Edit: Don't know why every single word's first letter is capital in the title. Couldn't change it.

This idea is based on the community stories that are shared on the homepage of the smartphone app called Be My Eyes. In case you don't know what it is, Be My Eyes is a free app that connects blind and low vision people with sighted volunteers for visual assistance.


 


The idea was liked and selected by the class to be made into a short film.
It is very important that the film represents a believable character and a story. I tried my best to keep it believable by reading community stories and watching a few shorts.

 



$1 Otherwise let me know whatever way is the easiest and I will attach it that way.


 


Here are my questions. First of all, is the screenplay readable/hearable? Should I write it in a more user friendly way? If it is readable/hearable, do you understand what the story is? Is there something unclear? What do you like and don't like? Does the main character's behavior sound believable? I'm an ex-amateur actor so it is likely that I will do the main character's role, any tips on what to do and what not to do? Do you have any recommendations on how to improve the story? Honestly, any feedback is welcome.

 


In the screenplay, there are three sentences that are written in parenthesis. They are stuff that I'm still unsure of. If you have any comments on them please let me know.

 

I apologize if I made some ignorant mistake in my texts. Thank's a million for taking your time on this!


 


**Edit2 and TLDR**: In case you want a summary (still pretty long, oops) of the screenplay here it is;


 


The film takes place at our main character's, Paul's apartment. It is only black screen so the audience sees nothing in the beginning. I wanted the audience to experience Paul's world a little bit so it will be only sound for a while.

 


He lives alone. He tries to use the BeMyEyes (the app that connects blind and low vision people with sighted volunteers for visual assistance) to get help on some housework tasks and also initiate some social contact through the app. We hear a phone call being made and a automated operator says "Establishing connection with, Karen". He is very dubious of this service and this second attempt of his goes pretty bad. The voluntary that responds the call get's overly excited and makes him feel alienated. He says "Jesus... not this.".

 


After a few days of this phone call, he gets sick with high fever. He is taking antibiotics. His alarm goes off to remind him about his pills. He is not in a good mood and says "Tired of these fucking pills" to himself. He is distracted and ends up dropping the pill. Screams "Fuck!" to himself and starts looking for the pill. He starts having a mild panic attack but then calms himself down. We understand that by hearing his heavy then steady breathing. We hear a phone call being made, "Establishing connection with, Jane" says the operator. This time, the volunteer who responds the call is a calm and a gentle person. She responds by saying, "Hi, I’m Jane. How are you doing today?"
Paul gets surprised by the response and whispers to himself "How are you?" then starts talking with her, still sceptical, and unconfident of himself. He slightly stutters due to that. He says, "Uhm. Yeah, hi, thanks, I'm fine, well... not really, not right now. Uhm, and you?
Jane responds, "I’m doing alright, well I just missed my train, so there is that. But now you are keeping me company. Did you miss your train too?" she chuckles.

Paul nervously chuckles back and says,
"Something like that. I, Uhm, I, actually dropped my pill. (pauses) You know, if I can’t find it, I might get some fascinating hallucinations right before I pass out."

Paul turns on the camera and the light in the room gets help from Jane and eventually finds the pill. As he turns on the light in the room, this is the first time we see Paul. The camera is behind Paul and we only see the back of his head and top of his shoulders.


Paul starts using the service and we see series of scene where he gets help through this service. The camera follows Paul from behind through out every scene but with each new phone call, the scenes get more colorful, sharper and spacious. His body covers less of the frame and we see more of what's happening when he talks to more volunteers. He gets more confident and overall happier with the service and himself.


 


After some time, by coincidence, he gets connected to Jane again. To the woman who gave him the courage to continue with his calls. They have a pleasant conversation but the thing that Paul needs help with sounds complicated. Jane figures out that they actually don't live so far away from eachother and she offers to come over to his place to help him out in person. When she arrives to his place, the camera moves from Paul's back to Jane's back. We see Paul from the from for the front for the first time. They are both happy and engaged. We hear nothing except the upbeat music taking the scene over.

The end.


 


I've made some changes to the shared screenplay a bit but in essence this is what's happening in the film. The conversations are still more detailed in the screenplay.