Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Sensitive Subject. Grieving and Funerals? (self.Blind)
submitted by VIPodPerson
This may be painful and somewhat taboo, so I'm not sure if it's alright to ask here.
Family photos and funeral viewings are usually what people seem to turn to when "preserving someone's memory," but those simply aren't accessible to everyone. I haven't found many sources discussing an alternative, particularly in terms of funerals.
I found a BBC article called "In Touch: Blindness and bereavement." It was helpful in illustrating just how inaccessible many aspects of this process can be.
If anyone is willing to share, what has been your experience with losing someone? What are difficulties faced in the funeral process? What were things people did or could have done to help?
Family photos and funeral viewings are usually what people seem to turn to when "preserving someone's memory," but those simply aren't accessible to everyone. I haven't found many sources discussing an alternative, particularly in terms of funerals.
I found a BBC article called "In Touch: Blindness and bereavement." It was helpful in illustrating just how inaccessible many aspects of this process can be.
If anyone is willing to share, what has been your experience with losing someone? What are difficulties faced in the funeral process? What were things people did or could have done to help?
je97 8 points 2y ago
I found that reading the eulogy at my Grandmas funeral helped.
Myntrith 6 points 2y ago
If you're going to tell a grieving party, "if you ever need anything, let me know," make sure you mean it, or don't say it.
Sweet_strawberries3 2 points 2y ago
This is without a doubt the biggest lie that people tell to those who are grieving. I recently lost someone and everyone started again with the "if you need anything let me know" and "I'll help you through this" I actually snapped a little and said something like "okay you all said that last time, if any of you actually mean it show it. If you are just saying to make yourselves feel better don't lie to me" , and surprise, barely anyone of those people have contacted me.
Myntrith 3 points 2y ago
When we were young, my mom used to tell us these bedtime stories that I've never seen or heard anywhere else. I have no idea where they came from. Her mother told them to her, and that's all I know.
To my shame, I never recorded her telling them. My sister had a recording, but it was Arabic, and I never kept up on my Arabic. All I wanted from anyone who said, "if you need anything ..." was a translation of that recording. My sister said she'd do it, but she never did. A friend said he'd be happy to do it, then he ghosted me.
I wasn't demanding about it. I never said, "I want it now!" or "I want it by this date!" I followed up with my friend after a month or two, and told him I wasn't rushing him, just looking for an update.
Nothing.
Finally paid a professional about 200 bucks or so. And that was with a discount, because he liked the stories, and he'd never heard them before either.
To my shame, I never recorded her telling them. My sister had a recording, but it was Arabic, and I never kept up on my Arabic. All I wanted from anyone who said, "if you need anything ..." was a translation of that recording. My sister said she'd do it, but she never did. A friend said he'd be happy to do it, then he ghosted me.
I wasn't demanding about it. I never said, "I want it now!" or "I want it by this date!" I followed up with my friend after a month or two, and told him I wasn't rushing him, just looking for an update.
Nothing.
Finally paid a professional about 200 bucks or so. And that was with a discount, because he liked the stories, and he'd never heard them before either.
VIPodPerson [OP] 2 points 2y ago
A good policy for anything. Also asking someone "How are you?" if you aren't ready to listen.
siriuslylupin6 5 points 2y ago
What about audio recordings.
VIPodPerson [OP] 4 points 2y ago
Yeah, the article talked about that. They also mentioned something about not having letters since the author's mother (sighted) didn't write braille. I guess people keep handwritten letters sometimes? It reminds me of voicemails. My mother still has our old answering machine with all the messages from when we were growing up.
siriuslylupin6 1 points 2y ago
That’s a good one too voice mails but yeah, and interesting that’s a neat thing to keep we just delete all of it but yeah.
DrillInstructorJan 3 points 2y ago
I want to say thanks because this has made me think about the fact that I have no recordings of people I love very much, and I should have. Never even thought about it. I'm going to correct that problem while I have the chance.
VIPodPerson [OP] 1 points 2y ago
You're welcome! And same here. Right now I'm actually recording our old answering machine messages to give to my mother for her birthday! It's a little like making an audio scrap book!
Criptedinyourcloset 3 points 2y ago
Audio recordings can definitely help. Another thing you can do if you have access to it is send off the pictures to get tactilely replicated. At our school we have something called a Barbie oven that does that with pictures. However, that may not be available to everyone so audio recordings are definitely a big one.
VIPodPerson [OP] 1 points 2y ago
That's a really fascinating idea. I assume they would just make the face, yes? But how big are they usually? They'd have to be rather large to distinguish anything.
Criptedinyourcloset 2 points 2y ago
Yes, it is usually only the face or the main focus of the picture. The paper is usually about 10“ x 10 1/2“. However, I know at least for my school we have a few different sizes of paper. We have 9/12, 8/10, and a couple others that I can’t remember the exact measurements of. But yeah, if you want to get your photos printed definitely look up those options. You can also ask someone to take the picture and laminated, then put puffy paint or Who gun glue around the face. Might not be as detailed as though.
VIPodPerson [OP] 1 points 2y ago
I've heard of something like this for a wedding album. I think the photographer did it as a unique case, though, not as a buisness standard. It would be amazing to have something like that be more accessible to everyone. The paint and glue is a good idea, though!
Prefect316 3 points 2y ago
I have trouble at funerals. I am totally blind so of course pictures don't do anything for me. At my aunt's funeral last year I didn't start crying until we were exchanging stories about her from our childhood. That's what did it. I expect if I had audio recordings of her voice that would do it too.
goar101reddit 2 points 2y ago
I have pretty good sight IMO (which isn't really the case). Still though I rely on scents for memories for somethings. As a child I would know that my fathers favourite chair smelled like him. I remember my grandfathers scent too. If I had thought of it at the time I would have kept an old tie of his tie in an air tight jar. Also certain textiles or textures can remind me of my grandmothers. For my cousin anytime there is chaos I think of her. These are pretty much the same tactics my sister uses when remembering people. She is blind.
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