Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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[Serious] If you're blind and walking in public on your own, would you want a stranger to assist you to your destination, or is that rude to offer? (self.Blind)
submitted 5.324862397119341y ago by Dr_Omnicient
I'm ignorant. But I really would like to know. I post this earlier in an /r/AskReddit post, but it got buried, and I don't think that anyone saw it.
KillerLag 6 points 5y ago
One thing you can do it watch for a few moments and see if they appear to have a problem. If they appear so, you can go to them, introduce yourself, and offer assistance. If they don't need it, they can turn it down (hopefully politely).
If you want to assist someone, the easiest way is to offer your arm. They would hold your arm near your elbow, and follow you from that. That way, they can feel where you are going, but they aren't being dragged or pulled off balance. The name of that technique is called Sighted Guide.
In some cases, people will do sighted guide but still use their cane. That isn't anything insulting, some people just find it more comfortable to scan still.
If you want to assist someone, the easiest way is to offer your arm. They would hold your arm near your elbow, and follow you from that. That way, they can feel where you are going, but they aren't being dragged or pulled off balance. The name of that technique is called Sighted Guide.
In some cases, people will do sighted guide but still use their cane. That isn't anything insulting, some people just find it more comfortable to scan still.
saizai 5 points 5y ago
1. Key piece of this: blind person holds sighted person, _not_ vice versa.
It's totally OK to _offer_ your arm, or to touch (when relevant) purely to help indicate where you are — _if_ you've made verbal contact first to establish that they want to be interacting with you in the first place.
To do so, use the _back_ of your hand (_not_ palm) to touch the blind person's forearm. That way we know where you are, how to get hold of your arm, _and_ that you're not going to be the (extremely common) grabby-assaulty type.
Do _not_ grab a blind person, and especially do not fucking grab their cane. (You wouldn't like it if someone grabbed _you_ by the eyeballs.)
2. Some people (eg me) prefer to not hold on to sighted guides at all, and just follow by sound.
For that, it's helpful if you keep talking, or drag/scuff your feet a bit. It can be quite hard to track a specific person, especially in a noisy environment like a subway station with lots of people.
In particular, please remember to make sure you're audible if you take a turn, go off to talk to someone, etc. If you leave without indication, the blind person will probably not notice, and get annoyed / confused / disoriented.
It's also helpful, for sound-based guide, to walk about a step behind and to the side, so you're not in the way of the cane or changes in direction (e.g. to follow a wall). Don't worry about crowds; the white cane is a more effective Moses than you are. :-P
Holding on vs following by sound is definitely a matter of preference though. You can ask, if it's established that someone wants your guidance in the first place. More likely though, the blind person will probably just indicate which they prefer.
It's totally OK to _offer_ your arm, or to touch (when relevant) purely to help indicate where you are — _if_ you've made verbal contact first to establish that they want to be interacting with you in the first place.
To do so, use the _back_ of your hand (_not_ palm) to touch the blind person's forearm. That way we know where you are, how to get hold of your arm, _and_ that you're not going to be the (extremely common) grabby-assaulty type.
Do _not_ grab a blind person, and especially do not fucking grab their cane. (You wouldn't like it if someone grabbed _you_ by the eyeballs.)
2. Some people (eg me) prefer to not hold on to sighted guides at all, and just follow by sound.
For that, it's helpful if you keep talking, or drag/scuff your feet a bit. It can be quite hard to track a specific person, especially in a noisy environment like a subway station with lots of people.
In particular, please remember to make sure you're audible if you take a turn, go off to talk to someone, etc. If you leave without indication, the blind person will probably not notice, and get annoyed / confused / disoriented.
It's also helpful, for sound-based guide, to walk about a step behind and to the side, so you're not in the way of the cane or changes in direction (e.g. to follow a wall). Don't worry about crowds; the white cane is a more effective Moses than you are. :-P
Holding on vs following by sound is definitely a matter of preference though. You can ask, if it's established that someone wants your guidance in the first place. More likely though, the blind person will probably just indicate which they prefer.
Dr_Omnicient [OP] 3 points 5y ago
Thank you for your reply! This is helpful information. I ask because I saw someone being guided by another in the subway today. I wasn't sure if it was an aide, but it certainly looked like the person being guided was enjoying the presence or assistance. I wanted to see if this was common if it was a stranger. Now, I'll know how to guide if I'm ever asked for assistance!
bondolo 5 points 5y ago
It does take practice to do sighted guide. The first time I guided my wife I ran her in to a sandwich board sign. Also, everyone you might guide is going to be different.
Dr_Omnicient [OP] 2 points 5y ago
Lmao. Noted. Thanks again
matt_may 1 points 5y ago
Some people are really pushy about helping and it's easier to just give in than create an awkward scene. They're using me to virtue signal to others how empathetic and helpful they are.
matt_may 4 points 5y ago
One of the joys of the visually impaired life is turning down all the unasked for help. Some people even manage to get offended!
saizai 7 points 5y ago
Indeed. A recent interaction I had:
Me: [walking through very familiar subway station, past a bit of a crowd]
Random large guy: [suddenly grabs my arm and starts pulling]
Me: [curtly] Don't grab me.
RLG: [angry] I wasn't grabbing you, I was helping!
That's more than the usual level of offended, but it's not so far off, and I felt threatened, in addition to having just been assaulted. I held back and fortunately, RLG wandered off with the crowd, but … urgh, I hate when people do that.
Me: [walking through very familiar subway station, past a bit of a crowd]
Random large guy: [suddenly grabs my arm and starts pulling]
Me: [curtly] Don't grab me.
RLG: [angry] I wasn't grabbing you, I was helping!
That's more than the usual level of offended, but it's not so far off, and I felt threatened, in addition to having just been assaulted. I held back and fortunately, RLG wandered off with the crowd, but … urgh, I hate when people do that.
blindjo 3 points 5y ago
I've had three strangers offer to tie my shoe for me
saizai 3 points 5y ago
Key word: OFFER.
I don't mind at all if someone comes up and asks me if I want help. It's nice. Sometimes I'll say yes, sometimes no, and if they respect that then great.
I really do appreciate *offers* of assistance. I'm kinda bad at navigation anyway, even without the blindness part. Or when people give me a seat, or tell me about construction ahead, etc. A lot of the directions I get are kinda shit (_never_ trust a sighted person who says something is "straight"), but that's why I ask more than one person, and at least they're trying.
What I really really do mind is when people randomly grab me (happens all the time), won't take no for an answer, or try to override my own decisions.
Letting me know e.g. that there's a shorter way to X is fine — I might not have known — but just saying "don't go that way" is not. Nor is it OK to get between me and a wall I'm shorelining, or tell me how to use my cane.
But really, mostly the assault. I hate being assaulted every single time I go out, and hate even more that I have to be polite to them because they're "just trying to help". Argh.
I don't mind at all if someone comes up and asks me if I want help. It's nice. Sometimes I'll say yes, sometimes no, and if they respect that then great.
I really do appreciate *offers* of assistance. I'm kinda bad at navigation anyway, even without the blindness part. Or when people give me a seat, or tell me about construction ahead, etc. A lot of the directions I get are kinda shit (_never_ trust a sighted person who says something is "straight"), but that's why I ask more than one person, and at least they're trying.
What I really really do mind is when people randomly grab me (happens all the time), won't take no for an answer, or try to override my own decisions.
Letting me know e.g. that there's a shorter way to X is fine — I might not have known — but just saying "don't go that way" is not. Nor is it OK to get between me and a wall I'm shorelining, or tell me how to use my cane.
But really, mostly the assault. I hate being assaulted every single time I go out, and hate even more that I have to be polite to them because they're "just trying to help". Argh.
Terry_Pie 3 points 5y ago
If they look like they are lost or having trouble navigating, ask, and assist if your offer is accepted. Otherwise, they'll be fine. If they weren't able to navigate on their own, they wouldn't be.
Whatever you do, do not just approach, take their arm or shoulder and guide them.
Whatever you do, do not just approach, take their arm or shoulder and guide them.
bondolo 3 points 5y ago
For most people the question would be about safety. If getting a guide makes the travel significantly safer then possibly. However, should you trust the stranger? Is the stranger a safe guide? Is there any special risk where you are travelling? These are all questions a blind person will be asking themselves whenever offered assistance by a stranger in public.
In most cases getting a stranger's "help" isn't quantifiably better than the blind person making their own way. The blind person may be familiar with the route, have good mobility skills, feel safe without assistance, don't want to talk to random weirdos, prefer to use their dog or cane, etc. so generally blind people aren't interested or wanting of guides.
Before GPS my wife would sometimes ask to the people around her "Is this 5th and Main?" for confirmation. Now she may still ask "Is that the number 12 bus approaching?" but beyond the cases where she is requesting confirmation she doesn't want or need assistance. In either of the examples the confirmation assists her but certainly can be done without if unavailable.
She has accepted assistance from random people very occasionally for situations like the city has dug up the sidewalk and not coned off the holes and her dog is having a problem finding a path. Happens surprisingly often. Getting through the jam of people at concert at intermission to find the bathroom she has sometimes asked for someone to show here the way. Finding the exit in a huge, loud, crowded airport bathroom can also be a challenge she might ask a stranger for a small amount of guiding assistance.
In most cases getting a stranger's "help" isn't quantifiably better than the blind person making their own way. The blind person may be familiar with the route, have good mobility skills, feel safe without assistance, don't want to talk to random weirdos, prefer to use their dog or cane, etc. so generally blind people aren't interested or wanting of guides.
Before GPS my wife would sometimes ask to the people around her "Is this 5th and Main?" for confirmation. Now she may still ask "Is that the number 12 bus approaching?" but beyond the cases where she is requesting confirmation she doesn't want or need assistance. In either of the examples the confirmation assists her but certainly can be done without if unavailable.
She has accepted assistance from random people very occasionally for situations like the city has dug up the sidewalk and not coned off the holes and her dog is having a problem finding a path. Happens surprisingly often. Getting through the jam of people at concert at intermission to find the bathroom she has sometimes asked for someone to show here the way. Finding the exit in a huge, loud, crowded airport bathroom can also be a challenge she might ask a stranger for a small amount of guiding assistance.
Dr_Omnicient [OP] 1 points 5y ago
Thanks for your reply! So you would say that it's not a common occurrence for a stranger to offer your wife assistance and her accept it? It seems like she is certainly more than capable of asking for assistance when she needs it!
bondolo 3 points 5y ago
Yes, she would rarely accept offered assistance. Her comments after hearing my response: It is OK to offer assistance but don't be disappointed if the assistance is declined. Definitely don't grab a person's arm or even touch them unexpectedly. Some blind people would rather have their independence and personal autonomy even more than safety.
Dr_Omnicient [OP] 1 points 5y ago
That makes sense. Thanks again! I appreciate the insite
licensetolentil 2 points 5y ago
I don’t find it rude to offer. I was in an airport once and the font for the signs was really small. I was in an intersection and stood under each one trying to figure out what they said and I didn’t have a clue. I just stood there looking up wondering how to figure it out. (I usually get through airports by FaceTiming a friend and they help me navigate, but I had a severely delayed flight and it was the middle of the night at home).
Somebody must have been watching me and approached me asking if I could see and asked for boarding pass. I was a little nervous showing it but they walked me to right to my gate! It really made my day!
Somebody must have been watching me and approached me asking if I could see and asked for boarding pass. I was a little nervous showing it but they walked me to right to my gate! It really made my day!
estj136 1 points 5y ago
Hahaha! There’s no harm asking. I usually say yes, even if I don’t need it, but I will say it’s unnecessary, but you’re welcome to come along. I am on the order of very extroverted. A lot of times I don’t, but if I do, I ask for it. If they find me at the right place at the right time, I’d usually gladly accept..
bradley22 1 points 5y ago
Do not demand to help someone across the road. if they say no, it means no. I've had this happen to me a couple of times. Yes, people are trying to be helpful but there's being helpful then there's doing your "good deed" for the day and forcing the blind person to be part of it. Don't get me wrong, I love doing good deeds, but I'd never force someone to be part of my life if they didn't want to be. I had one woman take me across the road. I told her that I was fine but she insisted. Why? Because it would hellp her clean herself of her sins... When I told her that when I say no it means no, she said okay and then left. yeah, I doubt she heard me or even cared what I had to say. I have nothing at all against religious people, but please don't use your religion as an excuse to "help" me cross the road if I don't need it.
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