiel 10 points 6y ago
And added to that, it's the assumption that people who are blind don't have a host of coping mechanisms and are dependent on other things to perceive the world.
It's incredibly tone deaf.
I don't see well, yet I can cross the street. I can find my way to the market, use the bus system. I make maps in my own head, count steps and memorize them. I am no longer dependent on what I see to understand the world around me.
It's incredibly tone deaf.
I don't see well, yet I can cross the street. I can find my way to the market, use the bus system. I make maps in my own head, count steps and memorize them. I am no longer dependent on what I see to understand the world around me.
Thenre 1 points 5y ago
I've never had any issue believing that being blind does not leave you helpless. People are incredible and I think it's awesome the human mind allows you to do those things, and would never think that you wouldn't be able to. The thought of how you are attracted to somebody is still something that I couldn't piece together without this thread. For me, at least, attraction is almost entirely about sight. Hell, 90% of my enjoyment in bed comes from looking at the person I'm doing things with. It makes sense that you would be able to discern gender based on sound or smell, but even having just read that that's how it's done I realized that I can't differentiate that way and I think it's incredible. Sorry if that's offensive, it's really interesting to me.
BamboozleVictim 20 points 6y ago
Post is only 2 hours old and at the top of /r/all, gonna be here for awhile. Doesn't help you constantly are on /r/all top of the last hour now
edd010 2 points 6y ago
You guys can opt out of r/all
[deleted] 6 points 6y ago
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edd010 2 points 6y ago
shit
[deleted] 1 points 6y ago
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snow671 11 points 6y ago
Oh joy. I wonder how long until the front page is filled with posts about wiping.
Dopejerker 64 points 6y ago
Looks like a sort of empty thread, has anyone legitimately answered this question? Came here hoping for legit answers.
easwaran 53 points 6y ago
As a sighted person who came here from the other post, I would guess that the legitimate answer is basically this - if you turned off the lights, would you care what gender the person you're making out with was? If you can imagine caring about this, then I think you've got your answer. To think the question is seriously difficult (in any way other than it's difficult for *anyone* to say how or why they figured out what their sexual orientation is) seems to presuppose some really strange view of blind people as aliens, which gets perceived as offensive, whether or not it's intended as such.
Dopejerker 26 points 6y ago
TIL I'm prejudice against blind people
easwaran 32 points 6y ago
It's not so much prejudice as microaggression. Your behavior doesn't come from any ill will - it's just that you hadn't thought about the question very seriously, and people in this subreddit in particular have often had an influx of hundreds of people with the same lack of thought asking the same few questions. So even if asking it once is fine, they've dealt with it many times already.
Thenre 2 points 5y ago
For the record, am pansexual so never care what the other person's gender is. For me it's not the doing things part it's the being attracted to people you aren't already doing things with part. To be fair, even as a sighted person I have a hard time determining whether I'm attracted to a person or not before I see them without clothes on, so sight is obviously almost all of where my attraction comes from. I can imagine almost everything without sight since I'm legally blind without my glasses and not being able to see EVER is something I find myself thinking about a lot, but like, how do you know if somebody is fat or not if you can't see them? How do you know if they shave, or if they have weird growths or something? I imagine that texture has to be huge but you can't predict texture if you can't see it so how do you know what texture somebody's skin is gonna be? If they are super wrinkled or whatever. Gender is just part of that. How can you imagine being with someone if you can't perceive their body before you bang. Idk, this whole thing just blew my mind.
easwaran 1 points 5y ago
> I have a hard time determining whether I'm attracted to a person or not before I see them without clothes on
I think this is going to be similar then. If you can't tell whether you're attracted until you see someone without clothes, then someone else might not be able to tell whether they're attracted until they physically feel someone, or hear them speak, or smell them, or whatever it is that gets them in the sexy mood.
It seems like you might be familiar with the fact that many other people have a very different experience of sexual attraction than you do (because for most people, gender is a very central and primary feature determining attraction, and also for most people they can make very major judgments of attractiveness of fully clothed people).
I think this is going to be similar then. If you can't tell whether you're attracted until you see someone without clothes, then someone else might not be able to tell whether they're attracted until they physically feel someone, or hear them speak, or smell them, or whatever it is that gets them in the sexy mood.
It seems like you might be familiar with the fact that many other people have a very different experience of sexual attraction than you do (because for most people, gender is a very central and primary feature determining attraction, and also for most people they can make very major judgments of attractiveness of fully clothed people).
Thenre 2 points 5y ago
Oh yea absolutely, everyone has their own kink. It's always super interesting to hear how other people experience it though, especially when it's so outside of my experience.
OnlyHalfYellow 1 points 6y ago
The blind community seems easily offended. I dont mean that rudely, but yall seem defensive and it's rather justified. Your experience is not mine.
impablomations 3 points 6y ago
Actually we aren't.
But when everytime blind or visually people are mentioned or the sub is linked in an Askreddit post we get inundated with shitty jokes we've heard a million times already, troll posts, etc then it gets to be a bit annoying.
So far I've had to remove numerous troll posts and one asking the most common question we get "how do blind people use reddit" which has been stickied at the top of the sub, which ironically they should have seen straight away as a fully sighted person.
If someone is actually interested and has genuine questions then there is no problem. But you can hopefully understand when occasionally when our (or at least my) well of fucks occasionally runs dry.
But when everytime blind or visually people are mentioned or the sub is linked in an Askreddit post we get inundated with shitty jokes we've heard a million times already, troll posts, etc then it gets to be a bit annoying.
So far I've had to remove numerous troll posts and one asking the most common question we get "how do blind people use reddit" which has been stickied at the top of the sub, which ironically they should have seen straight away as a fully sighted person.
If someone is actually interested and has genuine questions then there is no problem. But you can hopefully understand when occasionally when our (or at least my) well of fucks occasionally runs dry.
easwaran 1 points 6y ago
I don't think they're any more easily offended than anyone else. I think you would be just as easily offended if people questioned basic features of your existence as commonly as they question basic features of blind people.
Hydropos -2 points 6y ago
> I would guess that the legitimate answer is basically this - if you turned off the lights, would you care what gender the person you're making out with was?
The answer is much more complected than this, at least in people blind from birth. Gender has little relation to a sexual partner's ability to stimulate your genitals (at least in terms of magnitude), so that leaves mostly visual stimuli, or visually-derived stimuli, to differentiate. So much physical information about the opposite sex is gained through sight, so without it, how well would you really understand what a man or woman is (usually) shaped like? Maybe you have felt faces, but would you have felt the body of the same and opposite sex all over? On top of that, does tactile perception activate sexual brain areas the same way that vision does in sighted people? Sure, you might find the feeling of (boobs/butt/genitals) to be sexually arousing, but could you really say that if you'd never seen them? IMO, sexuality is STRONGLY tied to visual perception, so without studies that show the opposite, I can't buy the notion that it's as simple as dating with your eyes closed.
The answer is much more complected than this, at least in people blind from birth. Gender has little relation to a sexual partner's ability to stimulate your genitals (at least in terms of magnitude), so that leaves mostly visual stimuli, or visually-derived stimuli, to differentiate. So much physical information about the opposite sex is gained through sight, so without it, how well would you really understand what a man or woman is (usually) shaped like? Maybe you have felt faces, but would you have felt the body of the same and opposite sex all over? On top of that, does tactile perception activate sexual brain areas the same way that vision does in sighted people? Sure, you might find the feeling of (boobs/butt/genitals) to be sexually arousing, but could you really say that if you'd never seen them? IMO, sexuality is STRONGLY tied to visual perception, so without studies that show the opposite, I can't buy the notion that it's as simple as dating with your eyes closed.
impablomations 20 points 6y ago
So based on zero evidence, you've decided how blind people determine their sexuality.
>Maybe you have felt faces
Blind people don't habitually touch faces. It's a shitty stereotype that should have died out years ago. Along with the 'blind people have superhuman hearing/smell' bs.
>so without studies that show the opposite, I can't buy the notion that it's as simple as dating with your eyes closed.
Reddit, where your opinion is inviolate unless someone presents 15 peer reviewed studies published in scientific journals.
>Maybe you have felt faces
Blind people don't habitually touch faces. It's a shitty stereotype that should have died out years ago. Along with the 'blind people have superhuman hearing/smell' bs.
>so without studies that show the opposite, I can't buy the notion that it's as simple as dating with your eyes closed.
Reddit, where your opinion is inviolate unless someone presents 15 peer reviewed studies published in scientific journals.
blindjo 6 points 6y ago
I blame little house on the prarie for the face touching stereotype
Hydropos -1 points 6y ago
> So based on zero evidence
Based on all of my experience with sexuality and a bit of neurobiology. Just no specific, peer-reviewd evidence.
> Blind people don't habitually touch faces.
This supports my point, that they have little to no idea of others' physical dimensions.
> Reddit, where your opinion is inviolate unless someone presents 15 peer reviewed studies published in scientific journals.
Hell, give me *one* peer reviewed journal article that addresses the cognitive mechanisms of sexuality in people who were blind from birth. This seems a reasonable request, given that the claims being made contradict all of my own experiences...
Based on all of my experience with sexuality and a bit of neurobiology. Just no specific, peer-reviewd evidence.
> Blind people don't habitually touch faces.
This supports my point, that they have little to no idea of others' physical dimensions.
> Reddit, where your opinion is inviolate unless someone presents 15 peer reviewed studies published in scientific journals.
Hell, give me *one* peer reviewed journal article that addresses the cognitive mechanisms of sexuality in people who were blind from birth. This seems a reasonable request, given that the claims being made contradict all of my own experiences...
rkingett 2 points 6y ago
But it really is as simple as touch, and sounds, and voices, and other factors. See my posts above.
You live in a bubble. Sadly.
You live in a bubble. Sadly.
rkingett 2 points 6y ago
I replied to your stupid questions above.
tymme 2 points 6y ago
Thanfully, the top thread now is a legitimate answer and sparking some real discussion, even without the serious tag.
[deleted] 1 points 6y ago
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[deleted] 34 points 6y ago
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Anrza [OP] 8 points 6y ago
Seems pretty straightforward.
MrUnisverse 32 points 6y ago
>Gayforward
FTFY
FTFY
fastfinge 18 points 6y ago
Paging /u/rkingett as he's the only gay blind person I know who is active here, on the off chance he feels like answering.
snow671 7 points 6y ago
If not, his $1 is absolutely worth a read.
rkingett 6 points 6y ago
Thanks for sharing the link. I wonder if he will even read it? Probably not, but I am gonna answer his stupid question, regardless.
rkingett 3 points 6y ago
I don't mind replying at all! so I will do so, well, above!
rkingett 16 points 6y ago
As a blind gay person, I can answer this because I was legally blind and now I am totally blind.
For all of the questions about attractions, I encourage all of you to $1 and that will answer a lot of your questions.
In all other aspects, this question is stupid to be honest. It's almost like people have never masturbated or had sexual daydreams before. That's how I knew what sex I was attracted to because I found the idea of a male body, male voice, male hair, sexually arousing. I can’t tell you anything other than, well, when I hear a man’s voice I like, I get an erection. I don't know how else to explain it other than that.
When I was legally blind I liked the build of men and the touch of a man’s body and hands. I like muscles on a man and I liked, when I could see some, men with tans because they also were easier to see, but that's beside the point.
I just knew I never found women sexually attractive, like at all. When listening to porn, watching porn when I was legally blind, or the like. I've always been attracted to men but I figured it out a bit late into my teen years because I grew up in a part of FL where I wasn't around a lot of gay people and my school for the blind didn't have a lot of open and out gay students or staff who I felt like I could confide in, but, as a teenager, I always had sexual fantasies about men and I pretty much just knew that I was gay.
For me, voice and hands are very much my defining basis. There's little things I evaluate like how hairy a guy is or how tall he is, I like men who are taller than I am, by the way, if his face has a nice shape, and yes, I do feel faces but it's when I know them a bit longer and when I want to learn more about this very hot sounding man I am attracted to. I don't go about feeling dudes faces randomly and every time I meet a person.
This is true for me now, but it was also true when I was legally blind. Since I can't look at pictures anymore, I have to depend on solely how they execute their thoughts in an email or text message or anywhere online. Written communication is a huge factor in my dating decisions. If you can't hold my interest with sentences and paragraphs and you'd rather just write one worded replies to my messages, chances are, you won’t go out with me. I won’t ask you to go out with me. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but I am firm when it comes to my tastes. If you can't articulate a complete thought or an idea in an email or Facebook post, chances are I will lose interest in you very quickly.
But basically, my attractions hinge on the voice, the body build and how that appears to my touch, and how well you can verbally and textually communicate. I also like taller men but that's a preference.
Obviously, smell is a huge factor as well but I am not as picky about that as I am other factors but there are certain men smells that instantly give me an erection. There are exceptions to every rule.
One rule nobody can break though, is smokers. I don't like them. Never have, never will. I hate the smell and the taste of kissing a smoker. Period. Smokers won’t get to date me if I can help it.
For all of the questions about attractions, I encourage all of you to $1 and that will answer a lot of your questions.
In all other aspects, this question is stupid to be honest. It's almost like people have never masturbated or had sexual daydreams before. That's how I knew what sex I was attracted to because I found the idea of a male body, male voice, male hair, sexually arousing. I can’t tell you anything other than, well, when I hear a man’s voice I like, I get an erection. I don't know how else to explain it other than that.
When I was legally blind I liked the build of men and the touch of a man’s body and hands. I like muscles on a man and I liked, when I could see some, men with tans because they also were easier to see, but that's beside the point.
I just knew I never found women sexually attractive, like at all. When listening to porn, watching porn when I was legally blind, or the like. I've always been attracted to men but I figured it out a bit late into my teen years because I grew up in a part of FL where I wasn't around a lot of gay people and my school for the blind didn't have a lot of open and out gay students or staff who I felt like I could confide in, but, as a teenager, I always had sexual fantasies about men and I pretty much just knew that I was gay.
For me, voice and hands are very much my defining basis. There's little things I evaluate like how hairy a guy is or how tall he is, I like men who are taller than I am, by the way, if his face has a nice shape, and yes, I do feel faces but it's when I know them a bit longer and when I want to learn more about this very hot sounding man I am attracted to. I don't go about feeling dudes faces randomly and every time I meet a person.
This is true for me now, but it was also true when I was legally blind. Since I can't look at pictures anymore, I have to depend on solely how they execute their thoughts in an email or text message or anywhere online. Written communication is a huge factor in my dating decisions. If you can't hold my interest with sentences and paragraphs and you'd rather just write one worded replies to my messages, chances are, you won’t go out with me. I won’t ask you to go out with me. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but I am firm when it comes to my tastes. If you can't articulate a complete thought or an idea in an email or Facebook post, chances are I will lose interest in you very quickly.
But basically, my attractions hinge on the voice, the body build and how that appears to my touch, and how well you can verbally and textually communicate. I also like taller men but that's a preference.
Obviously, smell is a huge factor as well but I am not as picky about that as I am other factors but there are certain men smells that instantly give me an erection. There are exceptions to every rule.
One rule nobody can break though, is smokers. I don't like them. Never have, never will. I hate the smell and the taste of kissing a smoker. Period. Smokers won’t get to date me if I can help it.
TheFightingPony 8 points 6y ago
Follow up question,
What do you masturbate to?
What do you masturbate to?
rkingett 5 points 6y ago
I had no idea you had another stupid question down below! The answer is actually very revolutionary. Ready?
Porn.
Porn.
psychswot 3 points 6y ago
Audio
protekt0r 8 points 6y ago
Well this is a disappointment. I think I found the answer on my own, however.
ithasfourtoes 8 points 6y ago
And???
SteezinForNoReasn 15 points 6y ago
He's gay.
Plutotalks 3 points 6y ago
Please, Enlightened One, share your knowledge
GuideDogAndHisQueer 4 points 6y ago
As a blind gay man I am not any different from anyone else. Most folk told me I was gay from an early age. I didn't have the option of choosing my sexuality. My acceptance of my sexuality was no different from anybody else. My experience is much the same as my sighted friends. In simple terms you know what you like. There is a whole different discussion to be had about "what do you find attractive in sexual partners".
rkingett 1 points 6y ago
I like your answer a lot! I answered this question too but people didn't like me calling this question a stupid question.
GuideDogAndHisQueer 2 points 6y ago
I came late to this party and had the privilege of feeling like a lot had already been said. The question could have been worded better or differently but hey I have been asked worse and not so long ago. Lol.
[deleted] 4 points 6y ago
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tanomous 36 points 6y ago
wish I could downvote this
collegedoomsday 18 points 6y ago
Pro-tip: If a subreddit's theme doesn't let you downvote but you want to, disable the style through the option on the top-right just below the subreddit title.
Bluu44 13 points 6y ago
or use mobile
Cranky_Kong 9 points 6y ago
Or select the area of the reply and press 'z'.
j-rocc 4 points 6y ago
turn off subreddit style
[deleted] 1 points 6y ago
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Chucktayz 7 points 6y ago
I see you're being downvoted all to hell so I figure I'll ask for clarification. Why do you think their life would suck?
[deleted] 2 points 6y ago
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Look_a_dinosaur -7 points 6y ago
😂 XD
Edit: I'm the guy who's comment was downvoted to oblivion. Why the fuck was I banned from this sub?
Edit: I'm the guy who's comment was downvoted to oblivion. Why the fuck was I banned from this sub?
impablomations 35 points 6y ago
> If you are blind AND gay, you're life must suck.
Hmm, I wonder.....
>(No offense)
A phrase usually used when the person knows they are being a dick, but rather than refrain from being one they go on to be a dick anyway.
Hmm, I wonder.....
>(No offense)
A phrase usually used when the person knows they are being a dick, but rather than refrain from being one they go on to be a dick anyway.
david34555 2 points 5y ago
Everyone here is talking about voice and sight and all I can think of is smell. Seriously. Sexual attraction, for me at least, is definitely swayed massively by smell.
jayxthexhuman 1 points 5y ago
that's like asking someone how they realised they are straight. stupid and homophobic.
TonytehGreat 1 points 6y ago
Qpwjdbdnz labs rjsndkddbsl snskslah psndbsksl bbsdmytl a. Skfdkel qfhndkdl slskdodlfnf fjdkdl skdndvev fhjmr scvbt xdasfgn dehlsb//-
[deleted] 1 points 6y ago
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[deleted] -1 points 6y ago
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