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My brother helped me for the second time in his life! (self.Blind)
submitted by casserole_cat
(I’m Legally blind)
I know it’s so dumb but he has never really helped me do a task. He kinda just lets me do my thing even when I’m very much struggling and need help. I don’t need help often at home but he sorta always just stood their and watched me get myself into a pickle.
He’s 14 and I’m 16. And yesterday we were cooking and I was looking around and we had just had a huge argument and then been sent into the kitchen to cook dinner together. And I was doing my part (aka not his problem). But he asked “what are you looking for?” And I just answered not thinking much of it. But he said “here you go” and handed me the specific seasoning as it was right there.
I said thanks and then I used it. But inside I wanted to cry. It’s always felt like he didn’t acknowledge that i needed certain things. (He always gets super jealous because I get so many things that I just need and he doesn’t get anything to “even it out”).
And he just seems to hate me sometimes (calling me the r word and saying I’m “special” in a weird voice.) sometimes treating me like a cat but poking me from different sides of my face and trying to see how long it will take me to catch his hand. (It’s fine until he really won’t stop after 10 minutes).
And he will try to pretend to be a spy by sneaking into my room without me noticing but i always notice.(mostly because he hums that like undercover spy hum each time he’s trying to be a spy).
But see he does all these things but never talks to me much he just comes in my room these days to play around with my laptop or take the dog to his room.
So maybe he doesn’t hate me but he never helps me and this was the first time. Maybe he’s finally maturing (lol probably not). I know him bugging me is how he shows he loves me but it’s annoying. Anyway I’m so glad he helped me. Last time he helped me he was 4 and I was 7 and I ended up crying because I couldn’t even play the claw machine at a diner and so he went back there and won me a plushie doll. And then surprised me with it and we hugged for a solid minute.
I know it’s so dumb but he has never really helped me do a task. He kinda just lets me do my thing even when I’m very much struggling and need help. I don’t need help often at home but he sorta always just stood their and watched me get myself into a pickle.
He’s 14 and I’m 16. And yesterday we were cooking and I was looking around and we had just had a huge argument and then been sent into the kitchen to cook dinner together. And I was doing my part (aka not his problem). But he asked “what are you looking for?” And I just answered not thinking much of it. But he said “here you go” and handed me the specific seasoning as it was right there.
I said thanks and then I used it. But inside I wanted to cry. It’s always felt like he didn’t acknowledge that i needed certain things. (He always gets super jealous because I get so many things that I just need and he doesn’t get anything to “even it out”).
And he just seems to hate me sometimes (calling me the r word and saying I’m “special” in a weird voice.) sometimes treating me like a cat but poking me from different sides of my face and trying to see how long it will take me to catch his hand. (It’s fine until he really won’t stop after 10 minutes).
And he will try to pretend to be a spy by sneaking into my room without me noticing but i always notice.(mostly because he hums that like undercover spy hum each time he’s trying to be a spy).
But see he does all these things but never talks to me much he just comes in my room these days to play around with my laptop or take the dog to his room.
So maybe he doesn’t hate me but he never helps me and this was the first time. Maybe he’s finally maturing (lol probably not). I know him bugging me is how he shows he loves me but it’s annoying. Anyway I’m so glad he helped me. Last time he helped me he was 4 and I was 7 and I ended up crying because I couldn’t even play the claw machine at a diner and so he went back there and won me a plushie doll. And then surprised me with it and we hugged for a solid minute.
blackberrybunny 15 points 2y ago
Your brother is younger than you and has a lot of growing up to do still. He probably has no idea what life is like for you as a legally blind person. Try not to let him get to you. Don't get mad and yell at him-- because that is what he wants. He wants to get you agitated. Don't get like that. Otherwise, you are encouraging his stupid behavior. You probably never realized it. So just let his stupid antics roll right off of you. He will soon tire of his attempts to get you mad and he will finally leave you alone.
Be the more mature better siblings. I know life is hard. There will be many harder times ahead. But he is still trying to understand his own life, let alone yours, and what yours is like without much sight/vision. Help him grow up by not reacting to his dumb sh\*t. He's only 14. He's probably still trying to figure out which limbs are his feet, and which are his hands. Believe me, young teenage boys are IDIOTS all around. Their silly little brains just haven't had enough time to adjust yet. Give him time.
He will soon find for himself a new more entertaining hobby. All adolescent boys do..... ::WINK:: So just be patient. That tiny brain of his will start to evolve.
And stop arguing. I know it's hard. When you get angry, before you say ANYTHING, truly, TAKE 3 slow breaths and reconsider yelling or griping or whatever. Be The Better More Mature Sibling. I promise you, this is the best option. All around. He'll see you are more mature and have no time for his crap. Your parents will notice. And your friends and family. And you yourself will feel better for not reacting on the same level as he is. Don't react like the 14 year old fool he's acting like. BE BETTER.
Hang in there casserole cat-- you're gonna be just fine.
Be the more mature better siblings. I know life is hard. There will be many harder times ahead. But he is still trying to understand his own life, let alone yours, and what yours is like without much sight/vision. Help him grow up by not reacting to his dumb sh\*t. He's only 14. He's probably still trying to figure out which limbs are his feet, and which are his hands. Believe me, young teenage boys are IDIOTS all around. Their silly little brains just haven't had enough time to adjust yet. Give him time.
He will soon find for himself a new more entertaining hobby. All adolescent boys do..... ::WINK:: So just be patient. That tiny brain of his will start to evolve.
And stop arguing. I know it's hard. When you get angry, before you say ANYTHING, truly, TAKE 3 slow breaths and reconsider yelling or griping or whatever. Be The Better More Mature Sibling. I promise you, this is the best option. All around. He'll see you are more mature and have no time for his crap. Your parents will notice. And your friends and family. And you yourself will feel better for not reacting on the same level as he is. Don't react like the 14 year old fool he's acting like. BE BETTER.
Hang in there casserole cat-- you're gonna be just fine.
casserole_cat [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Thank you so much! I was literally smiling reading your comment!
JustAnAverageJess 12 points 2y ago
This really resonated with me, my son is 7 and my daughter is almost 2. I'm trying to navigate her needs as a blind child with also ensuring that he also feels loved and supported so they don't resent each other as they get older. Thank you for sharing your story.
And as a younger sister myself I know that my brother and I didn't get along till I was into my early 20s, so I hope that your relationship gets better with time.
And as a younger sister myself I know that my brother and I didn't get along till I was into my early 20s, so I hope that your relationship gets better with time.
wh41 10 points 2y ago
i (30m) know how this is. i'm VI and have 3 siblings close in age that are fully sighted. my older brother is only 14 months older than me, sister 3 yrs younger than me, & then a brother that is 5 years younger than me.
i connected with them in reverse order, and my younger brother helped me all the time with VI related situations frequently by the time he was 4 or 5. in hindsight it was pretty amazing really.
EDIT: didn't mean to hit reply
my sister and i got really close as we grew up as well. but my older brother and i butted heads a lot from early childhood into adolescence. we have very opposite personalities, but similar interests. i know he tried in many ways to be helpful or protective, but there was a definite disconnect until we were around 18 & 19.
i have amazing relationships with all 3 of them now. sometimes it just takes everyone growing up, but as a VI person, the bonds you have with your siblings will always be special. and as they grow up they will be better able to understand & appreciate your world
i connected with them in reverse order, and my younger brother helped me all the time with VI related situations frequently by the time he was 4 or 5. in hindsight it was pretty amazing really.
EDIT: didn't mean to hit reply
my sister and i got really close as we grew up as well. but my older brother and i butted heads a lot from early childhood into adolescence. we have very opposite personalities, but similar interests. i know he tried in many ways to be helpful or protective, but there was a definite disconnect until we were around 18 & 19.
i have amazing relationships with all 3 of them now. sometimes it just takes everyone growing up, but as a VI person, the bonds you have with your siblings will always be special. and as they grow up they will be better able to understand & appreciate your world
niamhweking 6 points 2y ago
Yes! I have this with my 8yo VI daughter Nd her 7 year old non VI sister. The younger is so jealous, thinking the aide in school, visits from visiting teacher, hospital appointments etc are wonderful things she's missing out on. I'm hoping by your age they've figured it out but itsgood for all of us to know it's normal and that there might be a glimmer of hope!
casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Yea it used to be worse he used to want a new video game each time I got anything that I needed. He would say that it has to be fair. Without realizing that it’s not technically fair in the first place that I need any of this. That I’m not getting presents it’s just like getting a tooth brush. (Well not exactly lol). It has very slowly gotten a little better. Like he still gets very jealous and upset about it not being fair to him he doesn’t complain for everything that he used to though. Like he only cares when I got stuff that makes things more accessible because he sees them as toys.
Also I think it helps that we no longer go to the same schools. Since I’m in high school and he’s in middle school [realization] oh no he’s going to my school next year! I will finally be a senior though! That’s the highest rank! We sit front row at rally’s! And claim random parts of the school! He will be just a “Freshy”. [face palm into complete despair]
Also I think it helps that we no longer go to the same schools. Since I’m in high school and he’s in middle school [realization] oh no he’s going to my school next year! I will finally be a senior though! That’s the highest rank! We sit front row at rally’s! And claim random parts of the school! He will be just a “Freshy”. [face palm into complete despair]
niamhweking 4 points 2y ago
My 2 are only 11 months apart, and they go to the same 2 teacher school, so they are in the same room. Next year my VI daughter moves to the next room/teacher so at least they'll get 1 year apart from each other. I know we keep trying to nicely tell the jealous one that what she sees as special treatment is actually because of a difficulty the other one faces. Fingers crossed with time she'll learn, and your brother too
juswundern 5 points 2y ago
Aww that’s beautiful ... he has a heart somewhere in there & I suspect your relationship will get better as he matures.
MRMeneer 4 points 2y ago
Its a profound thing to be offered help by a sibling wesp when relations are not at their best. at his age, and yours there are alot of things going on and throwing a spanner in that works does not help the usual dynmaics. letting him know how it feels when he teases you beyond tolerance is a hard thing to do, however it is important to do so. This lets him know the effect of his behaviour and he will start to see his own behaviour in general and it also lets him know what the effect is on you. Identifying with another persons emotions is a valueable lesson to us all, and learning to be vulnerable with others is also important. it also starts to put boundaries in place or let them slide and be run over if not done.
its freeing to be able to ask for help and learning to do this is a challenge for all of us. it teaches us our own needs and how to work around them and it shows that you are engageing and learning to interact with the world around you in a way that gets you what you need out of it.
Dont forget that its incredible hard for emphasize when no understanding is present. Explain things and he might feel more at ease, knowing how to help you and how to be around you. it settles his nerves and he might actually ask a few questions to get understanding. He might have some already that he is not able to ask. Open the door.
its freeing to be able to ask for help and learning to do this is a challenge for all of us. it teaches us our own needs and how to work around them and it shows that you are engageing and learning to interact with the world around you in a way that gets you what you need out of it.
Dont forget that its incredible hard for emphasize when no understanding is present. Explain things and he might feel more at ease, knowing how to help you and how to be around you. it settles his nerves and he might actually ask a few questions to get understanding. He might have some already that he is not able to ask. Open the door.
casserole_cat [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Interesting thanks for your comment. Also I do tend to avoid be serious with him. But maybe I need to. It’s just that so often he can’t handle seriousness he gets all awkward and starts saying stuff like “who asked?”. Or completely ignoring me and talking to the dog. So it’s hard to talk to someone who won’t listen.
And yes maybe I should ask for help. He ask me for help sometimes actually finding things. I just tend to if I have seen something somewhere or felt it I just remember. So I’m constantly finding bandaids for him. (He Keeps stepping on sharp dog bones).
I’ve been trying to be nicer these last few months so maybe that’s why the sudden change. Like not stay angry at him. And I let him use my prized possession (my expensive laptop). And I’ve been covering for him. Like we did his chore that he forgot about we did together literally in 5 minutes before our dad came home. And he stays up late and I say he didn’t (and I don’t typically lie to my dad so he believes me). I guess I started being nicer because our estranged drug addict mom popped back up and he doesn’t remember living with her and she is mean to him. The whole thing is just really hard on him so I started being nicer but instead he put his guard up and turned mean.
And he’s been sorta holding out on me but maybe not anymore. I must admit I used to be a little b*tch to him so maybe he has just been being wary. But I haven’t been mean like that in years but he became meaner.
And yes maybe I should ask for help. He ask me for help sometimes actually finding things. I just tend to if I have seen something somewhere or felt it I just remember. So I’m constantly finding bandaids for him. (He Keeps stepping on sharp dog bones).
I’ve been trying to be nicer these last few months so maybe that’s why the sudden change. Like not stay angry at him. And I let him use my prized possession (my expensive laptop). And I’ve been covering for him. Like we did his chore that he forgot about we did together literally in 5 minutes before our dad came home. And he stays up late and I say he didn’t (and I don’t typically lie to my dad so he believes me). I guess I started being nicer because our estranged drug addict mom popped back up and he doesn’t remember living with her and she is mean to him. The whole thing is just really hard on him so I started being nicer but instead he put his guard up and turned mean.
And he’s been sorta holding out on me but maybe not anymore. I must admit I used to be a little b*tch to him so maybe he has just been being wary. But I haven’t been mean like that in years but he became meaner.
MRMeneer 2 points 2y ago
Sounds like there are some behavioural issues related to this rather than just not understanding things.
Its ood to be niceto people but its never good to start lying on behalf of someone. Let alone lying at all. It allways comes out and besides he may end up using you in this way and not respect you for you and not respect appropriate boundaries. . Its not easy to have estranged family memebers and seeking some help for this and working through some ofthe issues they raise is important to help emotional development.
Family is not easy atthe best of times and its not a bad thingto get some help from time to time.
Its ood to be niceto people but its never good to start lying on behalf of someone. Let alone lying at all. It allways comes out and besides he may end up using you in this way and not respect you for you and not respect appropriate boundaries. . Its not easy to have estranged family memebers and seeking some help for this and working through some ofthe issues they raise is important to help emotional development.
Family is not easy atthe best of times and its not a bad thingto get some help from time to time.
casserole_cat [OP] 1 points 2y ago
It’s just that he does dumb things without thinking that he knows he’s not supposed to or he doesn’t do things he supposed to. And our dad can be very serious at times. So if you don’t do something and you get lectured for like 3 hours on the importance of family and contributing to your family by doing work. And I mean I Learned a long time ago that it isn’t worth it not to listen the first time. And not to try and argue because you won’t win.
But it seems like learning that just was taking him so long. And he never learns from him mistakes. And he always gets in trouble. So we help each other avoid trouble. Because my dad sometimes try’s to pin us against each other so that we will rat each other out without realizing that he’s tactic barely works anymore. Like no matter how much we fight we lie for each other still. Is that bad? Because if it is I didn’t know it was.
But it seems like learning that just was taking him so long. And he never learns from him mistakes. And he always gets in trouble. So we help each other avoid trouble. Because my dad sometimes try’s to pin us against each other so that we will rat each other out without realizing that he’s tactic barely works anymore. Like no matter how much we fight we lie for each other still. Is that bad? Because if it is I didn’t know it was.
MRMeneer 2 points 2y ago
Its never easy to be stuck in such a situation. Sometimes you have to do what you haveto do to bet by even if you dont like agree with it in normal circumstances.
Working as a team is good and kids always do things like this to avoid parents disspleasure.
there does come a time when he has to learn the hard way though. and you do place yourself in the middle if you are both caught out. but thats life and you live and learn.
Its clearly something you are wrestling with already and that is part of growing up.
Seems like your becomingthe mother in the house lol .
Working as a team is good and kids always do things like this to avoid parents disspleasure.
there does come a time when he has to learn the hard way though. and you do place yourself in the middle if you are both caught out. but thats life and you live and learn.
Its clearly something you are wrestling with already and that is part of growing up.
Seems like your becomingthe mother in the house lol .
c_dawg93 0 points 2y ago
I wish I had a brother like that...Mine is so verbally and physically abusive to me and my parents. Especially to me. He is fully sighted, two years younger than me, (I’m 27, he’s 25) and he is such a jerk.
OutWestTexas 1 points 2y ago
You do not deserve to be abused!!! If your parents will not protect you, have him arrested!
c_dawg93 2 points 2y ago
My parents actually do protect me, believe it or not.
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