Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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I'm slowly losing it (self.Blind)
submitted by NavigoStellae
I know I make mistakes. I am blind. I am human. Telling me everything that I do wrong, whether through good intentions or malice, be it a big deal or small, doesn't help. Telling me how my mistakes could hurt people and destroy my house is not making it better. I'm not stupid. I understand results and consequences.
You live here by my good graces, as an act of kindness. I helped you when you needed it most. I expect nothing less than the same in return. I have never asked anything from you.
When you point out my flaws and mistakes, you make me feel small, useless and subhuman. I have lost so much more than you could imagine. I have been places and seen things you would not believe. Losing my vision is only a small part of who I am now. You don't know me. My kindness and patience may be limitless, but my tolerance for pain isn't.
I don't need, nor do I want to feel any worse than I have to. To wit: I'm doing the best I can.
It is not within me to hate or belittle others even when they do so to me, and I won't start now.
So, I have come here, knowing you will never see this, to say what needs saying... in desperate hope it helps me through just one more day.
You live here by my good graces, as an act of kindness. I helped you when you needed it most. I expect nothing less than the same in return. I have never asked anything from you.
When you point out my flaws and mistakes, you make me feel small, useless and subhuman. I have lost so much more than you could imagine. I have been places and seen things you would not believe. Losing my vision is only a small part of who I am now. You don't know me. My kindness and patience may be limitless, but my tolerance for pain isn't.
I don't need, nor do I want to feel any worse than I have to. To wit: I'm doing the best I can.
It is not within me to hate or belittle others even when they do so to me, and I won't start now.
So, I have come here, knowing you will never see this, to say what needs saying... in desperate hope it helps me through just one more day.
blackberrybunny 9 points 2y ago
It's not belittling someone else if let them know they are hurting you. You CAN be fair and patient and kind, but at some point, you MUST stand up for yourself, or you will go through your whole life hurting yourself. I hope this makes sense.
NavigoStellae [OP] 4 points 2y ago
There in lies the rub. I have told him. He either takes great offense or blows it off as my problem.
He has been a friend for many years. I have always known he is this way. He has helped me several times, so it is not like this is one sided, nor is it malicious. I find that sighted people often 'forget' that I cannot see. Things are misplaced, environment changed... it's an honest mistake they make.
The COVID pandemic has made things difficult for the visually impaired in ways the sighted community doesn't understand. For those of us in forced proximity due to circumstance the adjustment should be unilateral. It is, sometimes.
I am a buddhist monk. But I am also human. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and frustrated. Its part of being human. I apologize for bringing my problem here.
He has been a friend for many years. I have always known he is this way. He has helped me several times, so it is not like this is one sided, nor is it malicious. I find that sighted people often 'forget' that I cannot see. Things are misplaced, environment changed... it's an honest mistake they make.
The COVID pandemic has made things difficult for the visually impaired in ways the sighted community doesn't understand. For those of us in forced proximity due to circumstance the adjustment should be unilateral. It is, sometimes.
I am a buddhist monk. But I am also human. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and frustrated. Its part of being human. I apologize for bringing my problem here.
Enfpization 2 points 2y ago
Relationships are somehow all the same. There is no one sided problem, if you're feeling something, you have the right to express it and the person should allow you to feel free about that. If you keep everything for yourself, then your friendship will gradually erode and break at some point, because of resentment.
blackberrybunny 1 points 2y ago
Hello friend, thank you for the reply, and I hope today is bringing you a little more happiness than yesterday. I am not a Buddhist monk, but I have studied the Eightfold Path and The Four Noble Truths now for that past 21 years. I have been an atheist my entire 52 years, and when I found out about Buddhism, I showed a huge interest in it. I tried my best to stay on track, but following the path and the truths has been the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do in my life. I have failed. I have tried to be a good person, to show compassion, patience, and to spread lovingkindness, but I cannot do it. There is still too much spite in my heart, no matter how hard I've tried to let it go. I don't know where it comes from. And being a solitary student only made it all so much more difficult and impossible for me. I commend you. I envy you. I wish I could meet you in person and learn from you.
I'm sorry if I came off harsh in my previous replies. I feel a lot of anger when someone is hurt, and sometimes I can't help myself. Too many times in the past I was kind, patient, I held my tongue, then weeks later, I wish I'd not. It's made my cynical I think. I'm so sorry.
Please don't apologize for coming here and talking about it. We are, after all, each of us, only human. Keep being mindful. You are wonderful. :-)
I'm sorry if I came off harsh in my previous replies. I feel a lot of anger when someone is hurt, and sometimes I can't help myself. Too many times in the past I was kind, patient, I held my tongue, then weeks later, I wish I'd not. It's made my cynical I think. I'm so sorry.
Please don't apologize for coming here and talking about it. We are, after all, each of us, only human. Keep being mindful. You are wonderful. :-)
whiskeyandtaxes 4 points 2y ago
Stay strong and get help if you need it. No one should make you feel like this.
NavigoStellae [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Thank you. Funny how when I need my therapist most, he is inaccessible due to COVID.
whiskeyandtaxes 1 points 2y ago
You can’t do a phone session?
OneAtPeace 2 points 2y ago
This is harsh. I am a practicing Buddhist, so I assume you cannot see my past posts, and I actually came here to aide someone who's Christian guardians decide Buddha, you know, the kind guy, is E V O L and from the devil, to make a good post, but if I can offer you small advice, or perhaps an ears, or my eyes in my case L O L playing, let me know.
I have no idea how this will sound. Too bad faces don't make a noise, otherwise it would be a colon and a capital dee.
I have no idea how this will sound. Too bad faces don't make a noise, otherwise it would be a colon and a capital dee.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
Sometimes constructive criticism is emmensely good for you. So yeah, unless it’s not that’s different.
NavigoStellae [OP] 1 points 2y ago
This is a difficult conundrum. With the quarantine in place, such a decision may make me a bad person. He has nowhere to go. No one else who can help. I cannot, and will not, turn my back on someone, even though it pains me to let them stay. No, I will ride this out, interrupted meditation and all. There is a greater issue at play here. Thank you.
bradley22 1 points 2y ago
You might have to let them go and find somewhere else.
It sounds like they’re treating you badly and know that they get away with it because you’re too nice.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very nice to, but won’t take no shit.
It sounds like they’re treating you badly and know that they get away with it because you’re too nice.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very nice to, but won’t take no shit.
NavigoStellae [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Not with any guarantee of privacy on my end.
NavigoStellae [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Well said.
[deleted] 1 points 2y ago
[deleted]
NavigoStellae [OP] 2 points 2y ago
That, right there, makes this all worthwhile. I may not be able to help my 'problem child' to become introspective, but my post did give someone that opportunity. Thank you for brightening my day!
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