Hey everybody. I thought I'd finally sit down and write about losing my sight at the age of 14 and what came after. I've spoken to people about this in the past but I don't remember ever putting the whole story down on paper, (well, virtual paper but you get the idea.)

A couple of things to get out of the way first... I am not brave, I am not a hero, and I am certainly not an angel. Although having a disability does not define me, it's certainly something I've had no choice but to deal with. One of the less than enjoyable aspects of the human experience I suppose you could say. I am also not a writer although reading this now that I've finished it, I guess it's not awful.

One more thing. Please do not copy this text in part or in full and post it various places without my consent. (Feel free to link to this page though;that's fine.)

Now that we have that all out of the way...

I was born premature and due to some early medical issues and treatment etc, I had no sight in my left eye from infancy due to laser surgery that was not successful. I had halfway decent sight in my right eye although as I grew up, I needed a lot of things in large print and needed to sit pretty close to the tv etc. Because I had no depth perception due to only having one functioning eye, there were certain things I couldn't do. That wasn't really a big deal for me however because I didn't have it from the start so didn't know what I was missing.

Up until the age of 14, I did a lot of things that other sighted kids did... I played outside in the woods, rode my bike, played video games, read books, and used the computer although we didn't have the Internet in my house. I'd say my life was pretty close to other kids my age;I was just visually impaired.

So one morning during the spring of seventh grade, I woke up to get ready for school like every other day. When I sat up and opened my eyes however, I instantly knew that something was very wrong. Everything looked blurry or out of focus;I'm not quite sure how to put it. In any case, I could barely see what was in front of me. I managed to make it downstairs and told my mom that something was wrong with my vision. My mom and my stepfather thought I was overreacting and as I recall, it took a little while to convince them that I needed to get to an eye doctor as soon as possible.

An appointment was made and after looking at my right eye, the doctor said that my retina must have partially detached during the previous night. The only option was to have surgery on my right eye as soon as possible to try and save my vision. Their office referred us to a specialist an hour away and after they had examined my eye, they said that surgery was the only option and while the success rate was good, it wasn't great. We went ahead with it because if it hadn't been done, my retina would just continue to detach. If your retina goes, then your vision goes with it.

It was a major operation with general anesthesia and weeks and weeks of pain afterwards. I don't want to go into the specifics at the moment but let's just say that it was far more than mild discomfort.

You know what though? It worked! Talk about being pulled back from the lip of the abyss! I was so relieved! Things could finally get back to normal...until it all went to hell one evening.

This was a few months later during the summer. I had been driving my dad's four wheeler on this road out in the woods . (No I probably shouldn't have been driving but there wasn't any traffic and he was on the back;I wasn't by myself or anything. Yes, we were both wearing helmets before anybody asks.) It was a nice drive! It was a beautiful day and the sun was setting yada yada yada. I felt good. It was just a normal drive;no accidents, no pot holes or anything that was too jarring. He put the four wheeler back on the trailer and we drove home.

Later on that night I sat down at the computer to finish something for school. Things were going fine, I shut my eyes for a second and when I opened them again, I'm sure I shouted or screamed. I couldn't see. The only thing going through my head was "No. Not this again! Noooooo!"

So back to the eye surgeon we went and after various tests, he said that the repair to my retina they did just didn't hold. One minute it was fine;the next it wasn't. The only option was...another eye operation but with a slightly different approach. Pain, isolation, depression, and boredom soon followed.

They tried again after that second operation failed but luck was not on my side I guess. At a certain point a year later, they finally gave up. At that point, they pretty much said flat out that the success rate of yet another surgery would be quite small and even if it worked initially, there was no guarantee it would hold long term.

At that point, it became clear that my life as I had known it was over for good. No more reading print, no more watching movies, no more riding my bike, no more drawing, you get the idea. I was crushed.

Imagine starting 8th grade but at the same time, having to relearn pretty much every skill you need for your daily life. That was where I found myself. I had no idea how to read or type Braille, I didn't know how to use a cane, I had no O and M skills, (orientation and mobility), I didn't know how to touch type, and, I had never used a screen reader on the computer before. A lot of people who experience sight loss seem to go through a gradual decline but for me, it happened like flipping a switch. All of the sudden it was "Okay, well, now you need to start from square one...and by the way, get through all your 8th grade schoolwork too." No pressure!

It wasn't only those broader skills I had to relearn though... Things like trying to follow a tv show or film by just listening to it, frying an egg, folding laundry, finding the right buttons on the microwave, dialing the phone, navigating places that were once familiar... It really was like starting from scratch! All these basic tasks that we don't even think about all of the sudden become a challenge or a puzzle to figure out.

Over time I had lessons from various teachers covering all those things and more. I made a lot of progress but it took a lot of work and some days I was really frustrated! I went back to school later on that year and that was not a positive experience. Even though we're talking about the mid 1990's here, the technology was nowhere near what it is today. E books and digital audio books you can download in a flash, OCR software which allows you to read a scanned print document via text to speech, the iPhone and all of it's amazing Voiceover accessible apps... It wasn't around yet, was in it's early stages, or, if it was available, the schools I attended could not or would not obtain it. I believe the middle schools and high schools I attended had Internet access but I'm not sure because the laptop they did provide me was not connected to the school's network. (No WiFi then kids.) There were books on tape from the library of Congress but those could take weeks to arrive and if one of the tapes happened to be damaged or was eaten by your tape player, you were S.O.L.

Learning the computer again was quite difficult for a few reasons... I had started using a Macintosh a couple of years before I lost my sight and it turns out there was a screen reader for the Mac called Outspoken. (This was back in the days of what is now called the Mac classic OS;many years before OSX came to town.) It took quite a while to get used to the synthesized speech and get my touch typing up to scratch but the hardest part was learning the environment with a screen reader as opposed to using the computer with sight. I learned how to use Windows once I went to college as they didn't have Macs. I went through Windows Millennium, XP, 7, and more recently Windows 10 using Jaws and NVDA. While 7 and 10 are steps in the right direction, Mac OS with their built in screen reader, Voiceover, is my preference for the majority of tasks. (I use a dual boot system so I have both operating systems on a single machine which is very useful.)

Going back to school was difficult in the academic sense but it was also difficult in the social sense. I quickly learned that I was the odd one out. This didn't get much better as time went on. I had one friend from early childhood that stuck with me through all of this but as far as everyone else, they all disappeared. (Thanks guys.) Life at home wasn't a picnic and when I was in school, I felt invisible. It was a bad time. Sometimes I'd go to bed at night thinking it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't wake up in the morning. I'm not trying to be Mr. Dramatic, I'm just mentioning that because that was part of my reality at the time. It seemed like nobody would understand because nobody gave me the time of day in the first place anyways. All in all, it was pretty miserable. Tight groups of friends? No. Girls? I freaking wished! Getting invited to crazy parties? Nope.

There were things that made it bearable though... Audio books by Stephen King and other authors, discovering Rush, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, and Metallica, watching The Simpson's etc...

Playing guitar probably saved my life. My grandfather showed me a few chords and a scale when I was 12/13 and I was self taught for the most part after that although I did take lessons from two very talented guitarists when I was still a teen. When it felt like everything had been ripped away from me, my guitar was there and I took to it like a horse to water! I did not have perfect pitch but my relative pitch was okay as it turns out. That's pretty useful when your only option is to learn by ear but it took years of work.

I have played countless gigs with bands, in a duo, and as a solo performer. I've taught guitar at a couple of k-12 schools as well as for two teaching agencies on top of teaching private lessons from home and working for a recording studio etc. There are some logistical issues when you're dealing with rehearsal spaces, bars, clubs etc but more often than not, there is a way to make things work. (As far as working for or working with pricks, that is a whole other matter!)

Shortly before I lost my sight, I started really getting into film, animation, video game design, and graphic design etc. I didn't know much about it but I was certainly interested! IF I hadn't lost my sight, I'm pretty sure I would have gone in that direction. When visual arts were no longer an option, it was pretty easy for me to devote myself to music and audio. So, after some college courses followed by a couple years of work as an intern at a school, I applied and was accepted to the music program at a university in NY. My concentration was in studio production but it was a well rounded program. This was good because I'm an instrumentalist first;everything else for me stems from that.

College was challenging and there were certainly issues with assistive technology and access to materials from time to time. I had a lot of fun though as well! I had some great professors, there were a bunch of interesting courses, I played some gigs, partied, and yeah, got into my fair share of trouble and sticky situations but that's part of the journey!

Eventually I graduated from college, ended up moving to a few different states, finally decided to get a Seeing Eye dog (which was a game changer in many ways), had a few different jobs, and lived in studio/one bedroom apartments that ranged from terrible to acceptable but not great.

Moving is a pain for anybody but if you're blind, there is so much you need to deal with from finding a place that will work for you location wise since you can't drive, finding a moving company, packing your stuff, unpacking your stuff, figuring out what's around you and how to get to it, figuring out public transit in your area, (if any), to things like figuring out the thermostat, the stove/oven and other appliances whether they be analog or digital, figuring out how to put some sort of marker on your mailbox so you can find it, learning the layout of your complex/building, the list goes on and on. It's doable but it can drive you nuts sometimes! Your state/county will usually have a person who can get out to you to help with orientation;figuring out where the closest bus stop is for example or how to get to the grocery store etc, or someone who can help you learn your new kitchen or washing machine etc. While these services are very helpful, moving to a new state is difficult because often times it takes time for the office to set you up in their system. every state you move to, you need to start from scratch it seems. It'd be nice if this could be streamlined!

As of this writing, I currently work freelance teaching guitar and work on various music/audio projects. My Seeing Eye dog is now retired and enjoys sleeping as well as barking at squirrels. My partner and I have one child with another on the way later this year.

My dreams are to someday make enough money to not have to worry about money, own a nice home, have a nice guitar collection, tour with a band internationally, have my original music in a film, and have a pro level home studio. I also would love a self driving car although that may not happen in my lifetime.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Feel free to reply or pm me with any questions or comments.