Full disclosure: I'm not blind. I'm a teacher for the visually impaired. I can't speak to being asked to leave a service animal at home, but I do know that it happens sometimes for valid reasons.

From what you've described, it *seems* valid. That being said, your friend is also NTA for not wanting to go without her service animal. The dog isn't a pet- its a navigation tool and an extension of herself.

Dog guide handlers (at least in the US) must be strong cane users in order to qualify for a dog guide. However, cane skills can erode and even if they haven't, she may not be comfortable navigating without her dog. It'd be like blindfolding you cause someone's allergic to your eyes. She's probably also tired of getting flack about her dog and disability and you may gotten some of that frustration in her response.

No one's the asshole here but both parties have valid points. Consider writing her a heart felt email or sending a small thinking of you gift. You probably don't get shunned or treated differently on a daily basis due to your allergies. Folks with blindness deal with all kinds of unbelievable crap on a daily basis. You struck a nerve, however unintentionally, and its going to take a bit for her to process and deal with it.

I don't have a guide dog, so take this with a large grain of salt.

As much as we should be allowed and have legally protected rights to bring our guide dogs with us into places, there are occasionally certain circumstances where it's inappropriate or unsafe or just entirely too impractical to do so.

This is a large part of why most guide dog schools won't give you a dog if you don't have good cane travel skills already.

If it were my friend who had severe allergies and didn't want my dog there, I would totally understand. I may choose not to attend the wedding, but I wouldn't hold any ill feelings about it, and I'd hope my friend wouldn't either, if I chose not to go.

It's no one's fault. It's just an unfortunate set of circumstances.

That said, I might take offense at the idea of needing to line up a cadre of people to help take care of me because my dog wasn't there.

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Resolving problems and conflicts with friends is tough, but in cases like this I'd recommend something resembling a formal negotiation technique. And since I'm a bookish person, I recommend books rather than some ready-made solution.


Two books on the subject that I've found useful are Getting to Yes and also Crucial Conversations. I'll provide links to audio books.

**Getting to Yes** by Fisher and Ury

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**Crucial Conversations** by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler

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In a situation with friends, it may be helpful to have a third friend act as an intermediary. Also, it can help to focus on some objective standards and negotiate from there.


Whether or not a guide dog can be in the same room as someone with an allergy doesn't--or at least shouldn't--have to mean an either/or, all-or-nothing decision about a friend attending a wedding. Working on a creative solution together can be good because, hey, they're friends, and that's what friends do.


Could the friend and her guide dog listen to a live audio feed from a neighboring room? Hard to say without knowing more, and this is a more general concern that doesn't merit wading into the nearly 2000 comments on the original post.


Incidentally, if they're having a wedding now, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, how are guests going to deal with travel and being close to one another anyway? "Intimate" doesn't have to mean crammed so close together you can smell the breath and/or deodorant of the person officiating the wedding. They may already be making accommodations, and in that spirit it seems that friends can find some way to be together but not close.

I see both sides. I was once asked to leave my guide home for a birthday - I refused as I didn't feel comfortable navigating without him or leaving him for an extended period. The party went ahead, they had a good time, I heard about it later. Sometimes a compromise isn't possible. Then it's a matter of what to do moving forward - in this case would the friend like to include her in the wedding in a different way such as discussing planning/getting her thoughts prior, or making sure photos have descriptions and share it after, etc. If I were the friend I'd probably be initially upset as it took her by surprise - then focus on the bride having a wonderful wedding and continuing the friendship in ways that worked for everyone e.g. the meeting in open places to catch up. The situation sucks, but life isn't perfect or fair.

Shouldn't her friend be able to use a cane? Isn't that a requirement for getting a service dog? Honestly I see where the blind friend is coming from, but I think OP's case is stronger. They have a legitimate reason why they can't be around dogs, her friend can compromise on using a cane for a few hours.

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I’m not the OP. I agree with you 100%.