Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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How do I tell my friends when I’m at their house that I rather not have us watch movies? (self.Blind)
submitted by casserole_cat
Like they ask me what I (16F) want to watch and ask me if I want to watch something and they do want to watch something I know so I just say yes and say that I don’t mind what we watch. I’m hard of hearing (just mild hearing loss but enough to effect me). So I use subtitles in large text.
Also I’m legally blind so usually I watch cartoons (theres less detail and darkness).
The thing is that while I do watch tv it isn’t doable to watch a scary movie (lots of darkness and shadows and whispering) with every one screaming. Or even a regular movie sometimes from a distance on a tv with no subtitles.
I know that it will take the “fun” out of it if they must follow all my tv watching accommodations. So I just sit there and eat my snacks and pet their pets. And go to the bathroom a lot just to go stand in there and use my phone. The words “movie marathon!” Is the sound of torture.
I have asked for captions before but they were too small and everyone kept complaining.
Anyway it’s ultimately a lot and so I just rather not watch tv. I rather do something else. I mean we do other things like makeup, truth or dare, talk, walk somewhere, and go to the mall. And other things. But we also watch tons of tv. And I just don’t enjoy it. I just lied and said I was really tired so I’m currently back in the bedroom laying down.
So how do I tell them that I don’t want to watch tv but they can if they want. Or is there a better solution? I hate that there’s this just chunk of sleepovers where I feel miserable and excluded. Im just finally liking sleepovers again and I’m already realizing after a few why I stopped going to them. I’m I complaining to much? Should I just sit there? Do fully sighted people also get mega bored watching a movie they don’t want to?
Also I’m legally blind so usually I watch cartoons (theres less detail and darkness).
The thing is that while I do watch tv it isn’t doable to watch a scary movie (lots of darkness and shadows and whispering) with every one screaming. Or even a regular movie sometimes from a distance on a tv with no subtitles.
I know that it will take the “fun” out of it if they must follow all my tv watching accommodations. So I just sit there and eat my snacks and pet their pets. And go to the bathroom a lot just to go stand in there and use my phone. The words “movie marathon!” Is the sound of torture.
I have asked for captions before but they were too small and everyone kept complaining.
Anyway it’s ultimately a lot and so I just rather not watch tv. I rather do something else. I mean we do other things like makeup, truth or dare, talk, walk somewhere, and go to the mall. And other things. But we also watch tons of tv. And I just don’t enjoy it. I just lied and said I was really tired so I’m currently back in the bedroom laying down.
So how do I tell them that I don’t want to watch tv but they can if they want. Or is there a better solution? I hate that there’s this just chunk of sleepovers where I feel miserable and excluded. Im just finally liking sleepovers again and I’m already realizing after a few why I stopped going to them. I’m I complaining to much? Should I just sit there? Do fully sighted people also get mega bored watching a movie they don’t want to?
FaerilyRowanwind 30 points 2y ago
Tell your friends that you don’t want to watch a movie. That it’s hard for you to enjoy it. Or request something specific you know you can enjoy. You matter and your needs matter. And good friends should be able to accomedate a little.
SugarPie89 10 points 2y ago
These dont sound like very good friends to me. For them to complain about captions when they know they could help you is rude and inconsiderate. If you dont really know how to ttell them maybe talk to your closest friend about it first. Let them know that watching moies for you sucks and is not accessible to you. Maybe they could find a way to accomodate you better but if not then they should try and come up with a different activity you can do together. I know what youre going through cuz when i was younger I used to watch anime with my siblings. When the episodes were in Japanese with english subtitles I was never able to follow along because of my eyesight. So i would just sit there more or less lost all the time. In that scenario there was nothing they could do. Of course I couldve watched anime dubbed in English but not all animes are dubbed.
I really hope you can figure something out though. Have you considered pulling up a chair closer to the TV or maybe having them change the color, brightness, and contrast settings? Maybe try watching shows instead of movies, especially sitcoms. I think they are rarely ever too dark as scenes mostly take place during the day and indoors. Crime shows and documentaries are good too.
I really hope you can figure something out though. Have you considered pulling up a chair closer to the TV or maybe having them change the color, brightness, and contrast settings? Maybe try watching shows instead of movies, especially sitcoms. I think they are rarely ever too dark as scenes mostly take place during the day and indoors. Crime shows and documentaries are good too.
casserole_cat [OP] 3 points 2y ago
The thing is that scary movies are our groups “thing”. Like we don’t do shows or anything else. Like extreme scary movies. Yea and the captions thing one time when this one other girl was here (she hardly comes over to this friends house) she was the only one backing me up saying stuff like “guys it doesn’t matter that it’s scary, captions won’t take away from that they aren’t distracting” so we got them on. They will do what you want if you speak up enough but the main girl (her house) thinks that everything is up to be agreed/ disagreed on.
I just don’t want to ruin their fun because her and I do lots of other things that are great. I don’t want to start something or like in the past once. I got them to turn the captions on and then the main girl was like “well this isn’t fun anymore” and turned off the tv and they all walked off and ignored me for like 2 hours. I have since gotten a lot closer to her though and she wouldn’t do something like that now. But still she LOVES her scary movies (name a scary movie and she’s watched it. It’s crazy) and I just don’t want to come across as rude or “im the guest so I get to choose everything” energy.
But also since of quarantine it’s been just me and the main girl hanging out together so she has become a lot more understanding since I’m no longer just that girl in her English class I’m now her close friend. So I don’t know what to do now that things have changed.
I just don’t want to ruin their fun because her and I do lots of other things that are great. I don’t want to start something or like in the past once. I got them to turn the captions on and then the main girl was like “well this isn’t fun anymore” and turned off the tv and they all walked off and ignored me for like 2 hours. I have since gotten a lot closer to her though and she wouldn’t do something like that now. But still she LOVES her scary movies (name a scary movie and she’s watched it. It’s crazy) and I just don’t want to come across as rude or “im the guest so I get to choose everything” energy.
But also since of quarantine it’s been just me and the main girl hanging out together so she has become a lot more understanding since I’m no longer just that girl in her English class I’m now her close friend. So I don’t know what to do now that things have changed.
SugarPie89 9 points 2y ago
I understtand not wanting to ruin their fun but what about YOU? Is their fun more important than yours? How many hours of your hang outs would you say gets taken up by movie watching?
casserole_cat [OP] 3 points 2y ago
Thank you yea I’ve decided to say something because yes you make a good point that my fun is equally as important
SugarPie89 3 points 2y ago
Good! i hope your friends will be understanding and not leave you out anymore.
DrillInstructorJan 6 points 2y ago
Speaking as someone who spent 19 years as a sighted person, yes, sighted people get bored watching movies they aren't into, although less bored than if you just can't follow it. That's a special kind of bored and I know what you mean.
My attitude to this stuff is a bit of give and take.
On one hand, I want to be a good buddy to people and not be a pain in the neck of people having fun. As such if they really want to watch a movie I'll go with just for the experience. I've been on theme park rides that are really just being jolted around for a few minutes but that's okay, it's about the day out. My other half has a special way of mumbling a sort of approximate audio description into my ear during movies. He has been asked why he keeps talking during the movie, and then he explains, and then they stop complaining about it. I don't really want to be that person but better that than bored.
If someone said movie marathon, though, I would say something. Theoretically there is a technological solution to this in that there are ways you can listen to the audio description or even just the normal audio track on headphones if your hearing isn't great, and other people just listen normally. You can probably get that set up at your place so that you can do that and that might help. It's maybe tricky to get that set up at all your buddy's places but it depends on the situation I guess.
Is that maybe something you can look into?
My attitude to this stuff is a bit of give and take.
On one hand, I want to be a good buddy to people and not be a pain in the neck of people having fun. As such if they really want to watch a movie I'll go with just for the experience. I've been on theme park rides that are really just being jolted around for a few minutes but that's okay, it's about the day out. My other half has a special way of mumbling a sort of approximate audio description into my ear during movies. He has been asked why he keeps talking during the movie, and then he explains, and then they stop complaining about it. I don't really want to be that person but better that than bored.
If someone said movie marathon, though, I would say something. Theoretically there is a technological solution to this in that there are ways you can listen to the audio description or even just the normal audio track on headphones if your hearing isn't great, and other people just listen normally. You can probably get that set up at your place so that you can do that and that might help. It's maybe tricky to get that set up at all your buddy's places but it depends on the situation I guess.
Is that maybe something you can look into?
juswundern 2 points 2y ago
That is so nice that your SO has developed a special way to describe what’s going on to you.
casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Well I’m not familiar with audio description but I got used to captions so maybe I could get used to audio descriptions. We mainly just sleep over at one house because we all have strict parents accept for this one girl. So yea maybe I could look into it. Also yea I’ve done lots of things just for the other person’s enjoyment mainly movies though. Oddly enough I love roller coasters even though I get extreme motion sickness easily.
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 2y ago
One of the things that happened when I lost my sight was that I completely lost all motion sickness. I have no idea why that is but these days if I'm on a rough flight and everyone is chucking up everywhere I'm usually fine. I'd say, not worth it.
If you can hear enough for AD to work then maybe if you had earbuds or something it'd be enough so you didn't need the captions, but I guess that's up to you to work out.
If you can hear enough for AD to work then maybe if you had earbuds or something it'd be enough so you didn't need the captions, but I guess that's up to you to work out.
NotUnique234 3 points 2y ago
I’ll be real here- tell them- if they’re your friends then they’ll understand.
When I went round my friends houses as a teen to watch movies they were always cool if I sat super close or chose not to watch because my eyes hurt (eye strain)....
Try and think of alternatives to TV or movies that you could all do instead- sometimes people pick TV because they can’t think of anything else to do :)
When I went round my friends houses as a teen to watch movies they were always cool if I sat super close or chose not to watch because my eyes hurt (eye strain)....
Try and think of alternatives to TV or movies that you could all do instead- sometimes people pick TV because they can’t think of anything else to do :)
casserole_cat [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Thanks! And maybe I could suggest YouTube because it’s mostly talk anyways. And we both like makeup.
Prinnydood333 2 points 2y ago
I understand not wanting to bother people you want to be your friends, but there needs to be a give and take in any good friendship. Someone who complains about trying to make sure everyone has fun is a bad friend that you probably won't even remember in five years. If they aren't willing to include you, just remember that you don't have to include them when you move on to the next chapter in your life.
Also, fully sighted people definitely do sit through awful movies just to please their friends and family, so don't feel bad for doing that. Finding something to do or watch that everyone will enjoy might be difficult, but I hope you find a setup that works for you. You deserve to be happy just as much as any one of them, so don't give up on finding a way to enjoy yourself while you're hanging out with friends, no matter who they are.
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I would suggest scary stories on youtube because it's almost purely audio, but my husband loves spine-crawling horror and he loves listening to the disturbing and true stories (I hate them, I just play on my phone or put on my headphones and listen to music because I think they're dumb). You could listen to a few to find some good ones, then act all sly and ask the main girl 'if she's ever heard these stories before, they're so scary. You think everyone would get the creeps if she played them at the next sleepover.' Your group could even try to mix it up with different kinds of videos, like see who can add the video that gets the most "likes" from everyone else in the room. There's lots of fun party games too, like Jackbox games (my family loves QuipLash).
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Maybe doing something that makes you happy for half the night, then watching a stupid movie for half the night is a good compromise, or watching movies every other night, or have everyone take turns picking their favorite movie so everyone gets to be equally happy/bored because voting leaves the minority in the dark.
Also, fully sighted people definitely do sit through awful movies just to please their friends and family, so don't feel bad for doing that. Finding something to do or watch that everyone will enjoy might be difficult, but I hope you find a setup that works for you. You deserve to be happy just as much as any one of them, so don't give up on finding a way to enjoy yourself while you're hanging out with friends, no matter who they are.
​
I would suggest scary stories on youtube because it's almost purely audio, but my husband loves spine-crawling horror and he loves listening to the disturbing and true stories (I hate them, I just play on my phone or put on my headphones and listen to music because I think they're dumb). You could listen to a few to find some good ones, then act all sly and ask the main girl 'if she's ever heard these stories before, they're so scary. You think everyone would get the creeps if she played them at the next sleepover.' Your group could even try to mix it up with different kinds of videos, like see who can add the video that gets the most "likes" from everyone else in the room. There's lots of fun party games too, like Jackbox games (my family loves QuipLash).
​
Maybe doing something that makes you happy for half the night, then watching a stupid movie for half the night is a good compromise, or watching movies every other night, or have everyone take turns picking their favorite movie so everyone gets to be equally happy/bored because voting leaves the minority in the dark.
casserole_cat [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Thanks for the suggestion yea maybe I could talk her into making a list of 1 or everyone’s favorite movies. And then using a number generator so we will watch them in a random order (in case we don’t get to them all). I do bring big uno cards with me and they are so memorized by how cool they look big that they don’t realize why they are big. I have watched scary stories on YouTube and I don’t really like them. I do like YouTube though but if we do watch YouTube they always put on funny fails compilations. Which I can’t really see good enough to enjoy.
But I like the idea of just being sly and adding in things as if they are just only for fun. They keep asking me to bring my switch and I plan on “forgetting” the docking station so they can’t put it on the tv so we must pass it around. And I have all the settings to my liking.
But I like the idea of just being sly and adding in things as if they are just only for fun. They keep asking me to bring my switch and I plan on “forgetting” the docking station so they can’t put it on the tv so we must pass it around. And I have all the settings to my liking.
oncenightvaler 2 points 2y ago
I only have one of your issues, being totally blind, but sometimes my friends have been playing video games in front of me and I could not really follow the game they were doing and felt a bit left out and my only advice is to think something like
I am here to spend time with you, being together is entertainment enough, what about we watch movies some other time and instead go for a walk or talk outside or whatever.
ps i have also tried introducing my friends to podcasts and things so they can see how I see things, and also tried insisting that we watch with described video, which I found out my sister hated but most people are fine with it.
I am here to spend time with you, being together is entertainment enough, what about we watch movies some other time and instead go for a walk or talk outside or whatever.
ps i have also tried introducing my friends to podcasts and things so they can see how I see things, and also tried insisting that we watch with described video, which I found out my sister hated but most people are fine with it.
dunktheball 2 points 2y ago
It's complicated. Watching movies all the time would suck fort you, but watching never would suck for them, so obviously some sort of balance, but also it's tough to know the best way of wording it to them also.
redditsavedmyagain 2 points 2y ago
with different software you can make the subtitles huge. vlc you can make em like half the screen
if your friends are really inconsiderate you can just download the subtitle file (extension is .SRT usually) and open it as a text file on your phone. you can scroll through it as the film goes by
is it ideal? no. does it work? yeah. better than being alone in the other room.
and YES absolutely fully sighted people get bored like crazy watching a movie they dont want to. ugh its awful
if your friends are really inconsiderate you can just download the subtitle file (extension is .SRT usually) and open it as a text file on your phone. you can scroll through it as the film goes by
is it ideal? no. does it work? yeah. better than being alone in the other room.
and YES absolutely fully sighted people get bored like crazy watching a movie they dont want to. ugh its awful
casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
The funny part is that I know their tv can accommodate me because later on we walked past the living room and the old guy and his friend were watching a movie and the captions were there and bigger. Not big enough but they were bigger than normal. And so I know that they have to already be on there in a setting and easy to turn on because this guy turned it on himself and he can never figure out his own phone.
So I was thinking why didn’t she just turn that on? I don’t want to scroll through subtitles on my phone because I feel like I might miss the movie by going back and forth. Maybe I should just do the very obvious thing like the other comments were saying and bring my laptop (that flips into a tablet) and watch the same movie as them with all my accommodations on and my headphones on. I will miss all the commentary. But who needs to here “RUN YOU STUPID H*E!” yelled at the tv for the millionth time?
But thanks for the advice on what software to use.
So I was thinking why didn’t she just turn that on? I don’t want to scroll through subtitles on my phone because I feel like I might miss the movie by going back and forth. Maybe I should just do the very obvious thing like the other comments were saying and bring my laptop (that flips into a tablet) and watch the same movie as them with all my accommodations on and my headphones on. I will miss all the commentary. But who needs to here “RUN YOU STUPID H*E!” yelled at the tv for the millionth time?
But thanks for the advice on what software to use.
redditsavedmyagain 3 points 2y ago
laptop idea seems ok but overall it seems like the problem is your friends are dicks rather than anything with the technology
still, there are all kinds of solutions. check some of $1 out
you could go hdmi splitter + hdmi to bluetooth adapter. put one wireless earbud in, you've got clear audio in one ear with volume you can control, and "RUN YOU STUPID HOE!" yelled at the tv in the other
you can also get some $1 which are a bit pricey but now you're enjoying the film in sweet, sweet 7.1 dolby surround whilst all your friends are watching it in 2.1 audio like chumps. i have these. they're great for movies, games and music.
be warned, though. if you get the noise cancelling ones you can't hear *anything* outside, so if you're blind you'll be hellen keller'd in a world of music. im kinda paranoid about wearing them when im home alone cause someone could be robbing the house and i wouldnt hear anything
super cheap solution: $1 back in the day, before bluetooth headphones we used these to listen to music from the same phone. this (get one that lets you control the volume) + 3 metre extender + any headphones you want and youve got a solution for like $15
i mention all these things cause youll continue to encounter situations like this as you get older, like when you go off to university and meet a bunch of new people. it's good to show up with the tools you need. a blind girl on a "crew" i was part of had a big tv, she her place was the place to watch movies. we'd gather there, put on a film, have some popcorn, narrate what was going on on screen, it was a good time.
$1 is how you change subtitle size in vlc. for most pirate releases they should load automatically. if not, you just take the subtitle file from the folder and drag it onto the video window, thats it. there's a motivation for your sighted friends to use it -- bunch of good features. most notably you can turn volume up to 200%, and roll volume up and down with your mouse scroll wheel. for movies that have annoying swings in volume between action and dialogue (action, thriller, etc.) we have a "mouse jockey" who keeps his or her finger on the wheel to maintain an appropriate level of sound lol
still, there are all kinds of solutions. check some of $1 out
you could go hdmi splitter + hdmi to bluetooth adapter. put one wireless earbud in, you've got clear audio in one ear with volume you can control, and "RUN YOU STUPID HOE!" yelled at the tv in the other
you can also get some $1 which are a bit pricey but now you're enjoying the film in sweet, sweet 7.1 dolby surround whilst all your friends are watching it in 2.1 audio like chumps. i have these. they're great for movies, games and music.
be warned, though. if you get the noise cancelling ones you can't hear *anything* outside, so if you're blind you'll be hellen keller'd in a world of music. im kinda paranoid about wearing them when im home alone cause someone could be robbing the house and i wouldnt hear anything
super cheap solution: $1 back in the day, before bluetooth headphones we used these to listen to music from the same phone. this (get one that lets you control the volume) + 3 metre extender + any headphones you want and youve got a solution for like $15
i mention all these things cause youll continue to encounter situations like this as you get older, like when you go off to university and meet a bunch of new people. it's good to show up with the tools you need. a blind girl on a "crew" i was part of had a big tv, she her place was the place to watch movies. we'd gather there, put on a film, have some popcorn, narrate what was going on on screen, it was a good time.
$1 is how you change subtitle size in vlc. for most pirate releases they should load automatically. if not, you just take the subtitle file from the folder and drag it onto the video window, thats it. there's a motivation for your sighted friends to use it -- bunch of good features. most notably you can turn volume up to 200%, and roll volume up and down with your mouse scroll wheel. for movies that have annoying swings in volume between action and dialogue (action, thriller, etc.) we have a "mouse jockey" who keeps his or her finger on the wheel to maintain an appropriate level of sound lol
casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Wow thanks for all the advice! And you guys would narrate for your friend? I can’t imagine my friends ever doing that for me. Yea I’m starting to think they are dicks. But I think I’m gonna wait until next school year when we go back to real school to dump them. Like once I make a new friends hopefully. I don’t want to be left with no friends again because it’s just so lonely and isolating.
But yea I knew there was stuff to make accommodations on tv’s but didn’t know a lot I just watched everything on my surface pro laptop. Because it’s super easy to adjust everything. Like really I have a tv in my room and I unplugged in so I could put the power strip i was using for it into a different socket. It’s just sitting there.
But yea I knew there was stuff to make accommodations on tv’s but didn’t know a lot I just watched everything on my surface pro laptop. Because it’s super easy to adjust everything. Like really I have a tv in my room and I unplugged in so I could put the power strip i was using for it into a different socket. It’s just sitting there.
redditsavedmyagain 3 points 2y ago
yea it just depends on who you hang out with
narrating is fun. like aww he just threw up all over her shoes! its all chunky and milky, disgusting! oooh her boyfriend just came on screen he is fugly. "naw id do him" ...tina you said you would quote "do" our TAXI DRIVER last night. you nasty
reason i checked out the blind subreddit is cause i want to make a smartphone for blind people so i wanted to see whats up. a phone with a braille screen and keyboard, you can play text and audio-based games.
since the screen and the processing power for graphics use most of the power in a phone, it'd be like one of those old nokias. battery lasts a month, waterproof, shockproof throw it at a wall and it doesnt break.
...and since its braille you could use it in your pocket to sneaky text your friends whilst in class or at meetings at work.
half of people i tell about this: that's the stupidest fucking thing ive ever heard why would you waste time making that. other half: that sounds awesome
just depends on who you hang out with!
invest time in finding good tech solutions, and making friends who arent dicks
narrating is fun. like aww he just threw up all over her shoes! its all chunky and milky, disgusting! oooh her boyfriend just came on screen he is fugly. "naw id do him" ...tina you said you would quote "do" our TAXI DRIVER last night. you nasty
reason i checked out the blind subreddit is cause i want to make a smartphone for blind people so i wanted to see whats up. a phone with a braille screen and keyboard, you can play text and audio-based games.
since the screen and the processing power for graphics use most of the power in a phone, it'd be like one of those old nokias. battery lasts a month, waterproof, shockproof throw it at a wall and it doesnt break.
...and since its braille you could use it in your pocket to sneaky text your friends whilst in class or at meetings at work.
half of people i tell about this: that's the stupidest fucking thing ive ever heard why would you waste time making that. other half: that sounds awesome
just depends on who you hang out with!
invest time in finding good tech solutions, and making friends who arent dicks
soundwarrior20 2 points 2y ago
I haven’t read through all the replies here, but I’m thinking there must be some kind of technical solution to this. If you own a tablet you could maybe set the tablet up to align to your visual requirements, Bring the tablet round to their house when they choose the movie load it up on your tablet but cast it to their TV they would still have to deal with here in the audio description but in terms of the visual side of things you’d be watching the film on the tablet how it’s best for you and they be watching it on the television screen but you’d all be watching it together.
magouslioni690 2 points 2y ago
If you can't notice the details because of too much darkness, increase the contrast to maximum and decrease brightness by like 5%.
Edit: Don't do this to cartoon and anime, just films.
Edit: Don't do this to cartoon and anime, just films.
[deleted] 2 points 2y ago
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casserole_cat [OP] 3 points 2y ago
That’s what I do when I’m alone. But they all watch it on the tv. And I feel like if I watched it with headphones on with my laptop then I would be like still disconnected from them in a way.
[deleted] 5 points 2y ago
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casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Thanks but they don’t really plan the movies it’s sorta a vote right then and there. But yea I should tell them how I feel.
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