Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Codependent, or symbiotic? (self.Blind)
submitted by [deleted]
I see people sometimes complaining that their blind spouses are trying to make them codependent. I don't see my relationship as codependent in a negative way. I call it symbiotic. My husband brings a great deal of skills and good things to our relationship. Since he became blind as an adult and had a successful career as a mechanic before that, and retains a certain amount of central vision on one side, he is able to still do a lot. He cooks, takes care of the vehicles, helps with the easy laundry, and a hundred other little things. I pick up the housekeeping, do all the driving, and help him when he needs it. We shop together. We do everything together. I don't go to the craft store without dragging him along, and when he wants to go to the gun shop I take him. We are just so used to being together all the time that when one of us isn't there the world just feels wrong. I can't be the only one that feels like the blindness somehow keeps us close. I have couple-friends who don't spend any time together, and don't seem to enjoy each other's company very much. My husband is my absolute best friend, and I wouldn't trade perfect vision for the relationships that most of my friends are in.
healthisourwealth 6 points 2y ago
This is so sweet. Love it.
[deleted] [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Thank you :) I appreciate it!
cantmakemewearabra 4 points 2y ago
This is reassuring to me.
I am blind in one eye and have limited vision in the other, and became vision impaired at age 40, eight years into my marriage. (I lost my vision due to a rare and aggressive form of cancer)
I take care of everything in the house, including caring for our 6 year old and helping his 22 year old (he doesn’t live with us but has Aspergers and often calls me when he needs something). My husband works 80 hours a week, so I do as much as I can, but I still feel like I’m a burden to him. He never complains, and we joke around when he can’t find something in the house and I’m able to go directly to it (I’ve learned that keeping things in their place helps me in general).
Thank you for this post!
I am blind in one eye and have limited vision in the other, and became vision impaired at age 40, eight years into my marriage. (I lost my vision due to a rare and aggressive form of cancer)
I take care of everything in the house, including caring for our 6 year old and helping his 22 year old (he doesn’t live with us but has Aspergers and often calls me when he needs something). My husband works 80 hours a week, so I do as much as I can, but I still feel like I’m a burden to him. He never complains, and we joke around when he can’t find something in the house and I’m able to go directly to it (I’ve learned that keeping things in their place helps me in general).
Thank you for this post!
[deleted] [OP] 2 points 2y ago
I am happy to hear that it reassured you :) Things being the way they are I was afraid someone would feel i was bragging, and maybe I am a little bit, but he's pretty brag-worthy. I bet your husband brags on you, too, and if he doesn't then he should!
Turnover-Party 3 points 2y ago
You're not the only one! Symbiotic is a great way to describe it.
My husband drives for me, reads subtitles on TV for me, helps me find lost things when my vision makes it hard, points out and describes interesting things he sees in the yard or in the car that I can't see.
In turn, I work from home to support us financially, help him with naps and other childcare (stay-at-home dad), and let him get more sleep when our kid is having a bad night or getting up too early. I'm lucky to have enough vision to do those things.
*Sometimes* I get down about what I can't do, but everyone has limitations. Sleep and stress reduction are important for controlling my husband's medical issues, so I try to remember that I'm helping him as much as he helps me (and he does a good job reminding me).
My husband drives for me, reads subtitles on TV for me, helps me find lost things when my vision makes it hard, points out and describes interesting things he sees in the yard or in the car that I can't see.
In turn, I work from home to support us financially, help him with naps and other childcare (stay-at-home dad), and let him get more sleep when our kid is having a bad night or getting up too early. I'm lucky to have enough vision to do those things.
*Sometimes* I get down about what I can't do, but everyone has limitations. Sleep and stress reduction are important for controlling my husband's medical issues, so I try to remember that I'm helping him as much as he helps me (and he does a good job reminding me).
[deleted] [OP] 2 points 2y ago
haha! I completely forgot about subtitles! It's so automatic I do it all the time and my kids are always like, Mom I can read them... It's fun trying to read them when they aren't phrased properly on the TV. The whole. Sentence gets thrown out. of syntax.
I am also really good at finding his sunglasses and his phone, which he invariably puts face down in its black case on a black piece of furniture, with his black magnifier on top of it.
I am also really good at finding his sunglasses and his phone, which he invariably puts face down in its black case on a black piece of furniture, with his black magnifier on top of it.
[deleted] [OP] 1 points 2y ago
[deleted]
MakihikiMalahini-who 3 points 2y ago
TBH even though both are called blind, even a little bit of vision makes a world of difference.
[deleted] [OP] 1 points 2y ago
I completely agree. I guess in the midst of all the challenges that vision loss presents, to each of us in our own unique situations, I just wanted to share a bright side with others who might understand...
We definitely don't take his tiny field of weird unpredictable sight for granted and are grateful for it every day.
We definitely don't take his tiny field of weird unpredictable sight for granted and are grateful for it every day.
CosmicBunny97 2 points 2y ago
I don’t see the point of being in a relationship if you don’t spend time together... Your relationship sounds really nice though.
DrillInstructorJan 1 points 2y ago
The person I've spent the last twenty years with, since we were both very young, was a very good friend before we were a couple and he still is, and I try to remember how lucky I am to have that basis for really knowing someone.
That said I wouldn't say we were symbiotic or codependent or anything like that. Yes, he helps me out quite a bit, but I'm always working to minimise that. That's not because either he or I really mind and it is inevitable to an extent, but I don't want the disability having any more influence over anything than it really has to, especially that of all things.
We have separate careers and he travels away from home quite a bit. I do too, though not as much. I know that because I don't like it, we don't like being apart, and it's not like we're looking for reasons to be separated. Quite the opposite. But I do like the fact that we are both independent human beings. We have things to talk about, we have new people to introduce each other to and to introduce to our friends. I live in a situation where I am constantly scrabbling for any last tiny bit of independence I can get, so all of that stuff is so valuable and he knows that.
In the end I don't want to live in his pocket and he knows I don't, and honestly being blind is making me want to be independent probably more than I would otherwise. Independent does not mean not wanting to be together.
That said I wouldn't say we were symbiotic or codependent or anything like that. Yes, he helps me out quite a bit, but I'm always working to minimise that. That's not because either he or I really mind and it is inevitable to an extent, but I don't want the disability having any more influence over anything than it really has to, especially that of all things.
We have separate careers and he travels away from home quite a bit. I do too, though not as much. I know that because I don't like it, we don't like being apart, and it's not like we're looking for reasons to be separated. Quite the opposite. But I do like the fact that we are both independent human beings. We have things to talk about, we have new people to introduce each other to and to introduce to our friends. I live in a situation where I am constantly scrabbling for any last tiny bit of independence I can get, so all of that stuff is so valuable and he knows that.
In the end I don't want to live in his pocket and he knows I don't, and honestly being blind is making me want to be independent probably more than I would otherwise. Independent does not mean not wanting to be together.
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