Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Issues With Acceptance (self.Blind)
submitted by hork_monkey
Hi there. I visited this sub for the first time today and after reading some posts, I wished I had found it earlier.
A few years ago I was in a bad accident and had to have multiple surgeries. I had complications during one that resulted in optic nerve damage that resulted in my sight being effected. I lost most of my peripheral vision, lost some muscle control making focusing difficult and developed Charles Bonnet Syndrome where my brain sometimes "fills in" my blind spots with images/patterns/weirdness. So much was going on during that period, it never really sunk in and I just tried to find ways to adapt and keep going.
Up until fairly recently I've been in pretty deep denial about it all trying to just "work harder" though it all. I lost 4 jobs in 3 years after 25 years of a a high performance career. My wife left me and we went through a nasty divorce/custody battle. Through all of that I fell into the deepest depression I've ever been through in my life. A little over a year ago and applied for disability and the process of proving my vision issues has felt demeaning and made me feel worthless.
It has been so hard to accept. To a certain degree I feel/felt like an imposter. That has gotten better since I went to an Ophthalmologist that took me though extremely comprehensive testing, as the results are right there. Unfortunately I can't track how things have progressed since for the past few years I avoided getting testing/checks done.
I've been working hard with a social worker the past 9 months and it's really made a huge difference in finding some peace in all this. I actually feel hope for the first time in a long time and I've been regaining some of my self-worth. I'm starting to try and take a proactive stance on this so I can be the author of the next chapter of my life rather than let life just run all over me.
I guess I just wanted to vent a little bit as I've seen some of these same themes in the posts I've read here. Honestly, I think the vision loss is the easy part of what I've been through. The emotional storm involved in this has been the thing that has nearly broken me.
Thank you all for being here and sharing your advice.
A few years ago I was in a bad accident and had to have multiple surgeries. I had complications during one that resulted in optic nerve damage that resulted in my sight being effected. I lost most of my peripheral vision, lost some muscle control making focusing difficult and developed Charles Bonnet Syndrome where my brain sometimes "fills in" my blind spots with images/patterns/weirdness. So much was going on during that period, it never really sunk in and I just tried to find ways to adapt and keep going.
Up until fairly recently I've been in pretty deep denial about it all trying to just "work harder" though it all. I lost 4 jobs in 3 years after 25 years of a a high performance career. My wife left me and we went through a nasty divorce/custody battle. Through all of that I fell into the deepest depression I've ever been through in my life. A little over a year ago and applied for disability and the process of proving my vision issues has felt demeaning and made me feel worthless.
It has been so hard to accept. To a certain degree I feel/felt like an imposter. That has gotten better since I went to an Ophthalmologist that took me though extremely comprehensive testing, as the results are right there. Unfortunately I can't track how things have progressed since for the past few years I avoided getting testing/checks done.
I've been working hard with a social worker the past 9 months and it's really made a huge difference in finding some peace in all this. I actually feel hope for the first time in a long time and I've been regaining some of my self-worth. I'm starting to try and take a proactive stance on this so I can be the author of the next chapter of my life rather than let life just run all over me.
I guess I just wanted to vent a little bit as I've seen some of these same themes in the posts I've read here. Honestly, I think the vision loss is the easy part of what I've been through. The emotional storm involved in this has been the thing that has nearly broken me.
Thank you all for being here and sharing your advice.
RosyShine 8 points 4y ago
I think it's great your willing to work on your life. That's really all that matters. Don't focus on what you had, instead, look for what you can do better, or differently now.
Amonwilde 7 points 4y ago
Sounds like you've made great strides. Sorry you didn't get the support you needed from the people close to you. I have a feeling good things are around the corner for you.
brimstone_tea 5 points 4y ago
I feel you!! My only dream was to become an artist my whole life... Then I went blind. After years of depression there was one thing I realized.
It is a conscious decision to fully accept that you are blind. And after you did that, you have to integrate it into your personality... Or in my case, try to build a whole new identity around the fact.
The thing that has helped me the most was surprisingly a youtuber..
Molly Burke is almost blind from RP I think and makes vlogs about the struggles she faces.
Once I watched that.. I had the realization that being blind doesn't mean my life is over. And that it's not my fault. Being happy is a decision, not something that comes automatically.
I'm happier than ever today.
I am absolutely sure that after you have mourned the loss of your eyesight for enough Time, now is the time that you realize that life just goes on and that it is up to you whether you find your happiness within the limits you now face or keep desperately wishing for Them to go away.
You are so badass!! You have lost something that others cannot even imagine to lose and you live!!
It is a conscious decision to fully accept that you are blind. And after you did that, you have to integrate it into your personality... Or in my case, try to build a whole new identity around the fact.
The thing that has helped me the most was surprisingly a youtuber..
Molly Burke is almost blind from RP I think and makes vlogs about the struggles she faces.
Once I watched that.. I had the realization that being blind doesn't mean my life is over. And that it's not my fault. Being happy is a decision, not something that comes automatically.
I'm happier than ever today.
I am absolutely sure that after you have mourned the loss of your eyesight for enough Time, now is the time that you realize that life just goes on and that it is up to you whether you find your happiness within the limits you now face or keep desperately wishing for Them to go away.
You are so badass!! You have lost something that others cannot even imagine to lose and you live!!
bottlesnthrottles 5 points 4y ago
I don’t know what your chosen medium is but I too aspired to be artist, got my BFA and all, and then discovered I am going blind. However I did come to realize that eyes/vision are not needed to make and experience art. While it is not my full time occupation, I continue to make pottery and sculpt.
VicDumb 3 points 4y ago
I feel like we’re the same person lol. I went blind 5 years ago a month before my 21st birthday. I had always been drawing cartoons and things like that before then. It was somewhat therapeutic for me. I had finally worked up the confident to apply for SCAD, an art school in my hometown, for animation, and then I went blind. Fast forward 5 years of depression, loss of friends and romantic partners, and trying to reconfigure my life, I’m finally applying for school again for music theory and composition.
brimstone_tea 1 points 4y ago
Message me if you want someone to talk! :) You are so strong, it takes so much resilience to go through all that and gather the power to find a new way! I would love to hear the whole story
jrs12 4 points 4y ago
Hey man,
Vent all you need. Experiencing such large changes in life is bound to rock anyone's world. It sounds like you have been fighting every step of the way.
I have no idea what you have been through and can't pretend to understand. Just remember to be kind to yourself. Many people never experience the slew of involuntary change you've experienced. If there are people who would understand, it's the fine folks in this group.
Consider joining the National Federation for the Blind. I'm not exactly welcome in that group because I am sighted, but it is a group that centers on high expectations and independence. It might make a world of difference in how you view yourself.
Vent all you need. Experiencing such large changes in life is bound to rock anyone's world. It sounds like you have been fighting every step of the way.
I have no idea what you have been through and can't pretend to understand. Just remember to be kind to yourself. Many people never experience the slew of involuntary change you've experienced. If there are people who would understand, it's the fine folks in this group.
Consider joining the National Federation for the Blind. I'm not exactly welcome in that group because I am sighted, but it is a group that centers on high expectations and independence. It might make a world of difference in how you view yourself.
delha4 3 points 4y ago
Good for you getting your life going in the right direction!
KarebearMom 1 points 4y ago
I'm sorry for everything you have been through. You have had a LOT of major life changes in a very short period of time. It doesn't surprise me that you are upset and having difficulty accepting them. That seems perfectly normal to me. I'm glad to hear you are working with a social worker. Good luck to you.
[deleted] 1 points 4y ago
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