Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Please help me not feel so aweful about my blindness (self.Blind)
submitted by WarriorPrincess31
I was born blind. Always been this way.
From the time I was in high school, I began to have really bad insecurities about my blindness.
I've always gone to school with other blind people, but there were also sighted people there as well..
Growing up, I hated every blind person I went to school with.
I couldn't relate to them at all, I couldn't find common ground, other than the fact we were all blind.
By the time I got to high school, it just got worse and worse.
I kept pointing the finger at how aweful these blind people were, when honestly, I was just pointing at myself.
I went to the Orientation center for the blind when I graduated.
I think that was my breaking/turning point.
The staff would only talk about how to cope with blindness when losing your sight at a later age.
This did not help me, it just served to infuriate me further.
Apart from being blind, I got stuck with being on dialysis.
I'm part of a family with 9 kids, and watching everyone get a car, and move out is hard for me.
I know most blind people don't really care about being blind, but I'm honestly super resentful of everything.
I try so f-ing hard to make something change, and nothing ever does.
I suck at mobility because I have no hereing in one ear.
I do go out. I do take the train and uber and lyft to places, but I constantly have to ask for help because since I can't here from one ear, I can't tell where sound is coming from.
For example, if you were to stand a few feet away from me, I wouldn't know where your voice was coming from.
FOR me, this is so embarrassing, it has driven me to tears a few times.
I'm not writing all of this for a pity party, I really am tired of this crap.
I don't want to feel resentful towards my family because it is not their fault.
I would also like to come to terms with my blindness.
I know I can't change the fact that I'm blind. I'd just like to do something with myself.
I tried college, and I honestly just felt like I was wasting my time, and the professors time.
I couldn't figure out what in the world I wanted to do, and I've honestly just never been good at school.
I'm at the end of my rope.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm all ears.
Please just help me.
From the time I was in high school, I began to have really bad insecurities about my blindness.
I've always gone to school with other blind people, but there were also sighted people there as well..
Growing up, I hated every blind person I went to school with.
I couldn't relate to them at all, I couldn't find common ground, other than the fact we were all blind.
By the time I got to high school, it just got worse and worse.
I kept pointing the finger at how aweful these blind people were, when honestly, I was just pointing at myself.
I went to the Orientation center for the blind when I graduated.
I think that was my breaking/turning point.
The staff would only talk about how to cope with blindness when losing your sight at a later age.
This did not help me, it just served to infuriate me further.
Apart from being blind, I got stuck with being on dialysis.
I'm part of a family with 9 kids, and watching everyone get a car, and move out is hard for me.
I know most blind people don't really care about being blind, but I'm honestly super resentful of everything.
I try so f-ing hard to make something change, and nothing ever does.
I suck at mobility because I have no hereing in one ear.
I do go out. I do take the train and uber and lyft to places, but I constantly have to ask for help because since I can't here from one ear, I can't tell where sound is coming from.
For example, if you were to stand a few feet away from me, I wouldn't know where your voice was coming from.
FOR me, this is so embarrassing, it has driven me to tears a few times.
I'm not writing all of this for a pity party, I really am tired of this crap.
I don't want to feel resentful towards my family because it is not their fault.
I would also like to come to terms with my blindness.
I know I can't change the fact that I'm blind. I'd just like to do something with myself.
I tried college, and I honestly just felt like I was wasting my time, and the professors time.
I couldn't figure out what in the world I wanted to do, and I've honestly just never been good at school.
I'm at the end of my rope.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm all ears.
Please just help me.
inlovewithGod 11 points 4y ago
I'm so sorry to read your post! I'm not blind so I can't help offer advice specifically for that, but at the end of your message you mentioned you'd just like to do something with yourself. It may help if you could find something in life that you love doing, either for a career or a hobby. Have you considered writing? Writing short-stories or novels may give you a creative outlet, and could provide a sense or purpose and drive for your life, and who knows even some money. And it sounds like you have a lot of emotion you could pull from.
I wish I could offer more help, but this came to mind so I wanted to share in case it helped some.
I wish I could offer more help, but this came to mind so I wanted to share in case it helped some.
cookieinaloop 8 points 4y ago
I am not in a situation as harsh as yours but I do understand this feeling. I longed for my driver's license for many years, I dreamed about the level of independence it would give me, but then when time came I didn't have enough eyesight for driving to be safe, I don't even know if I ever had.
Why didn't college work out for you? I study like my life depended on it, because it really does. Not being able to do the most basic things someone my age should do because of my lack of sight can only be compensated, for me at least, by becoming specialized to a point my intellectual work will be enough to get me through life.
There are other ways to do that, though. Find out your niche. It may not be a common place. Help people. Help animals. Help a cause. Make your life valuable through that.
Why didn't college work out for you? I study like my life depended on it, because it really does. Not being able to do the most basic things someone my age should do because of my lack of sight can only be compensated, for me at least, by becoming specialized to a point my intellectual work will be enough to get me through life.
There are other ways to do that, though. Find out your niche. It may not be a common place. Help people. Help animals. Help a cause. Make your life valuable through that.
sarahluvsjoy 2 points 4y ago
"I longed for my driver's license for many years, I dreamed about the level of independence it would give me, but then when time came I didn't have enough eyesight for driving to be safe, I don't even know if I ever had."
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Have you looked into bioptics for driving? I work for a low vision specialist and we have patients all the time that think they are ineligible to drive, but are actually perfect candidates for bioptic driving. Each state is different, but 47/50 states have adopted bioptic driving laws (South Carolina was most recent in 2018). You usually have to do extra training with a driving instructor and sometimes there are restrictions (only day driving etc), but it is worth checking into if driving is important to you.
​
Obviously, I do not know your eye condition or acuity so this might not even be a possibility, but I've just seen a lot of visually impaired individuals who meet the requirements and had previously been told by a doctor or family member that they would never be able to drive. And now, they are taking themselves to work every day :)
​
Have you looked into bioptics for driving? I work for a low vision specialist and we have patients all the time that think they are ineligible to drive, but are actually perfect candidates for bioptic driving. Each state is different, but 47/50 states have adopted bioptic driving laws (South Carolina was most recent in 2018). You usually have to do extra training with a driving instructor and sometimes there are restrictions (only day driving etc), but it is worth checking into if driving is important to you.
​
Obviously, I do not know your eye condition or acuity so this might not even be a possibility, but I've just seen a lot of visually impaired individuals who meet the requirements and had previously been told by a doctor or family member that they would never be able to drive. And now, they are taking themselves to work every day :)
cookieinaloop 1 points 4y ago
Thank you very much for this! As much as I would love to benefit from this, I don't think I can. Retinitis pigmentosa (the standard type, at least) will destroy your night vision and your peripheral vision first. I am blind because of lack of peripheral vision (less than 3 degrees in both eyes). My acuity is moderate to severely impaired, but it will probably get worse soon. Besides, I live in Brazil and we do not have such resources here as far as I know.
I'm glad those resources exist, though. I hope many people will benefit from it, driving is something really important in someone's daily life.
I'm glad those resources exist, though. I hope many people will benefit from it, driving is something really important in someone's daily life.
Myntrith 6 points 4y ago
I'm not blind, so please forgive me if this is an ignorant suggestion, and I don't know if this is even something that would interest you, but maybe you can explore opportunities to help others? Maybe the challenges you've had could give you a different perspective on ways to counsel others who might be having similar difficulties.
Just a thought. I don't know if if it's a good one or a welcomed one.
Just a thought. I don't know if if it's a good one or a welcomed one.
WarriorPrincess31 [OP] 4 points 4y ago
I would love this idea. I've actually been trying to find something where I can help other teenagers who are going through dialysis at a young age. That in itself can be very lonely and sad. You lose lots of friends sometimes.
Myntrith 2 points 4y ago
I don't know what classes you've been taking in college, but can you go for some sort of psychology degree to be a counselor or a social worker or something? I know you said college has been difficult, but you didn't say what classes you've been taking.
Are there tutors available who specialize in helping people with vision and hearing impairments?
Are there tutors available who specialize in helping people with vision and hearing impairments?
poochbrah 5 points 4y ago
I would strongly recommend you listen to an audio book called "feeling good : the new mood therapy" by David burns. It's available on audible.
It's a book that will teach you cognitive behavoirial techniques and has helped me cope with depression and anxiety about blindness, insecurities about independence and a whole host of other things. It will teach you how you can't define yourself by a label such as blind and show you how you can fool yourself with unrealistic beliefs and thought patterns.
I wish someone introduced me to this book much earlier in my life.
It's a book that will teach you cognitive behavoirial techniques and has helped me cope with depression and anxiety about blindness, insecurities about independence and a whole host of other things. It will teach you how you can't define yourself by a label such as blind and show you how you can fool yourself with unrealistic beliefs and thought patterns.
I wish someone introduced me to this book much earlier in my life.
smt503 5 points 4y ago
Being pissed off is as valid a thing to feel as anything else in the world. Feel what you need to feel, OP.
OutWestTexas 5 points 4y ago
Can you find training specific to deaf-blind people? It sounds to me that you need training that is tailored to your needs.
WarriorPrincess31 [OP] 2 points 4y ago
I'm trying to get my DOR counselor to pay for me to go to the Colorado center for the blind.
OutWestTexas 3 points 4y ago
Be sure to tell them the challenges you are having due to being deaf in one ear. Hopefully, they will have some ways to overcome that.
Marconius 2 points 4y ago
I cannot relate to being blind since birth since I lost all my vision suddenly 5 years ago, but I definitely sympathize with what you are going through. Since you mentioned the OCB, can I assume you are in or around the Bay Area? If you are, The Lighthouse for the Blind here in SF has some great classes and communities that can help, plus there is a vocational guidance and employment program that helps assess your skills and place you in a good position to get a job. The Department of Rehabilitation may also be a resource to get and pay for training, skills, and tech to help you through life, plus they also have vocational guidance for job hunting and advocacy for all disabilities.
NavigoStellae 1 points 4y ago
I became blind in 2008. I too resent this. I lost my career, my home, my family and my friends. I had to, literally, re-invent my self, or die.
So, I picked a field where my blindness was a minimal liability. I chose robotics and AI. When there wasn't a program to give me access, I learned to create that program. I had to fight for every inch. Now I am a leader in my field and own my own successful enterprise.
It took ten years and I sometimes still feel regret, self pity and remorse, but I now meet the world on my own terms. Find your niche. If you can't, create it. Use your brain and heart to your advantage. If I can do this, so can you. And never give an inch.
So, I picked a field where my blindness was a minimal liability. I chose robotics and AI. When there wasn't a program to give me access, I learned to create that program. I had to fight for every inch. Now I am a leader in my field and own my own successful enterprise.
It took ten years and I sometimes still feel regret, self pity and remorse, but I now meet the world on my own terms. Find your niche. If you can't, create it. Use your brain and heart to your advantage. If I can do this, so can you. And never give an inch.
seanalanmorris 1 points 4y ago
I lost about 75% of my vision in 2010. Up to the day it happened, I worked as a Paramedic for a busy, urban ambulance company and I loved my job. Luckily, I was also in charge of the IT Department so I could transition from treating patients in the field, to working exclusively in IT. I derived so much of my personal identity from helping others and being independent, so when that changed, it was traumatic and a real challenge to reinvent myself. Not the same experience as you, but I can certainly sympathize with your situation. I have since learned that even though I am now wholly dependent on others for help or provide services I need (such as rides), I still have much to give. There are lots of things you can do, and I have confidence that you can find something or several things, that give you happiness. Best of luck to you!
HDMILex 1 points 4y ago
I can't help, but I offer my sympathies to your situation. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But it will get better.
Fournote 1 points 4y ago
I'm not blind so I can't imagine what's going through your head, and I'm not the most emotionally savvy person so I don't really know what to say, but just know that I hope you're doing okay, and if you ever want a break from talking about stuff related to blindness and you just want to be yourself, you can shoot me a message. Whether someone is blind or not doesn't really matter to me, people are people, and I know it's great to vent now and again.
i_love_family 1 points 4y ago
Start by subscribing to subs you find interesting on reddit; for ne, things like Rock climbing, sewing, writing. They all inspire ne to keep at it. So, find them and expand your knowledge
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