Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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“Why are you staring at me?” (self.Blind)
submitted by casserole_cat
JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP! IM NOT STARING AT YOU! YOU ARE A BLURRY MESS!
I’m sorry for my rant but I’ve heard this 3 times today! It makes me feel like a freak or a creep when I’m not one.
Why do people say this to me?
I’m sorry for my rant but I’ve heard this 3 times today! It makes me feel like a freak or a creep when I’m not one.
Why do people say this to me?
PanMoDodo 17 points 1y ago
Probably because your head is pointed at them. And people are paranoid.
I'm autistic, so please forgive me if the following statement is stupid or obvious, but it seems to me like you're actually asking for this information?
So eye contact is extremely personal and most folks don't make it with strangers unless they are currently interacting. As soon as interaction is over, eye contact ends. So if people are perceiving you as making eye contact with them they are probably either 1) feeling vulnerable/uncomfortable with the situation that has wandered outside the semi-conscious social rules they are familiar with or 2) They perceive your "eye contact" as a threat and so feel the need to confront you.
Obviously they are not right for doing it. They should be capable of finding other reasons why you would be pointed in their direction and properly assess whether a situation is threatening/non-threatening.
I'm autistic, so please forgive me if the following statement is stupid or obvious, but it seems to me like you're actually asking for this information?
So eye contact is extremely personal and most folks don't make it with strangers unless they are currently interacting. As soon as interaction is over, eye contact ends. So if people are perceiving you as making eye contact with them they are probably either 1) feeling vulnerable/uncomfortable with the situation that has wandered outside the semi-conscious social rules they are familiar with or 2) They perceive your "eye contact" as a threat and so feel the need to confront you.
Obviously they are not right for doing it. They should be capable of finding other reasons why you would be pointed in their direction and properly assess whether a situation is threatening/non-threatening.
PrincessDie123 12 points 1y ago
It’s easier said than accepted but the truth is it’s a them problem not a you problem, you can’t help not being able to see but they can choose their reaction to it.
Personally I’ve got enough residual vision that I get questioned about why I use a white cane and often insinuated that I’m faking my disability because I can still see some, depending on the delivery of the comment I might try to patiently explain or I might crack a dark joke.
I’m tempted to say either respond with “I just thought you were beautiful” or “sorry, thought I saw a horses arse”
Personally I’ve got enough residual vision that I get questioned about why I use a white cane and often insinuated that I’m faking my disability because I can still see some, depending on the delivery of the comment I might try to patiently explain or I might crack a dark joke.
I’m tempted to say either respond with “I just thought you were beautiful” or “sorry, thought I saw a horses arse”
Laser_Lens_4 12 points 1y ago
This is why I prefer wearing sunglasses most places I go. It helps with the whole staring thing
complex-blobfish 13 points 1y ago
i can't wear sunglasses anymore, as soon as i take them off or go to adjust them, people don't shut up about my eyes not being white.
apparently if your eyes are not white, you can't be blind. it is ridiculous.
lose-lose situation i guess.
apparently if your eyes are not white, you can't be blind. it is ridiculous.
lose-lose situation i guess.
Laser_Lens_4 13 points 1y ago
At that point I think I would just tell them to fuck off. It’s helpful to try and be patient with people and try to explain things, but eventually you have to cut your losses and bring the verbal knives out
rumster 2 points 1y ago
I wonder if they have sunglasses that have absolutely no tint but a mirror front.
dunktheball 11 points 1y ago
That is what I am always worried about is that I will either seem like I am staring at someone OR someone will wave at me and me not notice them. So then because of me worrying about that, it makes me try to not look where someone may be and makes it that much harder to ever date because how am I going to meet someone if I am trying to avoid situations like this?
chinakow 7 points 1y ago
Humans are evolved to find things that move. You are probably sub-consciously tracking them. This would give an impression to them that you are mad-dogging them... This is part of the reason I tend to look at the ceiling.. also, pretty lights. :-)
casserole_cat [OP] 8 points 1y ago
I guess I never thought that I could actually be tracking them sub-consciously. Ok well that is very weird. I just thought that like I would be looking in their direction and they get pissed. Literally a few months ago some girls made me cry at the board walk because they said I had been staring at them for a while. And I said I wasn’t and they were really rude. And I cannot handle confrontation or people being rude.
I just don’t know what to do like I still have a lot of useable vision so I don’t want to stare at the floor or something. And sometimes I don’t want to wear sunglasses because it obstructs my vision sometimes.
I just don’t know what to do like I still have a lot of useable vision so I don’t want to stare at the floor or something. And sometimes I don’t want to wear sunglasses because it obstructs my vision sometimes.
reachexceedgrasp 8 points 1y ago
I'd suggest using a short reply, that provides context, without directly replying to any accusation. For example "I'm visually impaired, everything is a blur". That would avoid any denial (which implicitly accuses them of lying or being wrong, which humans don't like), and hopefully makes them smarter about the spectrum of visual impairments.
Criptedinyourcloset 3 points 1y ago
I’ve never really gotten the issue here. I’ve gotten comments about how my eyes look really weird but I’ve gotten them about my eyes being beautiful as well. I think though this might be to the fact that in the schools I go to, everybody knows me. And everyone has had experience with other blind kids in the past. This means they’re used to it. But even in public I haven’t had this issue too much. Usually, I try my best to educate people, but if they start getting pushy and start getting annoying. A straight up tell them to fuck off and that it’s none of their business.
Arcane_Panacea 2 points 1y ago
*One time when I was feeling insecure about the way my eyes look...*
My wife: "No sweetie, they're really pretty, I really love your eyes!!"
Me, skeptical: "Are you sure, don't they look kinda weird?"
My wife: "No! What?! I'm serious, they're very beautiful. I really think your eyes are cute!!" *Gives me hugs and kisses*
Me, still a bit unsure: "So, they're really okay? What if other people think they look weird?"
My wife: "I don't think anyone does. They look a bit different than the norm, okay, but they really don't look thaaaat strange. I really think your eyes are very pretty. I'm serious."
Me: "Okay, thank you, that's very sweet, I feel better now."
My wife: "That's good. This is really not something you should ever worry about."
*20 minutes later, I leave the house to go buy some groceries.*
Some 6-year old girl who's walking home from the Kindergarten down the street: "Sir, why do your eyes look so weird??? You're scary."
Oh thank you lil bastard, exactly what I needed. I'm gonna fucking tie your ankles on that lantern pole over there and let you hang upside down for a couple of hours, let's see if you're still gonna ask dumb questions then...
My wife: "No sweetie, they're really pretty, I really love your eyes!!"
Me, skeptical: "Are you sure, don't they look kinda weird?"
My wife: "No! What?! I'm serious, they're very beautiful. I really think your eyes are cute!!" *Gives me hugs and kisses*
Me, still a bit unsure: "So, they're really okay? What if other people think they look weird?"
My wife: "I don't think anyone does. They look a bit different than the norm, okay, but they really don't look thaaaat strange. I really think your eyes are very pretty. I'm serious."
Me: "Okay, thank you, that's very sweet, I feel better now."
My wife: "That's good. This is really not something you should ever worry about."
*20 minutes later, I leave the house to go buy some groceries.*
Some 6-year old girl who's walking home from the Kindergarten down the street: "Sir, why do your eyes look so weird??? You're scary."
Oh thank you lil bastard, exactly what I needed. I'm gonna fucking tie your ankles on that lantern pole over there and let you hang upside down for a couple of hours, let's see if you're still gonna ask dumb questions then...
QuentinJamesP89 2 points 1y ago
I more often get "Why are you not looking at me?" even if I am actually looking at them as best I can. This happened more when I was young (though I had more vision then, my eyes were still weirdly crossed and it's not always very clear to others what I'm looking at); adults tend to be more polite.
swagzillasixtynine 2 points 1y ago
I’ve had similar things happen. As frustrating as it is to constantly need to explain your blindness to people I guess you just have to. Otherwise just rock the cane to avoid the confrontation to begin with. As previously mentioned sunglasses a good move. I find glasses make me feel more confident in social situations anyway. Worth a try!
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