Blind and Visually Impaired Community
↑
47
↓
I'm legally blind. My mom always tells me to look where I'm going. (self.Blind)
submitted by happylici
I'm legally blind and live at home with my mom and sisters. I started going blind in 2018 due to a retinal disease and now have right at 20% of visual field in both eyes.
My mom has always been kind of nonchalant about my disease and how it affects my life. Even when attending the blind school in my area and using a cane, my mom still seems to think I can see better than what I say I can. Because of my visual field loss, I constantly run into things that are over, under, in front, and to the sides of me. My family doesn't move things from the middle of the floor or hallway and even leave doors open but I do need to use my cane and o&m skills more, even if I'm just at home.
Today I ran into my mom trying to leave the living room. She was standing in the entrance with her hands on her hips. I know this because her elbow went right into my collarbone. I kind of pushed past her while angrily saying "Move!" . She turned around and yelled behind me "Maybe you should look where you're going!"
I stopped and almost turned around to yell, but didn't .
My mom is always telling me I need to look where I'm going but I don't know how to explain to her how I can't! I know not saying excuse me was kind of rude but she's always telling me I need to look where I'm going, how I need to look down more, watch where I'm going and so on. It really hurts my feelings.
Has anyone else have this problem before or know how to handle it? Should I practice my orientation and mobility skills more or talk to my mom? Any advice or stories would be helpful.
My mom has always been kind of nonchalant about my disease and how it affects my life. Even when attending the blind school in my area and using a cane, my mom still seems to think I can see better than what I say I can. Because of my visual field loss, I constantly run into things that are over, under, in front, and to the sides of me. My family doesn't move things from the middle of the floor or hallway and even leave doors open but I do need to use my cane and o&m skills more, even if I'm just at home.
Today I ran into my mom trying to leave the living room. She was standing in the entrance with her hands on her hips. I know this because her elbow went right into my collarbone. I kind of pushed past her while angrily saying "Move!" . She turned around and yelled behind me "Maybe you should look where you're going!"
I stopped and almost turned around to yell, but didn't .
My mom is always telling me I need to look where I'm going but I don't know how to explain to her how I can't! I know not saying excuse me was kind of rude but she's always telling me I need to look where I'm going, how I need to look down more, watch where I'm going and so on. It really hurts my feelings.
Has anyone else have this problem before or know how to handle it? Should I practice my orientation and mobility skills more or talk to my mom? Any advice or stories would be helpful.
brumeloss 28 points 3y ago
Sounds like your mom is still in denial about your disease as she doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. This happened with my mom when I was losing my vision. She was pissed I couldn't get a job, not knowing that only 28% of people with a visual impairment are employed.
Personally, I think my mom was in denial because she smoked during her pregnancy and probably feels guilty since she could have caused my eye problems.
Personally, I think my mom was in denial because she smoked during her pregnancy and probably feels guilty since she could have caused my eye problems.
happylici [OP] 12 points 3y ago
I've had a couple of friends suggest this, but my response has always been but why is this her reaction? Why can't she realize that this is a real thing that's happening? But now I know how much it's hurting her. I'll make sure to talk to her more! Also, I had no idea the percentage of low vision persons was that low.
brumeloss 12 points 3y ago
Just remember, losing vision and having a close family member lose vision (especially a child) can be considered grief. One of the stages of grief is denial. Even I was in denial when it first started happening.
All the best to you and your family.
All the best to you and your family.
happylici [OP] 6 points 3y ago
Thank you so much.
Winnmark 12 points 3y ago
> Should I practice my orientation and mobility skills more or talk to my mom?
Yes.
Yes.
happylici [OP] 9 points 3y ago
I'll be taking my cane out more and will try talking to my mom!
CloudyBeep 9 points 3y ago
You shouldn't need to use your cane at home. You need to have a firm and frank discussion with your family—perhaps assisted by your teachers—saying that you don't feel comfortable navigating at home.
stupidpoopoohead 9 points 3y ago
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I work with lots of parents of blind kids and one thing I see frequently is that families mourn their child’s vision loss. This can manifest in a lot of different ways one of which is denial. Do you think your mom would talk to another mom about blindness? The NOPBC (National Organization of Parents of Blind Children) conference is next week and it’s all virtual. You might be interested in the NFB convention happening at the same time. Everything is free this year too. Based on my experience the best thing for a parent to do for their child when they find out they are blind/VI is to embrace it fully.
happylici [OP] 4 points 3y ago
Thank you for this suggestion! I'm actually not a child ( I graduated late ) but this seems like a good thing to start out with! My mom has been kind of involved in my schooling at the blind school but I still believe she has more to understand and learn about visually impaired persons.
sithsecretwayfinder 6 points 3y ago
Sadly, my mom does this 20z a day. I just keep reminding her my limits and what I can and can't see. Even though she doesnt understand or get it I keep telling her. Its frustrating and not so much painful. Just boring and repetitive.
happylici [OP] 6 points 3y ago
I used to calmly explain to my mom the things or places I can't see, but nothing changed either. I'm looking forward to moving out and having an easier environment to maneuver around in.
sithsecretwayfinder 2 points 3y ago
Same here. Its the only thing you can do.
Only1lunatica 4 points 3y ago
you say you are attending blind school, they might have courses for family members to help them understand the world of shitty vision
happylici [OP] 1 points 3y ago
I've actually already graduated this year and even if I didn't the only help my school gives is workshops on how to understand a students IEP.
I feel like they think if you put your kid in a blind school, then you know they're visually impaired / blind. I wish there was a workshop to understand your child's blindness.
I feel like they think if you put your kid in a blind school, then you know they're visually impaired / blind. I wish there was a workshop to understand your child's blindness.
BlindAvenger 4 points 3y ago
Just curious if you might have access to a video that could show a simulation of your visual impairment. I know here in Canada, we have the Canadian National Institute for the Blind and the local office actually has different eyeglasses that simulate what it’s like to suffer from a specific visual impairment. I just ask because it might help your mother to understand a bit better if she can conceptualize what you see because of your vision loss. Aside from that, I think a lot of the other people here have already mentioned what I would say. Be sure to communicate with her, understand that it’s a process for her to come to terms with as well, do whatever you can to make sure you can get around independently, safely and try not to take it too personally if you can. I know it can hurt like hell and parents don’t realize what they’re saying sometimes. Before I started wearing hearing aids, I had a really hard time hearing and every time my dad would have to repeat himself, he would get really upset and asked me if I was deaf. It made me feel terrible and like there was something wrong with me when his temper was really what the problem was. I know it’s hard to look at it logically in the moment though. Just hang in there because things do get better and there is support out there.
macadamia_owl 2 points 3y ago
This, simulation glasses are so helpful to people with normal vision to understand the part of the struggle or just how it is!
There are nowadays lots of VR and AR apps that simulates different eye diseases trough smartphone camera and on display theres live view of it. It works great with cheap VR chinese headsets but without them too. Both on iOS and Android I used this to show it to kids in presentations about disabilities awareness in nearby school they were shocked and teachers too.
There are nowadays lots of VR and AR apps that simulates different eye diseases trough smartphone camera and on display theres live view of it. It works great with cheap VR chinese headsets but without them too. Both on iOS and Android I used this to show it to kids in presentations about disabilities awareness in nearby school they were shocked and teachers too.
Khosrohamid 4 points 3y ago
Hello my friend !
It seems like your mother is having issues accepting your situation and tries to deny it.
You must know as a mother it's hard for her to see her child struggling with something out of their control.
For sure all these changes and attitude will effect you the most but you have to keep in mind they are dealing with this issue too.
If you want to blame them you have every right in the world to do so.
But if you want to make the best outcome of the situation you have to help her accept the situation instead of denying it.
Let her know you are coping with this issue and it's not the end of your world.
You are discovering new skills that you were not aware of them before !
Tell her about your progress and how happy you can be if you reach certain goals.
In other words let her know you have accepted your situation and you want to live your life the way you are and enjoy every minute in your own ways.
And after she knows for sure you are fine and you are going to be fine she will start to accept the situation too and be a buddy to help rather than deny.
It seems like your mother is having issues accepting your situation and tries to deny it.
You must know as a mother it's hard for her to see her child struggling with something out of their control.
For sure all these changes and attitude will effect you the most but you have to keep in mind they are dealing with this issue too.
If you want to blame them you have every right in the world to do so.
But if you want to make the best outcome of the situation you have to help her accept the situation instead of denying it.
Let her know you are coping with this issue and it's not the end of your world.
You are discovering new skills that you were not aware of them before !
Tell her about your progress and how happy you can be if you reach certain goals.
In other words let her know you have accepted your situation and you want to live your life the way you are and enjoy every minute in your own ways.
And after she knows for sure you are fine and you are going to be fine she will start to accept the situation too and be a buddy to help rather than deny.
happylici [OP] 4 points 3y ago
Hi ! Thank you so much for the comment. Reading other ones, I can definitely see how my mom could be going through this type of disbelief. I really don't blame my family for the situation I'm in, I just wished they would care more.
And actually, while attending the blind school, I've always discussed my vision, problems, and successes with my mom. My sisters don't really care so, she's been the person I've talked to. She is super supportive in everything I did at school and after school and has even visited a couple of times.
I've hoped that this would make her realize and understand what me and other students are going through but after she would always say "Well, you're not as blind as them." Or "I bet they're glad you're here to help them !" as in, I'm not blind like them.
Now that I'm reading this though, I think she is in denial. Again, thank you so much for your input ! I have a lot to think about now.
And actually, while attending the blind school, I've always discussed my vision, problems, and successes with my mom. My sisters don't really care so, she's been the person I've talked to. She is super supportive in everything I did at school and after school and has even visited a couple of times.
I've hoped that this would make her realize and understand what me and other students are going through but after she would always say "Well, you're not as blind as them." Or "I bet they're glad you're here to help them !" as in, I'm not blind like them.
Now that I'm reading this though, I think she is in denial. Again, thank you so much for your input ! I have a lot to think about now.
Khosrohamid 4 points 3y ago
I hope you have wonderful and joyful life.
SPN-hunter 3 points 3y ago
My parents went through a version of denial as well. I was born legally blind oh and didn’t start getting help until my freshman year of high school. Mom seemed to care about was the medical side of things. It didn’t click in my mind that I have a significant disability until around middle school. I feel like I have had to come to many realizations in my life. My dad took the denial. I remember him constantly praying for me as a child. He would pray for my eyes to heal and for me to have perfect vision. As a kid I would believe it so much that I would actually be scared and excited to open my eyes the next morning. It’s hard. I’m still healing and coming to terms with things. Also sorry about the way this is written. I am using dictation and don’t feel like fixing it LOL
MizzerC 3 points 3y ago
Get more vision professionals in your life to sit down and talk with her. Get your optometrist to go over your condition with her, especially with photos if possible.
It took a lot of conversation and 'pressure' from everyone involved to get it to click with my mother that my sister and I have vision isues and most importantly for her, that we don't feel it is her fault. Genetics certainly provided a lot of it, but neither my sister or I give two craps about that or laying any blame on my mother. It's life. It happens.
Once she realized that, she now actively tries to think and consider assitance for both of us when we need it.
It takes time.
It took a lot of conversation and 'pressure' from everyone involved to get it to click with my mother that my sister and I have vision isues and most importantly for her, that we don't feel it is her fault. Genetics certainly provided a lot of it, but neither my sister or I give two craps about that or laying any blame on my mother. It's life. It happens.
Once she realized that, she now actively tries to think and consider assitance for both of us when we need it.
It takes time.
happylici [OP] 2 points 3y ago
Thank you so much for your input
LexieDream 3 points 3y ago
Sounds like she’s being rude and inconsiderate. I wonder if she’s in some sort of denial over your condition.
In any case, all the O&M practice in the world isn’t going to help when others aren’t being a little more considerate, and not give you so much grief, when they can’t do something as simple as let you know they are there, o step out of the way.
You could have a talk with her about how you feel, but this won’t mean her behavior will change. It’s good to at least get your feelings out.
In any case, all the O&M practice in the world isn’t going to help when others aren’t being a little more considerate, and not give you so much grief, when they can’t do something as simple as let you know they are there, o step out of the way.
You could have a talk with her about how you feel, but this won’t mean her behavior will change. It’s good to at least get your feelings out.
kailikameoka 1 points 3y ago
I read that title and thought “EXACTLY!!” This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.
I’ve been visually impaired since birth (currently 24 years old). Fortunately (or not) I have a lot of functional vision. A lot of times, I guess, o can hide the fact that I’m visually impaired. But, sometimes it’s just undeniable, like when I can’t find something or see crumbs to pick up after myself. It’s times like these that my sighted family members think they can bark “focus” and my visual impairment will disappear.
Recently I’ve had a few ideas about this.
1. They may not want to accept that we are blind. People that can see have a hard time understanding what it’s like to not be able to see I’m told denial is one of the stages of feeling with loss. I’m not sure if this helps but knowing that your mom is dealing with vision loss along with you (in a way) could help you find a way to connect with her?
2. It might help if we did a bit more to educate our sighted family members about what we can and cannot see. Recently I’ve taken to sarcastic remarks about how it must be nice to be sighted, but I think If we put more effort into explaining what we’re experiencing, it can help them to understand.
These are just my thoughts, haven’t quite put them into practice yet.
I’ve been visually impaired since birth (currently 24 years old). Fortunately (or not) I have a lot of functional vision. A lot of times, I guess, o can hide the fact that I’m visually impaired. But, sometimes it’s just undeniable, like when I can’t find something or see crumbs to pick up after myself. It’s times like these that my sighted family members think they can bark “focus” and my visual impairment will disappear.
Recently I’ve had a few ideas about this.
1. They may not want to accept that we are blind. People that can see have a hard time understanding what it’s like to not be able to see I’m told denial is one of the stages of feeling with loss. I’m not sure if this helps but knowing that your mom is dealing with vision loss along with you (in a way) could help you find a way to connect with her?
2. It might help if we did a bit more to educate our sighted family members about what we can and cannot see. Recently I’ve taken to sarcastic remarks about how it must be nice to be sighted, but I think If we put more effort into explaining what we’re experiencing, it can help them to understand.
These are just my thoughts, haven’t quite put them into practice yet.
This nonprofit website is run by volunteers.
Please contribute if you can. Thank you!
Our mission is to provide everyone with access to large-
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
©2023 HumbleCat Inc • HumbleCat is a 501(c)3 nonprofit based in Michigan, USA.