Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Need help! My dad just lost his sight. What do I do? (self.Blind)
submitted by Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo
Story: My dad left eye is completely blind due to a malpractice eye operation 40 years ago. Now, he is depended on his right eye to see but it has gotten clouded. My dad decided to have a Cataract surgery on his only sighted eye today. Unfortunately, he became one of the rare cases where the lens fall on wrong place or something (I’m not sure the exact details) but the doctor stopped immediately and advice him to seek a more highly experience surgeon. Now, he can’t even see that I’m in front of him or any objects nearby. My whole family is so devastated and don’t know how to comfort him. My dad try to use his iPad to watch movies but he can’t see, he seem lost and not sure what to do. We wanted to help but he’s very shy about it and get upset. He’s been sitting very sadly just trying to see his own hands. Everything just happened so fast.
Please give me any advice or guidance
• How do I comfort him?
• What can he do for entertainment?
• How can I help him adjust?
Anything would be so appreciated. I’ll definitely do research on adjustment but anything personal experience and first hand would be amazing.
Please give me any advice or guidance
• How do I comfort him?
• What can he do for entertainment?
• How can I help him adjust?
Anything would be so appreciated. I’ll definitely do research on adjustment but anything personal experience and first hand would be amazing.
OldManOnFire 14 points 1y ago
Sorry to hear this.
If he feels like I did when I lost my eyesight entertainment isn't what he needs. He need *purpose.* He needs to feel he still matters.
Ask his advice. Turn to him for wisdom. Let him be important to you in a way that doesn't require vision. Because when he goes from feeling like everyone depends on him to he depends on everyone it's a long way down. A man takes pride in his independence and in being a necessary part of the team. Providing for his family, protecting them and guiding them, those were major parts of his identity. His eyesight wasn't all that was lost. Please understand this.
This is a journey he has to make himself. You won't be able to do it for him, but you can help him discover his value to the family and his new role as a blind father.
Good luck to both of you. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk.
If he feels like I did when I lost my eyesight entertainment isn't what he needs. He need *purpose.* He needs to feel he still matters.
Ask his advice. Turn to him for wisdom. Let him be important to you in a way that doesn't require vision. Because when he goes from feeling like everyone depends on him to he depends on everyone it's a long way down. A man takes pride in his independence and in being a necessary part of the team. Providing for his family, protecting them and guiding them, those were major parts of his identity. His eyesight wasn't all that was lost. Please understand this.
This is a journey he has to make himself. You won't be able to do it for him, but you can help him discover his value to the family and his new role as a blind father.
Good luck to both of you. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk.
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 5 points 1y ago
Thank you for your advice! I didn’t know this perspective and it was really helpful. I’ll definitely try to ask my dad about life lessons and his share of wisdom.
QuentinJamesP89 7 points 1y ago
I can't add much to what oldmanonfire said, but if you're able to get services/blindness training that helps a lot. Just being able to do normal things (if not in the normal way) and feel useful makes a world of difference.
As someone who needs cataract surgery on my only "good" eye this is terrifying to read about. Are you assuming this is his permanent vision or is he going to see a more experienced surgeon?
As someone who needs cataract surgery on my only "good" eye this is terrifying to read about. Are you assuming this is his permanent vision or is he going to see a more experienced surgeon?
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 3 points 1y ago
Thank you for the advice! I’m hoping it’s a temporary moment. Apparently it’s a rare case since the lens moved and got ‘stuck’ there. We’re seeking doctor consultation first thing tomorrow for a more advance surgeon.
AutisticPearl 2 points 1y ago
Also quick question are you guys in the US or outside the US if you're in the US try Hadley they can help very well and they can offer suggestions and solutions I use them I take to boil forces currently I've stopped because I've been in the middle of reorganizing because they're changing the way they do it but things are going pretty good so if you tried them you might be able to get some good help and even if they can't help your father they can at least point you in the direction of someone who can.
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Thank you for the reference! But we went to the doctor this morning and was reference to another specialist. He’s going to surgery again this Saturday.
QuentinJamesP89 1 points 1y ago
In that case getting training is overkill at the moment. Hopefully it ends up just being temporary!
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Yeah, my family think so too. Hopefully, we don’t have to resort to it.
[deleted] 3 points 1y ago
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Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
I was thinking the same thing! My dad experience a severe malpractice 40 years ago that completely blinded his left eye but he didn’t want to take on any lawsuit. Now, both my parents are very upset but still very reluctant and refuse to pursue any lawsuit since they fear the complicated court procedures, cost, and insufficient case.
PrincessDie123 2 points 1y ago
There likely won’t be much you can do in the way of comfort but you can add audio descriptions to videos in the settings for the videos where you find subtitles, download some audiobooks for him to listen to if he wants. There are also accessibility settings in devices to help him navigate technology independently. He will probably get easily frustrated since it’s so new so try to be patient without coddling. It’s easy to get depressed with sudden vision changes and loss, it can feel like the end of the world but it really doesn’t have to be forever. There’s a grieving process that happens sometimes to lament the death of a rather prominent sense but if he wants to go training centers can help a lot with this.
Look for a local commission for the blind or federation of the blind, idk where you live but you might have luck finding a training center if you start your search with some variation of “orientation and mobility specialist, training for the blind and visually impaired” or “activities of daily living classes for the blind”
Look for a local commission for the blind or federation of the blind, idk where you live but you might have luck finding a training center if you start your search with some variation of “orientation and mobility specialist, training for the blind and visually impaired” or “activities of daily living classes for the blind”
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Thank you for this advice! I definitely would look into audio description. I think my dad would like it a lot. And the mention of grieving process really hits home, my dad been really depressed and had says some suicidal thoughts which really concerns us. I’m going to try my best to comfort him.
PrincessDie123 2 points 1y ago
Glad to be of help, yes unfortunately suicidal thought aren’t uncommon when blindness is new. As others have said having a purpose helps but there’s definitely a learning curve to get there, that’s why I suggested the classes they helped me the most and also provided an environment where I could talk with other blind and visually impaired people. Blindness has lots of challenges but essentially it’s just a new perspective on the world.
BlueIr1ses 2 points 1y ago
I'm sorry your dad's surgeon wasn't very good! After my initial cataract surgery, my lens slipped out of place a few weeks later. My doc went back in and stitched it to my iris. It's also possible to suture the lens to the sclera, I believe. It's important to get him to a better surgeon very soon. You should try contacting the largest eye hospital near you. Good luck!
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Thank you!
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
Talking to him as others have said would be nice, I know it helps me.
Another thing you might want to look into is places for him to go and learn skills but i don't know his situation so can't help out much.
I was born blind so can't give any advice on hospitals but make sure they're nice, an understanding doctor makes all the difference to me.
Another thing you might want to look into is places for him to go and learn skills but i don't know his situation so can't help out much.
I was born blind so can't give any advice on hospitals but make sure they're nice, an understanding doctor makes all the difference to me.
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Thank you and I agree, a nice doctor would definitely help. My mom, me, and my sister is currently taking shifts so there’s always someone who is there with him. I’m not sure if this is okay since we don’t want to offend him or strip his individuality? But we’re scared he’ll get injured since he isn’t used to navigating around yet.
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
Maybe you should ask him what he wants?
Shiny_Sparkles_Xoxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Yeah, I’ll do that thank you.
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
No problem.
[deleted] 1 points 1y ago
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