Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Looking good (self.Blind)
submitted by DrillInstructorJan
This is me venting.
I have had several conversations recently about what it takes to look decent when you can't see what you look like. Some ended up with us agreeing that it's even more important to look tidy and well put together if you can't see. One of them was with someone I mentor who goes to school in the UK and wears uniform. She has two or three times the normal amount of uniform just to make sure, and she has buddies she trusts to make sure hair and face are okay.
One person who disagreed has never had sight and said she wore whatever made her comfortable which generally seems to mean tracksuits. This person is also overweight, has terrible posture, never wears makeup and does nothing with her hair other than wash it so it's just a huge ball of fluff and split ends. She complains that she can't get a job or a partner because nobody takes her seriously.
Yes, it is up to you how you present yourself. What isn't up to you is how people react to that. I accept reality. People are entitled to their opinion about me. If your instinct is to complain that it's a lot of effort if you can't see, yes, it is, but it is not impossible, and the only reason not to bother is because you can't be bothered, and you do that knowing what will happen.
Yes it is extra effort, so many things are if you can't see, but it is worth it. If you turn up for a job interview out of shape, dressed like a homeless track and field athlete and generally looking like you just rolled out of bed, you are less likely to get that job and that is not wrong. This situation is rough enough, don't make it harder.
I have had several conversations recently about what it takes to look decent when you can't see what you look like. Some ended up with us agreeing that it's even more important to look tidy and well put together if you can't see. One of them was with someone I mentor who goes to school in the UK and wears uniform. She has two or three times the normal amount of uniform just to make sure, and she has buddies she trusts to make sure hair and face are okay.
One person who disagreed has never had sight and said she wore whatever made her comfortable which generally seems to mean tracksuits. This person is also overweight, has terrible posture, never wears makeup and does nothing with her hair other than wash it so it's just a huge ball of fluff and split ends. She complains that she can't get a job or a partner because nobody takes her seriously.
Yes, it is up to you how you present yourself. What isn't up to you is how people react to that. I accept reality. People are entitled to their opinion about me. If your instinct is to complain that it's a lot of effort if you can't see, yes, it is, but it is not impossible, and the only reason not to bother is because you can't be bothered, and you do that knowing what will happen.
Yes it is extra effort, so many things are if you can't see, but it is worth it. If you turn up for a job interview out of shape, dressed like a homeless track and field athlete and generally looking like you just rolled out of bed, you are less likely to get that job and that is not wrong. This situation is rough enough, don't make it harder.
vwlsmssng 5 points 2y ago
The challenge I see is working out what other people are thinking.
Your first example reminds me of someone I know who is probably the smartest dressed person at work. She buys smart suits because she doesn't trust her limited sight to enable her to successfully mix and match or do smart casual. She finds herself caught between worrying that people at work thinking she is vain for dressing this way and believing any slight mismatch or imperfection in her dressing will just invoke pity and thoughts of "what do you expect from a blind women."
If the first example relates to worrying too much then the second example is perhaps about not thinking through what other people are thinking. A job interview is a performance with limited resources to show how capable you are, and presenting yourself competently in the expected style is what the interviewers are looking for because they want to know if you can adapt yourself to the constraints of the working environment.
Your first example reminds me of someone I know who is probably the smartest dressed person at work. She buys smart suits because she doesn't trust her limited sight to enable her to successfully mix and match or do smart casual. She finds herself caught between worrying that people at work thinking she is vain for dressing this way and believing any slight mismatch or imperfection in her dressing will just invoke pity and thoughts of "what do you expect from a blind women."
If the first example relates to worrying too much then the second example is perhaps about not thinking through what other people are thinking. A job interview is a performance with limited resources to show how capable you are, and presenting yourself competently in the expected style is what the interviewers are looking for because they want to know if you can adapt yourself to the constraints of the working environment.
DrillInstructorJan [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Suits make it easy, it's almost like wearing uniform. On the odd occasion I have to look business smart, I have three reasonably decent suits and people say I'm overdoing it, but I'd rather that than under do it.
Probably there is a happy medium but yes it is hard to figure out where that is without sight.
Probably there is a happy medium but yes it is hard to figure out where that is without sight.
LadyAlleta 4 points 2y ago
I agree except on the weight. A lot of people, including myself, can never be thin bc of health reasons. Weight isn't a choice
DrillInstructorJan [OP] 4 points 2y ago
I'd be interested to find out what condition causes that. People talk about polycystic ovaries and a few other things, which can make it harder. You can't do much about fluid retention but that doesn't tend to make you look big all over. In the end, in almost every case you still have to eat the calories at some point . A lot things are said about this and painful as it is, and I'm not here to be horrible about it, a lot of them are excuses. Unless you are some sort of incredibly rare medical miracle, weight almost always is a choice.
LadyAlleta 1 points 2y ago
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/why-people-become-overweight
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/9-reasons-obesity-is-not-a-choice
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-49795808
Thin doesn't equal healthy and obese isn't automatically unhealthy. Yeah in theory ppl can hit the gym every day for a decade and have more muscle mass, but that's the outliers. People don't have the time to be a full time gym rat. And working is mostly sitting at desks now. So the opportunity to be physically active is limited.
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/9-reasons-obesity-is-not-a-choice
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-49795808
Thin doesn't equal healthy and obese isn't automatically unhealthy. Yeah in theory ppl can hit the gym every day for a decade and have more muscle mass, but that's the outliers. People don't have the time to be a full time gym rat. And working is mostly sitting at desks now. So the opportunity to be physically active is limited.
DrillInstructorJan [OP] 2 points 2y ago
The thing is, pretty much all of those factors you bring up there still require someone to have eaten the food and tough as it is, that's something someone can choose not to do. Most of it is just habit and habits can be broken.
You don't need to be a full time gym rat. Even if you are, almost no matter how much someone exercises, it's really easy to eat more calories than the exercise uses. I think most most people find it's easier to keep a rough total of what they're eating and act accordingly.
It's really easy to overthink this. More or less everyone can control their weight by controlling what they eat; it's not easy but it is thankfully pretty simple. Being overweight is bad for you and a lot of people will think less of you for it, whether that's fair or not. Unless someone has an incredibly rare disease, in which case that person will have a specialist doctor to ask about this, it is a solvable problem.
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You don't need to be a full time gym rat. Even if you are, almost no matter how much someone exercises, it's really easy to eat more calories than the exercise uses. I think most most people find it's easier to keep a rough total of what they're eating and act accordingly.
It's really easy to overthink this. More or less everyone can control their weight by controlling what they eat; it's not easy but it is thankfully pretty simple. Being overweight is bad for you and a lot of people will think less of you for it, whether that's fair or not. Unless someone has an incredibly rare disease, in which case that person will have a specialist doctor to ask about this, it is a solvable problem.
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LadyAlleta 0 points 2y ago
I really wish I could just live in this fantasy bubble you have. How enchanting it would be to "just eat less" and be thin.
bradley22 1 points 2y ago
I’m sorry but that’s not true at all.
If you have a condition or take pills fine, but if not then yes it is totally a choice.
I’m overweight and that’s all on me, instead of being healthy, I ate takeaways.
I’m working on it but yeah, it is a choice.
If you have a condition or take pills fine, but if not then yes it is totally a choice.
I’m overweight and that’s all on me, instead of being healthy, I ate takeaways.
I’m working on it but yeah, it is a choice.
liamjh27 0 points 2y ago
Good for you! I’m a personal trainer and nutrition coach. Please feel free to get in touch if I can help you with anything at all :)
bradley22 2 points 2y ago
Thanks.
DrillInstructorJan [OP] -1 points 2y ago
Good for you, I hope it goes well.
For what it's worth I would totally eat pizza and chinese every day, I love that stuff. I am not going to be one of those tedious people who sit here going oh, I don't even like cake. I love cake. I love fried rice with chicken. I'd eat it every day if I thought it wouldn't hasten my death. Last thing we need is type 2 diabetes on top of everything.
I got a bit into that way of eating immediately after I lost my sight and put on a bunch of weight. I'm tiny, which doesn't help, so a bunch of weight for me is only 10 or 15 pounds before I start looking really chunky. One of the first signs I was actually starting to handle things was my ability to just stop doing that. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't complicated. Just takes a bit of willpower and the ability to be realistic about what you're eating, which you seem to have.
For what it's worth I would totally eat pizza and chinese every day, I love that stuff. I am not going to be one of those tedious people who sit here going oh, I don't even like cake. I love cake. I love fried rice with chicken. I'd eat it every day if I thought it wouldn't hasten my death. Last thing we need is type 2 diabetes on top of everything.
I got a bit into that way of eating immediately after I lost my sight and put on a bunch of weight. I'm tiny, which doesn't help, so a bunch of weight for me is only 10 or 15 pounds before I start looking really chunky. One of the first signs I was actually starting to handle things was my ability to just stop doing that. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't complicated. Just takes a bit of willpower and the ability to be realistic about what you're eating, which you seem to have.
bradley22 0 points 2y ago
Ha! I really don't have will power, I do but today i just ordered more food, it's hard to not order with apps like uber eats and things like that. As much as I use those types of apps, I actually don't like them because they make things to easy.
I'll get there, it'll just take time.
I'll get there, it'll just take time.
DrillInstructorJan [OP] 1 points 2y ago
If it helps, there's one fast food place I've found can be really helpful: subway. They'll basically assemble you a box full of whatever you want from the ingredients they have, and you can really control what you're doing if you ask for sane stuff. Just don't add loads of sauces.
Smooth_Sentence9170 2 points 2y ago
I think you're being alittle harsh. I don't blame your freind for not caring what she looks like. Having never had sight, she has no clue how she compares to others. I had vision like you for most of my life and understand the importance in presentation.
bjayernaeiy 3 points 2y ago
That is not an excuse. I've been born blind and have never let that stop me from trying to look my best.
CloudyBeep 2 points 2y ago
The fact is that we live in a sighted world. Even if she doesn't agreewith it, she still has to dress appropriately for different situations.
DrillInstructorJan [OP] 0 points 2y ago
I'm not trying to be unpleasant to anyone here. The disagreement comes from a person simultaneously claiming not to care, and then also claiming the world is unfair to them. It's down to the individual's choice of course but you can't have it both ways.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
I don’t think it’s too hard. Myself. I wear mostly casual stuff if not something a bit fancier day to day casually out and about at home I do a lot of t-shirts and sweat pants I present pretty well. I don’t do make up either and look very nice and my hair is fine. But yeah...... but I am also very hands on and kinesthetic so yeah, not too hard for me.
ComprehensiveArm9178 -1 points 2y ago
I was overweight. Not by a lot, but maybe like 15 pounds. Change your diet, do some exercises, learn to cook and so on. It's not that hard! At least not if you really want to do it.
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