Bring your karma
Join the waitlist today
HUMBLECAT.ORG

Blind and Visually Impaired Community

Full History - 2018 - 09 - 13 - ID#9fmm5b
6
Question (self.Blind)
submitted by ownurlife
Hey Redditors please don't feel offended by this post I am just curious and want to be supportive. If I offend you in any way please let me know and I appolgize in advance.

I don't want to mention the person's gender in case they use reddit.

While a was walking to class I saw a blind person having a hard time going up the stairs. At one point I saw a guy hit the blind person with his shoulder. So I approached the blind person and asked if he/she required help going to class but she refused. I felt like he/she refused because he/she didn't want to take up any of my time. Honestly I felt horrible but didn't say anything else and left. I watched him/her struggle to get to class while I was walking to mine. I didn't want to say anything so that I don't offend him/her in anyway .

Okay so after this rant I have 2 questions.

If I encounter this person again should I ask them if they require any assistance or not ?

I really want to become friends with the person because I truly respect what he/she is doing. How she still goes to classes and went to university. So I want to ask if we can become friends but I don't want to make it sound out of petty. Any advice on how to do that ?

Thank you all in advance.
[deleted] 10 points 4y ago
Next time you see her, just say "hey, I've seen you around. I don't know that many people here and am always looking to make new friends. Interest in getting coffee sometime?" and just play it straight. Then later on when you're friends if you offer your arm to help her navigate it won't feel like pity.
ownurlife [OP] 3 points 4y ago
Thank you so much for the help. Next time I see him/her I will ask her if she wants to grab coffee.
quanin 5 points 4y ago
Couple things to keep in mind, as a blind person who's been on the other end of far too many of these conversations.

1. You asked once, and that's fine. Generally speaking, if we need help, we'll say so. You didn't assume, which automatically makes you smarter than the average bear.
2. Don't take it as offence, or get offended, if your offer of help is refused. IT's very possible he/she hasn't done that route before/often, or it's changed in some way that he/she needs to get used to. We don't generally refuse help out of spite (well, we try not to, anyway). However, often times doing it ourselves is how we figure out that oh yeah, we meant to turn left way back there. If you help, he/she might not figure out where they might have taken a wrong turn, and the next time they're in the area they're going to need to figure it out again, and you're likely not going to be there. Also it depends on your definition of "help". IF I ask you where this room is and you tell me I passed it 3 doors ago, you've helped.
3. What would you do if you still wanted to get to know this person and they weren't blind? Ask yourself that question, and then do that. It could be as simple as "Hey, your class is on the way to mine, mind if I walk with you?", or as u/Finishedschool said, an invitation out for coffee. If you want a friendship with this person, then be friends with this person. He/she may ask you to help with this or that thing on occasion. Or, you may find you need their help with something. That's normal.
4. Please, please, please freaking please don't use a sentence containing the word "inspiration" where this person is the subject. If this person is anything like me, you're the 75 millionth person to say so and it gets really old really quickly. You may not mean anything by it, but I've been called an inspiration for walking out of a Starbucks with coffee in hand. I've been stopped on the sidewalk by people who just wanted to say they have mad respect for the fact I can do what I do every day. And that's wonderful and all that. But if your mad respect for my ability to do the exact same things you do without thinking about it causes me to miss my bus, I'm going to be mildly annoyed. I'm not going to say so, because I'm only an asshole to people who deserve it and you not knowing better doesn't qualify, but still, mildly annoyed. Possibly slightly more than mildly if my having missed that bus requires I make "sorry I'm running late" phone calls.

Beyond all that though, try to remember he/she is pretty much exactly like you, and approach them from that perspective. You, and they, will feel much less awkward about it. And you'll probably avoid putting your foot in your mouth more than you think.
ownurlife [OP] 2 points 4y ago
I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to explain these points to me. I also understand what you mean about inspiration. Like I will be honest with you if that was happening to me on daily basis it would've been really annoying. When I see him/her next time I will ask her for coffee. Thank you agian for clarifying a few points for me.
quanin 1 points 4y ago
Thank you for asking, and not assuming. Just keep in mind she's a blind person, emphasis on person. If you're not sure how something would go over with her, do a little role reversal. Would you feel like slapping someone sensible for saying something to you? Then it's safe to assume so would she, even if she wouldn't actually show it. There's a difference between stupid and uneducated. We can't fix the first one, but the second one's easy. You're already halfway there.
flarbargason 1 points 4y ago
Most people with disabilities like to be independent, and every person with a disability hates being pitied. If you want to be friends talk to them like you would anyone else.
This nonprofit website is run by volunteers.
Please contribute if you can. Thank you!
Our mission is to provide everyone with access to large-
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
©2023 HumbleCat Inc   •   HumbleCat is a 501(c)3 nonprofit based in Michigan, USA.