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Blind and Visually Impaired Community

Full History - 2021 - 05 - 10 - ID#n8vr1c
8
Advice on how to help an elderly parent cope with blindness (self.Blind)
submitted by Viagra_Was_My_Idea
My mother recently had stage 4 ovarian cancer. It spread to her liver and intestines as well. She went through chemo and her surgery (hysterectomy) to get rid of it anywhere they saw it seemed to be a success. While she was recuperating she started to have vision issues. Things got worse so she went in to find out what's going on and they found cancer in her eye which I think is retinoblastoma (my dad and mom never came out and said what it was actually called).

My mom is devastated, she's always dealt with depression and things are worse when she's down because of something. Mind you, she's 70 years old and this is all after she had a total hip replacement. Then she had 2 different surgeries on her hip because it kept popping out on her. Another surgery fixing the arthritis in her wrists, and a complete knee replacement. All in the last 3 years!

I'm not sure exactly how to help her out. I've never even met a blind person before. I know nothing about the blind, like how easy it is to learn braille because she loves to read. I just feel so lost and bad for her and want to do something.
DrillInstructorJan 3 points 2y ago
Well, you've met a blind person now. Hello!

Short answer, It will be OK if you make it OK.

The big thing, assuming she's otherwise healthy at this point in time and hopefully getting over the surgeries okay, is not to sit around doing nothing. Most people tend to go, oh, this is a big blow, I'll let myself relax for a bit until I start getting over it or feeling better about it, then I'll start on cane travel and all the skills. Unfortunately it works the other way around. You don't start feeling better about it until after you've started proving to yourself that you can do stuff and it doesn't have to be a total suckfest. If you sit around waiting to feel better, that's all you'll do - sit around, and it will never improve. You have to make it happen, and with someone that age I suspect you'll have to help make it happen for her. The instinct is not to push, to be nice, to be gentle but at some point that has to end and she has to do stuff so her life doesn't suck.

Crikey, though, what a state to be in. Braille is reasonably tricky as other people have said but I wouldn't necessarily say don't do it. It's more of a real reading experience than audiobooks, at least it is from what I've been told. I've been in this situation a long time and run a business without braille, so it's not exactly essential, but it is a nice to have.
Viagra_Was_My_Idea [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Thanks for the response. She's got a good support system and people who live with her and would do anything for her. She's been bed ridden during all of this because the chemo and still recovering from surgery so she's just sitting there dwelling on it all.i just feel so darn helpless. My mom's always been there for me and has always been someone I can talk to about everything. I can tell lately she is just another person lately (and I can't blame her with everything). So it's hard to read on how forceful or gentle to be with her.
nnnnaaaatttt 3 points 2y ago
I hope your mom has a wonderful support system!! But some ideas: get her set up with assistive technology. Not sure what she already has but an iPad with voiceover and other blind accessibility settings turned can help her stay connected to friends and family through email/text/social media. Definitely a learning curve there but there are lots of tutorials online :). Braille is definitely harder to learn and use and a lot of blind people actually just prefer audiobooks (myself included!). Lastly, look up any blindness organizations/groups in your community. I think connecting with people who truly understand what she’s going through will also be so valuable.
Viagra_Was_My_Idea [OP] 1 points 2y ago
She does have an amazing support system.shes living with my dad, my sister, her husband,and two kids so she's got help around the house too. I'm a little worried about her learning new technology (she's not good with tech) but braille seems even harder to learn
niamhweking 2 points 2y ago
Gosh, your poor mum. Link up with any local organisations for yhe blind in your state. At this stage and with modern tech I don't think Braille is necessary to learn. There could also be peer to peer support groups for the blind or her condition specifically. It might help her vent and talk to people who understand. She's come through so much, she'll come through this but it is a big adjustment , she may not be open to all suggestions immediately so don't dispair, she'll find what's right for her. Small things I would recommend would be check the house for trip hazards, dodgey rugs, cables, shoes thrown in the wrong place etc and get into a habit of everything having a place, she shouldn't have to check all the sofas and tables to find the remote. There are some cheap and affordable gadgets that could keep her more independent, beeping liquid level reader so she doesn't over fill her coffee mug, even a new and clean ping pong ball can be used as a level reader, put a little 3d sticker on the dials of the cooker and washing machine so she knows which way it's facing.
Viagra_Was_My_Idea [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Great ideas, thank you for the response.any advice is very appreciated!
the-bees-sneeze 1 points 2y ago
My grandmother was legally blind. The library and another group (I’ve forgotten the name) have books on tape available and daily newspapers read out loud , if it’s not available, I think you can even request a book and they’ll record it for you.
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