Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Advice about making friends? (self.Blind)
submitted by UsefulCranberry
Hey everyone, I'm a 22y/o guy and I'm not completely blind, but I have RP and I have a very hard time doing many simple things (can't drive or really do anything outside of my home without assistance), but I have enough sight where I have to tell other people about my condition= they won't notice themselves. For example I have a group of friends from high school that I only see a couple times a year because they all live out of state, and one of them didn't know until recently (to be fair he's oblivious and kind of rude).
I was just wondering, how is someone in my position supposed to make friends? I'm mostly concerned because I feel very uncomfortable meeting new people, telling them about my condition, and possibly asking for help with things/walking places/getting rides to events or to hang out. I also have severe panic disorder so that's not helping lol but what can you do.
I live with my parents still and am going to school (online mostly) and have a part-time job (also online). So I'm basically in the house all the time. I do have a girlfriend who's been my best friend for 8 years now so that's pretty nice. But aside from her and the friends who live thousands of miles away (and of course family), I really don't talk to anyone at all... ever.
Where can I meet people? How do I navigate the conversation about my condition and be able to trust them? I've been put in some not so great positions in the past because friends who I trusted flaked on me regarding assistance I needed, or they didn't understand my situation. I don't want to experience that again.
Sorry that I'm all over the place. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks. :)
I was just wondering, how is someone in my position supposed to make friends? I'm mostly concerned because I feel very uncomfortable meeting new people, telling them about my condition, and possibly asking for help with things/walking places/getting rides to events or to hang out. I also have severe panic disorder so that's not helping lol but what can you do.
I live with my parents still and am going to school (online mostly) and have a part-time job (also online). So I'm basically in the house all the time. I do have a girlfriend who's been my best friend for 8 years now so that's pretty nice. But aside from her and the friends who live thousands of miles away (and of course family), I really don't talk to anyone at all... ever.
Where can I meet people? How do I navigate the conversation about my condition and be able to trust them? I've been put in some not so great positions in the past because friends who I trusted flaked on me regarding assistance I needed, or they didn't understand my situation. I don't want to experience that again.
Sorry that I'm all over the place. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks. :)
jrs12 3 points 4y ago
As your RP progresses you are going to have to find a new way of doing things. It's easy to pass as fully sighted and fake it until you make it when your vision is still very good, but that becomes more dangerous and awkward as time passes. Do you have a cane? Have you gotten O&M training? Maybe it is time. Many akward conversations can be avoided simply by the presence of a cane. On the other hand, new awkward conversations will be created. At least then you don't have to fight with the decision on when to 'come out' to people.
Where do your parents live? Is it an accessible city where you can travel on your own using public transportation? If not, consider moving when finances allow it. City living for someone who cannot drive is pretty important for increased independence.
As far as making friends goes.... welcome to being 22. If you aren't going to classes in person then you really have to put yourself out there to make friends outside of work. You need to join clubs and groups. Check your local library, or meetup.com. In order to meet people you have to get out of the house. That's the tough part for all of us.
Where do your parents live? Is it an accessible city where you can travel on your own using public transportation? If not, consider moving when finances allow it. City living for someone who cannot drive is pretty important for increased independence.
As far as making friends goes.... welcome to being 22. If you aren't going to classes in person then you really have to put yourself out there to make friends outside of work. You need to join clubs and groups. Check your local library, or meetup.com. In order to meet people you have to get out of the house. That's the tough part for all of us.
retrolental_morose 2 points 4y ago
It sounds like you've had a pretty rough time of it.
I think the important thing is that you're upfront about what you need from your friends. Especially if you don't always appear blind, they'll really need things spelled out very clearly when you tell them what you need. That's not to say you can't be of use to them too - many places let a blind person's helper in for free, you might get better seats at venues etc, so use the strengths if the chances come up.
We tend to host at home more than going out because we can control the environment. We're also kinda tied up with a young child, so a different situation to you in that regard.
Have you looked at any sort of summer camp, activity weekend for the blind? It might just help with some perspective.
I don't know where you stand in terms of sighted help, but both my wife and I get some money from local government to employ eyes. We use them for driving us places, days out with our kid, I do theatre trips, visit friends who I can't easily get to etc. So forming some form of relationship with a person paid to do what you need may help sometime.
I don't know how often the average person spends time away from home outside of work, would be interesting to find that, and see if we are much lower than average.
I think the important thing is that you're upfront about what you need from your friends. Especially if you don't always appear blind, they'll really need things spelled out very clearly when you tell them what you need. That's not to say you can't be of use to them too - many places let a blind person's helper in for free, you might get better seats at venues etc, so use the strengths if the chances come up.
We tend to host at home more than going out because we can control the environment. We're also kinda tied up with a young child, so a different situation to you in that regard.
Have you looked at any sort of summer camp, activity weekend for the blind? It might just help with some perspective.
I don't know where you stand in terms of sighted help, but both my wife and I get some money from local government to employ eyes. We use them for driving us places, days out with our kid, I do theatre trips, visit friends who I can't easily get to etc. So forming some form of relationship with a person paid to do what you need may help sometime.
I don't know how often the average person spends time away from home outside of work, would be interesting to find that, and see if we are much lower than average.
ENTJ351 1 points 4y ago
Hi there!
I am a really social extremely extroverted blind person. I have the opposite problem of having too many friends/contact.
I would go to more classes in person. Or join a school, club, join a real club in your city, volunteer, go places.
Get mobility training and learn ILS skills quickly.
When going to places say hi to people, and have a conversation.
Hey there how are you doing. Did you like the food/dinner/whatever you are doing. Get good at small talk. Worm the heavier stuff in there.
Go to cafes or restaurants and become really social. Learn some good social skills and begin to network. Also reddit is a great place to start and have some online friends.
I am a really social extremely extroverted blind person. I have the opposite problem of having too many friends/contact.
I would go to more classes in person. Or join a school, club, join a real club in your city, volunteer, go places.
Get mobility training and learn ILS skills quickly.
When going to places say hi to people, and have a conversation.
Hey there how are you doing. Did you like the food/dinner/whatever you are doing. Get good at small talk. Worm the heavier stuff in there.
Go to cafes or restaurants and become really social. Learn some good social skills and begin to network. Also reddit is a great place to start and have some online friends.
OutWestTexas 1 points 4y ago
If you haven’t already, get yourself Mobility training. The more independent you are, the easier it will be for you to make friends.
hariztek 0 points 4y ago
well i can't advice you much on it cause i do struggle with this myself, but here's our discord group for little chat feel free to join in and we'll have great time
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funkymollusk 1 points 4y ago
Just wondering, does Discord work with screen readers? I tried it once and it seemed sketchy on iOS and the mac.
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