Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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How do you go about dating? (self.Blind)
submitted by Unitigasus
How do you go about doing when you're legally blind and can't drive and get around to meeting up for a date so easily, especially when you are in a relationship and neither of you can drive? This is a problem I have had for years (besides just having trouble dating) and plus being a male a lot women would just lose interest when they found out I couldn't drive. And now I've been in a relationship for a while now but she can't drive either for other reasons and it can honestly get pretty boring not really being able to leave the house or having to always rely on other people who are usually busy and that can be it's own ball of stress. So yeah. Any advice?
quanin 7 points 4y ago
Sounds like you could benefit from either 1: some mobility skills (more independence) or not living in a small town (more independence). I've never driven in my life and I manage just fine. Public transit, Uber, two feet and a heartbeat, there are options if you know where to find them and how to use them. Your partner can't drive either, but are they unable to, say, take the bus to meet you?
Unitigasus [OP] 3 points 4y ago
Well so we're both young adults so we're just starting the Independence thing but we also don't have jobs and she's in a very difficult situation that's almost impossible for her to get a job due to some stuff that happened at her last one so right now Uber or Lyft don't really workout and I do have a public transit card but we live in different states so it doesn't work when I go to see her and I don't know if it would cover both of us. Then she doesn't drive because she has pretty bad anxiety so she doesn't like crowds or city's too much. Tall buildings give her anxiety and she has trouble taking public transit for that same reason. As for walking right now it's New England winter so extremely cold so nobody wants to walk around (though one it's warmer we coul walk more). Sorry not just trying to evade every answer just a very difficult situation I guess that has thought I'd every solution and in turn created every problem to counteract those solutions.
-shacklebolt- 3 points 4y ago
Honestly, it sounds like the logistics problems you face in your relationship go well beyond (and have relatively little to do) with the scope of problems faced by being blind and unable to drive.
Unitigasus [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Yeah. That's understandable. Thanks anyways
quanin 3 points 4y ago
Yeah, it sounds like for any number of reasons (almost none of them actually due to your blindness), this relationship may not actually be workable. I mean if you could drive, you'd have many of the same logistical issues largely because you'd be doing most of the work. If her anxiety and whatever else makes it impossible for her to hop a Greyhound and come see you, your being able to drive wouldn't change that. Instead you'd be expected to drive there, pick her up, bring her back to where you're at, then whenever you're finished with whatever you and her wanted her with you for in the first place, you'd have to drive back to her place, drop her off, then come back and live your life. Now, granted I'm not you, so that may very well be exactly what you'd like to be able to do. And that's fine--you do you, as the kids say, but as u/-shacklebolt- said, you've got problems, and they're not all blindness problems.
Marconius 4 points 4y ago
Depends on where you live, but Lyft and public transit mitigate this issue perfectly. I go on dates all the time by using Lyft unless they have a car and want to pick me up, the latter never really being a problem.
Unitigasus [OP] 2 points 4y ago
Lyft works fine... When I have money. Unfortunately neither of us with right now. I guess I'm kind of a free lancer and she's in situation where it's extremely difficult for her to get a job because of some accusations from her previous one (that she was not guilty of). And I do have a public transit card which works fine, except it's only good for my state and I don't think it would cover both of us. I think it might if I was blind enough that I needed some kind of assistant but I can still see and get around. Just not enough to drive. Sorry. Not trying to outcast all solutions. Just in a very difficult situation.
Marconius 3 points 4y ago
Why is she not able to get on public transit? Do you qualify for Paratransit? Are you living together or is the issue just trying to meet up with her in general? Surely you don't need a special card just to get on the bus or train. If money is the overall issue, then both of you should clearly be able to communicate that and not have to worry or increase relationship stress by trying to go on dates and just try to set them up when they are feasible for you both with the understanding that you both are sharing the difficulty and that is ok, just the reality of the moment.
Unitigasus [OP] 2 points 4y ago
I do have paratransit except we live in different states so it doesn't work in both obviously. She has anxiety so she has trouble with public transit especially if she's alone. We don't have much issue meeting up except that we rely on our parents for transportation so arranging to meet up is a lot of work and we've been dating for a while now and haven't been on many dates and so it's just getting a little boring to just always sit around the house and try to entertain ourselves. Plus with no job and really nothing to do or a reason to leave the she's pretty depressed and I think it would help if we were able to do anything to get out, but then she also lives in a pretty rural town so there's not really anything to do there. Pls again money. Sorry I kind of trailed off and went on a tangent at the end.
Marconius 3 points 4y ago
Hmm, yeah, not sure where to go from there. I don't do LDRs. You probably should have mentioned all of this in your initial post since everyone will just keep trying to give you the same advice and you'll have to keep shutting them down while explaining all this new and necessary info. Play games or do things online, read audiobooks together, Skype, watch the same Netflix shows and movies independently and then come back together to talk about them. It's also perfectly fine to move on if it just feels like it is not working out or the cons start outweighing the pros of the relationship, where you can both take some time to focus on yrselves and get your situations more positive before trying to reconnect. That's all I can really give, but next time please be more forthcoming with information about the situation.
ENTJ351 1 points 4y ago
So I would say get good at your technology and your bus systems. I am good enough that whatever city you throw me in to I can get around. I am slated to go to DC in the summer. I am excited to try the buses and trains over there. I am also going to New Jersey. So yeah, get use to public transit even in another state, and quickly. Long distance dating can be difficult though.
HDMILex 1 points 4y ago
This has nothing to do with blindness. Try /r/dating
hurricjayne 1 points 4y ago
Taxis, public transport, all the normal stuff that would negate the whole driving thing. That part isn’t really a ‘dating’ issue, that’s a your-own-personal-mobility one.
If you can’t leave the house, movie night. Play board games, card games, anything you can think of. Staying at home isn’t boring as long as you have each others company and you’re not doing the same thing over and over. Hell, my fiancé and I cook or bake together for date nights sometimes. Make the ordinary things fun and you’ll be set. But honestly thats just generic date advice lol
If you can’t leave the house, movie night. Play board games, card games, anything you can think of. Staying at home isn’t boring as long as you have each others company and you’re not doing the same thing over and over. Hell, my fiancé and I cook or bake together for date nights sometimes. Make the ordinary things fun and you’ll be set. But honestly thats just generic date advice lol
baistei 1 points 4y ago
I walk and ride buses. I moved to a place specifically for public transportation because I was tired of relying on others.
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