Anyone else here pregnant or have kids? How did you manage? Any tips or suggestions?
I am severely deaf and partially sighted, use a long cane. I’m dreading the birth of my child. I just don’t feel able to cope.
I guess most of my worries are around getting out. I feel like I will become housebound as I’ve no family around and I don’t know how I’ll manage a baby pram safely or even how to get to places I normally use Uber for (can you take a baby in an Uber?) . it’s hard enough battling through the city with my cane.
I’ve contacted social services but they take a couple of months to even allocate a social worker, baby will be here long before they can put any support in place.
Babylandy117 points3y ago
I have usher syndrome which also means that I am partially deaf with retinitis pigmentosa which also makes me legally blind. I have raised 6 kids. Yes you do end up spending a lot more time at home. Also yes you can use an Uber and have your child with you. They will even provide a forward-facing seat.
deafblindgirluk [OP]4 points3y ago
Thank you. How did you find going out with baby pram / stroller? Did you find it difficult? Did you have any help from family or social services ? Also with Uber, do you just order it as normal or need to request Uber assist / write a note to driver that you have baby and use car seat?
Babylandy19 points3y ago
When my kids were babies I usually would wear a sling so they would be close to my chest and then I would mostly have my hands-free. I would suggest that you use your own car seat and no you don't have to tell them that you're going to bring one you just install it once they arrive. Sometimes I had help for my mom but most of the time I was on my own because my husband work during the day and I had to get things done. I don't know I was worried about the same thing but once they're born and after a few weeks you just seem to kick into mom mode and things just come natural. At least they did for me. I'm sure things will work out.
anunnakicat8 points3y ago
First of all, say to yourself "I can do it" , my wife and I had the same experience, you can go around in Uber with a kid, for walking around I suggest to buy a kangaroo (I think that's the right name) on the early stages you can have your kid nearby. And finally congratulations!
Edit: my wife has retinitis pigmentosa, my daughter is now 3 years old
anunnakicat6 points3y ago
And I'm not gonna lie, the first weeks were tough but that happens for everyone even to sighted people, like the other user mentions, the mom instincts kicks in and then you kind of figure it out naturally, you can do it!
deafblindgirluk [OP]2 points3y ago
Thank you. I will try to stay positive. Will look up kangaroo.
8i8oio5 points3y ago
I’m pregnant! Legally blind. I’m not nervous any more. I went to a parenting class at a local hospital, and that settled my nerves a lot. You get to practice changing a diaper and stuff.
I’m having a c-section to try to maintain my vision, and warned the hospital about possible vision-loss-during-birth as well. They were very supportive.
I do have a lot of help from my sister, and a very supportive SO. I know I’ll be bored and home bound for the first few months, but we are going to renew my audible and ensure a lot of healthy coping skills are in place. I have quite a few friends nearby too.
Even if you can’t get local help, try to tap in to the local Association of the Blind. Moral support is awesome. I am in a Blind Discord group as well, where all you need is a mic to find friends. My life is a lot richer now that I’m opening up to people and possibilities.
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OutWestTexas3 points3y ago
All new parents tend to feel overwhelmed. It is normal. It is a huge adjustment for anyone. I suggest using a baby carrier rather than a stroller(pram). It will keep your hands free and you won’t have to worry about pushing the baby into harm’s way. Btw, I raised three kids. They are all successful adults now. Yo got this! You go girl!
deafblindgirluk [OP]2 points3y ago
Thank you x that is really encouraging you’ve had 3. Several people have mentioned carrier now so I really must get one. Hopefully once she arrives and I’ve had a month or so to figure out what works best it will all start to fall into place.
deafblindgirluk [OP]2 points3y ago
Yeah I know it isn’t the same but I’ve had pets all my life and always loved looking after animals, so I really hope this is just pre-birth nerves and that I’ll be ok. As you say it probably settles down after first couple of months once you find best way of doing things. I like idea of sling.
taversham1 points3y ago
The RNIB has some info/anecdotes which directly addresses a couple of your concerns.
"Jane said one of the things she was particularly daunted by before her baby was born was the logistics of using a cane and a push chair at the same time. After researching her options she decided to have a go using a baby carrier alongside her cane. "I assumed that all baby carriers were fabric slings which would be hard to use but I found one with buckles that was extremely easy to use." Jessica said that she would have liked more information on slings and baby carriers before her baby came along and Lynne agreed saying that midwives and health visitors did not seem to cover mobility issues with her before baby came along. She recommends trying a number of baby carriers out to see what works best, for her a carrier where the baby is worn on the back worked out the best.
[...]
"I am so grateful to my fully-sighted sister, Mel, for building up my confidence - she was delighted when she found out I was pregnant and so excited that we would both sharing the experience of being a mum. She made me feel so normal and encouraged me to find support in the same places as other new mums and not put up a barrier between myself and other new mums just because I can't see. "It is important to remember that motherhood is challenging for all new mums and there are a lot of people out there all wanting to reach out to each other. It is tempting to fall into the trap of thinking you are isolated because of disability and I have felt cut off from others because I can't use a car but that is really where the isolation ends. Being blind from birth I am so used to navigating through my life as a blind person, and being a blind mum is much the same - finding solutions to problems that don't require sight to make them work. I feel well supported by the sighted mums I know because emotionally there are far more similarities than differences between us - we are all new to this adventure!"
There's also the blog Blind Motherhood which you might find helpful https://blindmotherhood.com/
deafblindgirluk [OP]1 points3y ago
Thank you, that is so helpful and reassuring.
incurable-hope1 points3y ago
I have two children. After I found out I was pregnant with my son, and I calm down from the overwhelming joy of realizing I was going to be a mom, I immediately set into a state of terror. I was so scared that I was going to lose my child simply because of my disability. Even worse, I didn’t know how to change a diaper or do any of that stuff. It is not easy, especially once they start walking, but there are ways that you can get around it. The biggest thing that I can tell you right now is to calm down. You will be surprised at how important maternal instincts are. How powerful they are I should say. It’s like… As soon as I held my child, everything clicked into place. I didn’t necessarily know how to do everything, but I knew how to figure it out. Calm down. You got this. Please feel free to message me for any specific questions you might have. I am happy to share my experience.
deafblindgirluk [OP]2 points3y ago
Thank you xx I may take you up on that. I feel like Once I have practice of nappies etc will soon be ok with practical side at home, I just need some practice and support of managing going out with baby. Especially in that period between birth and getting a PA. I guess it’s avoid trying out different things and seeing what works best.
incurable-hope1 points3y ago
Get a good travel system. By which I mean an infant car seat that fits into a stroller. That will be your best friend for many many months. And, if it is a good enough quality stroller, it will be your best friend for many many years. I take my daughter out on a walk every morning using my stroller. If I need to take her to run errands on my own, she has a car seat that clicks right into the stroller, which makes traveling and transportation a lot easier. You’ve got this. There are a lot of wonderful resources that can help you but your biggest superpower is going to be your maternal instincts.
bradley221 points3y ago
I’m assuming by your post that the father is no longer with you?
Do you have any friends who can help you out?
deafblindgirluk [OP]1 points3y ago
Hi, I live with my partner and he’s super excited about the baby. He’s fully sighted. But he is working 7 days a week a couple of hours away until shortly before the birth, then intending to go back to work a week after baby arrives. I don’t have anyone else, we aren’t originally from this country.
bradley221 points3y ago
Ah ok.
I don’t know how the hospitals work in the country you’re in but they might be able to help you with people that can help you with child care.
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