I use my cane to feel the step before me for both height and depth. Try to make an appointment with an O&M instructor, they can help you assess your needs, be it breaking a bad habit, or learning a new skill. I had traveled with a cane for several years, then got in contact with my state agency. What I learned there helped me gain a new level of independence.

There's a Japanese proverb:
"Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher"

I check the height if I’m using my cane. And when I’m going downstairs I make sure I put my heel as far back as possible. I know the depth of the stairs at home so I can go down even in the dark. I also had an issue with slipping on the stairs at school and they let me use the elevator. It’s really slow so I use it in the mornings or when I’m carrying my cctv and laptop. Meeting with an OMN is also helpful for learning little tricks.

I *can* use a cane, but I typically just slide my shoe to the edge of the step and kind of... almost drag my ankle against the edge of the prior step, if that makes sense, when going down. I also have a jacked up back though, so the twist of down with one foot, then down with the other is more painful than down with one foot then the other onto the same level.

For going up, it's honestly just hoping they're the same height, which most stairs are, and stepping in rhythm as I lift my feet. You get to know what height to expect with experience.

Since it sounds like you don’t want to use a cane, here’s what works for me:

Going upstairs: kick gently against the next tread/rise to feel it to tell when you’ve reached the top of the stairs

Going downstairs: slide your foot out til your toes hang off the edge of the step, continue process til you make it downstairs

Please use your cane. That's what it's there for. As embarrassing as being blind can be, it's going to be even more embarrassing when you hit your face on a pole when you could've just avoided it had you used a cane.

Just get a cane, it really sounds like it will ultimately help you and make your life easier from the bevy of your other posts. Going down stairs, I hold the handrail with one hand and have my cane angled down in front of me with the other hand. The cane taps the step below each step I descend. Sometimes I'll adjust to tapping the edge of the stair if the cane keeps catching on grip tape or anti-slip elements added to the stairs.

Going up, you hold your cane vertically in front of you and let the tip tap against the riser in front of you. Hold the handrail, guage the height and depth of the first step with the cane, then move upwards, tapping as you go. If you are new, don't take going up or down too fast. Always lean a little backwards when going down and a little forwards going up, that way if you trip, your center of gravity will carry you towards the landing with the least amount of pain/injury. Falling backwards down stairs while walking up will do a hell of a lot more damage than falling forwards.

Eventually, you get the hang of how to deal with stairs, especially after working with an ONM trainer. I have 12 steps in front of my house with a 90 degree turn in the middle of them with curving stairs, and I go up and down them every day without using my cane because I'm so used to them, but will Always use my cane for new and unfamiliar stairs.