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How do I deal with a blind relative who uses their blindness against you? (self.Blind)
submitted by Mountain-Intention-9
I am sighted family member but please hear me out. I'm not saying that they don't have it rough and yes I do live with them. And no I don't understand, understand, how it is to be blind. But I do see how hard and frustrating it is for them. I see their struggles everyday. So mistakes I overlook. And I try not to take anything too personal or be too hard about stuff. And I make way more mistakes anyway, But let's say tonight. We were both in the kitchen together talking, one Is cooking and the other is washing dishes. I turn around and nearly walk into a knife they are holding because they hold it straight out. I said, "Be careful with the knife because you almost stabbed me." They say, "Well I'm blind. I can't see so you're going to have to tell me where you are." And I say, "Yes I know that. I'm just saying you were holding it straight out and I didn't see you coming towards me. And 99.9 percent of the time I usually don't see you so how will I know to tell you?." And they say, "Well I can't hold it pointing me," I say, "No but you can hold it straight down, can't you? You were holding it out and I almost walked into it. And this has happened a couple of times before."
Then we get into this argument. And yeah I suppose I really shouldn't argue but I did. So kind of stupid of me.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but when we are talking to each other I didn't know that I had to tell them where I am. I mean yeah when I enter a room or I'm walking around them but not when we are talking and I'm standing in the same exact spot the entire time?
So at that time in the kitchen my relative was throwing something in the trash can near me and I was facing the sink. I hear them shuffle a bit behind me and I turned around and I didn't know they had a knife or that they were even cutting anything and that's by a split second I see the knife in their hand. Just in time to avoid any accidental stabbing and I jumped out of the way. This sort of thing has happened at least 3 times this month. I let it go. Im always gonna let it go for the most part but now it's kind of scaring me because this person is getting extremely careless. You know? They nearly elbowed me in the eye earlier today when I said something about my cup and bent down to pick it up. While i I really can't argue with them about this kind of stuff because they really can't help it. And I do need to take my responsibility in being more alert and careful around them But my relative never apologizes or admits any kind of error. And they certainly don't make any effort to be more careful. And they are always using their blindness in every argument. Which ok I can deal. But what can I say or do when they also put stuff in my way (behind my door or in a dark corner or somewhere you just plain don't see it) and so 99 percent of the time I almost trip, break it or I spill it. I mean I suppose I had it coming with the things I leave laying around or I forget stuff but honestly I'm not doing it on purpose. And I never do anything or make things harder for them to trip them up on purpose. But somehow I feel like they are punishing me? Or getting even, I don't know? I feel like such a jerk asking such a question but this is all pretty new. I feel like my relative is starting to do stuff intentionally. Maybe I am crazy or stupid but I'm also a bit baffled and confused?
How does a person deal with a situation like this without being a cold insensitive jerk?
Thanks..
Then we get into this argument. And yeah I suppose I really shouldn't argue but I did. So kind of stupid of me.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but when we are talking to each other I didn't know that I had to tell them where I am. I mean yeah when I enter a room or I'm walking around them but not when we are talking and I'm standing in the same exact spot the entire time?
So at that time in the kitchen my relative was throwing something in the trash can near me and I was facing the sink. I hear them shuffle a bit behind me and I turned around and I didn't know they had a knife or that they were even cutting anything and that's by a split second I see the knife in their hand. Just in time to avoid any accidental stabbing and I jumped out of the way. This sort of thing has happened at least 3 times this month. I let it go. Im always gonna let it go for the most part but now it's kind of scaring me because this person is getting extremely careless. You know? They nearly elbowed me in the eye earlier today when I said something about my cup and bent down to pick it up. While i I really can't argue with them about this kind of stuff because they really can't help it. And I do need to take my responsibility in being more alert and careful around them But my relative never apologizes or admits any kind of error. And they certainly don't make any effort to be more careful. And they are always using their blindness in every argument. Which ok I can deal. But what can I say or do when they also put stuff in my way (behind my door or in a dark corner or somewhere you just plain don't see it) and so 99 percent of the time I almost trip, break it or I spill it. I mean I suppose I had it coming with the things I leave laying around or I forget stuff but honestly I'm not doing it on purpose. And I never do anything or make things harder for them to trip them up on purpose. But somehow I feel like they are punishing me? Or getting even, I don't know? I feel like such a jerk asking such a question but this is all pretty new. I feel like my relative is starting to do stuff intentionally. Maybe I am crazy or stupid but I'm also a bit baffled and confused?
How does a person deal with a situation like this without being a cold insensitive jerk?
Thanks..
Nandflash 11 points 2y ago
The responses here confuse me. Your family member is being careless and a bit of a dick. Holding a knife straight out is just fucking stupid.
Don't let this kind of thing go, because they most certainly can help it. You don't need to announce where you are, and you shouldn't have to worry about someone holding a knife out like that.
Don't let this kind of thing go, because they most certainly can help it. You don't need to announce where you are, and you shouldn't have to worry about someone holding a knife out like that.
blackberrybunny 10 points 2y ago
Wow, this is ODD. I lived with about 50 other blind people. We all congregated and cooked in a really large kitchen. We had a huge island in the middle, that we could all navigate around. I am legally blind, so I have some sight. And I can tell you that I never never seen anyone just hold a knife out like that, repeatedly! That is strange.
As far as them saying they don't know where you are in the room is utter b.s. Because blind people use their hearing well, and they CAN hear you and pretty much know where you are. And what you are doing.
It sounds like your relative is having a lot of resentment about being blind. I understand that as well. But the whole thing about the knife is unsettling. Don't know what to tell you, other than to tell them with force that it is bad manners to hold a knife pointed out like that! None of my blind friends EVER did that! We all learned etiquette and how to behave around others. We are not able to use visual cues for things, but we learned how to act. How to be safe.
Is this person older than you? DO they cook? Is there anyone else in the household who experiences these problems too, like with the knife nearly stabbing them? Damn, that really bugs me! Almost makes you think they are doing it on purpose!
As far as them saying they don't know where you are in the room is utter b.s. Because blind people use their hearing well, and they CAN hear you and pretty much know where you are. And what you are doing.
It sounds like your relative is having a lot of resentment about being blind. I understand that as well. But the whole thing about the knife is unsettling. Don't know what to tell you, other than to tell them with force that it is bad manners to hold a knife pointed out like that! None of my blind friends EVER did that! We all learned etiquette and how to behave around others. We are not able to use visual cues for things, but we learned how to act. How to be safe.
Is this person older than you? DO they cook? Is there anyone else in the household who experiences these problems too, like with the knife nearly stabbing them? Damn, that really bugs me! Almost makes you think they are doing it on purpose!
Mountain-Intention-9 [OP] 2 points 10m ago
Hey! So sorry for responding so late. I thought I asked this on Quora, I'm not really on Reddit much at all. And I totally forgot this post until this past week. In answer to your question I was actually speaking about my mother but was too embarrassed to admit it. It's wild cause both my parents were real strict on safety and taught us how to hold a knife the proper way so for my mom to just act this way was really surprising.
She was really bitter for a couple of years when she first lost her sight but it's been about 15 years or so since and she's joined support groups and made a lot of visually impaired friends and is in active and has a boyfriend so I think it's gotten a lot easier for her so she's okay now. And yes, she does cook. She can cook anything like she did before she lost her sight. And no I'm the only sighted person in the house with her. Her bf is blind as well. But all this happened before they got together I think.
She was really bitter for a couple of years when she first lost her sight but it's been about 15 years or so since and she's joined support groups and made a lot of visually impaired friends and is in active and has a boyfriend so I think it's gotten a lot easier for her so she's okay now. And yes, she does cook. She can cook anything like she did before she lost her sight. And no I'm the only sighted person in the house with her. Her bf is blind as well. But all this happened before they got together I think.
blackberrybunny 1 points 10m ago
I'm glad to hear your mom is doing better. Becoming blind is a terrifying situation for people. And one you can't change. You can get your vision back, so learning to live with it is extremely difficult.
Take care, and thanks for replying. :-)
Take care, and thanks for replying. :-)
4humans 5 points 2y ago
Communication is key. Announcing your position and movements and where you are putting things can help to avoid many of these situations. I can’t help but notice that twice you mention not seeing him or the stuff he leaves around, you have vision, I feel like that is on you. Slow down and use your sight for the both of you.
SeptemberJoy 4 points 2y ago
There's definitely a component of communicating more in the moment.
If you haven't already - approach them to have a conversation when everyone is calm. Before anything happens. Talk about safety in general. Both what you need like them holding the knife down instead of out *and* ask what they need from you.
Oddly enough I've been in a similar position with a knife. During home ec when I was maybe 14. I was chopping, a friend asked me something so I turned around with knife pointing out to answer her. And promptly stabbed her in the stomach as I hadn't realised how close she was. Luckily she was wearing multiple layers and was barely scratched. Could have been so much worse...
If you find you can't have a civil conversation about this without it resulting in an argument it might be helpful to enlist a neutral third party to help keep everything on track.
If you haven't already - approach them to have a conversation when everyone is calm. Before anything happens. Talk about safety in general. Both what you need like them holding the knife down instead of out *and* ask what they need from you.
Oddly enough I've been in a similar position with a knife. During home ec when I was maybe 14. I was chopping, a friend asked me something so I turned around with knife pointing out to answer her. And promptly stabbed her in the stomach as I hadn't realised how close she was. Luckily she was wearing multiple layers and was barely scratched. Could have been so much worse...
If you find you can't have a civil conversation about this without it resulting in an argument it might be helpful to enlist a neutral third party to help keep everything on track.
Indigo_Donkey2018 2 points 2y ago
Oh no. Blindness does not have an effect on someone’s ability to hold a knife safely. That’s concerning. Not to mention the fact that they are blaming you. I’m sorry that they’re kind of being a dick. Maybe they are having some inner frustration issues because they are still processing their blindness though. I know I was a complete jerk to people sometimes when I first started grieving my vision loss. I promise this is not a normal thing within the blindness community
Mountain-Intention-9 [OP] 1 points 10m ago
Thank you! 😊 Sorry for the very late response, I forgot I asked this question and where I posted it since I mainly use Quora. But I do actually feel better reading this. I totally felt like I was the jerk for questioning this. Thanks
Timely-Fruit 3 points 2y ago
Here we go... You never hold a knife out or inwards. That's asking yourself, or someone else to be stabbed. You either hold the handle facing down, or hold the blade, letting the handle facing down. OK, maybe your relative doesn't know how to hold a knife, fine. That doesn't concern me. What's worrying here is the fact that they blame you instead, and take no responsibility.
"Well I'm blind so deal with it." That sort of hovers the entitlement category in my book, and I can't help but to have to call them out if and when I see them. Anyone who plays the I'm (insert disability) card unwarranted needs to be called out on it. The problem? If someone plays the blind card, and you're sighted, you won't know it. I had a guy telling me he can't use his laptop while texting on his phone, because he needs 2 hands to use his laptop. I called him out on it, and he more or less admitted the fact that it's partially to do with laziness. The card worked on sighted, but not me.
So to summarise, no, that is definitely not OK. Depending on you guys's relationships, you, or someone, needs to have words with them it seems.
What I'm also wondering is if they know how to use a knife, surely they were taught the proper use, whether that be family or school? I'm sorry, there's no excuse for that stuff.
"Well I'm blind so deal with it." That sort of hovers the entitlement category in my book, and I can't help but to have to call them out if and when I see them. Anyone who plays the I'm (insert disability) card unwarranted needs to be called out on it. The problem? If someone plays the blind card, and you're sighted, you won't know it. I had a guy telling me he can't use his laptop while texting on his phone, because he needs 2 hands to use his laptop. I called him out on it, and he more or less admitted the fact that it's partially to do with laziness. The card worked on sighted, but not me.
So to summarise, no, that is definitely not OK. Depending on you guys's relationships, you, or someone, needs to have words with them it seems.
What I'm also wondering is if they know how to use a knife, surely they were taught the proper use, whether that be family or school? I'm sorry, there's no excuse for that stuff.
kelpangler 1 points 2y ago
Of course, we only have one side of the story but it sounds like entitlement. There’s a Simpsons episode where Homer is diagnosed with narcolepsy and he uses it as an excuse to get out of doing stuff. I joke about it with my family by using blindness as my excuse. Like they say, there’s a grain of truth in every joke.
siriuslylupin6 2 points 2y ago
The knife thing seems commonsensical. And that sounds interesting sounds like they are a problem. Maybe they need some training?
RainAndTea77 2 points 2y ago
No one should hold a knife like that! Like even if you are blind It just doesn’t make sense.
I guess your family member is locked in a vicious cycle of self pity and wanting others pity. Like how some people love to play the role of the martyr. It’s quite sad and I’m not sure how you can help with that. You can’t help people who don’t want it. Maybe you should encourage them to get involved in whatever local blind community specifically the NFB(National Federation of the Blind). Being exposed to other blind people will probably be very helpful for them. They will be able to see what the blind can accomplish and most likely their fellow blind people won’t put up with to much of the martyr complex.
Oh and I also recommend that you go on the NFB website and see what resources are available.
I guess your family member is locked in a vicious cycle of self pity and wanting others pity. Like how some people love to play the role of the martyr. It’s quite sad and I’m not sure how you can help with that. You can’t help people who don’t want it. Maybe you should encourage them to get involved in whatever local blind community specifically the NFB(National Federation of the Blind). Being exposed to other blind people will probably be very helpful for them. They will be able to see what the blind can accomplish and most likely their fellow blind people won’t put up with to much of the martyr complex.
Oh and I also recommend that you go on the NFB website and see what resources are available.
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CloudyBeep 1 points 2y ago
Wrong subreddit link, inappropriate for this post and a post topic that would be removed on r/AmITheAsshole.
AchooCashew 0 points 2y ago
Good to know!
But also ¯\_(ツ)_/ someone asking who’s at fault? Very AITA.
But also ¯\_(ツ)_/ someone asking who’s at fault? Very AITA.
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