I like kids, but I can never eat more than two per day.


I wouldn't mind being a stepdad, but I am bipolar, and there's a genetic aspect to it. I would not want to pass it on.

This is a great question and currently a pretty central topic in the lives of myself and my wife.

My wife and I are 31, hence we do not have a lot of time to lose. We both really want to have children and my wife's biological clock is ticking.

Just like in your case, my condition is genetic. The risk of inheriting it to our children would be 50% - and that is for EACH child. In other words: if we were to have two children, there would be a 25%-risk of giving my disorder to both of them.

This, to me, is absolutely unacceptable. Since my disorder does not only involve vision loss and eventual blindness but also lots of pain and other inconveniences, I decided at a young age that I will never be willing to take this risk. I refuse to let any of my children suffer the way I have and still am. In addition to this, I would feel absolutely horrible if my sighted wife would not only have to take care of a blind husband but also a blind child. She herself has also been very strong about this point (she is terrified of having to deal with even more responsibility of this sort, which I totally understand).

Despite all of this, though, we still really want to have kids. I believe I would make a wonderful dad... at least this is what people have been telling me since I was about 18.

In order to make this dream a reality, my wife and I have decided to go the way of modern medical technology. Namely, we want to try pre-implantation diagnosis. In many western countries this technology has been around for a while but here in Switzerland it got legalized just 3 years ago. This makes things much easier for us because we won't have to travel abroad countless times to do the various procedures. Unfortunately, the whole thing is still very expensive though and insurance companies in Switzerland do not cover any of the costs (neither for the PID nor for the artificial fertilization). The doctors have told us that we have to expect something around $12,000 for one cycle and there's roughly a 40% chance per cycle that it actually works out. My wife and I are far from being loaded; we are both finishing off grad school and I'm currently on disability while she works a part-time job. Still, we try to save as much money as we can because this thing is really important to us. Fortunately, my parents have also offered to support us financially in this matter.

The whole thing is pretty challenging, not only because of the costs. It also takes an amazing amount of patience and once the hormonal treatments begin, I know my wife won't have it easy. But with a bit of luck I hope that maybe in three or four years I will be able to hold a healthy baby in my arms. That would be awesome.

My condition is not genetic and my kids would be sighted, assuming no weird random coincidences, so bear that in mind. That said if I knew I would have a kid that would be blind, I think I would feel very much the same way as you about it. Personally I exist in a situation between being satisfied and happy but also being aware of what I am missing and particularly how much harder I have to work to get anywhere. I wouldn't want to subject someone else to that. I think the big-d deaf community can be a bit political about this stuff and I want to stay away from that as much as possible.

Just practically, a sighted kid would be able to run rings around me and I don't feel like I want that responsibility. If my child did something crazy that I just couldn't be aware of because I can't see, and was injured, I'd feel awful.

I feel your pain. Still, I want to have kids. I imagine this runs throughout blind parents, but I want to prove to the world to some extent that blind people can have a good life. I've been rediculously lucky in my own circles when it comes to oppertunity and support, something I'm painfully aware of when I read other people's horror stories. That's probably why my sight has never really affected my decision on whether I should have kids: there's at least a 50% chance they'll be blind, but I've never seen that as a downside myself.

I don’t want to have kids.

I don’t want to bring kids into this world.

I don’t want them I’m also autistic and enjoy my own space

I feel similarly about having biological children as well, though my feelings are also intertwined with gender dysphoria. I've seen a geneticist who advised me to wait until I'm ready to have kids for genetic screening since the test improves every year. Even if there was reliable prenatal testing or some other gene therapy or what not available to make sure that the negative traits weren't passed on, I still wouldn't be able to Bear the child myself and that bothers me a lot. In any case, the hormones have already likely made me sterile, but that's okay. I've always figured I would rather adopt if I ever really wanted a child. It's going to be quite some time before I can think about others when I got so many personal demons to deal with.

My condition isn’t genetic, but even if it was, I’d trust that people aren’t jerks these days. I mean, of course there’s horrible people, but there’s horrible people everywhere.
I personally want 1 or 2 kids but I’m scared of the younger years. I feel like I wouldn’t be a good mum because taking them to places would be difficult, what if they run off, I only have one hand free because the other is holding a cane or maybe a guide dog in the future etc. I’m also scared of how my glaucoma drops will affect the unborn baby, but I’m sure the ophthalmologists will be able to handle that.

It's great you are already thinking about this. It's absolutely a huge decision! Personally I am planning on having kids despite the risk, and my timeframe is a lot shorter than yours, ("hopefully this year" and not "far future"). Please consider this as my 2¢ and/or just the random musings of an internet rando. Either way I hope it's somehow helpful.

Forgive me if I've misunderstood but it seems part of your rationale for not having kids is not wanting your kids growing up without sight, due to all the potential issues or hardships they may encounter. I have given this a lot of thought myself, and what ultimately swayed me was thinking in terms of advances in medicine and advances in technology.

1) First off, you might consider seeing a generic counselor when the time comes. They can do genetic testing and discuss the risks and possible outcomes with you and your SO.

2) I won't speculate on available treatments or potential future cures (while my username is Dr, that is PhD, **not** MD) however there is a lot of good and promising research for controlling or at least dramatically slowing the progression of a number of diseases. *When the time comes*, consider consulting with the appropriate MD to see if any novel or promising therapies exist for the condition. Moreover, if your child is at risk for developing a particular disease, you can have them monitored by an ophthalmologist who knows the family history and can start treatment (if available) ASAP.

3) I think it's pretty safe to say growing up without sight today would be a significantly different experience than even 10 years ago, let alone 20 or 30, due to advances in technology, options and requirements/laws for accessibility, and availability of assistance programs. Obviously this depends on your situation and location (things in the US may differ from countries in Europe or Asia). Access to supportive communities (like this one!) can help reduce that feeling of isolation you mention. Plus - don't discount yourself! You grew up with it, and know the struggles better than anyone.

Tl;dr: Discuss with genetic counselor to get all the info when the time comes. Ask Dr about possible new treatments as well. Finally think about how new technology and access to connected communities like this one might alleviate some of the hardships and feelings of isolation you felt growing up.

THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE!!! Only suggestions to hopefully direct you to the appropriate experts.

Is it 100% guaranteed that you would pass your genetic condition to your children? If not, I think there are ways to make sure that only a healthy baby is conceived. I'm not completely sure, but it would be best to speak to a genetic counselor.

If your biological children would for sure have the same visual condition as you and you don't want that, or maybe the genetic route proves too expensive, or whatever, then there is another option. Would you consider adoption? Unfortunately, there are many kids and babies out there who need a loving family.