Hello everyone

Yesterday something happened to me that left me deeply hurt, confused and shaken. Since I have very few people in my life who are empathetic about my struggles (regarding my blindness) and I don't know any other vi or blind folks, I thought I'd come here to share my story. I'm interested in your thoughts and please forgive me if this becomes a bit long.

So, yesterday morning I had a hospital appointment and I went there by train (it's a common form of public transport in Switzerland). As the train was approaching the station, I went downstairs to wait in front of the door. There were a few other people, including a white man in his 50s or 60s. He must have seen my white cane and after a 1-2 minutes, he stepped next to me but... uncomfortably close. I thought this was odd because there was lots of space and only a few other people. Rush hour was already over. Still, I didn't want to say anything because my vision is so low that I don't fully trust it anymore. I thought "maybe there are more people here than I think there are."

After the train arrived and the doors opened, I got off and stepped aside to let all the other people pass. I usually do this to feel less stressed by all the sighted people hurrying to work. However, this time one guy didn't hurry to the escalators. Turns out it was that same guy who before stood so close to me on the train.

Now, here's where it got really crazy. Again, he stepped super close to me but this time he was directly facing me. Our faces were maybe 8-9 inches apart. Then, without speaking a word, he started to whistle some kind of cheerful tune. I mean, like, Negan style, if anyone here likes The Walking Dead. Creepy and just very, very uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do and he was deliberately blocking my way, so I did the only thing I could think of and simply started walking, thereby gently bumping into him. Instead of going out of my way, he laughed in a very sarcastic tone and simply said: "Woah! Careful there!" I made a step to the left and wanted to walk around him but he quickly moved over to once again block my way. Then he started whistling again. I eventually got away by pushing myself past him. He didn't move an inch... like he wanted to make it as difficult for me as possible.

Now, this could have been the end but it actually wasn't. A few minutes later I got on my tram (streetcar) and yes... that same guy was there again. I don't know if he followed me or if it was coincidence but it was definitely him. The reason I'm so sure is because an older man with a very similar voice blocked my way when I tried to get on. He was cheerfully talking to some lady whom he seemed to be friends with. When I said "excuse me", he didn't move. Only once his friend told him to step aside, he reluctantly did. When we reached my stop, this guy and his lady friend also got off. No one else got off and they were in front of me. When the doors opened, his lady friend got off like anyone would and I expected him to do the same but instead he turned around and pushed me with both hands so I would stumble back to my seat. Thank god I didn't lose my balance and fall backwards because I could have really hurt myself that way. Then, he got off as though nothing had happened. His friend didn't seem to have noticed or maybe didn't care.

Like I said at the beginning, I'm still deeply shaken over this experience. I simply cannot believe this happened to me. Yes, I have also encountered some annoying people who stand in my way or ask dumb questions but NOTHING that would ever come remotely close to this. I mean... it's probably too much to call this a hate crime but it certainly goes in that direction. I just cannot understand why anyone would do this. I don't know this man and I didn't exchange a single word with him while we were on the train. His hatred and aggression were 100% gratuitous and uncalled for. I also don't think this guy had alcohol or drug problems. I think he literally just wanted to discriminated me for the kicks.

Most people see me and think "oh, this blind guy must have it tough, so I wanna help them." And obviously that's the normal and healthy reaction. But apparently that guy thought "oh, this blind guy is vulnerable, so I can play with him and have some fun." It boggles my mind that anyone would think that way. I wouldn't even block the way of a blind cat or dog or push them for no reason, let alone a blind human.

Finally, what's perhaps most frustrating about this experience is the constant remind of how defenseless I am as a disabled person. You see, I'm a fairly big guy. I'm absolutely convinced that people wouldn't fuck with me if I was sighted. However, due to my lack of vision, evil people like that man know I can't do anything about their abuse. The truth is: I was THIS close to yelling at him "what the hell is wrong??" when he gratuitously blocked my way for the second time. I was incredibly angry inside that I had to suffer this kind of treatment simply because I'm blind. The reason I held back was because I was worried about my own safety. After all, people who despise disabled individuals so much might do anything. What if he punched me in the face, thereby destroying the very little vision that I have left (which is super precious to me)? I just couldn't take the risk. My heart wanted to yell at him but my rational mind told me that it would be better to simply walk away. I know that my decision was right and smart but it also feels horribly unsatisfying and unfair. That guy deserved to me yelled at at the very least but because of my vulnerability, he got away with his abuse and discrimination without any consequences.