I can answer questions as I only started using mine after breaking my shin twice through stubbornness.


It was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.


Also retinitis pigmentosa.

This is something that a lot of people struggle with. The entire experience of losing vision is difficult to cope with when you rely so much sight to be independent. Using a cane in public can also make people feel really uncomfortable and self concious, because it brings everyone's attention to your disability. It's an emotional hurdle that has to be dealt with, and it can be harder for people already predisposed to have anxiety for sure.

There's some really good blind youtubers that broach this subject. Two come to my mind at the moment-

The Blind life
The Tommy Edison Experience

And, just in general, theres a lot of helpful information on youtube for dealing with life as a blind person. I've found several channels to be incredibly helpful.

Your friend is not alone. I went through it and I have mentored people who have gone through it, one of whom has RP. The degree to which people will claim they don't need it and don't want it and - ouch, what's that? We call it the sisterhood of the bruised hip.

One of my padawan learners has a very shy cane that likes to hide in her bag because she doesn't want to look blind. I just ask her if she wants to look like a sighted person who constantly walks into things for no readily apparent reason. We are trying to cure her cane of its agoraphobia but it's very tough even though she's almost as blind as I am these days. Lockdown didn't help.

In all seriousness, everyone feels this way, everyone feels like they're not really a proper blind person, everyone gets terrible impostor syndrome. It happened to me and it's basically impossible to be any blinder than I am. It's tough with RP because it's progressive and it's not like you get a letter one day that says "you are now officially blind enough to use a cane." Everyone feels like a fake. It's normal. Maybe it will help her to know that, I don't know.

In the end you realise there's more fun to be had by actually being able to walk around and do stuff. When I'm out and about my cane goes in and out of a belt holster approximately one hundred thousand times a day and one of the most important things that could improve about it is a faster way to make that happen so I can have both hands free more often. That's the stuff that starts worrying you after a while. Not whether you have it at all.

There is a youtuber named Molly Burke, she also has RP and has some really amazing videos about the disease and how to manage it, and the blind community discussing stereotypes, service dogs, cane use and so much more. Might be worth looking into and if you want links to those specific videos I'd be happy to hunt them down. I also run her fan subreddit r/MollyBurke. Best of luck!

Edit to add: I believe Molly has a specific video about her struggles with a cane and her anxiety about. Could help in that aspect.

It's something a lot of us struggle with, but it gets easier the more you do it.

For me, the turning point was the first time I made it through winter, with it's "pitch black at 5pm" days. large holiday crowds, and random slick spots without injuring myself.

But I'm in a slightly different situation in that I wasn't dealing with new vision loss - I've always been this blind. I just got old enough that hurting myself wasn't as easy to bounce back from and decided to stop being stubborn.

It's easy and totally normal/understandable to channel a lot of emotions about your vision loss into your new need for a cane, when really, the cane is just a tool to help you. If she's really struggling with it, it might help her to talk to a therapist about her sight loss.

I have RP as well. I never liked the came just like your friend for basically the same reasons. So I went and got myself a guide dog. Since I got my dog my confidence, mobility and independence was greatly improved among many other things. The dog is also a great form of companionship. That might be something your friend maybe interested in.

Definitely Molly Burke.

There is also a woman I met several years ago that was a big inspiration to me. I had high anxiety before I started tripping over everything, so I completely understand where she is coming from. Just like many people I hated the thought of using the cane for many reasons such as; what strangers would think of me, what friends and family would think of me, that I would be a fake (or seen as a fake) since I still had good central vision and could read and use a cell phone, that once I started using it I would accept blindness as an eventuality... it was rough. I then met a cane user through O&M training and they told me that there is a state of mind that you will come to accept only after you start using it. She said you will feel like a fake until you realize one day that you dont have constant shin bruises, that people dont really care and that it makes others feel like better people because they are able to help someone as simple as opening a door for them. **We are gifted that we can bring out the inner heroism and kindness in others by simply existing in a world that is made for the perfectly sighted.** She then challenged me to see myself through the eyes of others (not as simple as it sounds) and to engage in conversation with strangers (not at all easy for me). After doing this I realized how right she was and that no matter how much I get in my own head nobody else tries to stop me and most people are more welcoming to me than the people I am with. Granted I have ran into a few people that do question my vision issue and I do my best to explain where I can or ignore them if they are too mind set that a person is either completely blind or sighted.

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Tell her that we hope that she can find the courage to try new things, find new hobbies, and enjoy life for herself, for her friends, and for her family.

And thank you for being such a wonderful friend to her.

My mom was similarly hesitant, but we had one scenario that helped us break through that mental barrier. We were signed up for a huge 5k to support my aunt in walking to end brain cancer. She brought the cain and realized an unintended side effect, it made people back off!! While everyone else struggled tripping over each other, we had a nice bubble around us. I guess knowing that strangers understood and went over and beyond to help her be safe was all the convincing she needed.