Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Don't move my stuff! (self.Blind)
submitted by bigmiracle
Updated/ Gm, this group is amazing!!Blessing to you all!
I've posted here before and perhaps a few more details wouldv3 been helpful.
I have Retinitis Pigmentosa fue to Ushers types.
My diagnosis is about 10 years old and I'm 45.
Still have good central but peripheral is only about 20 degrees maybe less now since my last checkup.
Been through therapy, couples and single, I still speak with someone at lighthouse for the blind occassionaly.
When I asked my wife to join me for my next o and m session she told me she needs to prepare herself mentally.
It's true. Shea not facing our reality which doesn't have to be as bad as she pictures it. She can be very negative and hold much contempt and negativity in general.
It's so draining to be with someone who's not really on the same page as me. I haven't come out in public yet with my cane but I might be close and my core family is praying that day doesn't come. So unsettling not being loved and accepted for who you are genuinely.
Marriage is shit, relationship w kids, double shit and transitioning into cane usage isn't fun either.
Teetering on divorce but now focused on revising my self esteem, strength and drive to be successful and happy with myself and not to depend on others to make me happy.
More than I can write here... Bottom line, I'm focusing on myself in am unselfish way bc we all have to do what's best for us because no one will care for you better than you!
Appreciate your support here.
Any advice is welcome.
Wife and fam are always more concerned about my strong body cracking instead of focusing on my heart.
Much love, health and peace for all!
Hope all you wonderful friends are well.
Been telling my wife and kids for a while now to please not reorganize my things and if it's necessary to give me a heads up. I know where I leave my stuff and the looking and looking creates tremendous stress. Saw my son and wife looking in a cabinet in the kitchen and saying that he out all my snacks way up in the back. So I went into a dance about leaving items I use regularly in their place.
My wife rolled her eyes. Quickly shut down the discussion.
Also, I frequently spill cups and overflow things and she calls me a mess always and in front of the kids at the table.
What is your feedback regarding these two events which happen repeatedly and these are just examples mind you.
Tysm
I've posted here before and perhaps a few more details wouldv3 been helpful.
I have Retinitis Pigmentosa fue to Ushers types.
My diagnosis is about 10 years old and I'm 45.
Still have good central but peripheral is only about 20 degrees maybe less now since my last checkup.
Been through therapy, couples and single, I still speak with someone at lighthouse for the blind occassionaly.
When I asked my wife to join me for my next o and m session she told me she needs to prepare herself mentally.
It's true. Shea not facing our reality which doesn't have to be as bad as she pictures it. She can be very negative and hold much contempt and negativity in general.
It's so draining to be with someone who's not really on the same page as me. I haven't come out in public yet with my cane but I might be close and my core family is praying that day doesn't come. So unsettling not being loved and accepted for who you are genuinely.
Marriage is shit, relationship w kids, double shit and transitioning into cane usage isn't fun either.
Teetering on divorce but now focused on revising my self esteem, strength and drive to be successful and happy with myself and not to depend on others to make me happy.
More than I can write here... Bottom line, I'm focusing on myself in am unselfish way bc we all have to do what's best for us because no one will care for you better than you!
Appreciate your support here.
Any advice is welcome.
Wife and fam are always more concerned about my strong body cracking instead of focusing on my heart.
Much love, health and peace for all!
Hope all you wonderful friends are well.
Been telling my wife and kids for a while now to please not reorganize my things and if it's necessary to give me a heads up. I know where I leave my stuff and the looking and looking creates tremendous stress. Saw my son and wife looking in a cabinet in the kitchen and saying that he out all my snacks way up in the back. So I went into a dance about leaving items I use regularly in their place.
My wife rolled her eyes. Quickly shut down the discussion.
Also, I frequently spill cups and overflow things and she calls me a mess always and in front of the kids at the table.
What is your feedback regarding these two events which happen repeatedly and these are just examples mind you.
Tysm
angelcake 23 points 2y ago
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your wife. She clearly is not taking this seriously And in turn is teaching your children not to take it seriously and essentially to disrespect you.
In Canada we have the CNIB which is the Canadian national Institute for the blind, where you are may have something similar, they can provide resources and education to make things easier and perhaps they can help you deal with this issue with your family as well. I’m sighted, my partner is legally blind. He has one eye that doesn’t work and one eye that works a little bit. I do not move his stuff around, I do not leave stuff on the floor when he’s at my house, it’s very easy to make things accessible for him.
Not knowing the history of your marriage, what your vision was like when you met etc. part of me wonders if she’s fucking with you on purpose. I know that’s a horrible thing to say but the fact is you have asked that she stop moving your stuff around and she continues to do it. That really says one of two things. Either she doesn’t understand how serious the situation is or she’s intentionally doing it do you mess with you for some reason you’re not aware of.
I wish you the best of luck. I would take some time and educate your son about what’s going on with you, explain to him what you were going through. Not in a “looking for sympathy way“ but in a “I would like you to understand what this is about” kind of a way. If you can get him on board by providing him with facts And answering his questions, then you’ll have a good ally.
In Canada we have the CNIB which is the Canadian national Institute for the blind, where you are may have something similar, they can provide resources and education to make things easier and perhaps they can help you deal with this issue with your family as well. I’m sighted, my partner is legally blind. He has one eye that doesn’t work and one eye that works a little bit. I do not move his stuff around, I do not leave stuff on the floor when he’s at my house, it’s very easy to make things accessible for him.
Not knowing the history of your marriage, what your vision was like when you met etc. part of me wonders if she’s fucking with you on purpose. I know that’s a horrible thing to say but the fact is you have asked that she stop moving your stuff around and she continues to do it. That really says one of two things. Either she doesn’t understand how serious the situation is or she’s intentionally doing it do you mess with you for some reason you’re not aware of.
I wish you the best of luck. I would take some time and educate your son about what’s going on with you, explain to him what you were going through. Not in a “looking for sympathy way“ but in a “I would like you to understand what this is about” kind of a way. If you can get him on board by providing him with facts And answering his questions, then you’ll have a good ally.
MizzerC 9 points 2y ago
Everyone seems to have sage advice for you on the more important things, but as for the minor detail of you overfilling things?
They make an audible device that alerts you to when you have filled a cup. You set it on the rim and it will alert you. No idea what they are called, I hate using them because they are blasted loud as hell. Rather just use my finger like a savage.
They make an audible device that alerts you to when you have filled a cup. You set it on the rim and it will alert you. No idea what they are called, I hate using them because they are blasted loud as hell. Rather just use my finger like a savage.
Envrin 3 points 2y ago
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I had one of those things.... lasted about 3 minutes of use.
​
Put it on coffee mug, poured coffee, it started blaring. Took it out, dried it off, and still blaring.
​
Continued to dry it off with towel, and yep, still blaring. Held sensor down with my thumb and that seemed to stop it, but upon lifting thumb after a while, yep, back to blaring.
​
Removed batteries, threw it into trash. Stole one of cat's small hollow ball toy things which floats perfectly. Problem solved, and no noise.
I had one of those things.... lasted about 3 minutes of use.
​
Put it on coffee mug, poured coffee, it started blaring. Took it out, dried it off, and still blaring.
​
Continued to dry it off with towel, and yep, still blaring. Held sensor down with my thumb and that seemed to stop it, but upon lifting thumb after a while, yep, back to blaring.
​
Removed batteries, threw it into trash. Stole one of cat's small hollow ball toy things which floats perfectly. Problem solved, and no noise.
ThisBlindChickReads 5 points 2y ago
Ha! That is brilliant! I didn't know this was a thing I relied on my husband to pour my coffee (the good stuff we grind and brew) if he is gone I have the scrappy k-cups.
I was all excited when I saw the first post about the indicator and then am really appreciative for this post ... I was totally laughing picturing me also trying to shut the damned thing off ... Wish inventors could stop playing jokes and realize that blind people get annoyed at all the noisy stuff too.
Yup, another savage here sticking my finger into my cup while I fill it with colder liquids though ... Damned water being all clear and necessary ::grumpy face:: hahaha
I was all excited when I saw the first post about the indicator and then am really appreciative for this post ... I was totally laughing picturing me also trying to shut the damned thing off ... Wish inventors could stop playing jokes and realize that blind people get annoyed at all the noisy stuff too.
Yup, another savage here sticking my finger into my cup while I fill it with colder liquids though ... Damned water being all clear and necessary ::grumpy face:: hahaha
DrillInstructorJan 3 points 2y ago
Am I alone in pouring coffee to finger level? I just pour until it hurts.
My poor fingers.
My poor fingers.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
No, but I poor it then slowly quickly touch the liquid if you touch it fast and quick it won’t hurt.
ThisBlindChickReads 1 points 2y ago
Oh no ... I also choose to just go for it occasionally ... Its just that when I get over zealous and try to do it like the old days and get it all over my hand that is holding the cup ...ouch! But yeah ... I have my priorities and coffee is always number 1 ... Its totally worth the risk for the good stuff.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
Yes!!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!! I didn’t throw it in the trash but it’s dust collection objects as far as I know. Don’t use it. The funnier shit is you poor something hot, steam hits it beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Beeeeeeeeep! Okay it can’t be full yet. Nope!!!! Beeeep! Beeeep! Inaccurate as fuck! Sorry it ws that bad I said whatever the fuck, you know what I am just using my fingers and other methods I do fine don’t burn myself be really careful when pouring and guestimate. It works fine. The stuff is poor quality and you’re right trash. I said that on another post. Glad I am not crazy and the only one who thinks that!!!!!!
niamhweking 1 points 2y ago
Floating ball idea is very clever, especially for measuring something that doesnt go all the way to a top brilliant never thought of that before
CloudyBeep 1 points 2y ago
There is one that just vibrates. It's intended for deafblind people.
bradley22 1 points 2y ago
same here, they're called liquid level indicators.
AlwaysLilly 7 points 2y ago
I agree I’d talk to both of them as Angelcake said. I am still sighted, but my vision issues have caused a lot of problems recently and I had to sit my husband down and explain that 1. Just because I can still see doesn’t mean this is easy for me or that I don’t need help. 2. The emotional part of it — vision changes are a lot to cope with and while I may seem mostly like myself, it’s a lot for me to cope with so if he/the kids are not respecting what I say or brushing off my concerns, that just makes things harder.
With my kids I keep it simple because they’re young. They know I’m okay, but that I just have to do some things differently or may need a little time to adjust in a situation or may need them to help me with something. They’ve been really receptive.
With my kids I keep it simple because they’re young. They know I’m okay, but that I just have to do some things differently or may need a little time to adjust in a situation or may need them to help me with something. They’ve been really receptive.
Myntrith 6 points 2y ago
I'm sighted. I originally joined this sub because I was caring for my blind mom. As a sighted person who was a caregiver, these are my thoughts ...
It is important for you to know where things are. This isn't a trivial issue. It helps give you autonomy, and that's a big deal. I never moved things around on my mom, and never would have. If I moved something out of necessity, I made sure to put it back in its place so she would know where it was.
As far as being a mess, so what. Anyone who loves you should be understanding and patient. There were times where my mom would drop things and break them, and she wasn't able to clean things up like she used to (she had a degenerative disease, so she was sighted, and went blind slowly), so I had to step in.
She would always feel bad and apologize for bothering me, but I would always reassure her that it was OK.
Your desire for autonomy is no less valid than anyone else's. Your sense of confidence and self-worth is no less valid than anyone else's. If someone is rolling their eyes at you on the first point and criticizing you on the second point, that's an issue that needs to be addressed.
I'll point you to the other comments for how to address them. I just came to say that even as a sighted person, I see an issue with how your family is treating you. Your kids might be excusable if they're younger, but your wife should know better.
I'm not a relationship counselor (far from it), so I'll leave it at that. Just wanted to give you some moral support.
It is important for you to know where things are. This isn't a trivial issue. It helps give you autonomy, and that's a big deal. I never moved things around on my mom, and never would have. If I moved something out of necessity, I made sure to put it back in its place so she would know where it was.
As far as being a mess, so what. Anyone who loves you should be understanding and patient. There were times where my mom would drop things and break them, and she wasn't able to clean things up like she used to (she had a degenerative disease, so she was sighted, and went blind slowly), so I had to step in.
She would always feel bad and apologize for bothering me, but I would always reassure her that it was OK.
Your desire for autonomy is no less valid than anyone else's. Your sense of confidence and self-worth is no less valid than anyone else's. If someone is rolling their eyes at you on the first point and criticizing you on the second point, that's an issue that needs to be addressed.
I'll point you to the other comments for how to address them. I just came to say that even as a sighted person, I see an issue with how your family is treating you. Your kids might be excusable if they're younger, but your wife should know better.
I'm not a relationship counselor (far from it), so I'll leave it at that. Just wanted to give you some moral support.
ThisBlindChickReads 2 points 2y ago
Not OP but thank you for this ... I am one who is progressively losing my sight and having people with your kind of understanding makes it so much less scary and frustrating. Thank you
Riyeko 6 points 2y ago
You need to sit and talk to your wife about moving things.
She needs to understand that moving things even 6 inches means that for you, a blind man, it disappears. Never to be seen again.
Even if you need to get into therapy that specializes in the blind and visually impaired so that you both can air your grievances in a neutral enviornment, do so.
As for the children, they need to be taught to pick up after themselves, do not touch your things (even to move them out of the way), and to respect the boundaries youve laid down.
She needs to understand that moving things even 6 inches means that for you, a blind man, it disappears. Never to be seen again.
Even if you need to get into therapy that specializes in the blind and visually impaired so that you both can air your grievances in a neutral enviornment, do so.
As for the children, they need to be taught to pick up after themselves, do not touch your things (even to move them out of the way), and to respect the boundaries youve laid down.
Nefilimul 4 points 2y ago
In couple therapy there is a technique called DESC, consisting of 4 steps:
1 Describe the behavior that you annoys at your partner: when you take things from their place ...
2 Say how you feel in the given situation: I feel frustrated, upset, etc. Very importantly, you not blame your partner for anything.
3 Describe the action you want from your partner and give her two alternatives so that she do not feel compelled to do something: The next time you need that object, you can tell me that you moved it or made sure to use it before I'm coming back from work.
4 List some benefits that your partner will have if he does as you asked: If you do this, the scandals will be reduced in frequency and automatically, our relationship will only gain. These were just a few examples. Be sure to list only the benefits of your partner and that they are in line with his values and passions.
I hope I helped.
Of course, the above technique will solve the current problem, but specialized therapy is crucial for a harmonious relationship, in which you both feel appreciated.
1 Describe the behavior that you annoys at your partner: when you take things from their place ...
2 Say how you feel in the given situation: I feel frustrated, upset, etc. Very importantly, you not blame your partner for anything.
3 Describe the action you want from your partner and give her two alternatives so that she do not feel compelled to do something: The next time you need that object, you can tell me that you moved it or made sure to use it before I'm coming back from work.
4 List some benefits that your partner will have if he does as you asked: If you do this, the scandals will be reduced in frequency and automatically, our relationship will only gain. These were just a few examples. Be sure to list only the benefits of your partner and that they are in line with his values and passions.
I hope I helped.
Of course, the above technique will solve the current problem, but specialized therapy is crucial for a harmonious relationship, in which you both feel appreciated.
bigmiracle [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Ty for your suggestions. We may be beyond this type of help. Ive learned to calmly respond and stay cool. I am explaining to them very clearly why they're screwing me over by moving my stuff. Unfortuanely and even scary is there is very little remorse or empathy for my situation. Nothing I do jared any empathy loose from this crowd. I don't need anyone feeling bad for me. Just understand me. Complete inflexibility.
We are living extremely unhealthy family relationships. She triangulated with the kids against me all the time. She doesn't understand the harm she's causing. For now, nothing i do is good enough for anyone. I feel most of the time I don't really matter to this family. Oh wait.. yes, i forgot to mention, i pay the bills, I'm the plumber and mechanic in the house, I'm the doctor when someone gets cut, the wifi man, I'm the vacation planner.. and more. But when it comes to the vision and this whole issue the human perfection for my wife is too much to bare. She worries about stupid shit like why how her kids will find ppl to marry of they see a father with a stick.
That's just an example to show you where my wife's holding.
We are living extremely unhealthy family relationships. She triangulated with the kids against me all the time. She doesn't understand the harm she's causing. For now, nothing i do is good enough for anyone. I feel most of the time I don't really matter to this family. Oh wait.. yes, i forgot to mention, i pay the bills, I'm the plumber and mechanic in the house, I'm the doctor when someone gets cut, the wifi man, I'm the vacation planner.. and more. But when it comes to the vision and this whole issue the human perfection for my wife is too much to bare. She worries about stupid shit like why how her kids will find ppl to marry of they see a father with a stick.
That's just an example to show you where my wife's holding.
siriuslylupin6 2 points 2y ago
I would say that with the spilling if it’s warm or even cold stuff just put a finger in there with hot items pour slowlhy and check often to see if full eventually guestimating is possible and then check stuff.
Definitely sounds tough. Don’t know what to say that isn’t said. I would say that lost of sight is dificult and not that you can’t adjust or adapt the most difficult thing is that alienation and people not accepting you for being the same person but now blind.
Definitely sounds tough. Don’t know what to say that isn’t said. I would say that lost of sight is dificult and not that you can’t adjust or adapt the most difficult thing is that alienation and people not accepting you for being the same person but now blind.
bigmiracle [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Ty for your response. Thankfully 8ve maintained my central vision for now tg.. the spill issue 8s related to a pack 9f empathy, sensitivity wrapped in a narcissistic move which somehow elevates her above me bc I'm a mess and she's not. Bit of a sick game which thankfully I've realized is going on and aim addressing these issues intensely.
My own wife cannot see me as the same. Bit that's bc we weren't so united before all this. Tx and stay healthy
My own wife cannot see me as the same. Bit that's bc we weren't so united before all this. Tx and stay healthy
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
You can improve on the spill issue though is my point I gave you some tips.
It’s the same essential issue except I don’t make messes or spil or do nothing wrong and there’s no respect. If it’s a wife this is not okay and maybe other actions can be taken if things can not be worked out unfortunately. It’s family for me, I can’t exactly get away. I guess I can disown them but that’s really drastic.
And that makes sense well that’s hard that’s just people I’ve heard stories of people going blind and they are left friendless and everyone leaves. So yeah. People are really interesting.`
The best way is to talk and explain but if it’s not respected there’s not much one can do besides confront that also ruins a relationship.
It’s the same essential issue except I don’t make messes or spil or do nothing wrong and there’s no respect. If it’s a wife this is not okay and maybe other actions can be taken if things can not be worked out unfortunately. It’s family for me, I can’t exactly get away. I guess I can disown them but that’s really drastic.
And that makes sense well that’s hard that’s just people I’ve heard stories of people going blind and they are left friendless and everyone leaves. So yeah. People are really interesting.`
The best way is to talk and explain but if it’s not respected there’s not much one can do besides confront that also ruins a relationship.
bigmiracle [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Ty my friend, all true.
I really can pour noess still. That's why i believe it's just another put down for their own self aggrandizement
I really can pour noess still. That's why i believe it's just another put down for their own self aggrandizement
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
Like I say the most important is feel where the cup is to your pour then pour really slowly touch the liquid quickly and see where it is even if hot but if you touch really quickly and briefly it won’t hurt you. I do this a lot. If they say it’s weird tell them do you rather me do this or spill?
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 2y ago
Based on your update there's one thing I have to respond to. What's this issue about you using the cane in public? I have had this conversation with several people who went from good sight to not so good, and all of them had personal concerns about it, but no way would a family normally have an issue. I've worked with young people whose parents were begging them to start using the cane so they could be safer and do more.
There's no way anyone should have a problem with it. You may feel a bit weird doing it at first and I get that, but yikes, nobody should be giving you stress about it, least of all your family.
There's no way anyone should have a problem with it. You may feel a bit weird doing it at first and I get that, but yikes, nobody should be giving you stress about it, least of all your family.
bigmiracle [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Tysm for your response. I go to a street away from my neighborhood alone and I practice. They don't even know I do that. 8m not keeping secrets just not broadcasting what I do. They are definitely not looking forward to the day i go public but they all understand the need for the cane. Real deeper issue is my wife is very Narcissistic and moms raise kids more than dad's sometimes and there just a stone coldness/lack 9f empathy that runs through my house on everything having to do with me. Especially my vision. They don't respect my requests they rebutt them. I don't want them to scream every time I walk into the kitchen and the lower cabinet door for the garbage is open, i get a shrieking, HEY, THE GARBAGE IS OPEN!!, I told them, listen, I've walked into it many times, i know it's there I'm looking out for it. It's more stress shock for me when someone tells at me watch out then calmly telling me something. And i know it's bc they maybe care but they're focused on what works for them. If I tell them to stop doing something which they thought was helpful to me they say oh, you don't appreciate that were looking out for you. I tell them ty but I will let you know when I need help. Every time I come into a room, if I simply start scanning they say what do you need, which ok, that's helpful but not every frickin time. I want my independence I want to do shit myself forever.
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 2y ago
If you're hitting stuff, carry the cane. Then they can leave anything open and you'll just hit it with the cane!
In the end, there will always be things you need people to do, particularly not moving your stuff around. All you can do is gently and calmly keep reinforcing the need for it. I don't have a problem with that stuff because I just say oh, do you mind just making sure you put stuff back where you found it or I can't find anything. Usually people are OK. If you keep it calm and reasonable I've not had a problem. Of course it's always hard with family, but in the end all you can do is be polite and persistent and hope in the end they'll get it. It usually works in the end.
In the end, there will always be things you need people to do, particularly not moving your stuff around. All you can do is gently and calmly keep reinforcing the need for it. I don't have a problem with that stuff because I just say oh, do you mind just making sure you put stuff back where you found it or I can't find anything. Usually people are OK. If you keep it calm and reasonable I've not had a problem. Of course it's always hard with family, but in the end all you can do is be polite and persistent and hope in the end they'll get it. It usually works in the end.
bigmiracle [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Ty for your kind reply. I'm nearly at my wit's end. Gentle requests have been all i do and i get debates instead. If I ask them not to tell at me when in something's open they feel justified bc they think they're helping. The lightning that sings through my nerves when they tell at me watch out is damaging. Wife gave me shit about not going to my office and working from home. Her traditional upbringing inculcated a real man goes to work somewhere. Guess where that leaves me. I'm so freaking done with this shit. I almost prefer to be alone.
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 2y ago
Do you mind if I ask what country you're in? It doesn't matter really but it sounds like you're fighting quite a lot of ingrained cultural stuff which isn't making life any easier. You aren't alone in that and we have had people post here before whose culture wasn't very friendly to this sort of situation.
I guess the only option is to just recognise that there isn't much you can do about that, and just try to be firm but polite and keep going. It sounds like you're going to need a lot of determination but I can guarantee that everyone here will back you up. It's a bit different for me, I guess, I'm a woman and I'm in the UK where we don't really have that patriarchal culture, but in your situation I might take the position that if they want you to to be in charge, be in charge! You get to have what you want!
But seriously, if it helps, I have a job, I have a freelance career and I'm the director of a company. I pay my share of the household costs. You can totally do that. You're just going to need a lot of determination, and I am sure nobody will mind if you vent here, so if it helps, do it!
I guess the only option is to just recognise that there isn't much you can do about that, and just try to be firm but polite and keep going. It sounds like you're going to need a lot of determination but I can guarantee that everyone here will back you up. It's a bit different for me, I guess, I'm a woman and I'm in the UK where we don't really have that patriarchal culture, but in your situation I might take the position that if they want you to to be in charge, be in charge! You get to have what you want!
But seriously, if it helps, I have a job, I have a freelance career and I'm the director of a company. I pay my share of the household costs. You can totally do that. You're just going to need a lot of determination, and I am sure nobody will mind if you vent here, so if it helps, do it!
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 2y ago
How long have you been in this situation?
The reason I ask is that this is a big deal and I would be wound up by it too, but I almost never am because the person I live with got with the program years and years ago.
I make a joke out of it. It's my turn to cook lunch? Let's all play stay in the circle, stay out of the kitchen, and if we feel like a cup of tea let's help ourselves but put everything back exactly where we found it or Aunty Jan will hang us from the apple tree by our ankles and use us as a pinata.
Having these conversations is tricky because I absolutely hate coming off as a stroppy purple (that's why I make all these bad jokes). I'd much rather be seen as a terrible comic than an annoying disability activist. If you're going to have the conversation, don't whine, don't complain, don't get angry, use a level tone of voice and say what you need to say. It's really, really important to go into these conversations with the right attitude to avoid anyone getting annoyed. It's a tact and diplomacy thing, what can I say.
The reason I ask is that this is a big deal and I would be wound up by it too, but I almost never am because the person I live with got with the program years and years ago.
I make a joke out of it. It's my turn to cook lunch? Let's all play stay in the circle, stay out of the kitchen, and if we feel like a cup of tea let's help ourselves but put everything back exactly where we found it or Aunty Jan will hang us from the apple tree by our ankles and use us as a pinata.
Having these conversations is tricky because I absolutely hate coming off as a stroppy purple (that's why I make all these bad jokes). I'd much rather be seen as a terrible comic than an annoying disability activist. If you're going to have the conversation, don't whine, don't complain, don't get angry, use a level tone of voice and say what you need to say. It's really, really important to go into these conversations with the right attitude to avoid anyone getting annoyed. It's a tact and diplomacy thing, what can I say.
vwlsmssng 1 points 2y ago
Often I hear the cry "Whose moved my cheese?" both in reference to the $1 and to announce that something is not where it should be. Sometimes that something is in fact their cheese which is always in the same place in the fridge, just sometimes different packaging.
You need to remind your family that it is really unfair to you when they can quickly find things by scanning with their eyes but you have to memorise where everything is and once things move you are lost, struggling and frustrated. Help them understand the emotional impact on you. One point to you but minus 1 point if you lost your rag with your family instead of calmly communicating.
Spilling, overflowing containers and making a mess are going to need some discussion and accommodations. You probably need to explain to your family how painful, frustrating and inhibiting it is to you whenever you knock a cup over or overfill it. I'm assuming it makes you feel this way because this is how incidents like this make me feel, in my case I'm not blind I am clumsy. Don't worry about being called a mess in front of the children, they already know, but yes let your wife know if you still find it humiliating when this happens. To move forward you could all work together on coping methods like planning and communicating how the table is laid and having gadgets like the ones that tell you when a cup is near full.
Explaining how these incidents make you feel, listening to your family tell you the same and talking calmly about what compromises will make things fairer and better,
Meanwhile get a copy of the $1 displayed on the kitchen wall.
> Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.
You need to remind your family that it is really unfair to you when they can quickly find things by scanning with their eyes but you have to memorise where everything is and once things move you are lost, struggling and frustrated. Help them understand the emotional impact on you. One point to you but minus 1 point if you lost your rag with your family instead of calmly communicating.
Spilling, overflowing containers and making a mess are going to need some discussion and accommodations. You probably need to explain to your family how painful, frustrating and inhibiting it is to you whenever you knock a cup over or overfill it. I'm assuming it makes you feel this way because this is how incidents like this make me feel, in my case I'm not blind I am clumsy. Don't worry about being called a mess in front of the children, they already know, but yes let your wife know if you still find it humiliating when this happens. To move forward you could all work together on coping methods like planning and communicating how the table is laid and having gadgets like the ones that tell you when a cup is near full.
Explaining how these incidents make you feel, listening to your family tell you the same and talking calmly about what compromises will make things fairer and better,
Meanwhile get a copy of the $1 displayed on the kitchen wall.
> Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.
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