I find so extreme what the other commenter said about dumping her just for that. After all, she was expressing her feelings, her emotions and telling you the truth about how sometimes she feels insecure at night, she obviously shouldnt have said it that way, but she had no bad intentions on it (I assume). What you have to do, is to sit next to hear and have a chat about it, and the way it made you feel, and see what she has to say about it. After the chat, and depending on her reaction, you can do different things. Best of luck!

Shitty thing for her to say, but also probably true.

My advice would be to work on obtaining the skills you need to prove that statement wrong, rather than simply feeling down about it, if you truly want that to change.

But honestly most people (men or women) are useless in a real fight without training or tools they know how to use these days anyway.

Men are raised to believe they should inherently be able to hold their own in an average fight, and yet the facts directly contradict that notion when looking at the average man in a developed society.

Technically, this is a sign of success, as it means we don't need to fight as much, and therefore we aren't prepared for it by our childhoods.

What I do is carry pepper spray and pepper spray wipes. Practice with a training formula (yes I know they are stupidly expensive) and always keep it in an easily accessible location and practice getting it out quickly now and then. I suggest a cone type spray for someone who can't see that well, as you don't need to be super accurate as long as you get near an attacker's face, but it's also not such a wide spray that you should screw over everyone else near you.

I also carry a keychain alarm (commonly called a rape alarm) but really good for anyone despite the marketing, as long as you can still function with that amount of noise. As a bonus, unlike pepper spray, it's always legal no matter where you live as far as I know.

Getting some practical (defense rather than competition focused) martial arts training is another great idea. Grappling style arts are usually the preference for low vision people, things like Jiu Jitsu or Judo for instance, and you may need to try a couple instructors or ask around to find one who is good with VI students.

This should also help you learn valuable de-escalation and hands off defensive techniques.

Improve your situational awareness. Always try to know where you are or at least what major landmarks you are near, even if it means asking questions that others find annoying. You have the right to personal safety, and these things will be handy in the event you need to tell a 9-1-1 operator where you are.

Learn how to call 9-1-1 quickly on both your phone and your girlfriend's phone. Their are support articles you can look up for this and you usually have to confirm when using a shortcut like that so don't be scared, and if you do make a mistake, just be honest rather than hanging up.
Also, keep a spare battery charger with you just encase.

Take a basic first aid course (don't be afraid to tell the instructors you will need some adaptations) and bring a kit with you (learn where everything is and how it feels) when you go hiking like that.

If you need to be that guy, be that guy. The one who reminds people to bring an extra flashlight or batteries, or just brings one your self. The one that suggests sticking together when alone in the woods, or not going out too late. The one who asks if your girlfriend's phone battery is charged and avoids places with no signal. The one who gets her some quality pepper spray or an alarm or a voucher for a first aid/martial arts course for her birthday, valentines day or Christmas and has already done research on how to use it effectively.

There are many more ways to help avoid a dangerous situation that aren't as glamorous, but as the saying goes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I think she was out of line. Depending on your level of vision, it's also not necessarily true. When I was 20/ 200 I led a group of three women around New Orleans in some really bad neighborhoods and kept them moving when they weren't exhibiting situational awareness (I grew up in a not-so-great part of NYC). When I had a bit worse than that vision I navigated a group out of a bad situation coming home from the movies, a group of four young men tried to box us in and I heard them discussing it down the block behind us, when one of them tried to slow the group down I gave him a shove and got in his face while the rest of the group moved to safety. While traveling in Europe I got into physical confrontations with pickpockets and came off pretty well. I'm not a big guy (150-160 lbs) but I do (or did before COV) work out and lift weights, and I took a couple classes in boxing here and there.

This is probaly more of a relationship issue, and she's giving you a hard time because she wants to give you a hard time. But you can also become more physically imposing and if you're the kind of blind person who passes in some situations, confidence and a little muscle or size can go a long way. Most confrontations are social situations and not cage matches, they get resolved mostly through posture, but you have to be willing to fight even if most of the time you won't have to. If this really bothers you in the long run, learn some Brazilian ju justu, it's a very practical ground fighting style that is what most MMA fighters use as the basis for their styles. It's not super flashy, it's mostly grappling and ground stuff which isOK for VI people, and if you can get a hold of someone you could do some damage. I just know some boxing and can throw a fast jab an stand correctly, but that's actually better than 65% of people you'll get into a phyiscal confrontation with. You can also lift weights and get bigger. If dark situations are your issue, consider dropping $200 on a light with a really high lumen out, at the very least no one will be able to see in if you're blasting something like that and next time your girlfriend gives you a hard time you can give her a blast of that cleansing light.

That comment was completely out of line. I'd say start dating someone who doesn't offhandedly berate you. This is her problem and you don't need to feel deficient about it.

Definitely need to talk about it, might want to suggest she take self defense classes if she's uncomfortable.

Well that's pretty crappy of her.

When there is no virus I do judo. I have no idea if it'd be any help at all in a real fight, I suspect it wouldn't as I am a tiny person, but it's not bad for self confidence and fitness.

Get her to go to judo with you and then you can throw her whiny ass around the mat for a while and see how she feels about it.

Hi OP. I think that what she said would really hurt anyone’s feelings. Comments that sighted people can make, especially when one is comfortable around the VI person, are super fucking insensitive. I would just say that to her. It IS insensitive and just not true you’re capable of defending herself and you even if you defending doesn’t look like sighed people’s.

Perhaps she could have said it differently, but her feelings are justified. That said, unsighted martial arts is absolutely a thing. And not just something like Judo or Jujitsu. You can learn to fight and protect yourself. Of course it's not always the best idea, but it's absolutely possible. Perhaps you two can takea few classes together and see how it goes? If you like I have have a good friend who is completely blind and not only heavily into marsial arts, but also teaches both blind and even some sighted. I'd be happy to connect you two as I'm certain he'd have a lot to say on this subject.

Okay well, I (nb but I present feminine) am sighted and so is my partner who is a trans woman and she said this to me one time and yeah. It hurt. She said that I don't make her feel safe. It stung. And yeah, I felt.... emasculated in my own way too. But I love her, and I needed to swallow my pride, as much as it sucks, and prioritize her feeling and being safe. I've accepted that we need to stay out of situations like that where she would feel unsafe.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's a hard thing to hear, even if it is somewhat true.

But I also think that just the fact that there ARE two of you is not something to be discredited, bad people or vicious animals are less likely to attack a pack of humans, even if one of those humans is blind (and in the dark, the cane doesn't look much different from a walking stick)

(im in this community because another member of our household is blind, I don't just creep around blind forums)

Okay first of all, just by being a second person there, you are helping to prevent that from happening.

If this is something you want to work on, they do have self defense classes for the blind (check with your local center, the one I used to work at had "one touch defense" and so did Perkins). But like. Honestly? Most people are useless if they get attacked.

You know that blind dude from rogue one? Do that

So first, you need to talk to your girlfriend and let her know how her words made you feel. She might not have meant to make you feel emasculated, but she needs to know that she did. If she did mean to make you feel emasculated, you might want to reevaluate whether or not this is someone you actually want to be with.

Second, there are two things here. One, she's expecting someone else to protect her. I'm a sighted spouse, and I feel perfectly safe with my husband. I'm also a rape survivor and made the decision some time ago that I would never be a victim again, so I took measures to make sure I could defend myself if necessary. Yes, as women we are generally weaker than men. And it's scary AF to be a woman sometimes. But it also feels really, really good and empowering to learn how to not only defend yourself, but to also learn how to be more situationally aware so that hopefully you won't ever have to defend yourself. Basically, this is 2021, and there are a lot of options out there for women to defend ourselves. Just because we're physically smaller and weaker doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves or that we're wholly dependent upon others to defend and protect us.

Two, you have vision loss. That doesn't mean you're less of a man or incapable of protecting yourself--or her--either. It just means that there's an added set of challenges for you. On the flip-side, most criminals aren't going to expect a woman and a blind guy to defend themselves, so your vision loss also gives you a tactical advantage. Take a self-defense course together (how's that for a fun date night idea?). Utilize whatever methods you're comfortable with. And figure out how to work with your vision loss when it comes to self-defense. It could also help you with your confidence, and women like a confident man.

Wow, lot of bad advice here.
Don't punish your girlfriend for being honest with you. Thats a great way to make sure she stops doing it.
This is a great opportunity for you to make your relationship better. Show her, and more importantly yourself, that you care about this by doing something useful.
First, work out. This is an amazing confidence builder in its own right.
Also, consider brazilian jujitsu. This is, as far as I know, the very best marshall art for blind and low vision, and really any person. Its about grappling and not throwing strikes. A competent bjj practitioner can do a lot of good in a street fight. Also, the more confident you are, the less likely you are to need to fight in the first place.
You may also consider firearms training. I did, and I am totally blind with no usable vision.
Finally, and this is more philosophy than practical advice, its normal for a woman to want to feel safe and protected, and its normal for a man to want to provide that. You don't want to feel better about this situation by making your gf say sorry and never talking about it again. Take her saying this as her caring enough about you to be truthful. She obviously cares about the relationship, as she wants to make this aspect of it better. If she didn't care she probably wouldn't have brought it up.
Maybe you guys could take a bjj class together.

I am sighted and my husband is legally blind. I agree with LaurenRossy1 that you guys should talk about this. My husband frequently struggles with feeling emasculated. I am not a man, but I see this play out with us a lot, and I feel for him.

Also, to the people saying that the gf was completely out of line saying this: do you have any idea how terrifying it is to be a woman? I live in a world where if just about any man decided he wanted to kill me, he could do it with his bare hands. Women are fearful because of this.

I think a lot of potential attackers will not try when they see a man and a woman together. A woman is an easy mark but the man could do a lot of damage. In a scary situation, having the presence of a disabled man is better than being a woman alone. My husband is 6'2" and I enjoy how scary his height is.

I think the way I unconsciously deal with this with my husband is that we go places where I would be ok going with only another woman for company. You could have taken the same walk with your gf but an hour or two earlier, for example.

You could definitely take self defense classes, and your gf could take them too. If this is at all feasible, one of you could get a medium or large dog. A man, a woman, and a dog: I don't think anyone would want to touch that.

Blindness is not a fun element to add to a romantic relationship.

She was just stating the truth and while it might be insensitive, she is your partner and I feel like you should be able to say everything truthfully to your partner and not sugarcoat stuff but that’s only my take on it .. you maybe can’t fight but you have many other skills and that’s OK .. the sooner you accept your situation, the easier it will be .. it’s just not realistic otherwise

Yeah, she was hurtful. But young women do this a lot, without even realising. And it is generally not with a bad intent.

My guess is that she was testing you. Instinctively, she wants to know if you are confident. She probably doesn't want you as a bodyguard. She might want you as a husband.

Aww that sucks. I know how easy it can be to say something that can accident hurt someone's feelings. She probably just felt like she was being honest with you but it still hurts. I dont believe your eyesight should prevent you from being able to defend your girlfriend or yourself. However maybe suggest going to self defense classes together so she can feel more confident both with you and by herself.

Just because I can see doesn’t mean I would be any more useful in a fight than you would be. I can promise you that. The only thing is that I might be able to run away faster. But if someone has a weapon or is a lot bigger than me (which is not a difficult requirement) then I might as well be blind too. Our eyes may be different but our skin is the same thickness and we both experience fear the same way. I understand how this would make you feel bad because you naturally want to know that you can fulfill the role of a protector if need be - but just remember that anyone can be useless in these situations. Having vision doesn’t necessarily mean you’re any more useful or reliable when it comes to life or death situations. Being able to survive with vision loss already proves how capable you are my friend.

I hope this helps. There used to be a blind fellow in my BJJ class who was really good. We have a current older fellow who can’t see so well. But he is also good, along with his striking. My group of partners got in the habit of sparing with our eyes closed for survival and worst case scenarios. Hope life is well

I disagree with the ones who say she was very harsh, too. I'm a blind man and this is my bleading wound. Harsh but unfortunate truth.

I very much relate to this. It's one of the most degrading things you can hear as a blind man. I used to be really underweight, and that led to many issues regarding my appearance, so after hearing this a couple of times and a certain encounter I decided I would never hear that ever again, so I started taking up boxing from an instructor who had previous experiences with VI people. On top of that I started going to the gym five times a week. Though it's nowhere near the advantage sighted people have, I'm pretty confident in my ability to fuck someone up if I really need to. The biggest factor is not what you can or can't do in such a situation, but it's mostly the confidence you have in yourself.

Actually it’s not!Take up jujitsu. People with no vision to low vision seem to take to it very well!I knew a blind woman who has a yellow belt who repeatedly took down her sighted opponents in the ring. Can you see a target?Take up shooting. Can’t see your target? Use key fobs and practice shooting center mass in the Vicinity of the sound. There are plenty of blind and low vision people who possess concealed carry licenses. Look up Patriot in the dark, guns and barbecue and ricks life as I see it. He does a Shooting with disabilities podcast. Don’t fall for this line of defenseless and useless

Why were you putting her, and yourself, in a position where she would think about possible dangers?

Why were you on a strange, dark, path? Why did you not get back to the car well before darkness?