Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Anyone else’s friends and family struggle understanding? (self.Blind)
submitted by Puzzleheaded-Chart86
I’m partially sighted, we found out in 2018, for years we didn’t do much about it until I started at a school for the blind and partially sighted, and now my friends and family are having a hard time adjusting, especially my grandmother, who in general doesn’t believe there’s anything between seeing and blind, like frequently asking me when I’ll get my drivers license no matter how many times I say I literally cannot. Now that I’ve gotten a cane, I’m even more scared how everyone around me will react, especially her.
kaishawna 10 points 1y ago
Same here. My family thinks because I've gotten around without a cane and that I'm not "blind enough" for one, they think I shouldn't have a cane. I have to hide my canes out of their sight so they won't tell at me and tell me to give them up. First of all, they are mine. I brought them with *my* money.
It's sad people still rely on stereotypes of Disabilities.
It's sad people still rely on stereotypes of Disabilities.
Puzzleheaded-Chart86 [OP] 8 points 1y ago
It really is, some people just don’t see anything as valid unless it’s all or nothing.. even with my handicap parking card and my companion card people are quick to doubt it all 🙄
RapperNev 5 points 1y ago
I feel like people like this tend to have very predictable views about things. The types that just see everything as just black and white. No nuance. The type of people that thinks everything was hard for minorities before the civil rights movement, now its easy, when they have no place speaking on these minorities... I have to hear this shit almost on a daily basis and there's really not much I can do about it, its a losing battle, plus I live under their roof for now. It sucks.
kaishawna 5 points 1y ago
It's sad because I want to be able to use my canes everywhere instead of in certain areas in my hometown
Puzzleheaded-Chart86 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
I totally get that, I only started using my cane this Monday, but it’s already a necessity for me
kaishawna 2 points 1y ago
I started using mine around the same time. I can use it around campus and such, but not around areas where I know family will be.
kaishawna 1 points 1y ago
Exactly! 🤷😪
[deleted] 9 points 1y ago
[deleted]
niamhweking 8 points 1y ago
I think sometimes it's hope. A friend of mine has a teen with multiple severe disabilities, intellectual disabilities, no speech, epilepsy, autism, incontinence, scoliosis, wheelchair user etc. The grandmother keeps thinking when she babbles that sometime sounds like a word and maybe she's learning to talk.
I think sometimes it's denial. Just not ready to accept it yet.
And sometimes it's pure ignorance, unwilling to care, understand, unwilling to learn, unwilling to listen to the person or professionals
I think sometimes it's denial. Just not ready to accept it yet.
And sometimes it's pure ignorance, unwilling to care, understand, unwilling to learn, unwilling to listen to the person or professionals
niamhweking 7 points 1y ago
My in laws have never in 9 years asked, inquired, or seems to care much about my daughters VI. The MIL comments each visit about if she just wore her glasses, even though each time I simplify the answer with they dont really help. Today the SIL was down and wanted to know what did VI mean, I explained simply that it's having an eye problem that cannot be corrected with glasses or treatment. Nope she wasn't buying that and that technically anyone with shortsightedness was VI as their eyes dont work correctly either. And that being short sighted is just as bad and distressing as being VI. So then we had to go into depth perception, needing cctv in school, large text books but her point seemed to be so it's not a big deal then of all she needs is equipment. I showed a YouTube video of what this VI "looks like" I explained the small daily issues, steps, shadow, not being able to see a bus number etc. I was trying to keeping simple and relatable. No she's not willing to care, learn or even pretend to understand
Tarnagona 7 points 1y ago
I don’t have a lot of good advice, but for Grandma and the driver’s license, would it help to frame it as “they won’t let me”? Because if you can’t pass the eye test, the government won’t issue you a license, so it’s not wrong. But it might take pressure off you to “try harder to get your license”? Alternatively, nod, smile, and say “yes, Grandma”, or tell her it’s on your list of things to do, and then just never get around to it. Saying you’ll do something and actually doing it are two different things, and if you’ve tried everything else, maybe a little white lie is the way to go?
I feel sure there must be webpages and YouTube videos out there explaining different types of vision loss, and maybe you could find some to share with your family? Something coming from an organization for the blind, or from an ophthalmologist might hold more weight? Of course, this depends on their willingness to watch or read information you send them. Or maybe your O&M could talk to them? Essentially, if the information about your vision or driver’s licenses is coming from someone who is more of an authority, it might hold more weight, and finally get through to them.
I don’t know if any of that is helpful, as this isn’t a situation I’ve ever had to deal with. I can’t even imagine how frustrating that must be. I hope someone has better ideas.
I feel sure there must be webpages and YouTube videos out there explaining different types of vision loss, and maybe you could find some to share with your family? Something coming from an organization for the blind, or from an ophthalmologist might hold more weight? Of course, this depends on their willingness to watch or read information you send them. Or maybe your O&M could talk to them? Essentially, if the information about your vision or driver’s licenses is coming from someone who is more of an authority, it might hold more weight, and finally get through to them.
I don’t know if any of that is helpful, as this isn’t a situation I’ve ever had to deal with. I can’t even imagine how frustrating that must be. I hope someone has better ideas.
swagzillasixtynine 5 points 1y ago
You’re not alone. Funny, even in reading this thread I’m comforted knowing that it isn’t just me who has experienced this. I’ve been VI my entire life and after nearly 27 years my parents are still in denial. Like, they know I’m VI but still don’t understand to the extent and how it affects my life. When I come across a road block my mum will brush it off and say something along the lines of “yeah, but everyone finds x a little difficult” and my dad is completely unapproachable. He was honestly my biggest bully and would make fun of me for using VoiceOver or the zoom function on my iPhone.
As mentioned this can often be from your parents being fearful or ashamed or whatever but the reason doesn’t matter because you have to deal with the results.
I have a really good friend who is a wheelchair user with CP and even though our disabilities are different and we may face different challenges, he is the only person who can relate and we talk out various problems we may have and give each other insight based on our similar experiences but also share fresh perspectives as we aren’t completely the same.
He has a family that is very understanding and I don’t but one thing I can say for sure is that your family will never change. They either get it from the beginning like my friends family did or they don’t like mine.
My best advice is to connect with people from the disability community. They’re the only ones who will truly understand where you are coming from.
As mentioned this can often be from your parents being fearful or ashamed or whatever but the reason doesn’t matter because you have to deal with the results.
I have a really good friend who is a wheelchair user with CP and even though our disabilities are different and we may face different challenges, he is the only person who can relate and we talk out various problems we may have and give each other insight based on our similar experiences but also share fresh perspectives as we aren’t completely the same.
He has a family that is very understanding and I don’t but one thing I can say for sure is that your family will never change. They either get it from the beginning like my friends family did or they don’t like mine.
My best advice is to connect with people from the disability community. They’re the only ones who will truly understand where you are coming from.
Pinknose27 5 points 1y ago
Tape up a pair of clear glasses to show them what you see. Tell them to wear those around for a few days.
niamhweking 2 points 1y ago
Yep or smear vaseline all over them.
[deleted] 4 points 1y ago
I have a different perspective. it's not stereotyping and ableism, but fear. Your family loves you, and your disability pains them as well. Many newly-disabled people are afraid to fully confront and acknolwedge their disability, but your family has that same struggle too.
There isn't a good solution for this. It sucks for all of us. But I think this attitude comes from love, not discrimination. It's not coming from a place of reason such that you can just educate them. It's fear and emotional, and unfortunately your grandmother needs time to process this.
There isn't a good solution for this. It sucks for all of us. But I think this attitude comes from love, not discrimination. It's not coming from a place of reason such that you can just educate them. It's fear and emotional, and unfortunately your grandmother needs time to process this.
dunktheball 3 points 1y ago
well, what annoys me is when someone thinks they know what I can or can't see. Usually it's them thinking I "can" see something I can't and they respond in a way that makes it sound like they are doubting me, which i don't know if they mean it that way, but it sounds that way.
Puzzleheaded-Chart86 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
Sadly I’ve experienced that too, a friend asked me why I had a picture of the metro map on my phone when I could just read it from the metro itself, to which I repeatedly had to say I can’t see it. In the end she left it, but I really struggle forgetting moments like that
dunktheball 2 points 1y ago
It's really weird. Who would seriously lie about what they can see? lol.
Puzzleheaded-Chart86 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Right? I’m not sure how that would benefit me 😭
matt_may 2 points 1y ago
My grandmother seemed embarrassed when I used my cane and would try to shame me to put it away l while not offering any help
Lonely_Cycle_1059 2 points 1y ago
My family doesn’t get the gravity of my condition but i didn’t help them either. I always overcompensated for it, i’m a psychiatrist with 13degrees visual field in both eyes and I go to the hospital and private clinic, don’t need a cane for the day, never had disability support form the state. I always tried to live as normal as possible while I could, when It won’t be possible i’m going to get a cane but i can’t imagine a life without doing my job. As for my family, i don’t need them to understand me, I moved from home 14 years ago, we talk and see each other but I don’t want them to worry about my condition. I have my fiancé and good friends who know about this, sometimes friends don’t get it but how can they, after all, when I seem to manage pretty well and it’s an invisible disability. It’s easier with the hearing aids though, I take them out and they can see.
mdizak 2 points 1y ago
I guess in a way thankfully I never had that problem, as I went all out and just went suddenly and totally blind. There's no debate about whether or not I'm blind, that's for sure.
However, I definitely had issues with my family while figuring out this whole blind thing. They replaced their love for me with worry and fear, which resulted in me being put through a huge amount of emotional abuse that I didn't need. Constantly going off about how I'm delusional, detached from reality, simply don't "get it", and blah, blah.
As an end result, I had no choice but to cut my family out of my life and distance myself from them. I'm still on talking terms with everyone, but I keep them at a distance now. I simply no longer care what their opinion of me is, and they're welcome to think whatever they want of me. At the end of the day, it made me a stronger person.
However, I definitely had issues with my family while figuring out this whole blind thing. They replaced their love for me with worry and fear, which resulted in me being put through a huge amount of emotional abuse that I didn't need. Constantly going off about how I'm delusional, detached from reality, simply don't "get it", and blah, blah.
As an end result, I had no choice but to cut my family out of my life and distance myself from them. I'm still on talking terms with everyone, but I keep them at a distance now. I simply no longer care what their opinion of me is, and they're welcome to think whatever they want of me. At the end of the day, it made me a stronger person.
swagzillasixtynine 3 points 1y ago
What did you do to create distance? Did you relocate away from them or just not visit/communicate as much as you used to etc? I have a relative that was pretty easy to cut out but I have a few that aren’t as awful but also don’t contribute positively to my life.
mdizak 3 points 1y ago
when shit initially hit the fan I was living with them, so that made it a little difficult. I simply shutdown on them, never again sat on the living room sofa or kitchen table, and simply stayed in my room and worked. I also simply never talked about my personal life or work at all, and any questions about my life were responded to with "yep, good" or similar. I kept all conversation surface level talk, like recent weather events, or whatever and made sure they knew I simply want to be left alone to work.
A while later I moved to Europe, but thatt was for different reasons than getting away from the family. Sure enough, now my family seems all confused as to why I've distanced myself from them. My parents are in there 70s and maybe they genuinely don't remember the shit they said to me because their memory is shot, so they get a pass, and they're my parents so of course I love them. The others have simply shrugged it off as I'm someone who likes to keep to himself, which isn't necessarily true. I'd prefer to have my brothers back, and although we do still talk and have good conversations, I know it's in my best interest to keep them at an arm's length.
Due to that whole thing, I now have two new rules in this life:
1.) I will never again feel as though I need to defend or prove myself to anyone, which means I simply do not talk about my work with people anymore. I know especially in the West people care about what you are instead of who you are, and I decided to opt out of that game. People know I made enough to afford the bills and enjoy a good standard of living, and that's all they need to know. If we end up going out for dinner together or something, and you try probing me about my work life and financial well being, you're not going to get any answers from me. People can either like me for my personality, generous heart, and down to earth nature, or they can carry on in life and leave me alone. Makes no difference to me.
2.) Family no longer gets leeway with me. If you decide to be nasty to me, I no longer care that we happen to share the same blood, I will treat you exactly as I would any friend, client, work colleague or business partner and simply cut you out of my life and move on.
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