Blind and Visually Impaired Community
↑
16
↓
should i let my other niece use a cane? and also help. (self.Blind)
submitted by complex-blobfish
so i am blind and i have 5 other family members who are blind. two have left the family and moved away but still talk to me. the other 3 are kids, a 6 year old niece who was rejected by my sister the moment she found out about the blindness and therefore i took her in. a newborn nephew, whose mother wants to do the same thing again, he has been in my unofficial care for 4 weeks now and a teen cousin who is waiting to age up and move in with the other blind family members far away. i am also thinking of moving away, with the kids.
basically some of my family is very awful to the disabled members and the others don't stick up for us.
but this new generation of kids are still young and accepting.
i didn't grow up with this sister but her kids are kids. other than the 6 year old and the newborn, she has one other kid. a sighted daughter who is 7.
since i took in my niece and then my nephew. i have become the family babysitter. so the 7 year old, teen and 3 other kids are around my place a lot. i have sneakily been trying to make her tolerant of disabled people.
i have been teaching my blind niece cane use, touch sign, echo and other techniques since i got her. staring with just a soft rubber stick, then moving onto a small cane made from my spares. but now she is 6 she has been doing formalised lessons and has a working knowledge.
currently the baby is only old enough for me to touch sign him. but i am exposing him to different noises at increasing distances, and forming his hand to touch as many objects as i can.
well, when the kids all came round without the able 7 year old i was teaching them all about the cane and how it is used because they were interested. a made a few other small canes out of spares and they were having a go at using them with blindfolds on. it was all fun and everyone was happy.
i am unsure though if i should do this again with the able 7 year old included, since the whole rejection thing. she would like to learn about blindness and i want her to have an opportunity to understand a little better, in the hope she will not turn out like her mother, especially since the bloodline under me is clearly highly effected by blindness, so she will most likely have some blind kids later in life.
i am also unsure if i should have done this at all? should i have let the sighted kids use a cane for a bit? we did go outside with them, but only right by my house.
if this was okay to do, does anyone else have any other activities that i could do with them all to teach understanding?
also, from parents. any activities i can do to better teach the blind baby or the 6 year old to help mobility or understanding of how to do things "the blind way"?.
basically some of my family is very awful to the disabled members and the others don't stick up for us.
but this new generation of kids are still young and accepting.
i didn't grow up with this sister but her kids are kids. other than the 6 year old and the newborn, she has one other kid. a sighted daughter who is 7.
since i took in my niece and then my nephew. i have become the family babysitter. so the 7 year old, teen and 3 other kids are around my place a lot. i have sneakily been trying to make her tolerant of disabled people.
i have been teaching my blind niece cane use, touch sign, echo and other techniques since i got her. staring with just a soft rubber stick, then moving onto a small cane made from my spares. but now she is 6 she has been doing formalised lessons and has a working knowledge.
currently the baby is only old enough for me to touch sign him. but i am exposing him to different noises at increasing distances, and forming his hand to touch as many objects as i can.
well, when the kids all came round without the able 7 year old i was teaching them all about the cane and how it is used because they were interested. a made a few other small canes out of spares and they were having a go at using them with blindfolds on. it was all fun and everyone was happy.
i am unsure though if i should do this again with the able 7 year old included, since the whole rejection thing. she would like to learn about blindness and i want her to have an opportunity to understand a little better, in the hope she will not turn out like her mother, especially since the bloodline under me is clearly highly effected by blindness, so she will most likely have some blind kids later in life.
i am also unsure if i should have done this at all? should i have let the sighted kids use a cane for a bit? we did go outside with them, but only right by my house.
if this was okay to do, does anyone else have any other activities that i could do with them all to teach understanding?
also, from parents. any activities i can do to better teach the blind baby or the 6 year old to help mobility or understanding of how to do things "the blind way"?.
gunfart 18 points 1y ago
i'm a little more concerned to hear that a mother is rejecting her children because of a handicap
complex-blobfish [OP] 10 points 1y ago
long story and not the first in my family.
i am still angry TBH.
i am still angry TBH.
Specific_Offer4800 9 points 1y ago
Your doing good work already, I would say yes include the sighted children in the cane fun as well.
I started my cane use when I was 3 or 4, so the earlier the better, to get them used to always having it with them and not having them get in to the habbit of not taking it with them.
I started my cane use when I was 3 or 4, so the earlier the better, to get them used to always having it with them and not having them get in to the habbit of not taking it with them.
complex-blobfish [OP] 6 points 1y ago
i give them a rubber stick once she started crawling until she was about 2 then i gave her a spare parts one until she was 5.
for the baby i have made a little soft toy stick and i bring it with him everywhere. just so he gets the idea of having something that you keep with you. my own caretakers were awful at helping/teaching me with blind stuff. so i have to know how to do what is best for them.
i tried getting her cane training as young as possible, but they refused to train her until she was in school. (i think that is a stupid idea.). when she passed her initial formal cane training, she got her own beautiful purple cane and we added stickers.
i am not a parent and i had no plans to be one but life happens i guess and those kids are brilliant small humans, i am barely in my twenties but we make it work.
i guess i am just a little overwhelmed right now with the extra baby and the constant flow of other kids too. i just want them all to stay so curious and respectful.
for the baby i have made a little soft toy stick and i bring it with him everywhere. just so he gets the idea of having something that you keep with you. my own caretakers were awful at helping/teaching me with blind stuff. so i have to know how to do what is best for them.
i tried getting her cane training as young as possible, but they refused to train her until she was in school. (i think that is a stupid idea.). when she passed her initial formal cane training, she got her own beautiful purple cane and we added stickers.
i am not a parent and i had no plans to be one but life happens i guess and those kids are brilliant small humans, i am barely in my twenties but we make it work.
i guess i am just a little overwhelmed right now with the extra baby and the constant flow of other kids too. i just want them all to stay so curious and respectful.
Crafty_Dragon_roll 7 points 1y ago
My advice is to gain legal custody of her children. They need a save, secure, and loving home. Without legal guardianship you do not have the ability to have any say. Anything medical or legal will still go to the mother. I don't know about the 7 year old, but mom has already given up the other two, she shouldn't have her either.
You also need to be legal guardian to take them out of state. I do think it is a good idea, maybe to where your other family is, that would be a good support network.
You also need to be legal guardian to take them out of state. I do think it is a good idea, maybe to where your other family is, that would be a good support network.
complex-blobfish [OP] 5 points 1y ago
i am the 6 year olds sole legal parent (in-family adoption).
the baby boy is in the process, got a date to sign over in a few days. when done with a relative that already has adopted a sibling, it is MUCH easier than it was the first time.
she terminated her parental rights herself, which as i understand it, means nothing can be done about the 7 year old which does upset me. she has no access rights and doesn't have/want anything to do with the kids (the 7 year old doesn't even remember the 6 year old is her sister. she does remember her mam being preggo with the boy though.)
the rest of my family (that live away.) want us to move there. where they live is kind of blind central in my country. it is really disabled friendly and i really am considering it. they have their own kids and it would be good for my kids to be around others who are positive. (i have never referred to them as that before, but i guess they are my kids now.)
the baby boy is in the process, got a date to sign over in a few days. when done with a relative that already has adopted a sibling, it is MUCH easier than it was the first time.
she terminated her parental rights herself, which as i understand it, means nothing can be done about the 7 year old which does upset me. she has no access rights and doesn't have/want anything to do with the kids (the 7 year old doesn't even remember the 6 year old is her sister. she does remember her mam being preggo with the boy though.)
the rest of my family (that live away.) want us to move there. where they live is kind of blind central in my country. it is really disabled friendly and i really am considering it. they have their own kids and it would be good for my kids to be around others who are positive. (i have never referred to them as that before, but i guess they are my kids now.)
Crafty_Dragon_roll 3 points 1y ago
You are a great person and will be a great parent to these children. How long until the cousin is old enough? Would you be able to take her in too? I understand if it's too much. You're doing wonderful.
Yes move! That's great your country has that. You all would have a family support network and sounds like a community support as well.
Family is what you make it, not just who you're born to.
I'm not sure what else to say because my anger at this situation is clouding my thoughts right now. I am so happy that they have you.
Yes move! That's great your country has that. You all would have a family support network and sounds like a community support as well.
Family is what you make it, not just who you're born to.
I'm not sure what else to say because my anger at this situation is clouding my thoughts right now. I am so happy that they have you.
complex-blobfish [OP] 2 points 1y ago
you have to be 15 here to move out without permission from guardians, so the grandparents will not allow her to leave as they enjoy boasting about her musical skills in my opinion. my cousin was given up to grandparents when she was 9.
she has 3 months left and she is counting down the days, so am i. family up there have already set everything up for her. she is round my house all day time anyway because her grandparents work full time.
it feels like we are planning a mass escape. i am happy no one thinks i am ripping a family apart.
she has 3 months left and she is counting down the days, so am i. family up there have already set everything up for her. she is round my house all day time anyway because her grandparents work full time.
it feels like we are planning a mass escape. i am happy no one thinks i am ripping a family apart.
Crafty_Dragon_roll 3 points 1y ago
Kind of is, but it's needed. You are not ripping a family apart, you're bringing a family together.
Bsmith0799 1 points 1y ago
Make sure the father is ok with it. Youre only mentioning the kids' mother. Pop on over to r/legaladvice and make sure things have been done correctly. You don't want this done incorrectly and later down the road this adoption being "undone" essentially, if the father wasn't properly informed. If you aren't in the US the laws around it may be different and you will likely be referred to a different sub to get the legal advice.
complex-blobfish [OP] 1 points 1y ago
one is unknown (it just required that the adoption was put in the newspaper for a certain time period, i have had her too long now for anyone to have a claim and there are no grandparents rights in my country.)
the other one is signing the papers willingly as he never wanted anything to do with the baby from the very beginning, blind or not.
legally i am all good as soon as the last papers for the baby boy are signed which is happening in 4 days time.
i have a good advocaat/solicitor/abogado who sorts out all that for me thankfully.
the other one is signing the papers willingly as he never wanted anything to do with the baby from the very beginning, blind or not.
legally i am all good as soon as the last papers for the baby boy are signed which is happening in 4 days time.
i have a good advocaat/solicitor/abogado who sorts out all that for me thankfully.
Bsmith0799 1 points 1y ago
Okay
niamhweking 5 points 1y ago
I let my sighted 8yo use my 9yos cane around the house, there is a bit of jealously there so if she wants to use it once in a while, no harm I think. I know she'll also want to show off to her friends at times that she knows how to use one. But maybe also long term it fosters a bit of understanding
SugarPie89 1 points 1y ago
Im sorry I didnt read the whole thing because Im so upset that your sister and other family members are giving up their children because they are blind. :( That is just...wow. This hurts me and im not their kid. And what does that mean about you? Is your sister ashamed o you too? Its disgusting.
complex-blobfish [OP] 2 points 1y ago
i was the first in my family to be given up, that is why i was not raised with this sister.
i was the first blind one, the two that live away are younger than me by 1 and 3 years.
they moved because when the 6 year old was diagnosed at 7 months and the sister immediately said she didn't want her, that was the last straw for them and they had to get out. a lot of very disturbing shit went down/was said on the sisters part. she is a horrible human all round to be honest, even without all this.
i stayed because the 6 year old was being transferred to my care at the time the others moved and i thought the family would still want contact with her, they didn't.
i also have other disabilities that, while i am still independent, they are not cute in a child and in some cultures are seen to be demonic possession, so i kind of feel like it is my fault the family disowned all the blind kids after me, in case they also have the other disabilities too.
so it made me stay to fix it in some way i guess.
my sister hates me, she truly believes i ruined the bloodline by doing some devil stuff when i was in the womb or something. i am atheist, so it doesn't really hurt anymore, i just find it frustrating. it doesn't stop her from making me look after her sighted 7 year old though.
.i have never let anyone say any of this in front of any of the kids, able or not. they just don't talk to my 6 year old when they drop off or pick up their kids. that is the only time she is near them.
i have made the decision we are all leaving to live with my blind family in 3 months, with my cousin.
i was the first blind one, the two that live away are younger than me by 1 and 3 years.
they moved because when the 6 year old was diagnosed at 7 months and the sister immediately said she didn't want her, that was the last straw for them and they had to get out. a lot of very disturbing shit went down/was said on the sisters part. she is a horrible human all round to be honest, even without all this.
i stayed because the 6 year old was being transferred to my care at the time the others moved and i thought the family would still want contact with her, they didn't.
i also have other disabilities that, while i am still independent, they are not cute in a child and in some cultures are seen to be demonic possession, so i kind of feel like it is my fault the family disowned all the blind kids after me, in case they also have the other disabilities too.
so it made me stay to fix it in some way i guess.
my sister hates me, she truly believes i ruined the bloodline by doing some devil stuff when i was in the womb or something. i am atheist, so it doesn't really hurt anymore, i just find it frustrating. it doesn't stop her from making me look after her sighted 7 year old though.
.i have never let anyone say any of this in front of any of the kids, able or not. they just don't talk to my 6 year old when they drop off or pick up their kids. that is the only time she is near them.
i have made the decision we are all leaving to live with my blind family in 3 months, with my cousin.
SugarPie89 1 points 1y ago
Its not your fault they disown their kids. Its their fault for being bad people. Im really sorry you were born into such a horrible family. Where is your family from? Ive never heard anyone say that a baby did demonic things IN THE WOMB... what the hell even?1
complex-blobfish [OP] 2 points 1y ago
it is a catholic thing. but it is really old thinking.
not so much now, but it used to be common thought.
the bible says some shit about disabled people never being allowed close to god and they took that to mean that it is because we are of the devil.
mix that with a misunderstanding of tourette syndrome and a few other conditions and you have a small child that looks like they are possessed.
not so much now, but it used to be common thought.
the bible says some shit about disabled people never being allowed close to god and they took that to mean that it is because we are of the devil.
mix that with a misunderstanding of tourette syndrome and a few other conditions and you have a small child that looks like they are possessed.
FaerilyRowanwind 1 points 1y ago
Hi. Does your country not off birth to three baby services?
complex-blobfish [OP] 1 points 1y ago
not disability related for blindness at least.
there are support groups, health visitors and things like that, but cane training does not start until 2 months before their first day of school.
most of what they offer in the first 3 years is more aimed towards sighted parents learning what being blind entails. i am blind so i had that covered lol.
i went on a 4 week parenting course before getting 6 year old that was specifically for having a disabled kid, but this time i didn't need to. (i was young at the time and had no kids).
she has much more support now she is in school, i even managed to get braille lessons. she does great and has not really had any issues, i just wish i could have got her the official cane earlier.
there are support groups, health visitors and things like that, but cane training does not start until 2 months before their first day of school.
most of what they offer in the first 3 years is more aimed towards sighted parents learning what being blind entails. i am blind so i had that covered lol.
i went on a 4 week parenting course before getting 6 year old that was specifically for having a disabled kid, but this time i didn't need to. (i was young at the time and had no kids).
she has much more support now she is in school, i even managed to get braille lessons. she does great and has not really had any issues, i just wish i could have got her the official cane earlier.
FaerilyRowanwind 1 points 1y ago
Do you mind saying what country you are in
This nonprofit website is run by volunteers.
Please contribute if you can. Thank you!
Our mission is to provide everyone with access to large-
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
©2023 HumbleCat Inc • HumbleCat is a 501(c)3 nonprofit based in Michigan, USA.