Hi,
I am totally blind but went straight through the mainstream school system. Honestly, it may sound harsh, but life got a lot easier when I accepted that I didn’t have to adapt my disability to fix other people’s perceptions of me. Refusing to take the extra support in exams is a prime example of the sort of change you are making to please others. Sometimes these changes don’t impact you too much, but other times they will and this is almost certainly one of them. If you end up having to retake or getting a lower grade on a GCSE because you were too worried about how you had been perceived by someone who doesn’t understand you or your circumstances, that lack of understanding hasn’t gone away. But your options to pursue an A-level in a certain subject, or the time you could have spent doing something else resitting has. And that is time or opportunity you have lost without gaining anything.

I regularly do things that don’t work as well for me as they could. My daughter dances, which I can never see. We read comic books together, which make much less sense without the pictures. I watch movies without any audio-description if that is unavailable, and enjoy them less than I would were they described. But all of these things provide some meaningful input to me regardless.

I sincerely hope that, as you age and find your “thing”, you are recognised for what you are good at rather than being simply labelled disabled. I am so blind that I made it part of my career, and it comes in all sorts of useful. I can tell people how to make things more accessible through direct experience. I paid my way through college by typing people’s homework, because I had learned to type as a kid before it became widespread, for example.

That said, my leisure activities outside disability are not influenced by it. I read. I watch the rugby. I play games. I walk. I do crosswords and number puzzles. I create software. I write magazine articles. I volunteer with various charities doing a variety of things (reading to people who can’t, teaching technical skills, fixing broken technology, helping the elderly grocery shop, just to name a few).

I am privileged to know people far more disabled than me who do far more than I do, too. It’s a barrier, sure. But no barrier is impenetrable. People have ways around them. I respect hugely the social struggles you are going through and wish I could offer easy or all-encompassing answers.
I won’t lie to you, it doesn’t go away. Adults can be as biased, prejudiced and ignorant as teenagers; there’s no magical “I’m a grown-up” switch. But true friends, people who respect you for who you are and what you do and that which you like rather than how they perceive you, will come. And if you cultivate those friendships and learn to recognise where they can be grown, you won’t go far wrong.

You know the help you get is no more than reasonable adjustments, and if they were advantages there will be disadvantages aplenty coming that you will have to push against. Low expectations from others is one of these disadvantages, as is envy of achievement which is a big problem in British culture. You could be the most talented student in subject and other people will find excuses why it is not them. Don't join in with these people and instead make the best out of your talents. You will need this when you enter the world of work.

I completely understand how you feel. I've been there, for the most part.

I wasn't obviously visually impaired in school, but I took notes on a laptop starting in highschool, got tests in large print and had extra time.

I happened to be a very good student, so there was no room to suggest I had an unfair advantage in tests.

The thing is, kids aren't usually very smart or empathetic. Some are. Some are beyond awful. I had my fair share of bad experiences with those.

It's a fact that I am and was disabled. That's just something I have to deal with. That doesn't make me a worse person and it doesn't mean I can't be productive and successful. Lots of people don't understand that though.

At the end of the day, I'm not normal. Normal is boring. Being VI doesn't make me interesting, but my hobbies, occupation, interests and experiences just might.

I hope that makes sense.

I was a pretty tough and grounded kid so never bullied but was alienated. I had very poor social skills until college and watched a bunch of people socialize. Then I got the hang of it.

But yes children can be very cruel like that. I didn’t fit in I always thought there was something wrong or different in me. I retreated in to myself and read books, there was no other way. No I am not an introvert haha! I thought I was though.

I didn’t share interests. So yeah. Developed my nerdy side as a kid as a teen. I red extensively books were my best friends. Life gets better as adults. Learning social skills is very important or using the modeling technique. See how others are doing it and then try it out. Stuff like that.

Hey! I'm VI as well and I used to do this too. In grade school, I flat out refused to take any accommodation that I didn't absolutely need, even if it meant that \*I\* had to work a lot harder than I otherwise would have with the accommodation to achieve the same results. I (wrongly) was very proud of this and (also wrongly) constantly sought to draw a clear distinction between myself and "actual" disabled people. I was never introduced to the larger VI community as a kid, all my friends were able bodied, and even in college, when some of my peers invited me to participate in student disability activities, I always refused because I wasn't "like them". I was a hard working normal person \*rolls eyes\*. And I see from some of the wording in your post that you're trying to do the same thing - trying to draw a distinction between yourself and fully blind people. This isn't your fault, there are so many outside influences and strong societal messaging that prompt you to do this, but you need to fight it because it's perpetuating your feelings of "not fitting in".

I think it's so great that you have visually impaired friends (even if it is harder to see them during these weird times) and I think that the best thing for you would be to make more of them. Make friends with fully blind kids too. It's really important to understand that you have more similarities than differences and that we're all part of the same differently abled community. And it is a beautiful community.

It took me until my mid twenties to figure out that I was a part of it and once I did, my need to conform to able bodied standards and not be seen as "that blind girl" started to dissipate. Once I fully embraced that fact that I was disabled and started making disabled friends and getting involved in my community, things got better. Did I lose some of my able bodied friends once I stopped jumping through hoops to make them comfortable? sure. But to be honest, it was like 3 people who weren't that fun to hang out with anyway.

This is easier said than done for a teenager. I still struggle with it as a fully actualized almost 30 year old adult. But I'm telling you, the more connected you are to your people, the less you will feel the need to be accepted by a society that wasn't built for you and never will be.

Don’t make your life harder to appease ignorance.

Oh, I partly understand you.

I am totally blind, and I went through something similar during high school.

Teased by some classmates, ignored by most, and vilified by some during exams when I was offered time extensions or some other advantage.

I spent my school years practically alone, which somewhat ruined my ability to socialize and my self-esteem. In addition, rejecting the extensions of time and others that were offered to me to help me with my disability came back to punish me at the university, since I got used to rejecting such offers and trying to do everything at the same time and with the same tools as others classmates. I failed several times for such a habit.

I guess posting this offers nothing of value, but your thread reminded me of all this.

As they said before, the best thing I can think of is to ignore those people, and not try to act like you don't have a disability. It hurts you and only you.

Maybe you could try to start with an extracurricular activity, not all people are like your classmates.

Thanks!

Such thoughtful and well written reflections! Your comments touch me because I recently discovered my daughter has a genetic condition that will probably lead to blindness during her teenage years. Not only this, her condition causes genetic obesity. Bardet-Biedl syndrome. That’s going to be a tough combo for a teenager. As a parent, it’s hard to find the balance between helping and letting your kid manage things on his own.

I knew so little about blindness before my daughter’s diagnostic. Most adults are absolutely clueless about blindness, imagine kids and teenagers! We need to educate the masses about blindness.

Fitting means you don't stand out, and why would you want to be like everyone else? I understand your struggles to an extent, not female. All I can say is that it will get better as people around you mature. It sucks, but unfortunately societies currently don't take the time to teach people about disabilities.

Presume you are in the UK? How about joining the Look mentor scheme? Would moving school help at all? And are there any hobbies that interest you, if you are with like minded people, rather than hobbies with other VI people, you will quickly be seen as an equal.

I agree with everything people have said in the thread and I'd just like to add, that you should in no way feel ashamed of your blindness or let others bully you into not taking the accommodations you need. It's hard enough being blind, how much should you give up for others to be happy? If you let others start dictating your life then that's no life at all. Why should you want to please these other students? Will they have much of an impact on your life other than sharing a classroom with them for a few years?

Their judgement is meaningless, their approval is worthless, your judgement of your own self is all you really need. You know what you need and you know you can get it, why should someone's opinion that you don't deserve x amount of extra time on tests be important to you? They are in no way qualified to make that judgement. In the same way you wouldn't let a random person off the street do surgery on your eyes as opposed to a surgeon who's spent years studying for it, you shouldn't let some kid who has no clue what she's talking about talk you into giving up your accommodations just because she thinks it's not fair.

Same about the insults, they are just words, they have as much weight as you yourself give them. Also keep in mind they are made by other teens, and teens aren't usually known to be very empathetic beings.

On the topic of family it's like that for most of us, I think. You and I both know they mean well, and it'll be one hellova process to get them to change their minds. Just keep working on it, the perceived independence will come with time and as you yourself keep gaining more independence, with university, later with a job and so on.

Where I'm from, there aren't many blind people around, and most of my blind friends are friends I've met online. I really think it's useful to have other blind friends, that collective experience you all have and can share with one another is really useful. For example, I typically discuss cooking with my blind friends, and there's always some new trick someone will tell me that I can incorporate in the kitchen.

On the topic of being independant, I would just advise you to take up any opportunity life throws at you. Make the best of situations, and every new thing you do is an experience you can learn from. To give you an example, last year a blind friend of mine called me and told me, there's a chance we can go and learn skiing in a week. Do you want to go together? I didn't even think about if it's impossible. I said yes. Priar to that I didn't even know blind people could ski, but as we went there and got tought it became one of my favorite activities.

Lastly, if you ever feel like chatting, feel free to reach out. I'm pretty active on Discord and other chat hubs, I'm sure we'll find something in common :) With that, I'll leave you with 2 quotes from Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor that I really find helpful when I find myself surrounded by people you describe in your post.

>Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.
>
>It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.

* Meditations: A New Translation translated by Gregory Hays

I can relate to your story in almost every way.

I was just like you. I didn’t want to be treated as “less than”.

Having to admit to my limitations was always hard because I really didn’t think about them that much until I was forced to confront them because of something I couldn’t do.

I felt like a failure and would weep, bitterly (I still tear up, even today) when I was forced to accept that I needed help or that I wasn’t able to do for myself.

I felt like such a failure.

Getting older brings perspective. You begin to realize what’s important and what isn’t.

I now carry a cane, not for navigation, but for identification. I now WANT people to recognize that I have a disability. I want them to understand that I may need help. It really has made my life easier.

Now if I try to cross the street, people know I can’t see them waving at me and will wait a little longer for me to recognize that they are waiting for me.

If I am looking for something in a store, employees and even random people will sometimes offer to help.

I don’t necessarily need it all the time, so sometimes I just tell them I’m okay and thank them anyway.

The big turning point for me was when I went to see a low-vision specialist. Previously, we had only been going to a normal eye-doctor.

The low-vision specialist’s exam was great. It was one of the first eye exams I had ever taken where I didn’t feel awful afterwards.

For some reason, I had always seen myself as a normal person with extremely bad eyesight.

After my appointment, I was declared legally blind. Though the Dr said my eyesight was “exceptional” for a blind person.

This changed my life. I was now no longer a normal person with bad eyes, but I was a blind person with great eyes.

Don’t ask me why, but I felt better after that.

I know you didn’t ask for my life story, but believe me, it gets better. Yes, having bad eyes still sucks, but you learn to make the most of it.

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