I see through a pinhole out of one eye.

I somehow made it though. I got through. I learned to adapt. After all, I was born this way and know no other way.

I’ve always been fascinated with the medical field. I was in med school and I failed out of the practical exam which I failed twice. Had a 98 average for the theory. I always wondered why it took me 10x as long to perform a physical exam as everyone else, or learn a new procedure.

They couldn’t tell me they dropped me due to my vision but I know now that they did. They didn’t want to get sued since they should have looked at the health forms before putting us in clinicals.

But I’m stubborn and clung to my medical dreams. I thought maybe it was my ADHD or social issues related to my anxiety (which is probably related to me desperately trying not to bump into stuff, which is near impossible. I never messed up a procedure but I’ve come close, but I always looked super close to what I was doing especially when reading names of medications.)

So I went into nursing thinking maybe it’s less stressful. But the same vision problems plagued me again. Times forty. Nursing seems to require a lot more intricacies than medicine did. I was a hopeless case. Worked 10x harder than everyone else but still looked “off” doing everything. In October they told me to get an eye test (I disclosed everything on my application), and socialized medicine means only being able to get an appointment now.

The doctor did my visual field and was pretty horrified. He said he doesn’t feel comfortable taking responsibility for me so he couldn’t give his approval. And just like that, the nursing dream died too.

I need to accept and embrace my disability instead of live in denial that everything’s fiiiine and I can do everything I put my mind to if I just adapt, the sky’s the limit, etc.

There are things I can’t do. And I need to accept them.