Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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I have a blind neighbor, I’d like to help but I don’t want to seem rude? Sorry for the ignorant questions, can I get your opinions? (self.Blind)
submitted by TheAfterlifeCoach
Hi! Thank you for reading and sorry if I seem ignorant. I probably am. I have never met anyone that was blind prior to meeting one of my neighbors, and I am not sure what is considered appropriate or inappropriate. Last week I helped walk him to the store as he asked if I was headed in that direction. I wasn’t, but I had free time, and I offered to walk him to the store. He gladly accepted my help and held onto my arm the entire way. We were making small talk and I asked if he was able to see shadows, vague outlines etc and he said he was completely blind. Was this rude of me to ask? I was curious since he is fully capable of getting to the store himself and he has the entire time I have lived here. I figured perhaps he was lonely or it is much easier to have help walking to the store. I was wondering if I should give him my phone number, so if he needs help in the future he can call me? I don’t want to make him feel like I am babying him, I know he is more than capable but I just want to be friendly. I am also wondering if he has always been blind or not, but am not sure if this is offensive to ask. Also, I am more than happy to visually describe our neighborhood, as there is a lot of new construction, but am unsure if offering this would be offensive? I just want to help but am worried I may come across as rude. What do you think, would you be offended if anyone asked you about your blindness and whether you were born that way or not? Also he lives alone, I am guessing it might be helpful to have a neighbor he can count on but I don’t want to come across like he isn’t capable of taking care of himself. Lastly, for those that are blind, are there any tasks that are harder than others that I could help him with? We went to the grocery store and I was thinking maybe setting up a weekly routine could be helpful for him? Like I could offer to go to the store with him once a week? I am guessing he is 60. Oh and he doesn’t have a dog, he said he had 2 in the past but now he can’t have one since it would have no place to run around, but we live next door to a park. Thank you for your thoughts and sorry if this seems offensive, my heart is in the right place though!
retrolental_morose 7 points 2y ago
I and my wife are both totally blind: younger, but ...
Asking about his vision seems fine, most people would rather answer questions than have you assume things.
it's sometimes faster to go to the store with someone than to walk, especially if you're used to having a dog and don't anymore (my guide retired last month, and the white cane sure feels much slower).
Giving him your number is a great idea, and insuring he can identify you when you talk to him - drop your name in when you say hi, unless you have a particularly distinctive voice. I've lived in my neighbourhood for 5 years, and still misidentify people from across the street because all they say is "hi".
He may be happy to accept some routine help, or he may just not need it. If he doesn't don't feel you can't offer wider help (if there's some place you go that he can't get to you could ask if he needs something next time you're going, that sort of thing).
Generally I'd say don't be afraid to ask questions, and if you don't get a flood of requests just make sure he knows you're there if he needs anything.
Asking about his vision seems fine, most people would rather answer questions than have you assume things.
it's sometimes faster to go to the store with someone than to walk, especially if you're used to having a dog and don't anymore (my guide retired last month, and the white cane sure feels much slower).
Giving him your number is a great idea, and insuring he can identify you when you talk to him - drop your name in when you say hi, unless you have a particularly distinctive voice. I've lived in my neighbourhood for 5 years, and still misidentify people from across the street because all they say is "hi".
He may be happy to accept some routine help, or he may just not need it. If he doesn't don't feel you can't offer wider help (if there's some place you go that he can't get to you could ask if he needs something next time you're going, that sort of thing).
Generally I'd say don't be afraid to ask questions, and if you don't get a flood of requests just make sure he knows you're there if he needs anything.
TheAfterlifeCoach [OP] 3 points 2y ago
This is such great advice! It did not even occur to me to say, “Hi Charlie, it’s Katie!” Etc. Last week when I helped him to the store, I just said “Hi Charlie!”. This is an excellent point and I took for granted how helpful it must be to have the person identify who they are. Thanks! Also, since he is older, I am wondering how much he uses technology. I am considering telling him about the “Be My Eyes” app but I am not sure how much he uses technology. I will give him my number next time I see him, but if he does not have his phone on him how would that work? I guess I could take his number down and call it. This is useful to consider, it probably is faster with someone than by yourself.
Maybe next time i will see if he wants to get lunch, perhaps he would appreciate getting to know me so it is just weird having a stranger volunteering to help. If he knows a little more about me maybe he would feel more comfortable. I wonder if he has friends, from what I have read on Reddit, it seems sometimes it can be harder to make friends if you are visually impaired.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my silly questions! Cheers!
Maybe next time i will see if he wants to get lunch, perhaps he would appreciate getting to know me so it is just weird having a stranger volunteering to help. If he knows a little more about me maybe he would feel more comfortable. I wonder if he has friends, from what I have read on Reddit, it seems sometimes it can be harder to make friends if you are visually impaired.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my silly questions! Cheers!
retrolental_morose 4 points 2y ago
there are no silly questions. Plenty of silly people around though ;)
Some older blind people I know handwrite phone numbers and such in braille. I'd just whatsapp or text you if it were me, or hand you a business card, it varies hugely.
It's definitely worth asking about technology. If he uses some you've got some common ground, but if not ... I've set up more Amazon Echo and Google Mini devices for old people than I can count.
Lunch may be good, also if you are getting something he may not have easy access to you could offer. Some of the best takeout places here need you to collect, for example, and not being able to drive we're limited to deliveries or helpful friends.
probably the very best thing to do is ask if there's anything you can do. our neighbour recently re-surfaced their driveway and now there's no curb to the road, so one of the landmarks I'd use to be sure where I was on the street is gone. You mentioned construction, perhaps asking if any of that's impacted him, or if there's anything he's concerned/unsure about as a result is a good idea.
there's a line between being friendly and being friends. Not to warn you off at all, but it's something that has to work from both ends, you know?
Some older blind people I know handwrite phone numbers and such in braille. I'd just whatsapp or text you if it were me, or hand you a business card, it varies hugely.
It's definitely worth asking about technology. If he uses some you've got some common ground, but if not ... I've set up more Amazon Echo and Google Mini devices for old people than I can count.
Lunch may be good, also if you are getting something he may not have easy access to you could offer. Some of the best takeout places here need you to collect, for example, and not being able to drive we're limited to deliveries or helpful friends.
probably the very best thing to do is ask if there's anything you can do. our neighbour recently re-surfaced their driveway and now there's no curb to the road, so one of the landmarks I'd use to be sure where I was on the street is gone. You mentioned construction, perhaps asking if any of that's impacted him, or if there's anything he's concerned/unsure about as a result is a good idea.
there's a line between being friendly and being friends. Not to warn you off at all, but it's something that has to work from both ends, you know?
TheAfterlifeCoach [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Ah, these are again, very thoughtful questions and points. I’ll be sure to ask him these questions the next time I see him. I regret not giving him my number but I will see him around hopefully within the next few weeks. It may be weird, but if I see him walk past my house I will go make an effort to catch him and talk to him. You are right, friendship should be organic. I was just amazed as we walked to the store, there was gravel, rocks, tree branches and he just carried on with no issues. I was more concerned than he was! Lunch may be a bit much and too much too soon, but I will help and ask all the other points you brought up. I was shocked when I asked if anyone had described the new construction to him and he said no. I then described that the new townhomes looked like brooklyn brownstones. In retrospect, I am not sure he knows what brooklyn brownstones even are. But maybe if he didn’t know, he would ask. Since I did say there is a mother in law suite on the bottom floor of them, and he asked what that was. Thank you for your help! Maybe I will get to help, like that scene from the movie Amelie, one day! I will tell Charlie the next time I see him I got help from some friendly blind internet strangers, and then maybe even show him Reddit!
retrolental_morose 1 points 2y ago
People often have difficulty in reconciling the way blind people move. Do you walk around your own home or bedroom in total darkness sometimes? or very low light? Automatically enter a room and have your hand at the exact place for the lightswitch without even thinking about it? We do this when walking - I at least tend to step quite lightly. Just like how a cane has to hit something to know it's there, a foot has to feel a change in texture, gradient or whatever for us to recognise a change. Many blind people have the appearance of being steady on their feet, because in effect our footing is used as part of our sensorium.
Oh and just to add when guiding, it's always preferable to let your elbow be held, don't do the holding yourself. Walk slightly ahead of the person you're guiding, the natural movement in your arms position will help, and you may even eventually need to dispense with warnings about steps and such. I'm guided silently by family now, and have to make a conscious effort to turn back on the verbal prompts when guiding other VI people. Take a normal walking pace, don't stop at single steps or crossings unless you need to for traffic, because there's not room for 2 people abreast etc. Short announcements - "step up", "step down", "door on your right" etc can flow with conversation without needing to interrupt the journey. .
Oh and just to add when guiding, it's always preferable to let your elbow be held, don't do the holding yourself. Walk slightly ahead of the person you're guiding, the natural movement in your arms position will help, and you may even eventually need to dispense with warnings about steps and such. I'm guided silently by family now, and have to make a conscious effort to turn back on the verbal prompts when guiding other VI people. Take a normal walking pace, don't stop at single steps or crossings unless you need to for traffic, because there's not room for 2 people abreast etc. Short announcements - "step up", "step down", "door on your right" etc can flow with conversation without needing to interrupt the journey. .
Real_Space_Captain 2 points 2y ago
If you can, you should offer to go on a weekly grocery trip! My grandmother has been fully blind for most of her life (I'm currently loosing my eye sight, but I can walk around fine). And she relies on people like yourself to help her grocery shop each week, usually catching rides from friends. If she gets to the store, a worker will help her gather the items on the list with her as her friends do their shopping, or they shop together.
If he'd prefer to walk and go himself, maybe just let him know you like just getting out and getting fresh air so you'd be happy to tag along.
If he'd prefer to walk and go himself, maybe just let him know you like just getting out and getting fresh air so you'd be happy to tag along.
FantasticGlove 1 points 2y ago
Personally, I get this kind of thing a lot so I'm use to it. I usually can start creating friendships with people who ask questions. That's just me though. I don't know your neighbor. Just treat him normally and if you have questions, just tell him that you have a question and if he feels comfortable, just ask. It's all good.
Lynessence 1 points 2y ago
You have been given a lut of great advice already. I'm not sure I can add anything. At first, all of my sighted friends asked a lot of questions—why am I blind, when did I lose my sight, how much can I see, and so onn—but after a little while, you don't think so much about blindness and really start to get to know the person. I don't think it's rude to ask questions. I don't mind educating people, but a lut of questions at once can seem intrusive. I've had neighbours offer to help out, and while I know their heart is in the right place, I felt like I was their good deed of the week because it was all about "can I do this for you", and not getting to know me as a person. Some blind people are very dependent on others, and some are very independent and try to do most things on their own. I am of the latter variety, and it sounds like your neighbour is, too. It's a good idea to exchange phone numbers, and if he needs help, he'll ask. But more likely he wants a friend or a coffee buddy, someone whom he can talk to about everyday life and not just life with a disability. I'm not saying don't ask questions, just be mindful of how many you ask. It sounds to me like you'll be a very conscientious and thoughtful neighbour.
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