Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Blind overcompensating blindy, can anyone relate? How to go from here? (self.Blind)
submitted by estj317
Let’s talk about something we all struggle with but I don’t know if anyone does it the way I do it and I know I need to stop this now, I am just trying to figure out how. I just had a realization. Maybe I should think a little more because I don’t have many of these.
I know some of us have this morbid pride of being a capable blind person. I am not stupid, I can feed myself, I don’t need to be dressed, fed, walked out of the house by my guardians, etc..... etc.....
So what I do is agressively overdoing everything. I know most of you don’t like to be told yeah, let me help you because you can’t do this. And I know there has been a lot of angry interactions in terms of with other people, not so much with me I don’t usually do this but what I usually do is do exactly what they told me I can’t do. I think that has actually taught me a lot of lessons in pragma. I don’t know if I am as pragmatic without them.
You can’t travel the city, I go and agressively do this. You can’t make friends. I agressively go and do that. You can’t live on your own. Well I can’t do that right now but there are also other issues but I would go and do that.
As age has advanced I’ve mellowed out in this regard but I can not stand people telling me I can’t do it.
And then my parents do this too but there is also this other thinking that blind people will just sit at home not get jobs and just live on ssi. My parents perpetuate these types of fears in a sense. They also along with many of their friends don’t take half of what I say seriously anyway. They don’t believe I can do that much.
I don’t think that’s true for a moment but this is what I fear most? And being a nobody. I don’t want to be this useless poor blind person. Haha! I try not to believe it. I think if you can perform up to scratch people will want you to do something.
I’ve gotten many opportunities and more and more these days. So I know that’s not true but somehow it’s like I still do. So I overcompensate.
It’s both a blessing and a curse because I over exert quite a bit and don’t think or obey my thinking or my realizations and my feelings if you want to call it inside. Because it doesn’t register sometimes. But it’s also made me a very capable and successful person.
I have also realized I need... desperately to cool this off and think first a bit more. To trust what my gut feelings are, what end up to be true and I just blow it over. I make the truth. I need control of the situation if you will and be very overcompensating about it. I think I am more at ease to think as more and more people are friends with me and believe in what I do and think and also can do/capable of and stuff of this nature...... because of this sort of use of this practicality I can seem a little rash and sort of really intense and a lot of force of will comes in to play here.
Anyone else do this? Any advice for me? I just don’t know how to do it besides feeling like I need to prove my worth if you will.
Sorry for the way this post was written it’s a hard post to write and this is a really interesting realization.
I know some of us have this morbid pride of being a capable blind person. I am not stupid, I can feed myself, I don’t need to be dressed, fed, walked out of the house by my guardians, etc..... etc.....
So what I do is agressively overdoing everything. I know most of you don’t like to be told yeah, let me help you because you can’t do this. And I know there has been a lot of angry interactions in terms of with other people, not so much with me I don’t usually do this but what I usually do is do exactly what they told me I can’t do. I think that has actually taught me a lot of lessons in pragma. I don’t know if I am as pragmatic without them.
You can’t travel the city, I go and agressively do this. You can’t make friends. I agressively go and do that. You can’t live on your own. Well I can’t do that right now but there are also other issues but I would go and do that.
As age has advanced I’ve mellowed out in this regard but I can not stand people telling me I can’t do it.
And then my parents do this too but there is also this other thinking that blind people will just sit at home not get jobs and just live on ssi. My parents perpetuate these types of fears in a sense. They also along with many of their friends don’t take half of what I say seriously anyway. They don’t believe I can do that much.
I don’t think that’s true for a moment but this is what I fear most? And being a nobody. I don’t want to be this useless poor blind person. Haha! I try not to believe it. I think if you can perform up to scratch people will want you to do something.
I’ve gotten many opportunities and more and more these days. So I know that’s not true but somehow it’s like I still do. So I overcompensate.
It’s both a blessing and a curse because I over exert quite a bit and don’t think or obey my thinking or my realizations and my feelings if you want to call it inside. Because it doesn’t register sometimes. But it’s also made me a very capable and successful person.
I have also realized I need... desperately to cool this off and think first a bit more. To trust what my gut feelings are, what end up to be true and I just blow it over. I make the truth. I need control of the situation if you will and be very overcompensating about it. I think I am more at ease to think as more and more people are friends with me and believe in what I do and think and also can do/capable of and stuff of this nature...... because of this sort of use of this practicality I can seem a little rash and sort of really intense and a lot of force of will comes in to play here.
Anyone else do this? Any advice for me? I just don’t know how to do it besides feeling like I need to prove my worth if you will.
Sorry for the way this post was written it’s a hard post to write and this is a really interesting realization.
Duriello 5 points 4y ago
I used to over-compensate in a different way as I think it's ridiculous to stubbornly struggle at something when someone who can do it much easily is offering help. The way I over-compensated was by trying to be the best I could at something not affected by my low vision and making myself a valuable asset so I would effectively trade my skills for money and money for favors. The problem with this is that since I went blind I stopped being outstanding at my trade skill so I'm kinda lost and dependent on my disability benefits. I could work low-skill jobs because my country offers incentives to employ the disabled, but I feel bad about having a job position just because I'm disabled, especially when my former low-vision self had exactly the same rights and could perform much better.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Ah, I see. Yeah, not sure what to do about it in a sense. It’s sort of silly but yeah.
Amonwilde 3 points 4y ago
Just keep working on yourself, and eventually you'll have true confidence, the kind other people can't ignore and which lets you ignore small slights. Grow your skills and your network and work towards self-sufficiency. It's hard for people to respect you when they're paying your bills.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
That’s true, I’ve been better about it but it gets to me still. In incredibly many ways. But yeah, thanks for the reply.
quanin 2 points 4y ago
what you have here, I think, is a confidence issue. You're not trying to prove something to other people so much as prove it to you. I mean I get it. especially if you aren't getting much support from your parents--mine were incredibly supportive, and actually encouraged me to go as hard as I could manage, knowing full well I'd fall on my face at least once, so I didn't have the same kind of problem you do. that being said, the more you realise yourself you can do, and do well, the easier time you'll have with it--and the less you'll feel as though you're overcompensating.
Also and semi-related, having a can-do attitude is never a bad thing. I don't overcompensate that I know of, but I can tell you this much. The best way to guarantee I go and do something is tell me I can't. Mostly I see it as free education. Keep in mind especially depending on where you live, you're probably the only blind person most of these people have seen. So it's probably not so much they don't think you're capable as it is they can't comprehend how.
Also and semi-related, having a can-do attitude is never a bad thing. I don't overcompensate that I know of, but I can tell you this much. The best way to guarantee I go and do something is tell me I can't. Mostly I see it as free education. Keep in mind especially depending on where you live, you're probably the only blind person most of these people have seen. So it's probably not so much they don't think you're capable as it is they can't comprehend how.
estj317 [OP] 2 points 4y ago
I guess I can see that. It’s not so much, I don’t think I can’t do it but I guess in a way people telling me otherwise makes me doubt that I am actually capable. I don’t doubt that I have the skills just that people saying that makes me second guess myself and kind of unsure if you will.
Well I can see that, my parents say the right things at the right times, but they don’t talk the walk. They act like they don’t and in the truest sentiments they don’t have a belief in me.
No, I don’t see anything wrong with a can do attitude either but at the expense of being a little rash and not thinking. Can do attitude is a good thing a bit of a acting out maybe isn’t so great.
Well I can see that, my parents say the right things at the right times, but they don’t talk the walk. They act like they don’t and in the truest sentiments they don’t have a belief in me.
No, I don’t see anything wrong with a can do attitude either but at the expense of being a little rash and not thinking. Can do attitude is a good thing a bit of a acting out maybe isn’t so great.
quanin 1 points 4y ago
I suppose that would depend on your definition of acting out, or the other person's definition. We're getting into pretty subjective territory here though, I think.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Yeah, I guess I am saying I should probably think more about the situation but that’s interesting for sure.
macmutant 1 points 4y ago
Thanks for raising this important topic. I'm sure most of us have experienced the challenge of wanting to be independent, and realizing that doing so in the context of the relationships with the people around us, can require balance. We want to do everything, but there are times when we need help. My experience has shown that authentic conversation and introspective reflection can be the most helpful tools. When I feel as though someone close to me, usually my wife, isn't understanding why I'm struggling or reacting to a situation in an unexpected way, I explain. When it seems like people are treating me in ways that feel patronizing, or if they ask questions, I try to help them understand and feel comfortable. One thing that gets lost a lot of the time in these types of conversation, is that the sighted people around us have to feel as though they can have genuine interactions with us. Some people will do that naturally. Unfortunately, some won't. It's up to us to be clear about what we need and don't need from those around us, and be honest about our own capabilities and limitations.
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For example, at work, I let my team know that seeing everything on the whiteboard is difficult. I take pictures of it with my phone, and take notes when I get back to my desk. At home, my wife knows that I can cook and do household chores, but I'm best at the ones that don't require much vision, such as taking out the trash and loading/unloading the dishwasher. When we have game night with friends, everyone knows that my turn may take slightly longer, as I read my cards under magnification. The highest compliment people ever pay me, is when they tell me they forget I'm visually impaired (legally blind). They don't really forget. Its just that my vision isn't a factor because I'm comfortable with who I am, and I want to do what I can to make others feel comfortable within the relationship.
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For short interactions with strangers, the same thing holds true. If a server in a restaurant starts acting weird about me walking through the restaurant or reading the menu, I just address it calmly. I might say something like, "I can follow you to the table with no problem. I have a little vision." or, "My iPhone can magnify the menu. You can just give me a regular one." Dropping a joke in there helps to lighten the mood. Once the stranger realizes I'm just a guy trying to live my life, they tend to relax and just focus on making our interaction the best it can be. I know everyone's situation is different, so please take my comment with an appropriately-sized grain of salt.
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For example, at work, I let my team know that seeing everything on the whiteboard is difficult. I take pictures of it with my phone, and take notes when I get back to my desk. At home, my wife knows that I can cook and do household chores, but I'm best at the ones that don't require much vision, such as taking out the trash and loading/unloading the dishwasher. When we have game night with friends, everyone knows that my turn may take slightly longer, as I read my cards under magnification. The highest compliment people ever pay me, is when they tell me they forget I'm visually impaired (legally blind). They don't really forget. Its just that my vision isn't a factor because I'm comfortable with who I am, and I want to do what I can to make others feel comfortable within the relationship.
​
For short interactions with strangers, the same thing holds true. If a server in a restaurant starts acting weird about me walking through the restaurant or reading the menu, I just address it calmly. I might say something like, "I can follow you to the table with no problem. I have a little vision." or, "My iPhone can magnify the menu. You can just give me a regular one." Dropping a joke in there helps to lighten the mood. Once the stranger realizes I'm just a guy trying to live my life, they tend to relax and just focus on making our interaction the best it can be. I know everyone's situation is different, so please take my comment with an appropriately-sized grain of salt.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Balance is certainly a good keyword here. And even if you don’t need help fighting every battle is just unwise? Especially if you leave it up to your impulses over thinking about how to defuse it if you will. You don’t fight them but you overly show them how capable it is.
serrebi 1 points 4y ago
Best to not judge people for not applying themselves like you do. Why? Because not everyone's exposed to the same opportunities/it's different in different countries e.g. 90+ unemployment vs. 70% or so for the US. I agree with a lot of what's said here though. Glad it worked out for you though.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Where do you get the idea I am judging people? I am not judging anyone but myself here.
This was a self criticism/reflection asking for advice post.
This was a self criticism/reflection asking for advice post.
serrebi 1 points 4y ago
It sounded like you were doing that. It's a part of your overcompensating("I don't want to end up like them on SSI."). Might be unavoidable. Don't shoot the messenger dude! It wasn't meant as an insult.
estj317 [OP] 1 points 4y ago
Well it could be but I think it’s more subconsciously. I just think of the prospects of the scenario if you will.
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