Wow it's really divided. Rarely have I seen a question on that sub that has made me think so hard about such a scenario. I'm not sure he is or isn't the asshole after reading so many good points in the comments.

I think the only issue is having really good communication as a couple.


Lots of spouses end up as caretakers (illness, disability, age, dementia). I don't actually think "should you be a care taker?" is the issue.


I don't think vision is the issue either. Because at the heart it's about her fear and vulnerability around strangers. (The same scenario could happen with people who are agoraphobic or morbidly obese or dealing with PTSD.)


It's just communication. She asked for something. He agreed because he loves her and didn't want to say no. First communication issue.

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Over time it became uncomfortable and he didn't say anything. Second communication issue.

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Then he did speak up and she felt hurt, they didn't resolve it in a productive conversation where his feelings were respected too (third communication issue), and she didn't feel empowered to realize there are other options, and they could talk the options out. Fourth communication issue.


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He's absolutely right. She could easily get help by someone else and I absolutely get why he's uncomfortable, he's her boyfriend and not her caretaker. Also, why can't she shave just because she's blind?

I find it awkward I think she should just get it professionally done. Like he could help with her legs because thats not really that weird. And she could handle her own underarms because that is actually fairly easy. And her pubes she should just get professionally done.

I like it very much when I can get people to "be my mirror"

For instance I was out with an old friend yesterday and the first thing she says to me "Your haircut looks nice, your beard looks well trimmed, whose the lucky girl?" and we both laughed.

but then later when I was cleaning up with napkins, "you should make sure to check by your mouth and by your chin."

My parents do this, my siblings sometimes do this, and my few older friends do this, peers usually don't.

I just saw that the two top-level comments were from a blind person and someone with a blind friend, respectively, both calling out the people who were shaming OP and saying that this girl is probably perfectly capable of doing it herself. This kind of thing seriously restores my faith in people. There are probably tons of child comments and ones with lower votes, but I don't really want to see them. Enough people agreed with these ones to bring them to the top. Let's all try and hold onto these things when we have bad days and wonder if there's a single human in the world who doesn't think we're helpless one-dimensional inspiration generators who all have guide dogs and caretakers who read Reddit to us.

I understand the "she shouldn't do that" and "she's the asshole" on the original post, but here?

People in here should know better how stressful and humiliating it is to ask people for help with such personal issues. He says they're together for years and just now she asks him to do so, because it's too expensive to have it done by professionals. Most blind girls can do it by themselves, but people's abilities vary a lot from person to person and even from time to time. She might just need to get confident and know she can do it, but instead of reassuring her of that he just went "wow that's gross, I won't do that".

Seriously, just put yourself in her shoes.

She's the asshole here.