Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Blind Parents (self.Blind)
submitted by Envrin
I went totally blind 3.5 years ago, and am also gay, so have bit of a two for one thing going. I'm 38 now though, so getting on in years, and have definitely lived a life of experience
This whole being a father thing has been bugging me quite a bit recently. Especially since I seen Anderson Cooper just had his baby boy, then I see videos like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KGOobnZjvE
If I did it, it would be adoption in Laos. I'm from Canada, but lived in NE Thailand for 8 years before, and planning to move to Laos again shortly, so I know the language, culture, societal norms, etc. Also have a partner over there who I'm sure would make a great father. There's loads of kids in Laos who have no future due to extreme poverty, and do things like forrage for some banbmoo and catch some frogs in the afternoon so they have something to eat for dinner.
I can do the money, nice home with large yard, international schooling, loads of love, etc. I can do all that without problem, and want to. Except I'm blind... again, will have a partner there that will quit his job and be a stay at home dad basically, but I still don't really know how I would do this blind. The type of kid I have in mind though has absolutely no future, whereas I can actually provide them one. Good international schools, university later if they want, nice home with lots of love, laughs, and giggles, they'd never be hungry, have their own bedrooms, etc.
Having a hard time getting myself mentally over the blind aspect though. Blind parents out there, how do you do it? Any experiences to share? Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
Cptn_dropbear 11 points 3y ago
As the adopted son of a blind dad.
Go for it.
Don't let being blind stop you. Us kids soon learn to pick up our toys make sure we put furniture back were it belongs and fridges cupboard are stacked in a specific order.
Ok some sports i couldn't do with my dad but that's what uncles or sports clubs are for.
But being blind would not stop my dad he would try anything much to my sighted mum's horror
He even tried teaching me to drive much to a police officers horror.
My dad taught me a lot, he gave me the confidence to try anything, to never let a disability hold you back, to never stop learning.
Every night he would sit with me help me with homework, i learnt public speaking as I would have to read it all out and make me repeat if I mumbled.
I would read his University books onto tape as he was and still is studying learnings new things.
He taught me how to use my brain to think things through and there is always multiple ways to work something out and of course judo watching him take guys twice his size out on the mat is impressive.
My dad is my dad sighted or not he gave me his love and understanding taught me right from wrong just as any other dad does.
So all the best I recon you will make a great dad blind or not your heart is in the right place and at end of the day that what matters to us kids... Love
P.s. I'm now 48 and he adopted me and my brother when I was 6 and he was 2.
Go for it.
Don't let being blind stop you. Us kids soon learn to pick up our toys make sure we put furniture back were it belongs and fridges cupboard are stacked in a specific order.
Ok some sports i couldn't do with my dad but that's what uncles or sports clubs are for.
But being blind would not stop my dad he would try anything much to my sighted mum's horror
He even tried teaching me to drive much to a police officers horror.
My dad taught me a lot, he gave me the confidence to try anything, to never let a disability hold you back, to never stop learning.
Every night he would sit with me help me with homework, i learnt public speaking as I would have to read it all out and make me repeat if I mumbled.
I would read his University books onto tape as he was and still is studying learnings new things.
He taught me how to use my brain to think things through and there is always multiple ways to work something out and of course judo watching him take guys twice his size out on the mat is impressive.
My dad is my dad sighted or not he gave me his love and understanding taught me right from wrong just as any other dad does.
So all the best I recon you will make a great dad blind or not your heart is in the right place and at end of the day that what matters to us kids... Love
P.s. I'm now 48 and he adopted me and my brother when I was 6 and he was 2.
Envrin [OP] 1 points 3y ago
Thanks for your story, and kind words of encouragement, appreciate it. Yeah, I've begun vocalizing this feeling to people close to me, they all said go for it as well, and that I'd make a great father.
There's lots of little accidents running all over the villages in SE Asia, who basically just have sperm donors who view them as farm hands, but don't have actual parents. Again, lived in NE Thailand for 8 years, so have been out to the villages lots with my previous partner, and know how life is out there. An 8 year old kid busting their ass on the farm for 14 hours per-day, just so they can have some sticky rice and a boiled frog for dinner. Maybe get a new $3 shirt once a year.
Regardless of all the mistakes I will make, as I'm sure there will be lots of them, I still think there's lots of kids out there who'd be better off for having my love in their life. Good home, good international schoos, unlimited love, lots of laughs and giggles, unlimited food and never go to sleep hungry, their own bedrooms, I can teach them lots of cool shit, and hopefully even enstill some good guiding principles into them to help take on this crazy world of ours when they get to that age. I'm a huge science buff too, so tons of cool shit I could show them. Hey kids, let's build a drone together and fly it around the neighborhood, or here's what happens when fire meets magnesium, and tons of other things.
There's loads of things about being blind that still scare the shit out of me though. Again, I will have a partner to be a live at home father, so he'll be around. For example, what happens if one of them decides it's a good idea to pour a bottle of rubbing alcohol into the fish tank? I'm not going to see it, so now I'm cleaning a fish tank, and buying new fish. Another example, one of my requirements for the next house is a private swimming pool in the backyard, because Asia is really hot. I'm not going to be able to see from the window if one of them is drowning. That type of thing scares the shit out of me.
Oh well, I'm going to do it anyway. Just have to wait for Kovid-19 to settle down a bit, so I'm comfortable heading back to Asia first. Thanks again for your story, and your dad sounds like an awesome man!
Cptn_dropbear 1 points 3y ago
Thanks for the update
You can reduce the risk of things going wrong. As in your two examples.
You can get get wooden lids for fish tanks that have locks on them.
Not sure of rules in Asia but we're I live we are required to have pool fencing with locks over 1500 mm high for access around pools and any door leading to pool area must have a self closing security door with locks at 1500 mm.
And you could make it a rule no going in pool without you in pool with them or partner being home.
Dad taught us from early age on how to act as guide kids as in how to lead explain steps slopes etc. And me and my brother were responsible for looking after each other and shout out to him if either of us were in trouble when mum was not home.
Ok we were little rat bags at times and would try holding our breath hugging wall to hide.
But dad would sniff us out. The finger would come out (like he was pointing at something)
stop turn poke us in stomach and say put those X number biscuts back.
And sure enough we would have X number of biscuits. As he would always say he could hear them rubbing
Was not to years later he told me that he would count the cookie jar before coming to find me. Lol.
And we learnt the hard way on why everything had its place. As in Do not put dog roll were lunch meat roll goes or you will end up with dog roll sandwiches for school lunch. Lol
As dad made our school lunch everyday
Dad never lived that one down and it has become a family joke... We gave him dog bowls with our names on them in braille for April fools Day one year and occasionally when we visit he will pull them out and serve us food in them just to get us back.
Some else said about bells... We had bracelets with our names on them and underneath parents name phone number if we got lost.
We had bells for 3 months while we got used to dad being blind and him us.
And I Had a wild thought... geo fencing seeing as you talked about drones get a mini tracker add it to bracelet and set up geo fencing for pool area and property boundry. So you get alert.
We also had the fridge magnet system.
Magnets with both braille and writing.
Dropbear is..... In his room ... at friend Steve's place with Steve's parents phone number....
In the pool...watching tv... Doing homework ... Delivering news papers...walking dog you get were I going lol.
We would just add to end of our names were we were and what we were doing.
We had to always come straight home after school even if going to friends place and leave a note on fridge then we were allowed to go.
Were talking the days before cell phones here.
And yes dad's a character all right.
I have many a story of his miss spent youth that he would tell us and jokes he would play.
If you ever have any questions I am happy to answer them.
Your kid or kids are going to be so lucky to have you and your partner as dads
You can reduce the risk of things going wrong. As in your two examples.
You can get get wooden lids for fish tanks that have locks on them.
Not sure of rules in Asia but we're I live we are required to have pool fencing with locks over 1500 mm high for access around pools and any door leading to pool area must have a self closing security door with locks at 1500 mm.
And you could make it a rule no going in pool without you in pool with them or partner being home.
Dad taught us from early age on how to act as guide kids as in how to lead explain steps slopes etc. And me and my brother were responsible for looking after each other and shout out to him if either of us were in trouble when mum was not home.
Ok we were little rat bags at times and would try holding our breath hugging wall to hide.
But dad would sniff us out. The finger would come out (like he was pointing at something)
stop turn poke us in stomach and say put those X number biscuts back.
And sure enough we would have X number of biscuits. As he would always say he could hear them rubbing
Was not to years later he told me that he would count the cookie jar before coming to find me. Lol.
And we learnt the hard way on why everything had its place. As in Do not put dog roll were lunch meat roll goes or you will end up with dog roll sandwiches for school lunch. Lol
As dad made our school lunch everyday
Dad never lived that one down and it has become a family joke... We gave him dog bowls with our names on them in braille for April fools Day one year and occasionally when we visit he will pull them out and serve us food in them just to get us back.
Some else said about bells... We had bracelets with our names on them and underneath parents name phone number if we got lost.
We had bells for 3 months while we got used to dad being blind and him us.
And I Had a wild thought... geo fencing seeing as you talked about drones get a mini tracker add it to bracelet and set up geo fencing for pool area and property boundry. So you get alert.
We also had the fridge magnet system.
Magnets with both braille and writing.
Dropbear is..... In his room ... at friend Steve's place with Steve's parents phone number....
In the pool...watching tv... Doing homework ... Delivering news papers...walking dog you get were I going lol.
We would just add to end of our names were we were and what we were doing.
We had to always come straight home after school even if going to friends place and leave a note on fridge then we were allowed to go.
Were talking the days before cell phones here.
And yes dad's a character all right.
I have many a story of his miss spent youth that he would tell us and jokes he would play.
If you ever have any questions I am happy to answer them.
Your kid or kids are going to be so lucky to have you and your partner as dads
AlexDalcourt 7 points 3y ago
Here is a story from one of my blind friends that is really endearing.
Her uncle has the same genetic condition and is profoundly blind.
He married a nice girl who worked full time so he was pretty afraid of the whole parenting thing because he'd be the one responsible most of the day.
After a couple years she got pregnant and they decided it was worth it. When the child was born sighted it scared him even more because now this kid already knew more about the world than he did.
For the first couple years it was maneuvering and improvising to make it work. For example when he started to walk, they gave the boy a bracelet with little bells on it so he always knew where the lil dude was.
Honestly it's about being honest with your child about your situation and allowing them to guide you.
If you can give a little one love and shelter, the rest will follow with time, effort, and research. You can do this, it's been done by many blind people before!
Dont let your sight stol you from loving someone who needs to be loved. Because that's going to be one of your biggest regrets.
Her uncle has the same genetic condition and is profoundly blind.
He married a nice girl who worked full time so he was pretty afraid of the whole parenting thing because he'd be the one responsible most of the day.
After a couple years she got pregnant and they decided it was worth it. When the child was born sighted it scared him even more because now this kid already knew more about the world than he did.
For the first couple years it was maneuvering and improvising to make it work. For example when he started to walk, they gave the boy a bracelet with little bells on it so he always knew where the lil dude was.
Honestly it's about being honest with your child about your situation and allowing them to guide you.
If you can give a little one love and shelter, the rest will follow with time, effort, and research. You can do this, it's been done by many blind people before!
Dont let your sight stol you from loving someone who needs to be loved. Because that's going to be one of your biggest regrets.
guitarandbooks 1 points 3y ago
It can be done! My gf and I have an eight year old and a baby on the way in September. We are both totally blind and our eight year old has perfect sight. The baby probably will too.
I'm not sure what age you are looking to adopt but there are many things you can do as a blind parent that aren't much different to things a fully sighted parent would do...
If you are dealing with a baby, things like bottle prep, bottle feeding, introducing solid food, changing, dressing, and bathing are all perfectly doable when you're blind! You really need to focus though as things can go wrong with any or all of those! (That goes for fully sighted parents too! Every parent has messes to deal with and makes mistakes;I don't care who you are.) Common sense goes a long way. There are many useful books out there as well although we haven't had a baby to take care of in a few years now so that recommended book list has most likely changed by now.
Hmmmm what else...
They make books that have print, pictures, and Braille so you can read to your child or help them learn to read.
They have tactile friendly games and of course there are tactile friendly toys;things like the marble run, Legos, janga, magnatiles, playdough etc. (Again, I'm not sure what age we're talking about here exactly!)
Because there is a screen reader built in to every Apple computer, iPhone, iPad, and Windows pc etc, I have been able to create lessons for my son to work on when he's not in school. Things like basic spelling, reading, word searches, touch typing. I can follow along with my screen reader using headphones and this has worked out pretty well so far.
My son rides his bike now but when we used to go on walks, I made sure he held my hand;just like a sighted person does with a sighted child. I would either use my cane or my guide dog who is now retired sadly. When my dog was still working, he would take his bike in front of us and even if he was down the block a bit, I could still hear him well enough to know where he was. I follow with my cane now which is not quite as fast.
Communication is very important! My boy is smart but stubborn so this doesn't always go as well as we would like. Your child needs to understand that they do not go out of the house without your permission. Also, when they are outside, if I call my son's name, I expect an immediate response so I can pinpoint where he is on our property.
One thing we did was to get some cheap door chain locks and put them near the top of the back door and the front door. (This was for when he was little. We don't use them so much these days, just the regular door locks.) When you have a small child, it's very important that they don't have the ability to unlock the door because the last thing you need is for them to run outside and end up in the street.
Being organized is very important! Setting up a system for storing medications and supplies, knowing what clothes go where in the dresser and closet etc. Again, not far from what a sighted parent would do. I found braille lables to be a great help and the same goes for bump dots.
These are just a few things off the top of my head but hopefully it helps a little bit. Keep us posted!
I'm not sure what age you are looking to adopt but there are many things you can do as a blind parent that aren't much different to things a fully sighted parent would do...
If you are dealing with a baby, things like bottle prep, bottle feeding, introducing solid food, changing, dressing, and bathing are all perfectly doable when you're blind! You really need to focus though as things can go wrong with any or all of those! (That goes for fully sighted parents too! Every parent has messes to deal with and makes mistakes;I don't care who you are.) Common sense goes a long way. There are many useful books out there as well although we haven't had a baby to take care of in a few years now so that recommended book list has most likely changed by now.
Hmmmm what else...
They make books that have print, pictures, and Braille so you can read to your child or help them learn to read.
They have tactile friendly games and of course there are tactile friendly toys;things like the marble run, Legos, janga, magnatiles, playdough etc. (Again, I'm not sure what age we're talking about here exactly!)
Because there is a screen reader built in to every Apple computer, iPhone, iPad, and Windows pc etc, I have been able to create lessons for my son to work on when he's not in school. Things like basic spelling, reading, word searches, touch typing. I can follow along with my screen reader using headphones and this has worked out pretty well so far.
My son rides his bike now but when we used to go on walks, I made sure he held my hand;just like a sighted person does with a sighted child. I would either use my cane or my guide dog who is now retired sadly. When my dog was still working, he would take his bike in front of us and even if he was down the block a bit, I could still hear him well enough to know where he was. I follow with my cane now which is not quite as fast.
Communication is very important! My boy is smart but stubborn so this doesn't always go as well as we would like. Your child needs to understand that they do not go out of the house without your permission. Also, when they are outside, if I call my son's name, I expect an immediate response so I can pinpoint where he is on our property.
One thing we did was to get some cheap door chain locks and put them near the top of the back door and the front door. (This was for when he was little. We don't use them so much these days, just the regular door locks.) When you have a small child, it's very important that they don't have the ability to unlock the door because the last thing you need is for them to run outside and end up in the street.
Being organized is very important! Setting up a system for storing medications and supplies, knowing what clothes go where in the dresser and closet etc. Again, not far from what a sighted parent would do. I found braille lables to be a great help and the same goes for bump dots.
These are just a few things off the top of my head but hopefully it helps a little bit. Keep us posted!
ginsenshi 1 points 3y ago
As a young 32 gay blind guy my self I've had some of the same  concerns. My  fiancé is 39 and has was in a straight relationship before, his ex has two boys at the time 13 and 7 or somthing like that , he was with her for a number of years. He did fine parenting them with no help since his ex wife couldn't hold down a job and had no want to really parent her own kids.
I've also dealt with other people's kids with some success so hopefully I'll do fine when me and my partner do  adopt.
THe plan is two blind/mystery impaired boys.
My partner's and my values are similar, he being born in the Southern US and me being half filipino.
Right now its just us two and my working guide dog, THough hopefully back to two working dogs in the future.
I've also dealt with other people's kids with some success so hopefully I'll do fine when me and my partner do  adopt.
THe plan is two blind/mystery impaired boys.
My partner's and my values are similar, he being born in the Southern US and me being half filipino.
Right now its just us two and my working guide dog, THough hopefully back to two working dogs in the future.
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