LOL there's a term for what you're experiencing. It's called Cognitive Dissonance. It's when you hold 2 or more contradictory beliefs or values. It's like having a war in your head.


So, you get to decide what you do with your own story.


You could decide that, Holy cow, you seized the day, figured out how to move (I did this, and it was not easy) and make a life that actually works with vision impairment (which is really hard to pull off, so yay you), and you're living the dream of a life where you can relax because there's safety and security and work you like doing. You're actually fortunate and feel the gratitude of this every day.


Or...


You could decide, you know, this feeling of failure is telling me that there's something more for me out there. I should explore that! You're actually fortunate and feel the gratitude of this every day.


Notice how both of these are positive.


Or you could choose a negative version of one or both of these (which is kinda what's going on now; neither makes you feel good). You're actually unfortunate and feel the desperation of this every day.

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Notice that you'll experience your story + the associated emotion.

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Also notice I didn't ask WHY you felt you're a failure, etc. That's also an option. Go on a journey of self discovery about your beliefs, the message you received as a child, etc. But the problem with asking WHY (outside of therapy or a structure to move forward), is that there's never a reason that's good enough to make you feel relief from "I think I should feel bad about this."


Because, no matter what your "WHY" really is, the story and emotion you tell yourself is/are everything.


Your inner story is what creates peace or war.

You seam happier and personally that’s what matters to me.

Better to do something you enjoy than get a job you hate.

Nope, don't feel bad. That sounds like internalized capitalist propaganda :) You are doing good for your fellows and taking care of yourself, ticking off all boxes. Go on with yo' bad self, enjoy life. Why not?

No, I don't think you should feel bad should you choose not to work. My personal view is that countries should either provide the means to live with dignity or a safe way out of life. Since mine provides the former and I can't find a way to be an actual asset to anyone then I don't mind being a burden.

I am 28 and don't have a job yet. I have a degree in English literature, I am looking for jobs through Path and through my CNIB, and thanks to my sister I now have an improved resumé and cover letter. I hope to be getting some more leads on employment but for now I live at home and receive money through the Ontario Disability pension.

Nah man you do you, I m in the same boat, my belief is that if the world is gonna fuck you over you should make the best of it and do what makes you happy

You do have a job and are very valuable. As others said, figure out what drives the negative thinking. Now if your grew up in an environment like my parents m house, someone gave you the mistaken belief that not being miserable and working million hours a week doing hard, physical labor means you are worthless. F' that shit. Get therapy if you need it.

Personally I don't want to be a burdon at all and would have a hard time settling that in my mind. I do understand the reality of the world we live in. Its ridiculous to expect people to overcome the hurdles in place to get a job that will barely cover living expenses alone.
If you have a system that works then enjoy it because there are plenty of people that have less. Maybe explore other ways to find fulfillment for yourself that isn't as simple as saying you have a job. Volunteer opportunities are everywhere. Maybe take some of those emotions and channel them into doing good things for other people. Reality is, nobody can tell you how you need to feel. If you're content in your mind, not breaking the law or hurting anyone. Then carry on.

If you can work and support yourself, you should. It will give you more self worth and make you happier in the long run. You can acknowledge your limitations, but don't use your vision as an excuse for not trying or for giving up.

I am bipolar 1 with moderate visual impairment. I find those of us are stuck between a rock and a hard place as finding jobs is like non Novocaine dentistry on a live shark while going on the dole is much easier. Most of us with disabilities (particularly ones that don't totally wipe out our health) really want to work but the jobs people with disabilities can do are easily outsourced (as they are computer based).