I've been slowly losing it for about 18 years now. Everything I've ever cared about is going away and there's no future for me here. I've resigned myself to probably committing suicide one day. I was destined to be miserable I guess. I can't find anything at all worth continuing for. I have no friends, I've never had any sort of independence, there's nothing I want to preserve of the life I have. It's all just pointless. The only person I ever cared about I pushed away. I don't believe you guys live decent lives, I think you're all lying either to me or to yourselves. The posts I see on here all look like you're just trying to convince yourselves everything's fine because if you say it enough you'll actually believe it. I used to have a lot of ambition in life but now that effort doesn't mean anything anymore there's just no point. I don't wnt to change, it's reality that's wrong, not me.

Oh I'm very sure I have clinical depression and I just don't see a real way out right now. I've always worked very hard to change reality to what I want it to be. I took a lot of pride in what I'd achieved and that I did it despite other people not believing in me. But now my efforts just don't matter anymore. I can't just train hard and get better and overcome this. And trust me, I've been trying. I got into a lot of paranormal stuff trying to find *anything* that I could use, and I was actually not unsuccessful to a degree. But I know I can't rely on that, but I don't want to be this way either.

Hi im in a similar situation and id be curious to hear where you're at in life now?

Oh and also thank you for confirming that you're just lying to yourself about it being a decent life:

*"I have some news for you: everyone would like that.* ***But it isn't possible,*** *so we find the best and more fulfilling jobs we can."*

Sounds gay, why would I waste my time doing things I don't want to do when I'm just gonna die anyways? I tried a therapist already, they basically told me they didn't know how to help me.

I just can't see that anymore. I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everything I care about required sight and now it's practically all gone. What would I even get for working at this point? I just don't see any reason to anymore. If the best someone has is "because you have to" then I might as well just die because that's not a reason.

I get what you're saying, I've been working on this for, well, 8 years now or something. I'd set myself a goal and how I was going to cope and it just hasn't worked out as much as I wanted. But you and some others here are saying pretty much the same thing that one friend would say and I know that my conflict with it just comes down to I don't want to adapt. I don't want reality to win. I will lose a major, important part of myself if I do. But at the same time adaptability is a core principle of mine and if I could be happy like this then it would conform to that. So I just don't know which takes precedence. Am I really being true to myself if I try and adapt or am I just killing myself to convince myself I'm doing that so it hurts a little less? Right now I just don't know. I suspect people will just say that it doesn't matter but my sense of self and being true to myself is possibly the most important thing to me. I've probably gotten all the help here that I'm going to get. Thank you for trying.

Great points! Not sure is you're familiar with Ayn Rand, but the stuff about people being totally independent is really similar to the arguments against the philosophy found in her novels. Shows the problem with thinking anyones is "totally independent".

As much as I hate to admit it, though it was my choice and is my fault, I live with my family still. I hate it, I'm sure I'm just a burden to them and I just don't want to be. As for what I want to do, I just want to be normal like everyone else and so long as I'm blind I can't be. I enjoyed mountain biking and exploring and martial arts and gaming and drawing and writing and all sorts of things that all required sight. But mostly I enjoyed being able to do ll of it completely on my own without needing any help. I lived by a saying that went "if you can't do it alone then it's probably not worth doing". My independence was and still is the single most important thing to me. I had plans to build a totally automated house myself that produced it's own power and grew it's own food. The ability to start at one place and then through hard work and determination get to where you want to go is everything to me. But blindness has made that impossible.

Sorry I took so long to reply. I was taking a break from this topic to cool off and think about stuff. You're not wrong, he is a pretty good example. And blindness in and of itself doesn't make me worthless. However the things I genuinely want to do are fundamentally incompatible with it and this thread helped me confirm that there's nothing wrong with that. I see it as better to retain my true perspective on things rather than twist and distort it into something it's not, even if it makes me feel a little sad sometimes. It helps fuel me and push me forward in a way the more commonplace path of acceptance couldn't. And that makes me happy. My form of adaptation to all of this, and my goals, may not be smiled upon here, but its the path I've gladly chosen and I have no regrets.

I think you'r right about that. I do recognize that I was clinging to it more tightly than made sense for me. But at the same time I do admit it is a big part of me now and I won't deny that. I will find a good balance over time.

Sorry it took so long to reply, I decided to take a break from all this before reading any other replies.

I have been preparing for pretty much all those years, however I simply don't want any of what's coming and don't think it's remotely lazy or entitled to cash out instead of force myself to struggle for something I don't want. That being said it's not like I've been doing nothing all this time either. Though the story is far too long to go into in just a comment.

I did a bunch of research and stated doing experiments in areas most people would consider "paranormal" to see what I could do with it and if there was even anything there to begin with. Turned out there was and I started using that to put together something that, if completed, could probably do a lot more than just fix my eyes. It's a little convoluted but sufficed to say, a form of psychokinesis would be involved.

Encouraged by my friend (who is still my friend, they apparently weren't even mad at me) partly because I was able to give them more than a little evidence that it worked over time. Eventually when things got bad enough that I qualified for disability income I decided to take the money and put everything I had into developing this. Willingly setting myself back economically to work on something that could be more valuable than money itself as far as I'm concerned.

Took a number of years but I have demonstrated that what I'm trying to do is at least possible and now everything is devoted to making it work stably and on demand. But this doesn't exactly make money, and I don't want it to even if it's fully successful. But nothing is certain, it's entirely possible that I might just fail at the end anyways.

You might be thinking "Okay but then why don't you jut go make money and develop this on the side?" I thought of that too, but the training kicks the fucking shit out of my body and makes it pretty much impossible to concentrate during the recovery periods. So I've learned that I basically have to choose one or the other. Certainly at this stage.

There's absolutely nothing of value down the path of normality for me, nothing at all. I refuse to remain as weak as this and I won't submissively "accept" blindness and beat my chest like so many others at how tough they are because they were willing to settle for less as if that really equates to life satisfaction. Reality has not won, not by a long shot, even if I die before completing this it hasn't won. It only wins if I give up and see it as unchangeable like so many others here, and I will die before doing that.

My experiences developing this have left me with with no fear of death and learning about the field of parapsychology and how it's not exactly the psuedosience it's often portrayed as helps with the R&D. If by any chance you or anyone else is interested in any of this I'd recommend checking out these two channels as a start.

New Thinking Allowed - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFk448YbGITLnzplK7jwNcw/featured

Telekinesis: Mind Possible - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWp1SWVQQZFOdTMyjAQCr7A

I think remote viewing would be of particular note in this subreddit. It's proven its worth more than other areas of study and could potentially be turned into something that bypasses vision loss at least partially.

I use android but thank you.

I've found ways around things, I guess I just have gotten tired of retreating over and over .Always settling for less and less and less than what I had before. And I guess I had gotten to the point where enough was enough, either I could be me or I'd just die. For example I went from playing FPS games to turn and tile based games. It doesn't make me stop wanting to play FPS games because I know I didn't stop because I wasn't interested anymore. I stopped because losing over and over and over and over again because of a condition I was born with rather than lack of skill isn't fun. And knowing that no amount of practice will ever make me remotely competitive again with normal people broke me. I don't think it's a good idea to contact my former friend.