Blind and Visually Impaired Community
↑
10
↓
Helping a friend losing Her sight (self.Blind)
submitted by jenOHside
I have a good friend with RP. I've known her for years, but we haven't been exactly close until recently. I wasn't aware how severe her vision loss was becoming, and let's just say she has some life changes approaching.
She's mentioned starting mobility training, but she has a lot of fear and the place that offers the training in our city isn't easy for her to get to.
I want to offer to drive her to mobility training, but I'm not really sure how to do that. I don't want to embarrass her or pressure her into something that scares her or make her feel helpless or impotent in any way. I don't want her to feel I'm taking her autonomy away, I just see a need and know I can help.
Am I being one of those annoyingly over helpful sighted people by making this post in the first place? Is there a way you would like to have friends offer help to you, and ways you wish they would avoid? I'm not running around trying to do everything for her, but I think this is really important and could give her some invaluable tools. If I'm not there right person to offer this help, I'd like to know that before I make her uncomfortable with an unwanted offer. Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks for your time.
She's mentioned starting mobility training, but she has a lot of fear and the place that offers the training in our city isn't easy for her to get to.
I want to offer to drive her to mobility training, but I'm not really sure how to do that. I don't want to embarrass her or pressure her into something that scares her or make her feel helpless or impotent in any way. I don't want her to feel I'm taking her autonomy away, I just see a need and know I can help.
Am I being one of those annoyingly over helpful sighted people by making this post in the first place? Is there a way you would like to have friends offer help to you, and ways you wish they would avoid? I'm not running around trying to do everything for her, but I think this is really important and could give her some invaluable tools. If I'm not there right person to offer this help, I'd like to know that before I make her uncomfortable with an unwanted offer. Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks for your time.
Amonwilde 5 points 5y ago
She might not be ready for mobility training, but if it comes up and you're discussing it, then it seems fine to offer to give her a lift. If you thin you might be overstepping in an interaction, then it's possible that you are. But you can actually be forthright and ask your friend what is and is not welcome in terms of offering assistance. Some people want lots of help, some people want none, and some people want to know that you're willing and then approach you on their own.
jenOHside [OP] 1 points 5y ago
Thank you for replying. It occurred to me later that she might have brought it up to me in the first place hoping that I might offer and I'm too dense to notice. I think being forthright is the way to go, but I was concerned I might be committing some well intentioned error like trying to push someone's wheel chair without permission.
I'll try to open a dialogue when I see her next and see if she seems open. I'd just hate for something like a busy, unfamiliar road keep her from acquiring the tools she needs. But you're right, deciding when she gets mobility training is in no way my decision. Thank you for your feedback!
I'll try to open a dialogue when I see her next and see if she seems open. I'd just hate for something like a busy, unfamiliar road keep her from acquiring the tools she needs. But you're right, deciding when she gets mobility training is in no way my decision. Thank you for your feedback!
awesomesaucesaywhat 4 points 5y ago
Rides from family and friends are so helpful! But I also feel guilty every time I ask for a ride. Eventually it helped to match rides with outings, that way I don’t feel like I’m using them for just a ride, but rather I’m hanging out with them and getting a ride
jenOHside [OP] 1 points 5y ago
This is a good thing to keep in mind. We regularly meet up in the afternoons anyway, but it's usually near her home. There are all sorts of things we can do on the other side of town if I have an excuse to take her there anyway. Thank you for replying, I appreciate the feedback!
B-dub31 3 points 5y ago
I think you are very kind to offer to help her. Give her an open invitation like “If you need someone to take you to appointments or whatever, please let me know because I’m glad to help. “. It’s up to her to make the choice to access the services she needs to remain independent, but knowing that transportation is taken care of might give her the nudge to do so. My sight declined to the point where I could no longer drive at age 38, and it is a huge blow to my sense of independence. Losing my ability to competently navigate by sight (I’m about there) without mobility training would be worse, so she really needs O&M training.
jenOHside [OP] 1 points 5y ago
This makes so much sense. She's around your age, and I'm sure she's feeling many of the same things you are/did that I could never understand. Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time to educate the ignorant.
B-dub31 3 points 5y ago
If she seems reluctant to go to O&M training, maybe a visit to a low vision specialist is the next step. They demonstrate accessible equipment and technology and connect you with services like O&M. If she’s legally blind, there are a ton of resources available to her.
jenOHside [OP] 1 points 5y ago
This is a wonderful suggestion, I didn't even know there was such a thing. I'm not sure if she's legally blind yet, she mostly has troubles with glare from florescents and sunlight, and I don't think she sees well at night.
"How blind exactly are you" seems like one of those questions that I don't need to ask? I don't know much about this particular disability, and I would just hate to make her uncomfortable. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate the information.
"How blind exactly are you" seems like one of those questions that I don't need to ask? I don't know much about this particular disability, and I would just hate to make her uncomfortable. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate the information.
FEERtheGame 2 points 5y ago
Talk to her, what she wants. Keep it the easy way, to much thinking about this and that, might not be helpful. She is still the same person, as ever, the only difference is, she will lose her sight. Hopefully late.
best Hansjörg
best Hansjörg
ENTJ351 1 points 4y ago
Make it a fun and exciting outting. I am always more glad to go when I don’t feel like the helper is here and feeling sorry for me. It’s like hey would you like a girls day out? I know you need to go to o&m training, then we can go and buy dresses or get our nails done?
Then, when you’re doing it be super informal about it, act like it’s just a gals day out. Same if you’re the other gender. How about let’s go to a nice hiking trail in that park after your mobility training? Or whatever guys do hahaha! I dunno. Want to go out to a nice bar and get a couple of drinks after your o)m appointment?
Then, when you’re doing it be super informal about it, act like it’s just a gals day out. Same if you’re the other gender. How about let’s go to a nice hiking trail in that park after your mobility training? Or whatever guys do hahaha! I dunno. Want to go out to a nice bar and get a couple of drinks after your o)m appointment?
This nonprofit website is run by volunteers.
Please contribute if you can. Thank you!
Our mission is to provide everyone with access to large-
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
©2023 HumbleCat Inc • HumbleCat is a 501(c)3 nonprofit based in Michigan, USA.