Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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My journey through school (self.Blind)
submitted by miragerain
I'm just writing this out to try to figure out if there's anything that could have been changed.
I've been vision/hearing impaired for most of my life, before I started school. I couldn't make friends because of my vision/hearing loss. I remember around first grade being in the cafeteria between two kids yelling at each other and I couldn't hear a word either of them was saying. It was a very lonely feeling.
My schools never had proper accommodations for me. The teachers were supposed to come up with alternate assignments for me since I couldn't participate in group work. But they rarely did. They just exempted me from assignments but I was still obligated to show up. So there would be whole class sessions where I'd have nothing to do but stare at the clock or doodle on scrap paper while everyone else got to do things and learn. The accommodations they had for math classes was to just have some student write their notes on carbon paper and give me a copy after the classes ended, so I had nothing to do during those classes either.
So my entire school experience up until high school gradation was just going through the motions. I didn't even bother to attend the graduation ceremony. I had no fond memories, no friendships, no benefit of finding a career path, I just wanted it to be over. I had recurring nightmares for years after I graduated. I'd dream I had to go back and I would wake up screaming.
Years later when the nightmares finally subsided I tried college. My goal was to get a job and be able to live independently from welfare. But even though the accommodations were more advanced - someone typing out on a laptop screen what the teacher was saying live - it still wasn't enough for both my vision and hearing loss. I could do well enough at text classes. But had extreme difficulty with math. A weak point of the accommodations was that they couldn't cover visual aspects like equations and graphs, instead writing those out as "[on board]", rendering the notes useless.
I tried hard to find ways around the math weakness. I tried taking photos of the board, but couldn't know how to sync them with the typed notes. I tried tutoring, but couldn't hear what the tutors were saying. I tried office hours, but there wasn't enough time for them to go over the entire lecture with me. I tried spamming StackExchange and Reddit subs and searching Google for answers but I often couldn't figure out the process to get from the question to the answer.
One of the things that weighs on me is that in a classroom environment I was unable to keep up, but in a one-on-one office setting with the teacher, I was able to understand. But there just wasn't enough time for them to walk me through everything. I don't know what that means. Does it mean I could have done well if it wasn't for the hearing/vision obstacles? Or does it mean I could only have done well with extra help?
Another of my classes was a disaster - it was a non-traditional setup where instead of a lecture it was entirely group work. I tried to participate but the lag in transcription meant I couldn't keep up. I had panic attacks just trying to be in a group, not able to keep up with who was talking to who or even what was being discussed. Eventually the Disability Center and the teacher agreed they could not provide accommodations and so set up alternate assignments instead. So I was alone again and watching everyone else socialize and work together to achieve something. Just like high school again.
I took college classes for six years, changed my major several times. But I still couldn't figure out what I could actually do with my disabilities. Because of that, I dropped out two years ago. I wasn't able to accomplish my goal.
I still don't know where along the line things could have been changed for the better. Or if there was never any hope with my disabilities holding me back.
I've been vision/hearing impaired for most of my life, before I started school. I couldn't make friends because of my vision/hearing loss. I remember around first grade being in the cafeteria between two kids yelling at each other and I couldn't hear a word either of them was saying. It was a very lonely feeling.
My schools never had proper accommodations for me. The teachers were supposed to come up with alternate assignments for me since I couldn't participate in group work. But they rarely did. They just exempted me from assignments but I was still obligated to show up. So there would be whole class sessions where I'd have nothing to do but stare at the clock or doodle on scrap paper while everyone else got to do things and learn. The accommodations they had for math classes was to just have some student write their notes on carbon paper and give me a copy after the classes ended, so I had nothing to do during those classes either.
So my entire school experience up until high school gradation was just going through the motions. I didn't even bother to attend the graduation ceremony. I had no fond memories, no friendships, no benefit of finding a career path, I just wanted it to be over. I had recurring nightmares for years after I graduated. I'd dream I had to go back and I would wake up screaming.
Years later when the nightmares finally subsided I tried college. My goal was to get a job and be able to live independently from welfare. But even though the accommodations were more advanced - someone typing out on a laptop screen what the teacher was saying live - it still wasn't enough for both my vision and hearing loss. I could do well enough at text classes. But had extreme difficulty with math. A weak point of the accommodations was that they couldn't cover visual aspects like equations and graphs, instead writing those out as "[on board]", rendering the notes useless.
I tried hard to find ways around the math weakness. I tried taking photos of the board, but couldn't know how to sync them with the typed notes. I tried tutoring, but couldn't hear what the tutors were saying. I tried office hours, but there wasn't enough time for them to go over the entire lecture with me. I tried spamming StackExchange and Reddit subs and searching Google for answers but I often couldn't figure out the process to get from the question to the answer.
One of the things that weighs on me is that in a classroom environment I was unable to keep up, but in a one-on-one office setting with the teacher, I was able to understand. But there just wasn't enough time for them to walk me through everything. I don't know what that means. Does it mean I could have done well if it wasn't for the hearing/vision obstacles? Or does it mean I could only have done well with extra help?
Another of my classes was a disaster - it was a non-traditional setup where instead of a lecture it was entirely group work. I tried to participate but the lag in transcription meant I couldn't keep up. I had panic attacks just trying to be in a group, not able to keep up with who was talking to who or even what was being discussed. Eventually the Disability Center and the teacher agreed they could not provide accommodations and so set up alternate assignments instead. So I was alone again and watching everyone else socialize and work together to achieve something. Just like high school again.
I took college classes for six years, changed my major several times. But I still couldn't figure out what I could actually do with my disabilities. Because of that, I dropped out two years ago. I wasn't able to accomplish my goal.
I still don't know where along the line things could have been changed for the better. Or if there was never any hope with my disabilities holding me back.
CloudyBeep 22 points 2y ago
When you told me you didn't know what tactile diagrams were, I knew there was a problem.
When you told me that you had never learned alternative communication modes even though you were born deafblind, I knew that the education system—and maybe also your family—had failed you.
When I read your posts and see that you don't know what you can do with your life, I know that this isn't because of a lack of ability, but the conditioned low expectations—from yourself and from others—that result from a life with insufficient accommodations.
You did nothing wrong; the people around you did.
On Monday, call the National Federation of the Blind, and follow every bit of advice that they give you, but only if you're prepared to make change. It depends on how badly you want it. Some people in your situation have given up by now, and this is a decision you need to make, because if you half-heartedly commit to improving your life and don't finish what you started, you'll feel worse than you do now.
When you told me that you had never learned alternative communication modes even though you were born deafblind, I knew that the education system—and maybe also your family—had failed you.
When I read your posts and see that you don't know what you can do with your life, I know that this isn't because of a lack of ability, but the conditioned low expectations—from yourself and from others—that result from a life with insufficient accommodations.
You did nothing wrong; the people around you did.
On Monday, call the National Federation of the Blind, and follow every bit of advice that they give you, but only if you're prepared to make change. It depends on how badly you want it. Some people in your situation have given up by now, and this is a decision you need to make, because if you half-heartedly commit to improving your life and don't finish what you started, you'll feel worse than you do now.
miragerain [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Thanks for the words of advice.
[deleted] 9 points 2y ago
[deleted]
miragerain [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Thanks for the words of support.
I took some core math classes. And tried to take a couple of intro courses for Computer Science. Transcribers would caption what the teacher was saying but couldn't really describe what was on the board. They'd type [on board] instead. I asked the Disability service about it and they just told them to try describing it. So they'd write [graph] instead. But they still couldn't capture what kind of graph, or how the teacher is manipulating the numbers, etc.
I'm with Helen Keller currently. Though I wasn't when I tried college.
I took some core math classes. And tried to take a couple of intro courses for Computer Science. Transcribers would caption what the teacher was saying but couldn't really describe what was on the board. They'd type [on board] instead. I asked the Disability service about it and they just told them to try describing it. So they'd write [graph] instead. But they still couldn't capture what kind of graph, or how the teacher is manipulating the numbers, etc.
I'm with Helen Keller currently. Though I wasn't when I tried college.
BenandGracie 6 points 2y ago
Don't let your past define you. It sounds like you were failed by several people and institutions growing up, but that is in the past. On Monday, decide you are going to do something about it, and do what others have suggested and look at the NFB. You probably need to learn braille along with some other methods for reading text.
The thing about college is, the disability offices are not there to train you. They are there to provide accomidation. It is up to you to know what you need and how to use those accomidations.
Basically, you have to decide to make your life better; then, start looking in to learning the skills you will need to succeed. It is going to be hard, and it won't happen over night, but I know you can do it. If you follow the advice others have given you, you can start improving your situation. If you have questions along the way, I know myself and others here will give any advice we can. In the end, you have to want this; a possitive atitude will help. Take it slow, and focus on the positive. Good luck!
The thing about college is, the disability offices are not there to train you. They are there to provide accomidation. It is up to you to know what you need and how to use those accomidations.
Basically, you have to decide to make your life better; then, start looking in to learning the skills you will need to succeed. It is going to be hard, and it won't happen over night, but I know you can do it. If you follow the advice others have given you, you can start improving your situation. If you have questions along the way, I know myself and others here will give any advice we can. In the end, you have to want this; a possitive atitude will help. Take it slow, and focus on the positive. Good luck!
miragerain [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Thanks for the words of support.
JaymeJammer 5 points 2y ago
TLDR - Don't give up, go to the NFB, and know you are not as alone as you might feel.
I feel a rant coming on...
First, I am sorry for the failures of our education system and the years of forced failure you have endured. Please follow the advice from CloudyBeep, there is a better way to live available to you. You can go far with the help of NFB.
Second, I believe your capability to succeed academically is entirely different from your abilities to succeed as a human. The education system is largely ill-equipped to respond with effective accommodations, as your story illustrates. It is a distressingly common situation.
I have witnessed the system you suffered through from the inside. My perspective as a statewide trainer for supporting students with disabilities in higher education allowed me to witness a tragic lack of capability. Most colleges are just not set up for dealing effectively/appropriately with accessibility issues in the curriculum.
Most academic accommodations are a sick joke. More often than not, they are a simple lie and dodge of accountability.
Academic accommodations are a direct result of an institution's inability to understand how to effectively design and deliver instruction. It is no surprise that the institution also bungles the accommodation.
Admittedly, the ability to provide effective accommodations relies upon knowledgeable and well-supported faculty and staff. It is difficult for most of our education institutions to operate at the level where they can truly provide equal access to education.
They simply don't have the right stuff.
The ugliest secret I learned is that most colleges live with a constant and accepted lack of accessibility. They count on students with disabilities not having the will to sue the college.
For the handful of students who do sue, the colleges typically settle in court. It is cheaper and easier than training the faculty and investing in the proper support of the institution.
The education system is broken, and you are the classic example of someone who they describe as having "fell through the cracks".
Truth is, the equity cracks of accessibility are gaping and known, and they are far down the list of things that are broken and needing attention.
All of this to say, it is not your lack of ability that should be the focus. I have worked with individuals who are deaf and blind, and I know it is possible to provide effective accommodations.
Don't give up, find qualified help. NFB can certainly help get you started.
I know it is possible to deliver most content in an accessible way if you understand instructional design and some basic accessibility principles. I also that not many educators are trained in this subject.
I have seen how our education system has ironically failed itself.
We have teachers who are unaware and unable to teach new teachers how to effectively teach across the entire spectrum of human sensory capability.
It is an institutionalized systematic discrimination of the most insidious type.
Equally troubling is the mismanagement of the educational system. We have a method of administration that results in under-trained and underpaid teachers, with inadequate support, supplies, and instructional resources.
Look at the parking lot of any school in America and count how many teachers show up in old and used cars, commuting from far away and cheaper communities. At the same time, notice how many of the administrators are driving shiny new cars, arriving from their high-dollar houses in the nicest parts of town, much closer to the college campus.
How many teachers are working late hours and sacrificing their own personal time and resources to try and make our failing academic system work?
How many students with disabilities have similar experiences to yours?
Too many, is the simple answer.
We all deserve better.
The problem is not just yours, it is a problem with our society. Our environment is not accessible for the noble ideals that define the American Dream.
Ironically, ignorance is one of the biggest problems with our education system- but there are places that have figured it out. Places where the possibilities are being demonstrated and people with disabilities are finding new levels of independence and success.
So good for you for not giving up.
If you're interested in learning more about the community of disability support professionals who have figured out some of the paths to success, visit $1 and join the email list. The community is genuine and one of the most well-informed groups of specialists I have ever found.
And that's enough ranting for today.
I wish you the best, and I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
Good luck, and feel free to reach out.
I feel a rant coming on...
First, I am sorry for the failures of our education system and the years of forced failure you have endured. Please follow the advice from CloudyBeep, there is a better way to live available to you. You can go far with the help of NFB.
Second, I believe your capability to succeed academically is entirely different from your abilities to succeed as a human. The education system is largely ill-equipped to respond with effective accommodations, as your story illustrates. It is a distressingly common situation.
I have witnessed the system you suffered through from the inside. My perspective as a statewide trainer for supporting students with disabilities in higher education allowed me to witness a tragic lack of capability. Most colleges are just not set up for dealing effectively/appropriately with accessibility issues in the curriculum.
Most academic accommodations are a sick joke. More often than not, they are a simple lie and dodge of accountability.
Academic accommodations are a direct result of an institution's inability to understand how to effectively design and deliver instruction. It is no surprise that the institution also bungles the accommodation.
Admittedly, the ability to provide effective accommodations relies upon knowledgeable and well-supported faculty and staff. It is difficult for most of our education institutions to operate at the level where they can truly provide equal access to education.
They simply don't have the right stuff.
The ugliest secret I learned is that most colleges live with a constant and accepted lack of accessibility. They count on students with disabilities not having the will to sue the college.
For the handful of students who do sue, the colleges typically settle in court. It is cheaper and easier than training the faculty and investing in the proper support of the institution.
The education system is broken, and you are the classic example of someone who they describe as having "fell through the cracks".
Truth is, the equity cracks of accessibility are gaping and known, and they are far down the list of things that are broken and needing attention.
All of this to say, it is not your lack of ability that should be the focus. I have worked with individuals who are deaf and blind, and I know it is possible to provide effective accommodations.
Don't give up, find qualified help. NFB can certainly help get you started.
I know it is possible to deliver most content in an accessible way if you understand instructional design and some basic accessibility principles. I also that not many educators are trained in this subject.
I have seen how our education system has ironically failed itself.
We have teachers who are unaware and unable to teach new teachers how to effectively teach across the entire spectrum of human sensory capability.
It is an institutionalized systematic discrimination of the most insidious type.
Equally troubling is the mismanagement of the educational system. We have a method of administration that results in under-trained and underpaid teachers, with inadequate support, supplies, and instructional resources.
Look at the parking lot of any school in America and count how many teachers show up in old and used cars, commuting from far away and cheaper communities. At the same time, notice how many of the administrators are driving shiny new cars, arriving from their high-dollar houses in the nicest parts of town, much closer to the college campus.
How many teachers are working late hours and sacrificing their own personal time and resources to try and make our failing academic system work?
How many students with disabilities have similar experiences to yours?
Too many, is the simple answer.
We all deserve better.
The problem is not just yours, it is a problem with our society. Our environment is not accessible for the noble ideals that define the American Dream.
Ironically, ignorance is one of the biggest problems with our education system- but there are places that have figured it out. Places where the possibilities are being demonstrated and people with disabilities are finding new levels of independence and success.
So good for you for not giving up.
If you're interested in learning more about the community of disability support professionals who have figured out some of the paths to success, visit $1 and join the email list. The community is genuine and one of the most well-informed groups of specialists I have ever found.
And that's enough ranting for today.
I wish you the best, and I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
Good luck, and feel free to reach out.
miragerain [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Thanks. I appreciate the message of support.
HegemoneMilo 4 points 2y ago
I read through some of your posts on reddit and it looks like you're really reaching out and trying to find support and a community. Have you found the r/deafblind reddit yet? It's not very active, but you might find some folks there to connect with.
Have you read Haben Girma's memoir? I really enjoyed her storytelling about her experiences growing up deaf/blind both in Eritrea and the United States. She also faced a lot of obstacles to getting the education she wanted... I think though, that she had a supportive family and friend network and that made all the difference. $1
Have you read Haben Girma's memoir? I really enjoyed her storytelling about her experiences growing up deaf/blind both in Eritrea and the United States. She also faced a lot of obstacles to getting the education she wanted... I think though, that she had a supportive family and friend network and that made all the difference. $1
miragerain [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Thanks.
There's a copy of that book at my library. I'll check it out next time I go.
There's a copy of that book at my library. I'll check it out next time I go.
mutedpetrichor 2 points 2y ago
Hey there! I’m also deafblind (though my hearing loss is relatively mild) and your story sounds so much like mine up to high school graduation, seeing this post on Trending feels surreal. I’m only 19 and a sophomore in college, so I’m so sorry I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to say hi.
whiskeyandtaxes 2 points 2y ago
I have nothing to add, Miragerain, but I wanted to know that you have the support and admiration of a lot of people. Don’t give up! You’ve been given great advice by others. Find the strength to follow it.
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