I develop freelance, so if the job requires a UI, I tend to earn less because I have to employ sighted aid to ensure things work visually. I’m perfectly capable of backend, database, library, API, data analysis and processing jobs, though. My rates and my timings are no worse than any of my sighted contemporaries. Sometimes I sell accessibility of course, which occasionally nets me a bigger income.

Some of this sounds like very normal imposter syndrome not associated with blindness which is typical among programmers.

So many people get it wrong with regards to what is important in programming. It is not about how fast you can type, it is not about how good you are with a text editor, or with algorithms though all of these things can help.

Being observant, making connections, considering consequences many steps ahead, modelling and analysis, describing and communicating are the key skills of a programmer.

I encourage you to get back in to it. You've got experience so maybe start with customer technical project management. Whether you go back fully into software development will be up to you and what you feel comfortable with doing (and what works technically because of the accessibility issues). There is a huge need though for technical people who understand software to do good project management and it is a critical contribution in making sure projects ship on time, on budget with features and quality that make everyone happy.

Hello! I think you've done a good job at identifying several areas that are affecting you negatively.


Here are 2 things that might be helpful.


\#1 Therapy for vision/disability adjustment (and perfectionism, etc.). Here's someone who's just awesome, and she's blind as well. $1


\#2 Blind Institute of Technology (BIT), which has phenomenal training programs that include internships and careers in the corporate world.


To move forward you will have to adopt the mindset of resilience, that you are here to kick ass, that people will be lucky to work with you, and that nothing will stop you. Because it will take that mindset to do the hard work needed to reach success.


Also, BIT will not take you into their program unless you are willing to show up and become awesome. If you don't think you're capable, then they really can't help with training. They take people who are corporate ready and just need the skills and support.


You have be tough enough to do everything required and more, to dazzle yourself and employers, even if you feel anxiety about it. All humans feel anxiety. It's called Imposter syndrome. But you have to be committed to overcoming that.


$1


Good luck!

Programmer here! Though my vision does not affect my job much.

It sounds to me like this has less to do with blindness and more to do with self image and confidence since you already felt this way when you still had more vision. Ive heard similar sentiments parrotted by sighted and able bodied people too.

Just know this: if someone is willing to pay you a certain amount for a service, its because you are worth the investment. If they truly thought your performance was as bad as you say, they would have just found someone else to do the job.

Furthermore, employees are long-term investments. Every employee, sighted or not, has periods where they are less productive as they learn the ropes of a new role. Even if you have a few hiccups while learning to get around inaccessible tools, if the company is continuing to pay you it is because they know it will pay off. You are much more than a programming machine. You are a person with experience who can council others, and propose ideas that can help the business, and who has knowledge about the ins and outs of your particular industry. These on their own are valuable.

This goes for tax money too! If you recieve disability money or welfare or any other government money, its because somebody looked over your case and deemed you worthy of it. If you dont take it, the taxpayers will still keep paying and the funds will just go to someone else. But if you qualify, it means you are just as deserving of that check as anyone else who qualified!

So I would conclude by saying this: if programming if something you want to pursue again, do it! Whats the worst that can happen? You lose your job and end up back where you are now? On the other hand you have so much that you can likely gain by re-entering into the industry. After all, if you hated it so much, I dont think you would have posted this looking for advice :). And if you truly just loathe working with your condition, then you should feel no shame in taking the disability money. That is what it is there for!

Not choosing an option gives you the worst of both worlds. You guarantee that you will not get the money, experience, connections, or confidence that you could if you succeed, and your mind will remain clouded with doubt and reinforces your feelings that you are unworthy.

I'm also a perfectionist, but blind my entire life. Honestly, it hasn't been a good thing. It will often cause you to quit even if you're doing well, which can be a problem. It's also led to some mental health issues for me.

Its about trying to compensate for your disability, often working harder or doing things differently just to feel "equal" to the people around you. Eventually, it just makes you feel empty.

Maybe this topic will help you
$1

part 2: $1

I think knowing that you’ve tried your best and the best is really the best you can do is really all you can do. You know you have these issues so work on them.