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How realistic is it for me to become a blind father? How challenging, feasible or impossible would this be? (self.Blind)
submitted by Arcane_Panacea
**Please read these details before you reply. I understand there are blind parents in this world. Yes, obviously that's a thing. But I still want to know more, specifically in regard to my personal situation.**
Okay, I hope this won't get too long. Apologies in advance. I'm a guy and almost 33 years old. I was born with a particularly severe form of aniridia, which is a very rare and complex condition that affects many different parts of the eye. It is progressive and, at this point in time, incurable. There are treatments but the best you can hope for is for the increasing destruction of your eyes to slow down. I have gone through more surgeries than I can remember and at this point, my doctors tell me there's almost nothing left to try.
I went blind on my left eye when I was 14. During the past 6 years, my vision on my right eye has now also dramatically decreased. I see around 2% (here in Switzerland, we usually define eyesight via percentages). I guess that would be something like 8/400 in the American system. It doesn't really matter, the main takeaway is I see very, very little, blurry shapes and colors. I need a white cane to get around outside.
Since my early 20s, I've had the strong desire to become the father of a child. Back then my eyesight was considerably better and many people around me agreed that I would make a great dad. I'm very caring, have a big heart and love to teach others new skills or knowledge. I was also unusually mature for my age; something I attribute to my disability. I can handle responsibilities and make tough decisions. Importantly in this context, I met the girl who is now my wife at age 22. We hit it off right away and developed a very stable, deep and loving relationship. Maybe because of that I began to bring up the idea of having a child to her when we were 25 or so. Unfortunately - though understandably - she was categorically against it. We were both university students at the time and my wife had immigrated to my country (for me) just a few months previously. Our financial situation was extremely unstable and my wife barely knew any German.
I gave it a year and brought the topic up once again. We were now living together but our financial situation was still very unstable. As a result, my wife refused vehemently.
I don't know if this makes sense to you guys but I began to slide into a big dilemma: although I understood my wife and her reasoning, I began to panic about my ever-decreasing vision. It was the biggest dream of my life to see my child when it gets born; not just as a blurry shape but actually look in his/her face. Besides, wouldn't it be much easier to parent a child if I had some useful eyesight left?
During the following years, I continued to bring up the topic time and again, usually to the dismay of my wife. A few times she got angry at me and I wondered if she wanted any children at all. She said she did but every time I asked her about it, her response was "later".
Roughly 2 years ago, I gave up the whole idea. I was angry and frustrated but tried to tell myself that we can also have a nice life together without any children... and after a while, I began to genuinely believe that.
But then, something happened. Last week, my wife suddenly came to me, unprompted, out of the blue, and sat me down for a talk. She told me that she feels much better about her life now, about our financial situation, her integration in this new culture etc. Due to this, she said, she's ready to have a child with me now if I still want it.
You might think I was super excited but my reaction was actually thoughtfulness. My wife said: "Although our situation is much more stable now, your health situation has become much worse and I'm worried about that... I worried that I'd have to carry all the weight alone if we had a children because you wouldn't be able to help me." I thought about that for a while... and couldn't make up my mind. On the one hand, I *feel like* it'll be fine, that I will be able to help her etc., but then again, what if I'm mistaken? After all, this is not a decision you can take back. Once the kid is here, it's here.
So I'd love to know how this works for other blind moms or dads. What are the things you really struggle with? I haven't gone through extensive everyday life training, so there might be tricks I don't know. For example grocery shopping is admittedly super exhausting and stressful for me. I need to ask the staff to guide me to the shelves but because they're understaffed, they hurry me through the store. Oftentimes they can't find my product right away, so they just give me anything. I need to hold my cane in one hand and the grocery bag in the other. Doing this with, say, a 2-year old kid sounds almost unfeasible. There are other things I'm afraid I won't be able to do... read bedtime stories, take care of a minor wound, help with homework, play card or board games with them, play soccer outside on the lawn, travel on a plane with the kid but without my wife (sounds very stressful), take him/her digging for fossils at a stone quarry like my dad did etc.etc. I also wonder if working a job (part-time probably), take care of some house chores, taking care of a child AND taking care of my eyes (constant eye drops, going to doctor appointments etc.) won't simply be too much. Due to my disability, I naturally get more exhausted by some tasks than sighted folks. Some that takes 2min for my wife sometimes takes 20min for me.
Of course I won't be alone with the work but I'm terrified of expecting too much of my wife. I don't want our marriage to deteriorate and fall apart because she feels so exhausted, bitter and like I'm not doing my part of the job.
So yeah... any suggestions? Personal experiences? Advice? Ideas? Comments? Anything goes. I'm just curious to hear what you lovely people have to say. Of course if you're a mom or a dad yourself, that'll be extra helpful :)
Okay, I hope this won't get too long. Apologies in advance. I'm a guy and almost 33 years old. I was born with a particularly severe form of aniridia, which is a very rare and complex condition that affects many different parts of the eye. It is progressive and, at this point in time, incurable. There are treatments but the best you can hope for is for the increasing destruction of your eyes to slow down. I have gone through more surgeries than I can remember and at this point, my doctors tell me there's almost nothing left to try.
I went blind on my left eye when I was 14. During the past 6 years, my vision on my right eye has now also dramatically decreased. I see around 2% (here in Switzerland, we usually define eyesight via percentages). I guess that would be something like 8/400 in the American system. It doesn't really matter, the main takeaway is I see very, very little, blurry shapes and colors. I need a white cane to get around outside.
Since my early 20s, I've had the strong desire to become the father of a child. Back then my eyesight was considerably better and many people around me agreed that I would make a great dad. I'm very caring, have a big heart and love to teach others new skills or knowledge. I was also unusually mature for my age; something I attribute to my disability. I can handle responsibilities and make tough decisions. Importantly in this context, I met the girl who is now my wife at age 22. We hit it off right away and developed a very stable, deep and loving relationship. Maybe because of that I began to bring up the idea of having a child to her when we were 25 or so. Unfortunately - though understandably - she was categorically against it. We were both university students at the time and my wife had immigrated to my country (for me) just a few months previously. Our financial situation was extremely unstable and my wife barely knew any German.
I gave it a year and brought the topic up once again. We were now living together but our financial situation was still very unstable. As a result, my wife refused vehemently.
I don't know if this makes sense to you guys but I began to slide into a big dilemma: although I understood my wife and her reasoning, I began to panic about my ever-decreasing vision. It was the biggest dream of my life to see my child when it gets born; not just as a blurry shape but actually look in his/her face. Besides, wouldn't it be much easier to parent a child if I had some useful eyesight left?
During the following years, I continued to bring up the topic time and again, usually to the dismay of my wife. A few times she got angry at me and I wondered if she wanted any children at all. She said she did but every time I asked her about it, her response was "later".
Roughly 2 years ago, I gave up the whole idea. I was angry and frustrated but tried to tell myself that we can also have a nice life together without any children... and after a while, I began to genuinely believe that.
But then, something happened. Last week, my wife suddenly came to me, unprompted, out of the blue, and sat me down for a talk. She told me that she feels much better about her life now, about our financial situation, her integration in this new culture etc. Due to this, she said, she's ready to have a child with me now if I still want it.
You might think I was super excited but my reaction was actually thoughtfulness. My wife said: "Although our situation is much more stable now, your health situation has become much worse and I'm worried about that... I worried that I'd have to carry all the weight alone if we had a children because you wouldn't be able to help me." I thought about that for a while... and couldn't make up my mind. On the one hand, I *feel like* it'll be fine, that I will be able to help her etc., but then again, what if I'm mistaken? After all, this is not a decision you can take back. Once the kid is here, it's here.
So I'd love to know how this works for other blind moms or dads. What are the things you really struggle with? I haven't gone through extensive everyday life training, so there might be tricks I don't know. For example grocery shopping is admittedly super exhausting and stressful for me. I need to ask the staff to guide me to the shelves but because they're understaffed, they hurry me through the store. Oftentimes they can't find my product right away, so they just give me anything. I need to hold my cane in one hand and the grocery bag in the other. Doing this with, say, a 2-year old kid sounds almost unfeasible. There are other things I'm afraid I won't be able to do... read bedtime stories, take care of a minor wound, help with homework, play card or board games with them, play soccer outside on the lawn, travel on a plane with the kid but without my wife (sounds very stressful), take him/her digging for fossils at a stone quarry like my dad did etc.etc. I also wonder if working a job (part-time probably), take care of some house chores, taking care of a child AND taking care of my eyes (constant eye drops, going to doctor appointments etc.) won't simply be too much. Due to my disability, I naturally get more exhausted by some tasks than sighted folks. Some that takes 2min for my wife sometimes takes 20min for me.
Of course I won't be alone with the work but I'm terrified of expecting too much of my wife. I don't want our marriage to deteriorate and fall apart because she feels so exhausted, bitter and like I'm not doing my part of the job.
So yeah... any suggestions? Personal experiences? Advice? Ideas? Comments? Anything goes. I'm just curious to hear what you lovely people have to say. Of course if you're a mom or a dad yourself, that'll be extra helpful :)
GhostOfScharnhorst 11 points 2y ago
It's very realistic of you to be a parent. A good friend of mine is blind and she has a 1yo daughter. Is it challenging at times? Absolutely. But it's doable.
There is a lot of fear-mongering about blind parenting done by many groups (especially the NFB here in America), ignore it. It's doable.
There is a lot of fear-mongering about blind parenting done by many groups (especially the NFB here in America), ignore it. It's doable.
BlueRock956 1 points 2y ago
This is incorrect, the NFB has a division of blind parents that is doing a lot of work to provide guidance to parents. The NFB has taken action in cases where children were taken away from blind parents by Child Protection Services, and there is now precedence on how rulings cannot use blindness as an excuse to remove a child from their parents.
changeneverhappens 1 points 2y ago
The NFB fear mongers about parenting? I find that so surprising- all of the Blind parents I know are card carrying members. I'd expect the exact opposite from the NFB quite frankly
CosmicBunny97 1 points 2y ago
Just out of curiosity and as someone who wants to be a parent someday but is scared, can you provide any examples of the fear mongering?
MilkbottleF 2 points 2y ago
Some may call it "fear-mongering," others call it $1 (still legal in nine states as well as DC.) Though in fairness, most of the articles I've found about discrimination against blind parents were written before 2016, so the situation may be a little better by now. (Thank God I am childfree4life, parenting under those conditions sounds like it would reduce me to a nervous wreck.)
MajorSagittarius12 5 points 2y ago
I am a sighted person but I grew up around my grandpa who was blind and I was raised by him and my sighted grandma, so I can give you the pov of child growing up with a blind caretaker.
Growing up with my grandpa, I do not recall his blindness ever being an obstacle tbh. Of course, we couldn't do certain stuff together like playing football but my grandpa was very good at taking care of me and my siblings. He used to make us breakfast, help us dress, help us shower, play with us like any normal person would. I never felt like my grandpa was lacking in something. He was a great man.
I believe that you shouldn't let blindness discourage you. It might be tough at first but the more your child will grow the easier parenting will become. It's something that you wanted for so long. It would be a shame to let go of your desire due to doubts. You sound like a very responsible and well-mannered individual and I believe you'd be a great dad. My advice is to go after your dreams.
Growing up with my grandpa, I do not recall his blindness ever being an obstacle tbh. Of course, we couldn't do certain stuff together like playing football but my grandpa was very good at taking care of me and my siblings. He used to make us breakfast, help us dress, help us shower, play with us like any normal person would. I never felt like my grandpa was lacking in something. He was a great man.
I believe that you shouldn't let blindness discourage you. It might be tough at first but the more your child will grow the easier parenting will become. It's something that you wanted for so long. It would be a shame to let go of your desire due to doubts. You sound like a very responsible and well-mannered individual and I believe you'd be a great dad. My advice is to go after your dreams.
retrolental_morose 2 points 2y ago
Hi!
I met my wife at college. We are both totally blind and she was far more interested in having kids than I was. I wasn't against it per se, but had no burning desire young. Long story short, she got pregnant before I finished university or had a job. I ended up studying from home and looking for work. it was ... oddly nice, because I could study in my own time and enjoy the time with my child as well. I found a job when she was nursery age, and so I felt quite good about going off to work, bringing in the money, all that.
in terms of being a dad, I have done many of the things you query. I was holy responsible for bed time stories (I read Braille, so that's ok). We've done plane flights, beach trips, explored ancient ruins, climbed small mountains etc. Before she could walk I carried her in a sling (first on my chest, then on my back), so I always had a free hand. My second sling had fantastic hooks you could clip bags to, which made shopping trips sooo much better.
She is 1 year off high school now. I've been replaced by her Kindle at bed time, but she's an epic kid and enjoys watching Star Trek with me when I'm not forced into Disney princess movies. I still walk her to school every morning, although we've agreed that from September she can go on her own. Movie night with daddy is a pillar, sadly theatre and cinema trips have been curtailed by lockdown. We play tennis in the park, or jog, or tandem now instead, which by any measure is still a lot of fun stuff.
it is doable.
I met my wife at college. We are both totally blind and she was far more interested in having kids than I was. I wasn't against it per se, but had no burning desire young. Long story short, she got pregnant before I finished university or had a job. I ended up studying from home and looking for work. it was ... oddly nice, because I could study in my own time and enjoy the time with my child as well. I found a job when she was nursery age, and so I felt quite good about going off to work, bringing in the money, all that.
in terms of being a dad, I have done many of the things you query. I was holy responsible for bed time stories (I read Braille, so that's ok). We've done plane flights, beach trips, explored ancient ruins, climbed small mountains etc. Before she could walk I carried her in a sling (first on my chest, then on my back), so I always had a free hand. My second sling had fantastic hooks you could clip bags to, which made shopping trips sooo much better.
She is 1 year off high school now. I've been replaced by her Kindle at bed time, but she's an epic kid and enjoys watching Star Trek with me when I'm not forced into Disney princess movies. I still walk her to school every morning, although we've agreed that from September she can go on her own. Movie night with daddy is a pillar, sadly theatre and cinema trips have been curtailed by lockdown. We play tennis in the park, or jog, or tandem now instead, which by any measure is still a lot of fun stuff.
it is doable.
chipmunk39 2 points 2y ago
There will be things about parenting that you won’t be good at like everyone else, but there is no one parent that can ever be it all. Everyone has a parent thats better at one thing then the other. There are plenty if things you will learn how to do as it comes just like a sighted person, your way just might look a little different. You can still be a fantastic father. Talk with your wife about how you’re feeling, and maybe you both can come up with a reasonable game plan about the logistics. You don’t have to do all the grocery shopping, but you can say do the dishes, or laundry, or plenty of other things and thats even without a kid in the mix. Life is far too short to not do this as a couple when it’s what you both really want. The love you have for them is truly enough. They’ll feel that every day and you will too.
DHamlinMusic 1 points 1y ago
Sorry in advance for replying to this 6 months or more after it was originally posted, didn't know this sub existed until this week.
I am in a similar situation in a way, I have a simultaneously near 4-month-old and technically also 5-month-old daughter, yay for having to track two different ages cuz she was born 6 and 1/2 weeks premature, and have found it to be simultaneously nerve-wracking and relaxing to be a parent while being blind. My situation's a little different, until just shy of 2 years ago I had extraordinarily good vision in both eyes, but due to situations beyond my control I lost nearly all my vision and it will never return, my vision is barely functional beyond limited light and color in the extreme peripheries with limited fine detail. I have had very little problems taking care of her in some areas, where in other areas I do run into issues and have not as of yet found solutions for some of these challenges, for example telling if a diaper is clean or not is a bit of a guessing game unless you feel like sticking a finger into a diaper if you're going to find poop or not. As of writing this my fiance has been unemployed for a bit over a year, so we have been relying on my disability benefits and our combined savings to cover all the expenses. This unexpected but beneficial extra time with both parents home has been very helpful, and if possible I would highly recommend that for any parents regardless of their vision or not after the arrival of a new infant as having both parents at home for at least a while reduces the Good luck to you and your wife, I know you'll do just fine, I highly advise for the future when the child is able to take off unexpectedly on you to invest in one of these child harness / leash devices as they are very useful, at least that's what my mother says about when I was a toddler.strain on any one parent a significantly.
I am in a similar situation in a way, I have a simultaneously near 4-month-old and technically also 5-month-old daughter, yay for having to track two different ages cuz she was born 6 and 1/2 weeks premature, and have found it to be simultaneously nerve-wracking and relaxing to be a parent while being blind. My situation's a little different, until just shy of 2 years ago I had extraordinarily good vision in both eyes, but due to situations beyond my control I lost nearly all my vision and it will never return, my vision is barely functional beyond limited light and color in the extreme peripheries with limited fine detail. I have had very little problems taking care of her in some areas, where in other areas I do run into issues and have not as of yet found solutions for some of these challenges, for example telling if a diaper is clean or not is a bit of a guessing game unless you feel like sticking a finger into a diaper if you're going to find poop or not. As of writing this my fiance has been unemployed for a bit over a year, so we have been relying on my disability benefits and our combined savings to cover all the expenses. This unexpected but beneficial extra time with both parents home has been very helpful, and if possible I would highly recommend that for any parents regardless of their vision or not after the arrival of a new infant as having both parents at home for at least a while reduces the Good luck to you and your wife, I know you'll do just fine, I highly advise for the future when the child is able to take off unexpectedly on you to invest in one of these child harness / leash devices as they are very useful, at least that's what my mother says about when I was a toddler.strain on any one parent a significantly.
Healthy_Wasabi_4144 1 points 1y ago
I think that you would be more capable of being a father than you think, I’ve went through several years of martial arts training but I can say honestly that it is possible to track motion and people pretty well without being able to see. Also rather like myself you may need help to watch a child until they’re a certain age to where you can somewhat trust them to have some sanity about their own behavior. I have cerebral palsy and really can’t run but I’ve kept children five years old and up multiple times in my life. I would have more Travel with a child he’s just gonna run away from me and not have any control whatsoever or any sense about keeping themselves safe, but set up right even that might be doable. It just may require some careful planning and some aid to do certain things but I don’t think it’s impossible at all.
Ant5477 1 points 2y ago
It is possible, I am a blind father, here is the deal, I have a talk show, why don’t you allow me to bring you on a partner with other fathers who can give you some first hand advice; it’s called third eye visions
Blind-driver- 1 points 2y ago
Damn man this is the same thing or at least one of them that I am having anxiety over and I’m only a teenager everyone here is so supportive.
I know this probably does not help you in anyway and I’m sorry for that, but I have more faith in you than myself Man I hope everything goes well for you.
I know this probably does not help you in anyway and I’m sorry for that, but I have more faith in you than myself Man I hope everything goes well for you.
Davidbrcz 1 points 2y ago
As someone coming to their 30s with RP, you nailed one though that I've always had in mind.
The.other aspect is that I don't want to carry that shit to my children or great children.
The last issue with having children is global warming, but I guess it.s out of the scope here :p
The.other aspect is that I don't want to carry that shit to my children or great children.
The last issue with having children is global warming, but I guess it.s out of the scope here :p
macadamia_owl 1 points 2y ago
Not a parent but i done A LOT of babysitting and taking care of family member kids in very different age, spent all my life with younger brother in one room.
I have 2% sharpness vision, 15% tunnel field in right eye, nystagmus sensitivity to light and left eye fully blind since 15 years.
In my country kids are expected to help out with smaller kids so as as we grown up we helped each other in many ways. Did you ever do babysitting? Maybe supervised at first? It's great training to spend a whole day with a toddler who can't clearly communicate yet and it's your task to stay calm if he/she loses temper or persuade him/her to finally go home after 3 hours at playground. Or when he/she knows you can't see hide/runs away and you can't find him/her at the park or on the street "was it fun?! I don't wanna take your hand i wanna RUN!"
"I want ride a bike why can't you?"
"You're stupid you can't read books like mommy"
"Look THERE!" - What you're looking at tell me i have sick eyes i can't see - Mad face "Go to doctor and get glasses/new eyes"
"I'm hurt here" What happened? "My Finger is hurt... 3 days ago" Does it hurts now? No but it hurted before mommy gave me band aid. Look it has butterflies!"-
Happens 90% of time, ask extra but simple additional questions before assuming the worst don't overreact stay "cold" calm (kids catch up your stressing out instantly even newborns so better for their sake to not show your nervousness to them even if situation is bad it really helps at doctors appointments, emergency situations, new places etc they're sensitive to others emotions) to this when my 4yo niece isn't actively crying her lungs out she's ok if I ask if it hurts and i pet her if it's really bad she cries really loud and other sighted person takes care of it. I might do basic first aid rinse with clean water or peroxide water apply band aid and cuddle her that she mostly wants but if that won't work only parent might soothe her nerves.
I saw many blind parents attaching to kids ringing bells when they ran around in blind school area or even colorful backpack bungee ropes.
I spent a lot of time with my close cousin often many days due to age difference it was babysitting she followed me like a dog, we had similar interests we visited them often.
My dad had "mixed"-able parents his dad was fully blind. They supported each other in raising children, jobs and taking care of home. Sure some stuff he couldn't teach or shown them or he couldn't understand because world changed rapidly that time (cellphones, computers, cordless phones, digital photography, internet). My father learned many things from friends and school, books, mom yet other unique things from his father: patience, being happy, family sensitive caring person, empathy. Sure he lacks skills of "ideal man" of our country that typically father's are learning to son and my mom is angry about that often but there's nothing can be done.
My grandparents were not rich family had 40 sq apartment with 1 bedroom and 2 beds for 4 people no car enough money to eat and clothing only few summer vacations with kids their whole life yet they were happy. I trained with my grandparent how to tie shoes, i read to him my homework so he could help me out I talked with him about what happened in playground, kindergarten, school. He did cooking himself for all of us or together with grandmother we liked to help. He trained with us how to safely cross the road, how go to Kindergarden, how peel potatoes and walking stairs without seeing.
It's very wise that your wife didn't rushed with decision and waited till she was ready, both sides have to be stable mentally and physically as well financially I see that even in "healthy" couples. Switch the tasks, help each other, support not only physically but mentally. Maybe she's afraid of being left alone with most of tasks not only child-rasks but house chores, jobs? Idk talk to her about the fears uncertainty and list it out? The "burden" will still be mostly on her - getting up at night to breastfeed, any visual checkups health ones or clothing, first years are poor communication nonverbal stress mess without any instructions - Google won't help much and there's no baby/toddler translator. Kids are having short patience too so be prepared, better to train yourself on family member kids first. Have ears like best hunting dog sniff out danger think beforehand, at best prevent dangerous situations and places. Try to remember what you thought as kid or read about it.
I have 2% sharpness vision, 15% tunnel field in right eye, nystagmus sensitivity to light and left eye fully blind since 15 years.
In my country kids are expected to help out with smaller kids so as as we grown up we helped each other in many ways. Did you ever do babysitting? Maybe supervised at first? It's great training to spend a whole day with a toddler who can't clearly communicate yet and it's your task to stay calm if he/she loses temper or persuade him/her to finally go home after 3 hours at playground. Or when he/she knows you can't see hide/runs away and you can't find him/her at the park or on the street "was it fun?! I don't wanna take your hand i wanna RUN!"
"I want ride a bike why can't you?"
"You're stupid you can't read books like mommy"
"Look THERE!" - What you're looking at tell me i have sick eyes i can't see - Mad face "Go to doctor and get glasses/new eyes"
"I'm hurt here" What happened? "My Finger is hurt... 3 days ago" Does it hurts now? No but it hurted before mommy gave me band aid. Look it has butterflies!"-
Happens 90% of time, ask extra but simple additional questions before assuming the worst don't overreact stay "cold" calm (kids catch up your stressing out instantly even newborns so better for their sake to not show your nervousness to them even if situation is bad it really helps at doctors appointments, emergency situations, new places etc they're sensitive to others emotions) to this when my 4yo niece isn't actively crying her lungs out she's ok if I ask if it hurts and i pet her if it's really bad she cries really loud and other sighted person takes care of it. I might do basic first aid rinse with clean water or peroxide water apply band aid and cuddle her that she mostly wants but if that won't work only parent might soothe her nerves.
I saw many blind parents attaching to kids ringing bells when they ran around in blind school area or even colorful backpack bungee ropes.
I spent a lot of time with my close cousin often many days due to age difference it was babysitting she followed me like a dog, we had similar interests we visited them often.
My dad had "mixed"-able parents his dad was fully blind. They supported each other in raising children, jobs and taking care of home. Sure some stuff he couldn't teach or shown them or he couldn't understand because world changed rapidly that time (cellphones, computers, cordless phones, digital photography, internet). My father learned many things from friends and school, books, mom yet other unique things from his father: patience, being happy, family sensitive caring person, empathy. Sure he lacks skills of "ideal man" of our country that typically father's are learning to son and my mom is angry about that often but there's nothing can be done.
My grandparents were not rich family had 40 sq apartment with 1 bedroom and 2 beds for 4 people no car enough money to eat and clothing only few summer vacations with kids their whole life yet they were happy. I trained with my grandparent how to tie shoes, i read to him my homework so he could help me out I talked with him about what happened in playground, kindergarten, school. He did cooking himself for all of us or together with grandmother we liked to help. He trained with us how to safely cross the road, how go to Kindergarden, how peel potatoes and walking stairs without seeing.
It's very wise that your wife didn't rushed with decision and waited till she was ready, both sides have to be stable mentally and physically as well financially I see that even in "healthy" couples. Switch the tasks, help each other, support not only physically but mentally. Maybe she's afraid of being left alone with most of tasks not only child-rasks but house chores, jobs? Idk talk to her about the fears uncertainty and list it out? The "burden" will still be mostly on her - getting up at night to breastfeed, any visual checkups health ones or clothing, first years are poor communication nonverbal stress mess without any instructions - Google won't help much and there's no baby/toddler translator. Kids are having short patience too so be prepared, better to train yourself on family member kids first. Have ears like best hunting dog sniff out danger think beforehand, at best prevent dangerous situations and places. Try to remember what you thought as kid or read about it.
overheadfool 1 points 2y ago
Son of a blind mother and sighted father checking in here, she went blind when I was about 5 years old so I can speak from that age onward. She brought us up fantastically, my father worked away a lot so she did a lot of it on her own particularly in those early years. Kids will just adapt, my brother and I helped out with tasks she couldn't do, sorting laundry, picking tins from the cupboard, helping with her make-up, shopping. I never remember it being a big deal. She did everything a mother typically does, cooked, made sure we did our homework, laundry, made us brush our teeth, wash, walked us to school, was there when we need her etc etc etc. It's a big undertaking and I guess I'll never fully appreciate how hard it was for her, but from the child's perspective I'd say she did a fine job and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything as a result. I should add having a Guide Dog really helps. Best of luck with it, you'll be fine.
niamhweking 1 points 2y ago
Wowsers you have put more thought into being a parent than anyone I know! Which just proves how able and capable you will be. Yes there will be stuff you can't do or will find challenging, but that's just parenting. You've never parented fully sighted so it's not like you'll have a comparison to make.
I suppose the only big worries I can think of where the parents sight is an Asset would be safety, but that's me nitpicking, we were both sighted and I babyproofed the he'll out of the place, I've other friends who never did because they feel it stops the child learning, so no fire guards, furniture bumpers, stair gates. Road safety maybe with toddlers - wear the baby cuffs. I'm not trying to out you off I hope it shows I'm saying there is a solution to each issue that might come up.
Good luck
I suppose the only big worries I can think of where the parents sight is an Asset would be safety, but that's me nitpicking, we were both sighted and I babyproofed the he'll out of the place, I've other friends who never did because they feel it stops the child learning, so no fire guards, furniture bumpers, stair gates. Road safety maybe with toddlers - wear the baby cuffs. I'm not trying to out you off I hope it shows I'm saying there is a solution to each issue that might come up.
Good luck
laconicflow 1 points 2y ago
I'm not a parent, but I am blind. I really hope you have the kids.
But it also sounds like you need some blind people training. Just give up on the remaining vision.
If you don't like grocery shopping in person, for good reasons, then you should totally be able to do your grocery shopping online. Just one example to stand in for a bunch.
There are so many people who have many children with seemingly little thought. And you seem like a thoughtful guy who'd be a good parent.
And, I think about it too, I'm a blind guy who's dad could see, and it irritates me, because I wonder how and if I'll be able to take my kids fishing or like, to the zoo, or wherever. But, you know, that kid will be yours, and he'll love all the activities you do with him or her because your that kids father, and kids like doing stuff with parents.
But there's plenty of, I guess you'd call it life skills training people blind from birth get, I don't know how much of that you've gotten, but it might help.
You know, my only other thought is that you contemplate the list of child related responsibilities and check off the ones you know you can do on your own.
I really hope you do it though. My thought from the gut is that blindness should stop you from racing a racecar, or being a sniper, but not from having a kid.
Much love from the states, and good luck.
But it also sounds like you need some blind people training. Just give up on the remaining vision.
If you don't like grocery shopping in person, for good reasons, then you should totally be able to do your grocery shopping online. Just one example to stand in for a bunch.
There are so many people who have many children with seemingly little thought. And you seem like a thoughtful guy who'd be a good parent.
And, I think about it too, I'm a blind guy who's dad could see, and it irritates me, because I wonder how and if I'll be able to take my kids fishing or like, to the zoo, or wherever. But, you know, that kid will be yours, and he'll love all the activities you do with him or her because your that kids father, and kids like doing stuff with parents.
But there's plenty of, I guess you'd call it life skills training people blind from birth get, I don't know how much of that you've gotten, but it might help.
You know, my only other thought is that you contemplate the list of child related responsibilities and check off the ones you know you can do on your own.
I really hope you do it though. My thought from the gut is that blindness should stop you from racing a racecar, or being a sniper, but not from having a kid.
Much love from the states, and good luck.
QuentinJamesP89 1 points 2y ago
Your vision situation sounds very similar to my own. I'm nearly 32, with a wife, a toddler, and another baby on the way. I was born with a very rare genetic eye condition (FEVR) and lost vision in my right eye when I was young. Had low vision in my left, but aside from being unable to drive, I really functioned quite well with it. Over the past year and a half I've lost much of my vision in my "good" eye. I also have had innumerable eye surgeries and am left with very blurred and indistinct vision. I can read print a little if it's magnified, but my eye gets tired and has trouble tracking, and I know braille as well. I use a cane when I'm out alone without my wife.
Wanting a child is a very normal and understandable desire, having one is an experience not like any other, and not something you should miss out on because of your vision. There are many great parents who are totally blind and they manage. I had functional vision in my eye when we had my daughter, but I still have always had to work extra hard to be a help to my wife, especially as the burden of driving has always fallen to her. I am excited about the new baby, but also worried about how different things will be with my vision loss. I can't distinctly see faces anymore and that makes me sad. I can completely empathize when you say that jobs that take your wife two minutes take you twenty, but I have to not let that keep me from helping. Even if it takes me a while it's still something off her very full plate. As far as groceries, I don't know how it is in your country, but here in the states there are many options for grocery delivery. Perhaps you know braille already, but if you're willing to learn braille reading bedtime stories won't be an issue. In the US at least there are many options for braille books. Same thing with playing cards or board games. Braille is so important if you can't see well. As far as getting tired out by all your responsibilities, I'm sure you will, but it's totally worth it. I work a full time job, have (had, thanks Covid) a side business, am trying to remodel a house, practice the piano for several hours a day, spend at least an hour with my daughter, spend time with my wife, have many doctor appointments (and my retinal specialist is nine hours away), and have church responsibilities (pianist and music director). But I have always found that the busier I am the more I'm able to step up to the tasks and be intentional and organized with my time.
Your wife will probably be overwhelmed at some points and so will you. Having a child is overwhelming. But it's also not something either of you are likely to regret. If you have to pay for extra help (maybe someone to help with the housework or yard work or run errands or nanny to take a load off your wife), it's not the end of the world. It's an extra financial burden, but well worth it to have a happy marriage and family. From your excitement over the idea of having a child, your thoughtfulness about the future, and your desire to help, it sounds like you'll be a great dad and support to your wife. I wish you all the best!
Wanting a child is a very normal and understandable desire, having one is an experience not like any other, and not something you should miss out on because of your vision. There are many great parents who are totally blind and they manage. I had functional vision in my eye when we had my daughter, but I still have always had to work extra hard to be a help to my wife, especially as the burden of driving has always fallen to her. I am excited about the new baby, but also worried about how different things will be with my vision loss. I can't distinctly see faces anymore and that makes me sad. I can completely empathize when you say that jobs that take your wife two minutes take you twenty, but I have to not let that keep me from helping. Even if it takes me a while it's still something off her very full plate. As far as groceries, I don't know how it is in your country, but here in the states there are many options for grocery delivery. Perhaps you know braille already, but if you're willing to learn braille reading bedtime stories won't be an issue. In the US at least there are many options for braille books. Same thing with playing cards or board games. Braille is so important if you can't see well. As far as getting tired out by all your responsibilities, I'm sure you will, but it's totally worth it. I work a full time job, have (had, thanks Covid) a side business, am trying to remodel a house, practice the piano for several hours a day, spend at least an hour with my daughter, spend time with my wife, have many doctor appointments (and my retinal specialist is nine hours away), and have church responsibilities (pianist and music director). But I have always found that the busier I am the more I'm able to step up to the tasks and be intentional and organized with my time.
Your wife will probably be overwhelmed at some points and so will you. Having a child is overwhelming. But it's also not something either of you are likely to regret. If you have to pay for extra help (maybe someone to help with the housework or yard work or run errands or nanny to take a load off your wife), it's not the end of the world. It's an extra financial burden, but well worth it to have a happy marriage and family. From your excitement over the idea of having a child, your thoughtfulness about the future, and your desire to help, it sounds like you'll be a great dad and support to your wife. I wish you all the best!
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