Get yourself a pair of googly eye glasses, order noodles, and establish dominance.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has trouble with noodles. Not just the visually impaired of the blind. So go for it!!! Just maybe wear a dark colored shirt, because if those noodles have sauce on them, a red sauce, it will end up on your shirt. Happens to everyone. Those sauce covered noodles are like sauce slingshots. So wear something dark, just in case, and go and enjoy yourself!

I posted basically exactly this a few weeks ago and yeah, it is totally a thing. At least it is for me.

I'm not sure about this holding your hand in front of your mouth thing. Once it's in your mouth the problem is over. It's getting it in there without drenching everyone in the area with soy sauce that's the problem.

For whatever reason I've always found the (I think it's British but tbh I could be very wrong) way of eating noodles where you wrap them on your fork and then shove them on a spoon to be easier, probably because it gives slightly more tactile input and your noodles are less likely to go everywhere.

Hold your hand a little in front of your mouth so people can't see and go for the noodles! I've gotten pretty good about using the hand holding the silverware itself to cover my mouth after I had a meal where a lady just sat and watched me eat in complete silence. It was so creepy and now I can't stand anyone watching me eat anything no matter how innocuous the food itself is. But now I can eat noodles in front of anyone. :D

When I have business meetings I often go with a stake. I am very comfortable using a knife and a fork to feed myself.

Yeah I'm pretty sure everyone looks like an idiot eating noodles, I say just go slow and take your time, get something small if that's easier.