Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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My wife is legally blind, and struggles with lack of mobility and opportunities. Advice? (self.Blind)
submitted 5.313620563271605y ago by 0bs0l3te
My wife is very accomplished, but her vision keeps her from driving and so many jobs are unavailable to her. She wants to be able to get herself out of the house and go shopping, but can't.
(We live in a rural area, and so Uber isn't an option.) She has a job from home that she created herself and is internationally recognized in her career, but it's not a lucrative one.
I get the sense that she just generally feels upset at the unfairness of her vision impairment. I have suggested therapy, but her response is that a therapist can't fix her vision, so what's the point? "They'll just tell me to get over it," she'll say.
Is this kind of a common problem for people in my wife's situation? Can I ask for the experiences of others?
(We live in a rural area, and so Uber isn't an option.) She has a job from home that she created herself and is internationally recognized in her career, but it's not a lucrative one.
I get the sense that she just generally feels upset at the unfairness of her vision impairment. I have suggested therapy, but her response is that a therapist can't fix her vision, so what's the point? "They'll just tell me to get over it," she'll say.
Is this kind of a common problem for people in my wife's situation? Can I ask for the experiences of others?
AllHarlowsEve 13 points 5y ago
Realistically, her options are:
- Accept she’s blind and look into local people or charities that could help her, possibly support groups online, maybe state resources depending on the area.
- Move, find somewhere with public transit, get signed up for paratransit, like a mini bus for people with disabilities who can’t drive for whatever reason.
- Stay depressed, stay a hermit, stagnate and be unhappy.
It’s harsh, but that’s reality for blind and visually impaired people. I was 18 when I lost almost all of my vision, but I forced myself to accept it because all the thoughts, prayers, hopes and well-wishes in the world won’t change the fact that I’m blind now.
Does it suck? Is it frustrating? Would I do just about anything to no longer be blind?
You bet your sweet ass.
But, in the mean time, while waiting for magic robot eyes and regrown optic nerves, my options are deal with it and be grumpy on my own about it, or go back into a depression, and I refuse to go backwards if I can help it
It will take her time, but she needs to talk to other blind people. Not people living in their mother’s basements or who have no goals or ambitions, but people who are working creating real change, or happily building businesses, or doing what they can to be people involved in the world, rather than a background character.
Hope that helps a little.
- Accept she’s blind and look into local people or charities that could help her, possibly support groups online, maybe state resources depending on the area.
- Move, find somewhere with public transit, get signed up for paratransit, like a mini bus for people with disabilities who can’t drive for whatever reason.
- Stay depressed, stay a hermit, stagnate and be unhappy.
It’s harsh, but that’s reality for blind and visually impaired people. I was 18 when I lost almost all of my vision, but I forced myself to accept it because all the thoughts, prayers, hopes and well-wishes in the world won’t change the fact that I’m blind now.
Does it suck? Is it frustrating? Would I do just about anything to no longer be blind?
You bet your sweet ass.
But, in the mean time, while waiting for magic robot eyes and regrown optic nerves, my options are deal with it and be grumpy on my own about it, or go back into a depression, and I refuse to go backwards if I can help it
It will take her time, but she needs to talk to other blind people. Not people living in their mother’s basements or who have no goals or ambitions, but people who are working creating real change, or happily building businesses, or doing what they can to be people involved in the world, rather than a background character.
Hope that helps a little.
stop_being_ugly 5 points 5y ago
This is harsh but helpful, at least to me.
I lost most of my sight a few year ago, and while it has been an isolated hell and depression I'm finally ready to rejoin society as a productive member again. I don't want to take away from OPs struggle, but I thought I'd never be able to walk around alone a few years ago, and now I'm confident on city streets alone.
I lost most of my sight a few year ago, and while it has been an isolated hell and depression I'm finally ready to rejoin society as a productive member again. I don't want to take away from OPs struggle, but I thought I'd never be able to walk around alone a few years ago, and now I'm confident on city streets alone.
AllHarlowsEve 4 points 5y ago
I'm glad you think it's helpful, I'm not a hundred percent sure where the line is between crass and brutally honest some days.
I've just seen so many blind people who could, and should be working, but since it's terrifying to make the leap into getting all the skills they'd need, and to transition from Annie who doesn't see well to Blind Annie in people's minds, they choose to stagnate, instead complaining about how low SSI is. Which, I mean, they're not wrong, SSDI is barely enough to live on, but SSI isn't meant to be sole income.
Anyway, I would love to be able to work but my triad of disabilities, blindness, brain and spine damage, leave me unable to even sit up long enough to do an hour of work, nevermind a full shift, plus forgetting things, forgetting words, forgetting people, forgetting key commands, all that kind of fun stuff.
As it is, though, I'm working on writing so I can feel like I have something I can be proud of, and have an answer to "What do you do?"
I've just seen so many blind people who could, and should be working, but since it's terrifying to make the leap into getting all the skills they'd need, and to transition from Annie who doesn't see well to Blind Annie in people's minds, they choose to stagnate, instead complaining about how low SSI is. Which, I mean, they're not wrong, SSDI is barely enough to live on, but SSI isn't meant to be sole income.
Anyway, I would love to be able to work but my triad of disabilities, blindness, brain and spine damage, leave me unable to even sit up long enough to do an hour of work, nevermind a full shift, plus forgetting things, forgetting words, forgetting people, forgetting key commands, all that kind of fun stuff.
As it is, though, I'm working on writing so I can feel like I have something I can be proud of, and have an answer to "What do you do?"
stop_being_ugly 5 points 5y ago
When I first lost my sight I was a hermit, and probably would have called you some nasty words. But I saw a picture of a huge lion with one eye. It inspired me if he can adapt to live out there I can at least try to go for a walk.
Everyone is climbing their own mountain and I don't want to put anyone down, I mean this as inspiration and encouragement.
Afterthought edit. My Occupational Therapist told me of a patient with eye (and brain/memory damage) similar to mine that went on continuing running a major company... So the darkness isn't necessarily a death sentence.
Everyone is climbing their own mountain and I don't want to put anyone down, I mean this as inspiration and encouragement.
Afterthought edit. My Occupational Therapist told me of a patient with eye (and brain/memory damage) similar to mine that went on continuing running a major company... So the darkness isn't necessarily a death sentence.
matt_may 2 points 5y ago
The other side of that coin is to go from a whitecollar job to being told to be retrained to do physical work. My state services for the blind had to step in to tell my insurance co that they wouldnt waste their resources on training me for "under employment." That was a three year fight. At the same time, those jobs could be great for the right person. Life is complicated and institutions have limited ways to deal with reality.
AllHarlowsEve 2 points 5y ago
I also have an issue with the blind sweatshops where they do tons of work to get minimum wage or less, but they couch it so it doesn't look like the person's actually taking in under minimum wage.
Still though, if you have a degree or work in a certain field, it'd be bananas to throw all that away and do physical labor instead. Unless you personally wanted to, but still.
Still though, if you have a degree or work in a certain field, it'd be bananas to throw all that away and do physical labor instead. Unless you personally wanted to, but still.
matt_may 2 points 5y ago
Your post reminded me of the couple that offered to pray for the healing of my eyes. Some people!
KillerLag 12 points 5y ago
Unfortunately, most health conditions aren't fair. It sounds like she is still going through the stages of grief in regards to her vision loss. A therapist can't fix her vision, but they can help her accept what has happened to her.
You mentioned that she created a job at home for herself, so that is a good start. When you live far away from job opportunities, there isn't much that can be done without driving (or hiring a driver, but the costs can get quite high).
What would her thoughts (and yours too) regarding moving closer to a major city?
Depending on how rural, Orientation and Mobility training can help her get out and around. But if you literally live miles away from everything, it may not be reasonable for her to walk that distance.
You mentioned that she created a job at home for herself, so that is a good start. When you live far away from job opportunities, there isn't much that can be done without driving (or hiring a driver, but the costs can get quite high).
What would her thoughts (and yours too) regarding moving closer to a major city?
Depending on how rural, Orientation and Mobility training can help her get out and around. But if you literally live miles away from everything, it may not be reasonable for her to walk that distance.
0bs0l3te [OP] 3 points 5y ago
> they can help her accept what has happened to her.
Well, she was actually born with very low vision. She was able to drive (probably not very safely) for a number of years but stopped when she started feeling terrified she was going to get killed or kill someone.
I don't think she wants to accept it. From what I can tell, she feels like accepting it means accepting a lesser life.
Well, she was actually born with very low vision. She was able to drive (probably not very safely) for a number of years but stopped when she started feeling terrified she was going to get killed or kill someone.
I don't think she wants to accept it. From what I can tell, she feels like accepting it means accepting a lesser life.
KillerLag 9 points 5y ago
Even for someone born with low vision, when they lose more vision, they can go through the grieving process again. It isn't uncommon, these things can happen for any negative life change.
Some people don't accept it for a while.... I've had a lot of people who absolutely refuse to use a white cane, because it makes them feel like they are an incomplete person. I try to remind my clients that a cane is a tool, like a pair of shoes. It lets you do things you couldn't do before.
For your areas, are there any support groups she can talk to? Or even on-line?
Some people don't accept it for a while.... I've had a lot of people who absolutely refuse to use a white cane, because it makes them feel like they are an incomplete person. I try to remind my clients that a cane is a tool, like a pair of shoes. It lets you do things you couldn't do before.
For your areas, are there any support groups she can talk to? Or even on-line?
finn141414 7 points 5y ago
Oh wow ... I feel like that could be written about me. I have no vision in one eye (4 years), work from home, and have become something of a hermit. If I see old friends they either feel sorry for me or just don’t “get” it. I’m not sure which is worse.
We have an organization that has monthly get-togethers and provides information about assistive technologies but I’ve (this is bad) never made it over there ... it’s a bit far and I can’t make the times. Some friends or a support group would be invaluable.
We have an organization that has monthly get-togethers and provides information about assistive technologies but I’ve (this is bad) never made it over there ... it’s a bit far and I can’t make the times. Some friends or a support group would be invaluable.
saharacanuck 6 points 5y ago
I know that living in a convenient place tends to be more expensive but as someone else said, consider moving to a place that is more accessible. How would it affect your commute? Accessible could just mean where a grocery store is walking distance or a bus ride away. It doesn’t have to be a city with good transportation for now. Just somewhere that is overall less isolated. But I understand these are all lifestyle choices.
All the best to you and your wife.
All the best to you and your wife.
OutWestTexas 4 points 5y ago
I live in a rural Texas town (pop 2114) and it is easy to become isolated. But even our remote area has a transportation service for disabled and elderly. It is called The Hop. You might need to research to see what is available. Usually Senior Centers are a good source of information. I work full time but I also joined the local Garden Club and believe it or not, the local quilting club. I can walk to these but people always offer me rides.
quanin 3 points 5y ago
Came here to say most of what's in this thread. Some of the comments here deserve a hundred upvotes.
In addition, you mentioned your wife hasn't always had vision problems to the degree she has now. Might it be useful for her to connect with people who were maybe born with low/no vision and who've had experience dealing in the things she's likely having to learn? I mean we may not exactly be able to understand all of what she's going through, but it wouldn't hurt to have someone she can bounce ideas off of and maybe help address some of her frustrations. We may not have all had vision, but we've all had to answer a lot of the questions she's probably still too afraid to ask.
In addition, you mentioned your wife hasn't always had vision problems to the degree she has now. Might it be useful for her to connect with people who were maybe born with low/no vision and who've had experience dealing in the things she's likely having to learn? I mean we may not exactly be able to understand all of what she's going through, but it wouldn't hurt to have someone she can bounce ideas off of and maybe help address some of her frustrations. We may not have all had vision, but we've all had to answer a lot of the questions she's probably still too afraid to ask.
ravenshadow2013 3 points 5y ago
may I suggest you get in contact with a local blind services organizations they are often suited to help with these issues. I myself am VI and through the Division of Blind Services here in Florida now have a great job and they helped me learn what area services there are for travel and other outlets there are, you also may want to contact the National federation of the Blind for advise
matt_may 2 points 5y ago
I have similar thoughts and more access to Uber. Very common. I expect a therapist would be more supportaive than she gives them credit. We hope to move next year to a place I can walk to a coffee house from. Community is very important but hard to achieve without a car.
DreamscapeFoundation 1 points 4y ago
There are always opportunities for the visually impaired and disabled. We can never allow a challenge to get in the way of our success and future. At Dreamscape Foundation, we have the power to take action to help individuals with disabilities. We actively work to ensure that anyone who lives with blindness or visual impairment is provided with the accessibility resources and tools needed to meet their educational, employment, and independent living goals. For more details visit us at $1
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