Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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How to help my loved one. (self.Blind)
submitted by h0neycunt
My husband has macular degeneration and, because of that, is slowly going blind. Right now, it's not so severe. He can work with some challenges, get around. In some ways his vision is better than mine without glasses, and in other ways, he's in the weeds. He has double vision and static spots and occasionally will experience floaters that make it really, really hard for him to see.
He is a diabetic and, before I came into the picture, due to financial problems, he didn't take insulin for about a decade and almost died. I'm surprised he isn't in worse shape but, that is not a comforting thing to tell him. There's really nothing I can tell him. It's always great to see him on an upswing - motivated and ready to take life head on. What's hard is when he cannot muster it by himself. I don't blame him and, even though I don't have words to fix or even really help other than "that sucks, and I love you", I want to help. Of course I want to help. I love him and, in my eyes (ha), this is just another thing we're going through together but I know that to him this is something far more terrifying. I'm not sure what to say, or what to do. I know that life throws you curveballs and they're never really what you expect but I was really not expecting this, so I'm just so unprepared for how to deal with this particular brand of loss. Blind folks here - how did your spouse/loved one help you through the process? Sighted people - what do you do?
He is a diabetic and, before I came into the picture, due to financial problems, he didn't take insulin for about a decade and almost died. I'm surprised he isn't in worse shape but, that is not a comforting thing to tell him. There's really nothing I can tell him. It's always great to see him on an upswing - motivated and ready to take life head on. What's hard is when he cannot muster it by himself. I don't blame him and, even though I don't have words to fix or even really help other than "that sucks, and I love you", I want to help. Of course I want to help. I love him and, in my eyes (ha), this is just another thing we're going through together but I know that to him this is something far more terrifying. I'm not sure what to say, or what to do. I know that life throws you curveballs and they're never really what you expect but I was really not expecting this, so I'm just so unprepared for how to deal with this particular brand of loss. Blind folks here - how did your spouse/loved one help you through the process? Sighted people - what do you do?
EndlessReverberation 3 points 6y ago
I think there can be many answers to your question. Being emotionally supportive for your loved one, as they go through something difficult, is very important; you would probably know better than anyone else how to support your husband emotionally.
The psychological part of blindness is going to be difficult for him. However, blindness is not like the unexpected things in your life that you can’t do anything about. If a loved one dies, or if you are diagnosed with some terminal illness, all you can do is try and emotionally cope. Blindness is different, because there are many many things you can to do to cope when you lose your sight.
For example, is your husband’s sight loss effecting his daily life or work, if so is he learning the skills and accommodations he needs to live a normal life? As blind people, we have to do things differently, and it takes time, effort, guidance, and the right attitude to learn these alternative techniques. You can be supportive, but if he can’t use a computer, get around on his own, read, or work, he is probably going to feel down. Encouraging him to learn how to do these things should be empowering for him, and actually learning these skills will definitely be empowering for him.
Another factor that might make him sad is the fear of the unknown. Most sighted people know nothing about blindness. It’s understandable that facing the unknown would be scary for your husband. You need to be able to incur edge him, and let him know that he can overcome losing his sight. You can also help him learn about blindness, if it is less of a scary unknown that might help him cope. Do either of you know any blind people; do you know how blind people thrive in their lives?
Something that is going to be hard for him, and might remain hard, is his feeling of losing something. There are going to be some things that he is not going to be able to do; there might be a lot fewer of these things then you think, but he will be losing things. I have been blind for eight years now, and it’s no big deal to me. However, last year I lost hearing in one of my ears, and that has been the most difficult experience of my life. I have lost a lot because of my hearing issue. I had to change jobs, and I find it much harder to get around now. My wife could only do so much for me as I dealt with this. I became very depressed about my hearing, because of all I lost, and all she could really do is simply be there for me.
I am ordering these factors of blindness according to what I have found to be the hardest to deal with, and I have saved the hardest for last. The social/societal aspect of blindness can be very difficult. Your husband might be feeling alone. Of course, he has you, but he might feel as though he is going through his sight loss on his own. Meeting and talking to people who are going through the same thing might be very helpful for him. Also, it is very hard to deal with the ignorance and low expectations that society has towards blindness. For me, this is the hardest part of blindness and it can be a daily struggle. You two are going to have to put a lot of care and thought into making sure he feels supported as an equal. You have to make sure you do not do everything for him, and he needs to make sure you don’t have to do everything for him.
A few final thoughts. Remember that your husband is going to go through down periods, because he is human. Also, remember yourself through all of this. You are going through something too. I think my wife may have had a harder time getting through my hearing loss then I did. Just remember that you really can get through this.
The psychological part of blindness is going to be difficult for him. However, blindness is not like the unexpected things in your life that you can’t do anything about. If a loved one dies, or if you are diagnosed with some terminal illness, all you can do is try and emotionally cope. Blindness is different, because there are many many things you can to do to cope when you lose your sight.
For example, is your husband’s sight loss effecting his daily life or work, if so is he learning the skills and accommodations he needs to live a normal life? As blind people, we have to do things differently, and it takes time, effort, guidance, and the right attitude to learn these alternative techniques. You can be supportive, but if he can’t use a computer, get around on his own, read, or work, he is probably going to feel down. Encouraging him to learn how to do these things should be empowering for him, and actually learning these skills will definitely be empowering for him.
Another factor that might make him sad is the fear of the unknown. Most sighted people know nothing about blindness. It’s understandable that facing the unknown would be scary for your husband. You need to be able to incur edge him, and let him know that he can overcome losing his sight. You can also help him learn about blindness, if it is less of a scary unknown that might help him cope. Do either of you know any blind people; do you know how blind people thrive in their lives?
Something that is going to be hard for him, and might remain hard, is his feeling of losing something. There are going to be some things that he is not going to be able to do; there might be a lot fewer of these things then you think, but he will be losing things. I have been blind for eight years now, and it’s no big deal to me. However, last year I lost hearing in one of my ears, and that has been the most difficult experience of my life. I have lost a lot because of my hearing issue. I had to change jobs, and I find it much harder to get around now. My wife could only do so much for me as I dealt with this. I became very depressed about my hearing, because of all I lost, and all she could really do is simply be there for me.
I am ordering these factors of blindness according to what I have found to be the hardest to deal with, and I have saved the hardest for last. The social/societal aspect of blindness can be very difficult. Your husband might be feeling alone. Of course, he has you, but he might feel as though he is going through his sight loss on his own. Meeting and talking to people who are going through the same thing might be very helpful for him. Also, it is very hard to deal with the ignorance and low expectations that society has towards blindness. For me, this is the hardest part of blindness and it can be a daily struggle. You two are going to have to put a lot of care and thought into making sure he feels supported as an equal. You have to make sure you do not do everything for him, and he needs to make sure you don’t have to do everything for him.
A few final thoughts. Remember that your husband is going to go through down periods, because he is human. Also, remember yourself through all of this. You are going through something too. I think my wife may have had a harder time getting through my hearing loss then I did. Just remember that you really can get through this.
h0neycunt [OP] 1 points 6y ago
Thank you for this. Yes, I am definitely having a hard time, but mostly because I just want this person whom I love very much to be OK. I don't personally have a problem being married to a blind person but I often worry about his resolve and his ability to overcome things like this. He's a strong person but gets frustrated easily. He's also a diabetic so I know that his health and wellbeing is already sort of tenuous. I'm aware of that and, as a reasonably healthy person, it's hard to reconcile with. I know he has resentment for healthy people and I don't blame him. What's so hard is the lack of understanding people have and the fear of the unknown but, that's life I guess. Thank you for the great advice.
NeedingVsGetting 1 points 6y ago
Thank you.
Thank you so much for typing all of this out.
Thank you so much for typing all of this out.
Benjamincito 1 points 6y ago
Find all the things you always enjoyed doing together and do them
Especially the ones that for whatever reason just have to do with the two of you and not the need of sight
Being together in a lot of different situation can help
Just spending some time together privately, enjoying each others company
Listening to old songs together, reading aloud together and calling loved ones together are positive things you can do each day that really only take a few min
Especially the ones that for whatever reason just have to do with the two of you and not the need of sight
Being together in a lot of different situation can help
Just spending some time together privately, enjoying each others company
Listening to old songs together, reading aloud together and calling loved ones together are positive things you can do each day that really only take a few min
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