Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Identifying as Visually Impaired/Blind? (self.Blind)
submitted by aiiishh
Looking for support and advice. This will be a long one.
I am 26 years old and was born with Optic Nerve Hypoplasia. I have very little usable vision in my left eye, and poor vision in my right. I do wear glasses as they correct my vision 2 feet in front of me (without glasses I can't read or see clearly more than a few inches away). I still have issues reading, viewing small text on my computer (I use many zoom functions and have large text on all my devices), seeing facial expressions and have very poor depth perception (always bumping into things/people, can't drive or play sports etc). I am legally blind, I have a cane, but do not use it.
My issue is that I don't openly choose to identify as a visually impaired or blind person due to a lot of discrimination and lack of understanding. It is really becoming hard for me to cope with living a "double life" where my friends and family know I am visually impaired, but no one else does. I have chosen to stop identifying as visually impaired at many jobs because I have had to quit due to rude comments, or lack of accessibility. I know this is illegal, but there are so many companies out there that don't care. They will just act rude to you until you decide to quit - they won't fire you. Now I just find new ways to work with a disability, whether that be enlarging my computer with accessibility features already on the computer, or memorizing certain things that are hard to see. (I am very good at remembering where buttons are on a POS system, or the geography of places/where things usually are as to not run into them too often).
For the last few years I have been wanting to start using my cane but I am so scared. There are many people from my past that don't know about my disability and I fear I will run into them in public. Many friends have told me that it is inconsiderate of me to use a cane because "I'm not fully blind" and "I'm cheating the system". (I will often bring my cane to museums/public attractions that are busy so I don't knock into other people and people will allow me to get closer to see things with no questions asked). People that know me think I am doing it to get a "free pass". Even my family and boyfriend don't listen when I describe how I can't do something to their expectations because of my vision. I feel like although I am open with people I know about my vision, people don't take it seriously because I do not use a cane. And when I do, they think I am over exaggerating, or lying.
I feel like if I start identifying as a legally blind person, it will be easier and more comfortable for me to live my life. I can cut out people who don't believe me, and start with a clean slate. However, this will be giving up my "normal" life everywhere else. I am able to get around without a cane, but often bump into others and get scolded by them or my boyfriend. He thinks I should "just move slower and pay more attention". I can't exactly pay more attention to something I doin't see, now can I?
Does anyone have any similar experiences, or words of advice? Should I just start using my cane to make me feel more comfortable and sacrifice future job opportunities and some relationships? I feel so lost!
I am 26 years old and was born with Optic Nerve Hypoplasia. I have very little usable vision in my left eye, and poor vision in my right. I do wear glasses as they correct my vision 2 feet in front of me (without glasses I can't read or see clearly more than a few inches away). I still have issues reading, viewing small text on my computer (I use many zoom functions and have large text on all my devices), seeing facial expressions and have very poor depth perception (always bumping into things/people, can't drive or play sports etc). I am legally blind, I have a cane, but do not use it.
My issue is that I don't openly choose to identify as a visually impaired or blind person due to a lot of discrimination and lack of understanding. It is really becoming hard for me to cope with living a "double life" where my friends and family know I am visually impaired, but no one else does. I have chosen to stop identifying as visually impaired at many jobs because I have had to quit due to rude comments, or lack of accessibility. I know this is illegal, but there are so many companies out there that don't care. They will just act rude to you until you decide to quit - they won't fire you. Now I just find new ways to work with a disability, whether that be enlarging my computer with accessibility features already on the computer, or memorizing certain things that are hard to see. (I am very good at remembering where buttons are on a POS system, or the geography of places/where things usually are as to not run into them too often).
For the last few years I have been wanting to start using my cane but I am so scared. There are many people from my past that don't know about my disability and I fear I will run into them in public. Many friends have told me that it is inconsiderate of me to use a cane because "I'm not fully blind" and "I'm cheating the system". (I will often bring my cane to museums/public attractions that are busy so I don't knock into other people and people will allow me to get closer to see things with no questions asked). People that know me think I am doing it to get a "free pass". Even my family and boyfriend don't listen when I describe how I can't do something to their expectations because of my vision. I feel like although I am open with people I know about my vision, people don't take it seriously because I do not use a cane. And when I do, they think I am over exaggerating, or lying.
I feel like if I start identifying as a legally blind person, it will be easier and more comfortable for me to live my life. I can cut out people who don't believe me, and start with a clean slate. However, this will be giving up my "normal" life everywhere else. I am able to get around without a cane, but often bump into others and get scolded by them or my boyfriend. He thinks I should "just move slower and pay more attention". I can't exactly pay more attention to something I doin't see, now can I?
Does anyone have any similar experiences, or words of advice? Should I just start using my cane to make me feel more comfortable and sacrifice future job opportunities and some relationships? I feel so lost!
just--questions 20 points 2y ago
I’m disabled but not blind, so I just want to say: the part about your friends saying it’s inconsiderate or cheating is bullshit. That is ableism on their parts, so don’t listen to them.
aiiishh [OP] 10 points 2y ago
RIGHT?? I usually do what I want anyways, but it hurts to know my friends judge me this way when it's MY COMFORT.
It bothers me that people think it's my job to make them comfortable with my discomfort/disability.
It bothers me that people think it's my job to make them comfortable with my discomfort/disability.
just--questions 6 points 2y ago
Abled friends can be so hurtful and not even realize what they’ve done. I hope they get some education on disability and blindness, and learn how to support you. You’re entitled to do whatever makes you the most comfortable and helps you. It’s just so ignorant on their part.
DrillInstructorJan 0 points 2y ago
Why is it that whenever I find someone using the word "ableism" they're talking total piffle?
It's not ableism or any other ism, it's just a misapprehension about how complex all this stuff is. Let's not go out of our way to make everything into some sort of political movement. That doesn't help.
People can use whatever tools they need to make life easier, it doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.
It's not ableism or any other ism, it's just a misapprehension about how complex all this stuff is. Let's not go out of our way to make everything into some sort of political movement. That doesn't help.
People can use whatever tools they need to make life easier, it doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.
just--questions 3 points 2y ago
You don’t think it’s ableism to tell someone not to use accommodations because it’s “cheating”?
DrillInstructorJan 1 points 2y ago
I don't think it really matters. What's important is whether something makes sense or not. If someone needs to use a cane, use a cane. If someone wants to object to that, I'd call it being an asshole. You can call it what you like. It just becomes an argument over the meaning of words. The reason I avoid that sort of language is that trying to fit every situation you encounter into a neat box with a label you happen to like becomes a sort of hobby for some people and it really doesn't change anything.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
Agreed also living a double life and a lie doesn’t help you either.
just--questions 1 points 2y ago
Interesting. Personally, with my disability, it really helped me accept myself to realize there is a systemic component to the way I was being treated.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, I appreciate it!
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, I appreciate it!
niamhweking 15 points 2y ago
I think this can still be a pick and mix approach. You dont need to wear a sign telling the world you are VI. You dont need to use a cane somewhere familiar for example but in a new place or if you are out alone yes use one why not? It's possibly strangers you will be interacting with anyway somewhere new so who cares what they think. I completely understand not wanting to tell your place of work that can certainly cause issues (illegal or not). But I don't see the big issue with letting staff know if you are in need of assistance in a large store or train station for example
aiiishh [OP] 5 points 2y ago
I really appreciate your comment!
I think this is a better way of looking at the situation instead of my "all or nothing at all" approach :)
I think this is a better way of looking at the situation instead of my "all or nothing at all" approach :)
niamhweking 13 points 2y ago
As a parent of a VI child, it really annoys me that the public in general (and people who know us) don't seem to grasp the spectrum that is vision loss. Comments about my child being fine, doctors must have mis diagnosed, school insisting she doesn't need adapted large print books. Can you find a picture or video similar to what you can see? I use one to explain to people who aren't listening $1
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
I recently have been able to find a video that describes what I see.
I think the glasses thing really throws people off. People think the glasses must fix the whole problem or else they are just not good enough. But actually, my glasses help A LOT they just don't make my vision 20/20. It's hard to explain that even with my glasses, my vision is still worse than theirs without their glasses. (my boyfriend can still read text on tv without his glasses but it's not easy. I cannot read text on the tv without my glasses on and being 2 feet away from the tv or closer). My boyfriend isn't the issue here, he understands better than anyone because he lives with me ( he always reads me menus and subtitles and signs without me having to ask).
I think the glasses thing really throws people off. People think the glasses must fix the whole problem or else they are just not good enough. But actually, my glasses help A LOT they just don't make my vision 20/20. It's hard to explain that even with my glasses, my vision is still worse than theirs without their glasses. (my boyfriend can still read text on tv without his glasses but it's not easy. I cannot read text on the tv without my glasses on and being 2 feet away from the tv or closer). My boyfriend isn't the issue here, he understands better than anyone because he lives with me ( he always reads me menus and subtitles and signs without me having to ask).
niamhweking 3 points 2y ago
I agree, my child wears glasses, which she says don't make a difference. I think yes most people presume it corrects her vision fully. Days she forgets to wear them school phones me to drop them in. I just get tired explaining
SeptemberJoy 5 points 2y ago
Chiming in as a PWA. As a kid I didn't find my glasses made a difference, but my specialists were adamant it would help (maybe reduce eye strain? Can't remember, but it was "vision would be worse as an adult if I don't wear them now"). As an adult I'm screwed without my glasses. I've got both distance and reading glasses. Even with them I still need my guide dog, but I've got a better chance of usable vision wearing them.
Meanwhile one of my best friend's (also PWA) doesn't find her glasses do much if she's not reading.
OP I wish I had an easy answer x my usual description is there's HD TV and analog. I'm analog. With my glasses things are improved, but my vision isn't anywhere near HD. I was in a similar position when I was younger and decided my safety was more important than able-bodied people feeling offended and self righteous over something that had absolutely nothing to do with them. You're never going to make everyone happy, put yourself first and deal with it from there.
Meanwhile one of my best friend's (also PWA) doesn't find her glasses do much if she's not reading.
OP I wish I had an easy answer x my usual description is there's HD TV and analog. I'm analog. With my glasses things are improved, but my vision isn't anywhere near HD. I was in a similar position when I was younger and decided my safety was more important than able-bodied people feeling offended and self righteous over something that had absolutely nothing to do with them. You're never going to make everyone happy, put yourself first and deal with it from there.
Winnmark 7 points 2y ago
Because vision loss is a spectrum, you can pick and choose. Let me give you an example of something I do.
I have a lot of usable vision, from what it sounds like, more than you do. In the summer then, I'll use sunglasses and I typically don't need a cane.
so if I walk into a Starbucks, and I have whatever it is I want to order memorized, I can typically just order whatever it is and no one will even bat an eye at me because I'll just blend in so perfectly. However, if I were to pull out my phone, a keen observer would notice that I use magnification software on it.
So it's not about starting to use a cane, or throwing it out. It's about analyzing every specific situation and deciding whether or not you need a cane for this or that situation, or not.
One final note, and I don't mean any disrespect, but your boyfriend sounds kind of annoying. it's one thing if he doesn't understand how vision loss works, but it's quite another if he finds it annoying that you use your cane.
it's totally fine if he doesn't understand vision loss, there are people on this earth who will never consider it, that's perfectly acceptable and normal. What's not acceptable, however, is an unwillingness to try to understand and an annoyance when prompted to do so.
I have a lot of usable vision, from what it sounds like, more than you do. In the summer then, I'll use sunglasses and I typically don't need a cane.
so if I walk into a Starbucks, and I have whatever it is I want to order memorized, I can typically just order whatever it is and no one will even bat an eye at me because I'll just blend in so perfectly. However, if I were to pull out my phone, a keen observer would notice that I use magnification software on it.
So it's not about starting to use a cane, or throwing it out. It's about analyzing every specific situation and deciding whether or not you need a cane for this or that situation, or not.
One final note, and I don't mean any disrespect, but your boyfriend sounds kind of annoying. it's one thing if he doesn't understand how vision loss works, but it's quite another if he finds it annoying that you use your cane.
it's totally fine if he doesn't understand vision loss, there are people on this earth who will never consider it, that's perfectly acceptable and normal. What's not acceptable, however, is an unwillingness to try to understand and an annoyance when prompted to do so.
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Yes, I think I was thinking too black and white. It definitely needs to be a case by case basis, and I have a fold up cane I can carry around. I used to do this, but I got embarrassed when friends would negatively comment on it.
I wasn't clear in my post. My boyfriend doesn't have an issue with me using a cane, but he has an issue if I choose not to use it and bump into someone. I don't want to use my cane to go somewhere familiar, like down my road, or even on the subway when I go to work (same stop every single day). But I've accepted that sometimes I might be too close to someone and bump them. Luckily I live in Canada where people aren't usually that mean.
I wasn't clear in my post. My boyfriend doesn't have an issue with me using a cane, but he has an issue if I choose not to use it and bump into someone. I don't want to use my cane to go somewhere familiar, like down my road, or even on the subway when I go to work (same stop every single day). But I've accepted that sometimes I might be too close to someone and bump them. Luckily I live in Canada where people aren't usually that mean.
Amonwilde 6 points 2y ago
I think the issue in your life is the large number of people that don't support you. I agree with the other commentor that you can still pick and mix (I still do this at 20/800, have a cane and frequently don't use it), but the main issue is the lack of support you're getting. I think you're on to something with taking the plunge to start using the cane and start over with a group of people who will support you. Sit your boyfriend down and have a serious conversation, if he continues to dismiss you, you may have to make a hard choice between him and your comfort and development. I had a conversation with my partner when I started using my cane, she's really supportive in general but it was also not a negotiation, more a heads-up and this is what I will need from you, which basically amounts to understanding why this is happening and not discouraging its use since it's hard enough to use it as-is. I think if she wasn't on board that would have been a serious issue and something we would have to work through.
I've found sometimes that keeping the cane around and folded can serve some purposes, maybe consider keeping it with you and folded even when you're not using it and letting your friends get used to it. People have a hard time with novelty in the environment and a white cane stands out, you may have some success conditioning your friends to it. You may also want to have 1-1 conversations and not group conversations where a consensus can be formed against you and reinforced. Another motivation is that people have an image of themselves that often includes an attractive friend of a specific type or an attractive girlfriend, and people may feel (they will never articulate this) that your use of the cane detracts from their self-image when they associate with you in public. This is a really bad attitude and if people don't get over the cane after an initial period they will probably never get over it and you may see them cut you out of their lives, which is painful, but you might be better off.
Anyway, you seem smart and assertive. I think you'll navigate this well. But I do think you should make some kind of change and not just keep going as you have been, which will interfere with your development. I'm not going to get into workplace stuff but yeah, employment is an issue for the blind and people will talk about the laws as third parties ("that's illegal"), but in practice those laws are useless in the US where firing is at will and they can give any reason for a dismissal. Documentation is your friend, keep notes and always be hunting for a position where your skills are valued, they do exist. (OK, I did talk about workplace stuff a bit.) Good luck.
I've found sometimes that keeping the cane around and folded can serve some purposes, maybe consider keeping it with you and folded even when you're not using it and letting your friends get used to it. People have a hard time with novelty in the environment and a white cane stands out, you may have some success conditioning your friends to it. You may also want to have 1-1 conversations and not group conversations where a consensus can be formed against you and reinforced. Another motivation is that people have an image of themselves that often includes an attractive friend of a specific type or an attractive girlfriend, and people may feel (they will never articulate this) that your use of the cane detracts from their self-image when they associate with you in public. This is a really bad attitude and if people don't get over the cane after an initial period they will probably never get over it and you may see them cut you out of their lives, which is painful, but you might be better off.
Anyway, you seem smart and assertive. I think you'll navigate this well. But I do think you should make some kind of change and not just keep going as you have been, which will interfere with your development. I'm not going to get into workplace stuff but yeah, employment is an issue for the blind and people will talk about the laws as third parties ("that's illegal"), but in practice those laws are useless in the US where firing is at will and they can give any reason for a dismissal. Documentation is your friend, keep notes and always be hunting for a position where your skills are valued, they do exist. (OK, I did talk about workplace stuff a bit.) Good luck.
TheLadyMiyabi 3 points 2y ago
Quickly seconding the idea of the foldable cane. This is what I use and it really helped me as an aid, but also in explaining to people that my visual abilities come and go, that my pain levels increase over time (photosensitivity), and that maybe I didn't need my cane when I got out of bed this morning but by 6pm my head is killing me, I'm wobbly, it hurts to even try to focus my eyes, and the cane is now a necessity so I whip that baby out and use it. Having the choice to use it can be very comforting and empowering, being able to make that call for yourself. It has helped me physically but also mentally in accepting the degenerative nature of my blindness.
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
I definitely hear and agree with what you're saying.
I think because I don't identify as someone with a VI, my friends and family sometimes forget just how poor my sight can be in certain situations. This is why I'm debating taking a more active approach in "identifying" as a VI person. It can be annoying and sometimes hurtful to have to continue to explain why I suck at some activities, and will never "learn" because it's a sight thing.
I think I need to be more assertive. Use the cane when I want, carry it with me just in case and try not to overthink it. (and not let anyone bug me about it either)
I think because I don't identify as someone with a VI, my friends and family sometimes forget just how poor my sight can be in certain situations. This is why I'm debating taking a more active approach in "identifying" as a VI person. It can be annoying and sometimes hurtful to have to continue to explain why I suck at some activities, and will never "learn" because it's a sight thing.
I think I need to be more assertive. Use the cane when I want, carry it with me just in case and try not to overthink it. (and not let anyone bug me about it either)
LadyAlleta 5 points 2y ago
"it doesn't stop raining just because I put down my umbrella." I use this line a lot with sighted people. They are conditioned by the media as to what "blind" is and you can't really do anything about it.
Maybe take your family and friends to an eye doctor and have a professional tell them. From what it sounds like, you need a better support system
Maybe take your family and friends to an eye doctor and have a professional tell them. From what it sounds like, you need a better support system
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
I think they just forget how bad my sight can be at times because I act normally. I still work, I take transit, I use my phone, I cook alone... I am extremely lucky to have the amount of sight I have and pass as someone with good vision, but it can hurt sometimes having to re-explain to close friends and family. Maybe if I use my cane and "identify" as a VI person, I won't have to remind people I can't see.
LadyAlleta 3 points 2y ago
That's probably true. I think you know what you need. It's still hard tho. I dare say being legally blind is harder than the sterotype of blindness
AlwaysLilly 5 points 2y ago
I relate to this a lot in that I still have a lot of vision but am starting to need accommodations and it’s hard to feel comfortable about it. As much as I appreciate how much vision I have for all the conditions I have where my vision could be worse, I have totally had moments where it felt like it would be easier if my vision was worse or my struggles were more obvious and then I’d feel guilty thinking that way. It’s hard when you feel so isolated and don’t know how to advocate for yourself or stay independent. But the ability to see others experiences here and all the tech that’s out there does help imo.
I agree about the support system and doing what works best for you. I haven’t done o&m or anything yet but am going to get a collapsible cane just so I have it. I just have too many times in unfamiliar places where I struggle because I’m just used to not needing something.
I agree about the support system and doing what works best for you. I haven’t done o&m or anything yet but am going to get a collapsible cane just so I have it. I just have too many times in unfamiliar places where I struggle because I’m just used to not needing something.
aiiishh [OP] 5 points 2y ago
Yes! I totally understand where you're coming from!
I just wished to stop being in the middle - either be normal or be blind because I didn't know how to cope. I felt guilty as well.
The important thing is, I realized the way I'm coping isn't completely working for me. I thought doing a full 180 and identifying as a blind person all the time would help. But I think it's a more case by case basis. I can still feel "normal" and use my collapsible cane when it would help me feel more comfortable.
I just wished to stop being in the middle - either be normal or be blind because I didn't know how to cope. I felt guilty as well.
The important thing is, I realized the way I'm coping isn't completely working for me. I thought doing a full 180 and identifying as a blind person all the time would help. But I think it's a more case by case basis. I can still feel "normal" and use my collapsible cane when it would help me feel more comfortable.
AlwaysLilly 3 points 2y ago
Agreed 100% on the realizing how you’re coping isn’t working. When I saw my optometrist recently and told her everything, she was like “wow, that’s affecting you a lot then” and just that acknowledgement alone was big.
I think it’s just hard to feel like you want to be comfortable/confident with where you’re at — but I suppose that’s where the support system comes in.
I think it’s just hard to feel like you want to be comfortable/confident with where you’re at — but I suppose that’s where the support system comes in.
oldfogey12345 5 points 2y ago
Hang in there. There will be times when you will envy terminally ill people just because it will end for them soon. It's natural. You will come out the other side of it.
AlwaysLilly 3 points 2y ago
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Seeing my optometrist helped a lot in that she could relate to what I was saying. I have follow up appointments too so it helps feeling like I have a plan.
MostlyBlindGamer 4 points 2y ago
I faced similar issues for years. In a lot of ways, it always felt like it would be easier if my vision was worse.
Having to explain I can read just fine, but only if I can hold the things up close was exhausting.
My vision did, in fact, get worse and I very recently started occasionally using a cane. Even before then I entirely stopped caring about what other people think.
I'm going to do whatever I can and take advantage of whatever resources are available to me to make my life easier.
Couldn't your friends get around just fine barefoot? They could just walk more slowly and avoid stepping on rocks or cigarette butts. But if they wear shoes, their life is that much easier.
As far as work goes, I get it. There's the law and then there's the real world. If we're being practical, if you're already half with your job and they're happy with you, so what if you're legally blind? You're no worse at it than you were yesterday.
Having to explain I can read just fine, but only if I can hold the things up close was exhausting.
My vision did, in fact, get worse and I very recently started occasionally using a cane. Even before then I entirely stopped caring about what other people think.
I'm going to do whatever I can and take advantage of whatever resources are available to me to make my life easier.
Couldn't your friends get around just fine barefoot? They could just walk more slowly and avoid stepping on rocks or cigarette butts. But if they wear shoes, their life is that much easier.
As far as work goes, I get it. There's the law and then there's the real world. If we're being practical, if you're already half with your job and they're happy with you, so what if you're legally blind? You're no worse at it than you were yesterday.
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
I guess it's just annoying to always explain it. If I was more open, I wouldn't have to make such a big deal out of it everytime I had to tell someone. It's like a big secret, which it doesn't need to be.
I'm sorry your vision got worse, although I am glad you are adjusting and living life to the fullest!
I appreciate the advice.
I'm sorry your vision got worse, although I am glad you are adjusting and living life to the fullest!
I appreciate the advice.
MostlyBlindGamer 3 points 2y ago
Right, the white cane lets you breeze by most explanations. It turns "Sorry, I didn't take a number, because I can't see them" into "Please, come right this way."
Well, what are you gonna do?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. You'll just have to find some sugar first.
Well, what are you gonna do?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. You'll just have to find some sugar first.
DrillInstructorJan 3 points 2y ago
Do whatever you find useful and screw anyone who doesn't like it. Explain if you want, but if people insist on being assholes, find other people to hang out with.
Zeebaaraa 3 points 2y ago
I have very similar vision as you. Basically no vision in my left eye, low vision in my right eye, I use glasses as well. I am 31 years old and I can still have a hard time feeling like I live a double life sometimes. I describe myself as being stuck in the middle, not enough vision to see like sighted people but more vision then what is thought to be blind. I use little supports in my day to day life so my vision can appear average.
Over time I have come to find that what is most important is for myself to be comfortable. I would never use my cane in the past and tried not to be seen as blind because truly I didn't want to be stereotyped or labeled. I have had jobs lost as well and some denied because of my sight. It took time to be comfortable with my cane and I have to make myself use it to become more comfortable. Getting over the pride is hard, you feel like you are so open with a cane in hand. I try to remember it seems like more of a big deal for me then for people around me.
I am sorry your friends and family have such a poor view of you using a cane. They don't know how hard it can be to get the courage to use the cane especially if you do not do it often or the challenges you go through to try to fit in for there comfort. People often have a hard time understanding low vision because we make it seem easier then it is.
I typically don't mention my vision to people when I first meet them, I find if that is the first thing they know then that's all they see you as so I like to have some other traits shown before explaining my vision, if I even need to mention it at all. I would suggest cutting out people who do not support you and your needs. I would have a heart to heart with your boyfriend, explain your feelings and that you could use his support.
As for jobs, I stopped mentioning my vision in interviews, I apply for jobs I am capable of doing and can find different ways to complete. Its really too bad that people are so shallow but that is how it goes. I was fortunate enough to get a job opportunity that was actually seeking out someone visually impaired, I will admit it was nice not feeling like I had to hide my vision.
I am newer to this subreddit and I joined because I don't feel like I have enough vision related support in my life. Even highly supportive family do not really understand the challenges like someone living it so I thank you for your post and welcome you to message me if you have other questions!
Over time I have come to find that what is most important is for myself to be comfortable. I would never use my cane in the past and tried not to be seen as blind because truly I didn't want to be stereotyped or labeled. I have had jobs lost as well and some denied because of my sight. It took time to be comfortable with my cane and I have to make myself use it to become more comfortable. Getting over the pride is hard, you feel like you are so open with a cane in hand. I try to remember it seems like more of a big deal for me then for people around me.
I am sorry your friends and family have such a poor view of you using a cane. They don't know how hard it can be to get the courage to use the cane especially if you do not do it often or the challenges you go through to try to fit in for there comfort. People often have a hard time understanding low vision because we make it seem easier then it is.
I typically don't mention my vision to people when I first meet them, I find if that is the first thing they know then that's all they see you as so I like to have some other traits shown before explaining my vision, if I even need to mention it at all. I would suggest cutting out people who do not support you and your needs. I would have a heart to heart with your boyfriend, explain your feelings and that you could use his support.
As for jobs, I stopped mentioning my vision in interviews, I apply for jobs I am capable of doing and can find different ways to complete. Its really too bad that people are so shallow but that is how it goes. I was fortunate enough to get a job opportunity that was actually seeking out someone visually impaired, I will admit it was nice not feeling like I had to hide my vision.
I am newer to this subreddit and I joined because I don't feel like I have enough vision related support in my life. Even highly supportive family do not really understand the challenges like someone living it so I thank you for your post and welcome you to message me if you have other questions!
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Wow you completely captured how I feel.
I joined the subreddit for the same reason as you! It feels so good to read posts and comments of people who deal with the same things.
I agree with you, I think I just need to start using it when I feel it necessary and try to not think about it too much. Once I start, it will only get easier.
I joined the subreddit for the same reason as you! It feels so good to read posts and comments of people who deal with the same things.
I agree with you, I think I just need to start using it when I feel it necessary and try to not think about it too much. Once I start, it will only get easier.
Revenant624 3 points 2y ago
You need to except the fact that you are blind. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. most people don’t care about you being blind and those that do, is there problem. I Understand you not wanting to use The cane. I was the same way, so instead of using the cane I got myself a Seeing Eye dog. Having my dog dramatically improved my quality of life and boosted my confidence immensely. for those who said you were being inconsiderate are ignorant and uneducated.
There are people that are blind and those that are totally blind. It should be self-explanatory these two terms, but sometimes it needs to be explained. you can have some vision and be blind and being totally blind means you see absolutely nothing. You need to explain this to those around you that give you a hard time. As far as job opportunities go, if you live in the United States call your States commission of the blind. Ask about the business enterprise program. The name may vary from state to state. Is known as the Randolph Shepherd act, it helps those that are blind. In a nutshell the state will help you open a small business these businesses are usually in federal locations. Where I live I am part of the program and I do pretty well for myself because of it. Understand though, some do better than others. Going back to the cane, you should use it for safety reasons as well. Bumping into the wrong person could turn out badly for you because if they don’t see the cane they may just think of you as being disrespectful. Also think if you’re crossing the street and God for bid you get hit by a car. If you don’t have the cane with you you may not have a leg to stand on as far as the courts go, but if you have the cane that changes. If people can not except you for who you are then they really don’t need to be in your life.
There are people that are blind and those that are totally blind. It should be self-explanatory these two terms, but sometimes it needs to be explained. you can have some vision and be blind and being totally blind means you see absolutely nothing. You need to explain this to those around you that give you a hard time. As far as job opportunities go, if you live in the United States call your States commission of the blind. Ask about the business enterprise program. The name may vary from state to state. Is known as the Randolph Shepherd act, it helps those that are blind. In a nutshell the state will help you open a small business these businesses are usually in federal locations. Where I live I am part of the program and I do pretty well for myself because of it. Understand though, some do better than others. Going back to the cane, you should use it for safety reasons as well. Bumping into the wrong person could turn out badly for you because if they don’t see the cane they may just think of you as being disrespectful. Also think if you’re crossing the street and God for bid you get hit by a car. If you don’t have the cane with you you may not have a leg to stand on as far as the courts go, but if you have the cane that changes. If people can not except you for who you are then they really don’t need to be in your life.
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Wow you made some great points. I think you're right, especially about the crossing the street part. At some intersections, I get nervous that cars will run red lights or try to make a right turn into me. These would be the right ones to whip out the cane.
Revenant624 2 points 2y ago
In my opinion you should have the cane out at all times while you are traveling. Pulling it out sporadically might be why you get flack. Unfortunately being blind it is a full-time thing, not part time. More people see you with it the more likely they will understand your situation making things easier for you. Remember your blindness does not define you. You just happened to be a person that is blind.
aiiishh [OP] 1 points 2y ago
This is more along the lines of what I was thinking when I made the post.
I think to start I will use it when I travel alone when I'm uncomfortable, to get used to using it. And then maybe go from there. Who knows, maybe when things open back up I'll be using the cane 24/7.
I think to start I will use it when I travel alone when I'm uncomfortable, to get used to using it. And then maybe go from there. Who knows, maybe when things open back up I'll be using the cane 24/7.
oldfogey12345 3 points 2y ago
Are you currently working and how much time in the workforce do you have? If you can pass as sighted then you should use that ability. The cane will severely limit your ability to get a job. Networking once you have a job can mitigate this.
I have maybe about the same visual acuity as you do. I made the same decision with the came for the same reasons.
It's funny though, I was with a blind woman about ten years ago. We had been out to a place that we rode a trolley to get to and from. I sight guided her on the way back. She forgot her cane.
Back I went on the trolley to get it. I bump into people, they don't like it. Totally understandable.
I pick up her cane and start using it on the way back. It's like something out of a video game. People are moving out of the way and offering me seats. They apologize if I accidentally bump them.
The cane would be lovely but I don't want to get laid off for it. I live in a right to work state.
I have maybe about the same visual acuity as you do. I made the same decision with the came for the same reasons.
It's funny though, I was with a blind woman about ten years ago. We had been out to a place that we rode a trolley to get to and from. I sight guided her on the way back. She forgot her cane.
Back I went on the trolley to get it. I bump into people, they don't like it. Totally understandable.
I pick up her cane and start using it on the way back. It's like something out of a video game. People are moving out of the way and offering me seats. They apologize if I accidentally bump them.
The cane would be lovely but I don't want to get laid off for it. I live in a right to work state.
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Yes the work is worrisome. Currently I work from home so I don't need a cane for that.
I was working more part time jobs before the pandemic that were in the service industry. Luckily we had an old computer system that wasn't size 9 font I could actually read close.
I don't know if I would feel comfortable with a cane at work, but it would depend on the job I get after the pandemic (if I continue to work my 10 hour a week job or not).
I was working more part time jobs before the pandemic that were in the service industry. Luckily we had an old computer system that wasn't size 9 font I could actually read close.
I don't know if I would feel comfortable with a cane at work, but it would depend on the job I get after the pandemic (if I continue to work my 10 hour a week job or not).
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Oh I have been working for 10 years! Mostly in the service industry (basically the only job you can get as an inexperienced teen making money for college)
DreadPossum 3 points 2y ago
Sorry this is a long response.
I understand. I have no perrifural vision and a limited central, I wear glasses so I can read and I've been told countless times "it's wrong to pretend to be blind" when I didnt use my cane i would walk into people and would get weird looks when i asked for help with read menus. But I decided to go ahead and use my cane and if people approached me I would explain my situation
I dont think any person has the right to demand an explanation about your situation. As far as friends or family, just because they are close doesnt give them the right to criticize you. When my aunt told me I was only blind because I didnt pray hard enough I completely cut her out of my life until she apologized.
For me it helped alot to explain in detail to the people who are close to me what I need as far as accommodations took my bf a few months to get used to it but now we have a system.
Something that helped me was finding resources and support groups, this subreddit has been life changing and there are good facebook groups and government organizations. Dont be afraid to reach out and do what you need to.
If you ever need to talk feel free to message me :) I'm open to listen any time.
I understand. I have no perrifural vision and a limited central, I wear glasses so I can read and I've been told countless times "it's wrong to pretend to be blind" when I didnt use my cane i would walk into people and would get weird looks when i asked for help with read menus. But I decided to go ahead and use my cane and if people approached me I would explain my situation
I dont think any person has the right to demand an explanation about your situation. As far as friends or family, just because they are close doesnt give them the right to criticize you. When my aunt told me I was only blind because I didnt pray hard enough I completely cut her out of my life until she apologized.
For me it helped alot to explain in detail to the people who are close to me what I need as far as accommodations took my bf a few months to get used to it but now we have a system.
Something that helped me was finding resources and support groups, this subreddit has been life changing and there are good facebook groups and government organizations. Dont be afraid to reach out and do what you need to.
If you ever need to talk feel free to message me :) I'm open to listen any time.
aiiishh [OP] 4 points 2y ago
Yes! Thank you for your comment!!
I never understand why people seem weird when you ask them to read a menu. Sometimes they say "it's right there" and point. And then I just ask them again. Obviously I'm asking for a reason, please just read the damn menu!! Haha
In all seriousness though, my boyfriend is pretty accommodating. He reads menus and subtitles for me, and supports the use of my cane at times. I just think he forgets because I "look and act normal" (with a few minor slip ups). I think maybe if I wasn't so scared to use my cane, people around me wouldn't forget I'm VI and get annoyed when I knock something over, or I don't clean up a mess I didn't see.
I just joined this Reddit and I'm loving reading all the posts.
I never understand why people seem weird when you ask them to read a menu. Sometimes they say "it's right there" and point. And then I just ask them again. Obviously I'm asking for a reason, please just read the damn menu!! Haha
In all seriousness though, my boyfriend is pretty accommodating. He reads menus and subtitles for me, and supports the use of my cane at times. I just think he forgets because I "look and act normal" (with a few minor slip ups). I think maybe if I wasn't so scared to use my cane, people around me wouldn't forget I'm VI and get annoyed when I knock something over, or I don't clean up a mess I didn't see.
I just joined this Reddit and I'm loving reading all the posts.
DreadPossum 3 points 2y ago
Have you thought about getting an Identification cane?
I got one of them first to ease into it and then went for something bigger once I was more comfortable :)
I cant stand eating out! Lol I can seem pretty normal but sometimes I cant see the waiter approach and then they scare me and give me a weird look lol
I got one of them first to ease into it and then went for something bigger once I was more comfortable :)
I cant stand eating out! Lol I can seem pretty normal but sometimes I cant see the waiter approach and then they scare me and give me a weird look lol
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
I have an identification cane as well, I used to carry it around a lot but then some friends I'm not friends with anymore made some rude comments and made me feel like a fraud, so I stopped. I should start up again, I think it's just anxiety to take that leap.
DreadPossum 3 points 2y ago
If you ever wanna talk about feel free to message me :) I have pretty bad anxiety about it and dont leave home much, it takes work and a good support system :) finding other people out there who understand changed everything for me
siriuslylupin6 2 points 2y ago
Why live a lie? Why live a double life. Accept you’re vi and admit it and move on things will be so much easier. The truth wins out.
grinchnight14 1 points 2y ago
Facts, don't hide it from people
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
Glad someone else agrees.
grinchnight14 1 points 2y ago
I'm always open about it, makes things way easier, plus it can be a decent online conversation starter too lol
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
True. And what’s the point of hiding it could be worse it’s like what are you trying to hide. No I don’t slap it on my forehead like a label but if I have to say it yeah, I am blind. Not going to avoid it.
HegemoneMilo 2 points 2y ago
I'm confused when people say that you're "cheating the system"... it doesn't sound like you're depending on the system for support... so how can you be cheating it if you're not participating in it?
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
I do get free transit which of course I use. People think I am cheating the system because of that, or if I use my cane I obviously get "special treatment" and I am able bodied (I.e. I don't "deserve" the handicapped seats. But I usually don't take them if someone else is in need).
I think I'm just taking the comments too personally, and I shouldn't let them affect me using services and other things I need to be confident and comfortable in my surroundings.
I think I'm just taking the comments too personally, and I shouldn't let them affect me using services and other things I need to be confident and comfortable in my surroundings.
oncenightvaler 2 points 2y ago
So because I only have light perception and no useful vision I identify as blind. But, hey, I'm also cis so what would I know?
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
:) :)
BenandGracie 2 points 2y ago
I am totally blind, so I can't really relate. I don't hide it because I really can't. When I am out and about, I don't make a big deal of it.
A folding cane is quite handy for this. I use my cane when I need it for walking around, and when I am going to be sitting for a while, I fold it up and hook it to my belt. You would be surprised how many people have approached me over the years and they had no idea I was blind.
If I were you, I would keep the cane with me, and if you need it, use it.
A folding cane is quite handy for this. I use my cane when I need it for walking around, and when I am going to be sitting for a while, I fold it up and hook it to my belt. You would be surprised how many people have approached me over the years and they had no idea I was blind.
If I were you, I would keep the cane with me, and if you need it, use it.
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Definitely agree.
Thank you :)
Thank you :)
Lyssa221201 2 points 2y ago
I have the same condition you have and I have always identifies as visually impaired. I got picked on and made fun of a lot in school for it but it's better now that I'm in college. I use my cane whenever I'm somewhere I'm not familiar with or at my campus dining facilities. It is a huge help even though I can usually see where I'm going. It forces people to be more aware of where they are going. I agree with others that the people in your life telling you that you are cheating the system is crap. You know your limitations and what you need to do for you. Do that and they can deal with it honestly. I don't have the experience you have had with jobs because I haven't applied yet but being turned away because of my disability is one of my biggest fears. It's terrifying to think that I could be going to college to have just as many or more qualifications for my field than someone else and be turned away because of my disability. I know it's illegal but I also know if still happens. I wish you the best and hope you are able to get everything figured out!
aiiishh [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Wow! Good for you!
I wish I had the confidence in high school to be like you. Don't get me wrong, I was totally rude if I didn't get accessible options, or if my teacher didn't want to "mess up her seating plan to put me in the front row". I just didn't understand how important it was to start these habits.
I admire you and wish you the best of luck :)
I wish I had the confidence in high school to be like you. Don't get me wrong, I was totally rude if I didn't get accessible options, or if my teacher didn't want to "mess up her seating plan to put me in the front row". I just didn't understand how important it was to start these habits.
I admire you and wish you the best of luck :)
Wendy_corduroy20 1 points 2y ago
I know this is a controversial topic among the community however I think customizable canes are fabulous. There is a website called ambutech. They make different colored canes. For example I have a hot pink one I got from them a few years ago. I was like you a few years ago. I refused to use a cane I didn’t want to be perceived as disabled. I thought bumping into chairs and tables and people that’s better than carrying a cane around. My vision teacher got me my first cane when I was in high school. It was a green one. That was the only cane I would use someone confidently. I think customizing your disability reminds people that you are a person. People have complemented my pink cane like they would complement my shirt or other article of clothing. Sorry for the bad grammar. I am using dictation lol
Legend010331 1 points 2y ago
I have a similar situation. I am a university student so I have to do a lot of reading. I am legally blind in one eye and the other has poor vision. I am still able to do nearly everything except for drive. There have been people who have told me that I'm lying when I tell people I'm legally blind in one eye because from their perspective I can do nearly everything they can. I don't tell anyone at my work, or on my rep soccer team that I am visually impaired so they always often get confused when I have to get very close to text in order to read it, or when I can't see the soccer ball when it's across the field. I use their words as criticism and I always work to push myself to correct in accordance with their criticism. I believe this has made me be able to live with my impaired vision better since I am pushing myself in every way to try and be "normal" with my vision.
aiiishh [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Wow, you can play sport! That's so cool, I always wanted to be part of a team like that.
I used to do the same thing you do now, but sometimes it just sucks to accept critique on things I can't fix or find my own way around. Sometimes it makes me feel like a hopeless case, and like I don't fit in with either normal vision people or vistually impaired communities.
I used to do the same thing you do now, but sometimes it just sucks to accept critique on things I can't fix or find my own way around. Sometimes it makes me feel like a hopeless case, and like I don't fit in with either normal vision people or vistually impaired communities.
Legend010331 1 points 2y ago
Ya being able to play sports for me is everything. I'm very thankful that I can. That relates back to what I was saying before though. I've been playing for so long I've just figured out little shortcuts that I can use to be able to keep up with the other while I play. I feel like I don't belong to either normal vision people or visually impaired people sometimes as well. Mainly because in my specific case I'm right in the middle where I can enjoy the sight that I have and it's probably more than many visually impaired people, but it's also much less than anyone who has normal vision. That's the reason I joined this subreddit, so that I could find people in the same situation as me because I don't know anyone else in real life that is blind or visually impaired so there's nobody to relate to. Also you're right it does sometimes suck to have to just accept somebody scolding you for doing something that you really can't help because of your vision, but that's the reality. I think I've just become so used to it my whole life that now I just try to find any workaround that I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.
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